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Found out the gender! (and dealing with emotions from it)

post #1 of 18
Thread Starter 

So we had the anatomy US on monday, and it looks like a very healthy baby boy!!! Color us surprised - between dreams/visions we've had and the fact that everyone in my husband's family seems to pop out girls, we were feeling girl!

 

Now before it came up, I said I had been hoping for a girl but between seeing our friend's baby boy growing up before our eyes, and the fact that we'd avoid having a teenage girl :P a boy would be just as welcome. And I wouldn't fear being overrun with the pink. I even said that whichever it was I'd probably have a little disappointment that it wasn't the other. (My family has some issues with mother to daughter generations in adulthood, so that made me nervous for a girl...)

 

And I'm excited because my husband is really happy and surprised. But today it's hitting me really hard. I will never voice this publicly (you don't count lol) except to my husband before birth and not after, but yeah. I really saw myself with a baby girl, and really was looking forward to so much of that. I guess a lot of it is what we all go through, we know what to expect with our own gender from growing up ourselves so we can relate more to that than the opposite. But I also have the fears of not being able to relate to a son, of him being a terror (like certain kids in our social circle. though terrors are not necessarily gender specific :P), missing out on so many things I was looking forward to.

 

I just felt a tiny bit of disappointment earlier in the week, but today it just feels so huge and I needed to get it out there. I just don't know what to do except allow it and try to move past it. I don't know if we will plan on having more kids, I never imagined having one, and of course that's no guarantee that I wouldn't have two boys (which sounds even scarier lol). I just don't know how to relate, I wasn't close to my brother as he was 9 years older and lived apart from me for much of my childhood. I was mostly raised by my mother as a single mom. This is foreign territory to me...

 

So maybe anyone feeling the same (with whatever result they got) would care to sympathize with the process of going through this, or offer some of the unique awesome things associated with raising a boy that I can look forward to - I'd really appreciate it :D

post #2 of 18

:)  Hugs.  When my son was born (we waited until birth to find out gender), I was not necessarily shocked as I thought it was going to be a boy but I was scared.  I was good with girls, loved being a girl, and I was afraid of how to relate to a boy.  Plus my husband was so over the moon excited to have a boy that I think I felt like I had to be 100% excited too. I didn't know what to do (seriously, how do you make sure his penis is cleaned properly? was my biggest concern) and I was a little freaked out.

 

Now though I wouldn't have changed it for the world.  He's the most amazing little guy to have in my life.  He loves me and showers me with kisses, hugs, flowers (really, weeds but who cares), and wants me to show him stuff all the time.  He has a different relationship with my DH as they do "boy stuff" but there is something incredibly special about a relationship between mommy & son.  He always checks with me before doing things, he calls for me in the middle of the night (both kids do but he's the youngest so....), he has carved out our relationship in his life that wouldn't be the same if daddy did the same things. He loves to snuggle with his mommy and there is something different compared to a mommy/daughter relationship.  I am not articulating this well.

 

My friend has two boys who are typical boys - spirited, adventurous, tough (not in a bad way, just no fear), physical, etc. but they boy have complete respect for her (they are 6 and 3).  And she has this vision of what it will be like when they are teens or in college and they come home and give their mom a big hug and lift her off the ground.  She'll be the shorter of all 3 (her DH is so tall!) and she imagines what it will be like to be the woman in their lives that they can confide in and talk to about life's challenges.  It sounds goofy but I can see what she means...it's something different than what you would get with a daughterI.  

 

Again, I'm not explaining this well at all.  But there are so many amazing things about little boys that are different than little girls.  I love both relationships I have with them but they are definitely different.  It sounds like the shock of a boy is still setting in but I promise that when he arrives, he'll have you wrapped around his finger so quickly and it will be love at first sight.    

post #3 of 18
Thread Starter 

Aww that is so sweet, thank you so much! I'm not actually worried about how things will be once he gets here, it's just the figuring out the emotions right now that is tough. I appreciate the perspective :D

post #4 of 18

Aww, I can sorta relate but not 100%. This is our first too. We weren't planning any US, but ended up with an opportunity at 16 weeks (I think it was???). It would have been possible to tell gender, but this was a training session for the employees of the pregnancy center to learn to use the machine. So they didn't offer and we didn't ask. I was a little disappointed in that.

