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Mothering › Groups ›  April 2012 DDC › Discussions › sex yet? ever again?

sex yet? ever again?

Poll Results: have you had sex yet since birth?

  • 24% (6)
    no, i have little desire
  • 12% (3)
    no, i want to but haven't yet
  • 24% (6)
    yes, for dp/dh mostly
  • 40% (10)
    yes, due to my own desire
25 Total Votes  
post #1 of 35
Thread Starter 

dh is acting like he needs some loving, i feel touched out, nursing 2 kids is enough...... how about you guys? anyone do it for your dp/dh sake with out much personal desire?

post #2 of 35

only once. blush.gif

i have desire but feel nervous and insecure about it which quells those impulses in me. so far mostly taking care of dh in other ways.

post #3 of 35

I'm never having sex again.

post #4 of 35
If I could put dd down for more than ten min at a time i would definitely be all over dh. She is our birth control for now wink1.gif
post #5 of 35
Nope. My DH is raring to go, but we've both been too busy to buy condoms. I'm terrified of getting pregnant so soon, so we're not taking any chances! I'm also a little scared of what it will feel like now.
post #6 of 35
Originally Posted by saudade View Post

I'm never having sex again.



once here.  not uncomfortable, but not the same... C was nearly 10lbs after all... in general we're both so exhausted it mostly doesn't even cross my mind...

post #7 of 35

8 weeks and FINALLY, but only once. i seriously give zero shits about sex right now and would perish instantly if i found out i were pregnant again.

post #8 of 35

yes - once at 8 weeks. my idea, mostly just to say that it had been done! it was ok, a little too much friction on my c-sec incision for me to want to keep going for hours and hours.


i feel my desire for DP dwindle as i am becoming more in love with my DD. she's just getting more and more interactive and charming and i feel like she and i are in more a of a connected relationship rather than me just working to keep the slug-like creature alive day in and day out. :) a few weeks ago i was feeling like i spent so much of my time holding and nuturing DD and was really wanting to be held and nurtured by DP ... but these days i am getting much more back from DD, so it feels more reciprocal. it's an interesting evolution ...

post #9 of 35
Originally Posted by saudade View Post

I'm never having sex again.


Originally Posted by arbybee View Post

8 weeks and FINALLY, but only once. i seriously give zero shits about sex right now and would perish instantly if i found out i were pregnant again.


You ladies make me laugh!


This has been such a different experience than the last two times.  It took months (and months) after my first two boys. This time, I don't know if it was because of such a different birth experience, or taking my placenta, or what, but I've not had an aversions. That being said, we too are way too busy/tired/squished in our bed with all three boys most nights to actually do it, but when we do, it's actually enjoyable. 

post #10 of 35

I haven't had aversions either, and have enjoyed some great moments, though not actual "sex" if you will. Its awesome because during pregnancy, I had almost no sensation and that came right back after she was born. But I discovered I can't relax enough to do it when she's in her swing in the other room. Sigh. My poor husband is being so patient but I know he misses it... We only had sex a handful of times the whole pregnancy.  

post #11 of 35
lala - I've been experiencing something similar. You put it very well. At first I missed DH so so much, but as my attachment to DS grows I feel less needy of DH.

That being said, we have sex every chance we get, which has been about five times since DS was born. smile.gif I had a c-section so I didn't expect much to change, but it is REALLY different. It feels like I am extremely tight (despite copious amounts of lube).
post #12 of 35

Ok, I have to do a bit of a birth control rant. For a variety of reasons, every birth control method is intolerable to me aside from condoms. The thing is DH is large and intact, so your average Trojans or whatever simply don't stay on. For years we've been ordering sized condoms, but apparently they're illegal to sell in the US. Totally fine in the EU, not here. We had no idea, and apparently the manufacturer was shipping them illegally to the states and is no longer. Bah! This means my choices are something that makes me crazy (anything with hormones), undergoing a procedure that terrifies me, or ill-fitting barriers. Yeah, there's FAM, and I'm good with it, but not for the early postpartum period and I absolutely DO NOT want to get pregnant.

post #13 of 35

What a timely thread/poll, as I've been thinking about this lately. I'm almost 8 weeks postpartum and although I'd like to have sex, it's definitely not going to happen for a while as I'm still healing the tear that I didn't get stitched up (we had a UC). At least I think I'm still healing, maybe it's just a new configuration down there.  In any case DH is happy to wait and so am I, although we've started joking that when we finally do get to do it, it will be like the first time again since its been so long. We didn't have very much sex while I was pregnant so it really has been a loooonnggg time. Thankfully we are quite well matched libido-wise, so it's not like one of us is feeling super deprived while the other is dreading having to have sex.

