There's a lot of background here, and it's some complicated so bear with me. We recently obtained custody of my fiance's (J) 12 year old daughter (M). M is a great kid, but she's been through a lot. At 5, she (along with the family) were stranded in New Orleans following Katrina for a week until they were airlifted out. Her real mother (J's ex) is an alcoholic, drank openly around the children, and developed Cirrhosis. After J split up with the ex (she cheated on him), the ex moved around the country, living with whatever boyfriend she could find. In the meantime, she told M vicious lies about her father so she wouldn't want to speak with him.
Things got worse when they settled in Michigan. The alcoholic mom ceased taking care of the children, leaving basic care to her boyfriend and the boyfriend's parents. M was either sharing an inflatable mattress with her mother (who smoked, drank and stayed up all night), or sleeping in the dog bed. M had repeated bouts of lice, and was told to "comb them out herself". Eventually, the mother's Cirrhosis progressed to full on Terminal Liver failure with Hepatic Encephalopathy. There's plenty more to tell, but you get the picture.
We finally had enough evidence against her, and enough for a lawyer, stepped in, and won full custody in February of this year. The mother had her other children removed from the household, and split to Hawaii, where she subsequently went on a giant drinking binge. We have since learned (through solid sources) that her drinking has completely destroyed any chance she may have of extending her life. She's in Hospice care there, doesn't know her name some days, and requires full time care. The doctors have given her 3 months at the most.
We're lucky, because she's a great, well mannered, bright kid, and her and I have developed a close relationship. She's adjusted well to her new school, and is getting mostly As, and has made some friends. We've been very open with her about her mother's prognosis and what was making her sick (drinking). We knew we had to keep it age-appropriate, but both J and I agreed that we had to tell her.
Now- since she has been here, she has not asked about her mother, nor has she spoken of her, even casual references. I had a talk with her and asked her if she was ok with everything that was going on, her reply was "I'm fine with it. She did it to herself." I would expect a kid to have some emotion towards the news that a parent were critically ill, but then again, I've never been neglected the way she was. Her mother called her a b***h, told her she was "so much like her father that she was a cancer to her"... I can't imagine saying these things to a child... I mean, really?
Here's what I need help with- Since coming to live with us in January, she has been spending an unhealthy amount of time on the computer. We've limited her to breaks between 11-1pm and 6-8pm. Unfortunately, we do not have a lot of money for activities because we're still paying off the lawyer. I tried coming up with some free activities, but she doesn't want to do any of them, even when given a choice. She doesn't want any extracurricular activities from school, or elsewhere. When she's on "break" from the computer, she goes up to her room, lies on the bed, and waits until the next time she's allowed on.
Her old household allowed this, mainly because she was undersupervised. We know that it is not healthy, but her mother had her for 6 years, and she's had a lot of changes in her life... we want to take this one slowly as you can't change 6 years of built up habits in a day.
Personally, even though she says nothing is wrong, I think the amount of time spent on the computer is her trying to escape. (BTW, her online activities are Role Playing) She makes a point of telling us she's tough and she never cries.... I think it's a show so she doesn't have to face reality.
How do I approach this? I'll take any suggestions, insight, or comments. I really love this little girl, and I just want her to be happy and healthy. I volunteered for the position, but it's difficult to be a first time mom.... of a 12 year old, especially one with a rocky past. I'm doing the best I can.