 

I really hope we have a boy. I love little boys! I was the oldest of 6, the one under me is a boy who by the time he was 4 and I was 6 was larger than me. Maybe even before then. He's now almost 6'4" and I'm only 5', so ya. He was bigger from a young age! We are both total type A personalities, and were both fighting to be top of the pecking order until we were teens. For that reason, I really didn't want to have a girl first. Also, hubby's his dad's only son. He had 5 girls first, then hubby. I would really like a son to carry on the family name and have no idea how my health will be and how many kids I will be able to have. I'll take a bunch, but  don't know if I can do that or not.

 

Hubby's family has so many girls, it's probably a girl. And I would LOVE a girl, but if it's a boy I will be thrilled. I know they're rougher and tougher and oh my, but they are so much fun! :) You're going to love having your little boy. He's going to be something irreplaceable in your home and heart. You'll be a great mama to him!

post #5 of 18

I can relate to the feelings of disappointment, although, my situation is a bit different.  We found out last week we're having a girl- our 3rd daughter.  We absolutely were convinced we were having a boy.  We've longed for a son for years.  I adore my girls but just would like the experience of parenting a boy.  Also, I had been ill for years and didn't even know if we could have another child.  Last October on our anniversary we were walking down the street and passed a, seemingly, homeless man.  My dh gave him some money and we walked away.  As we were walking away he said, completely out of the blue, "You're going to have a boy."  And he said it with complete authority.  We were so stunned we just walked away.  The crazy thing is the that the entire car ride to dinner we talked about how much we wanted to have a son.  I was having a horrible day that and feeling sick- having another baby felt like an impossibility. 
We both believe in the prophetic and felt like this encounter was significant.    We were shocked to find out I was pregnant in early March and thought for sure this was our boy.  I even bought a few boy outfits.  So I was beyond shocked about finding out this was a girl, and honestly, a bit confused.  However, I've had almost a week to process and I've found that it's gotten easier and I'm feeling much better about things.  Hopefully, it will just take some more time for you.  It is hard to come to terms with sometimes.  It's so hard that we just don't get to choose.

post #6 of 18
Thread Starter 

Thanks!

 

MrsKoehn - I hope you have a healthy pregnancy and get to have as many kids as you want, I'm sure whoever comes into your life will be lucky to have you :D

 

Kateaton - that's why I can't even hang on to the idea of having more than one to get a girl! :P I can imagine it being an even bigger shock to you on your third one, I totally understand your reaction. I know in a week I'll be in a much better place, just feeling emotional about it today and grateful we have a little time where it's our secret before telling the world, so I can adjust in private!!

 

(My husband's 10 year old baby cousin has demanded being the first to know. While we obviously didn't tell her as soon as we found out, she'll be the first out of anyone OTHER than us to find out - along with his mom - this weekend when we see them. I'm doing a cake reveal :P)

post #7 of 18

First of all, I think it's totally normal to feel what you're feeling and you definitely shouldn't feel bad about it. Every time somone asks me which we would prefer, I always say either one, and for the most part that's true. Deep down, though, I know there's a place where DH and I are both wanting it to be a girl. In all the dreams I have with my baby, she's always a girl. I know we will definitely have a little disappointment to deal with if we find out it's a boy. Although we do plan on having MANY children, so hopefully someday we'll have both. I think there is some validity to what some of the other mamas are saying. I have a really close relationship with my mother, but my brother is her first and it will just defintely never be the same. It's true that there's not really a good way to describe it. Good luck with your precious boy!

post #8 of 18

Me!  I have been struggling with this for a couple weeks now since we found out we were having two girls.  Both DH and I have a nieces, and we have touchy relationships with our family, we really wanted to have the first boy.  In addition, I am terrified.  I am not a girly girl.  I don't carry a purse, can't do a cartwheel, and don't wear dresses.  I love my nieces but I don't do tea parties, have no imagination so I am lousy at imaginative play, even though I try.  Everyone is so excited when they find out we are having girls and talk about ruffles and bows and lace which is scary... give me a pair of jeans and a hoody and I'm happy.  Everyone says sisters are best friends but my sister and I have never gotten along and really truly hate each other.   Yes, having girls scares the crap outta me.  Will I love them as much as I would have loved a boy.... without a doubt. Will I learn how to parent girls.... of course.  Am I a little sad/disappointed?  Sure but every day I am getting more used to the idea of my girls. 

post #9 of 18
I'm a little freaked out about having a girl, too, for most of the reasons you pointed out, JodiAriel. I have very good relationships with the women in my life, but I don't have a girly bone in my body. For some reason I have it in my head that I have to "adjust" myself in order to mother a girl. I don't know why I didn't feel that way with ds even though there is an incredible amount of adjustment going on when you become a parent. I'm doing what I can right now to recognize that I will be all the mama this girl will need. Plus she has plenty of honorary aunts to do the super girly stuff with her down the road.