I think we might give it a try in a couple of weeks when we celebrate our 5th wedding anniversary.


I can also totally relate to what you wrote, lala. But I think both DH and I are enjoying developing our relationship with DD so we feel less of a need to be intimate with each other. Group cuddles are the best these days, when we're all in bed together snuggling in our flannel pjs.

post #14 of 35

sunflwrmoonbeam.... I live in the EU, perhaps there is a way I could help you get the condoms you like?  Is it something you could have delivered to me and I could forward on to you?  I guess I dont know how easy/hard they are to order online or whatever (or tell me the name and perhaps they just have them in the store here?)  Not a long term solution perhaps though you could stock up for the future with a bulk purchase if you wanted.  I'd be happy to send them your way.  Not really sure how messaging people individually works on this site but let me knwo if you are interested if there is an email or something I could contact you on and we'll work out the details.

post #15 of 35

ashley, how annoying! Hope you can get some help. I am a huge FAM user/believer but definitely do not trust it for the first year or so pp bc I sooooo don't want to get pg right away.  I am a text book regular ovulator and I use condoms until I am absolutely positive that I can be sure when I ovulated and even then, only stop when I would absolutely sure I would be ok getting pg again.  honestly, I hate condoms.


that being said, we finally had everything work out and dd slept for a bit on her own so dh and I dtd! it was great and I cant wait for it to work out again.  but man, I need to do some pelvic floor exercises! I was tired after.

post #16 of 35
Sfmb - ugh, so sorry about the lack of BC options. We use condoms and I don't usually mind them, but I do miss just regular, natural sex. I hope you can get something worked out with Brusselsmama or otherwise.

I finally stopped hurting! Woohoo! I also kinda asked DH not to use a condom and he laughed at me. If it were up to me, our next pregnancy would be too soon nd unplanned, if that makes any sense. But it is not in DH's nature AT ALL. Lol
post #17 of 35

sunflwrmoonbeam, I am in Canada. I don't know if the condoms are legal to sell here, but if so, I am also willing to have them delivered here and then ship them to you. 

post #18 of 35



We've DTD 3 times in the past couple of weeks.  The first time was awful, both nervous and it did hurt, 2nd was better than first but not great, 3rd was much better, almost like normal.  We're trying the sponge, but DH is well endowed and can feel it, plus the sponge's "retrieval loop" keeps getting caught on his glans and rubbing/scratching it, so we have to take it out.  Next time, I am going to try cutting the loop off and see if that helps.  Cervix has been low/firm/closed when we've DTD, so I know I'm not fertile.  But still, I think we need to be using something.  We both HATE condoms as DH is larger, and has a restored foreskin, which just doesn't seem to be compatible w/ condoms like sunflwrmoonbeam said.


I have to make an appt w/ an OB to get a prescription for a diaphragm...anyone else using this method?  I forgot it was an option, lol, then I thought it wasn't being made anymore til we saw a rerun of seinfeld where Elaine was talking about her diaphram falling out of her purse...DH and I looked at each other and said, "oh yeah, they used to make those, wonder if they still do?"  Googled it, and yeah, they do!  That's also how we found out about sponges, didn't think they made those anymore either, lol.

post #19 of 35

christy--we used a diaphragm for years but after dd was born i never felt like it fit right anymore, so i kinda just never went to get fitted for new one.  we moved on to the sponge after that, which worked great for years for us.  i would be nervous about clipping the retrival cord...(just me) i think i probably couldn't enjoy the experience because i'd be nervous that i would have to go to the ob because i couldnt get it out after!! (but again, thats just me and my paranoid self.. i mean really, where's it going to go??)


for the first time in 8 years i've agreed to try hormonal birth control again, which doesn't thrill me, but it seems to fit our needs right now.  i really thought this would be our last child and that dh would have a vasectomy by now, but now we're on the fence about whether or not we're done, so we're probably not... so for now, i'm trying the mirena, and hoping it doesn't drive me nuts...

post #20 of 35
Chiro - dis you consider the copper IUD instead? I thought it came with the same risks but no hormones...
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