Hijynx, I think it's completely normal to need time to process. Congrats on your baby boy. You will be the center of his world, and he will melt your heart.
post #10 of 18
Thread Starter 

Oh I think "tomboy" moms are awesome for daughters :P offset some of the princess crap out there!! My mom liked shopping and dresses but was also not a complete girly girl - she was a police officer when I was little! I feel pretty strongly about breaking gender "norms" so that's why I was even more confused about my reaction... there's not really much that changes based on the sex of my child, because his personality and interests could be anything and that's where the real variety comes into play.  And I think most kids early on take after their parents interests - so we'll likely have a computer/gamer geek like his dad who will like to do crafts and bake with me hehe...  (my husband's first fear was what if he has to teach him sports!! we aren't athletic :P)

post #11 of 18
Quote:
Originally Posted by Hijynx View Post

But I also have the fears of not being able to relate to a son, of him being a terror (like certain kids in our social circle. though terrors are not necessarily gender specific :P), missing out on so many things I was looking forward to.

 


I  understand your fear of not being able to relate to a son.  Our first was a boy and I was so worried how I would handle raising a boy since I only have sisters as siblings.  Granted I have always been somewhat of a tomboy so having a boy was wonderful news but I still had that worry. 

 

I can tell you that my son has been a wonderful blessing.  It took about a nanosecond for me to fall totally in love with him at birth, and he adores his Mama. Everyone is amazed at how well behaved he is and comments on his mellow disposition.  Personally, he has thus far been a dream (he is only three so we still have a ways to go).  I also have a girl (16 months), and while she too is not a difficult child by any means, she has been more challenging than him.  He is just so darn "easy."  It's okay to feel how your feeling but rest assured that your little boy will have you wrapped around his chubby little baby finger in no time flat!  Congratulations!

post #12 of 18

Hijynx - I'm right there with you.  We were all convinced it was a girl (me, hubby, my mom, even the u/s tech), but today's scan showed it was ALL boy.  Hubby and I are both talking about the disappointment we do have and are reassuring each other that it is normal and okay.  We know it's temporary and before we know it, we'll be just as excited for our little boy that we thought we were going to be for a little girl.

post #13 of 18

Since this is out last baby, I was kind of hoping it would be a girl while logically assuming it was a boy. And honestly, I'm quite relieved to be getting another sweet son. But yeah, sometimes when I'm around my nieces I think wistfully how I'll never have a daughter. We went on vacation last week with DH's family and after helping our 2 yo niece on the merry go round, DH even said to me the other day that he was a little sad we would never have a little girl.

 

98% of the time of fine thinking about being a mama of 2 boys. Then sometimes I have my moments when I realize I'll never have a relationship with a daughter like my mom and I have. And that my sons won't ever have a sister. 

 

And then most of the time I'm happy, delighted, and oh so grateful I get to have 2 amazing and active boys who will show their mama cuddles, hugs, chasing, wrestling, and more insects than I ever thought possible. That is if DS2 is similar to DS1! biggrinbounce.gif

post #14 of 18

I have 3 boys, and chances are am carrying boy #4 (we'll find out in november).

I might actually want another boy?  I don't really care either way, most people assume we want a girl and I get a ton of "well I hope it's a girl for you!"

I love my 3 boys, they are sweet and cuddly and I love being the only girl in the house.

I actually like getting to do some of the stuff I didn't do as a child, like tball and soccer, etc.

It's fun.

post #15 of 18

We found out 2 wks ago we're having our 6th boy. We do have one girl (2nd born) but we've had all boys since then. In some ways I would have loved a baby girl. But I think I gave up a couple pregnancies ago on having a girl and I'm pretty happy with our boy. But I do remember feeling kind of let down with our 4th and 5th pg. I think it's natural. Now I just get pissed when stupid people have to comment in front of my boys that it's "too bad we're having another boy" as if they're not as worthy or special as a girl would have been. But I adore my family just the way it is. I love my boys and my 1 girl. She certainly has learned there's perks to being the only girl in the house and she adores her brothers most of the time too.

post #16 of 18

I'm lurking :)  I completely understand and I went through this when I was pregnant with my son.  I had always imagined myself with a daughter and even had a dream about seeing her wave to me from the u/s screen the night before we found out the gender.  I was shocked when the u/s tech told us it was a boy... completely shocked.  It took all of 2.5 seconds for me to start daydreaming about my baby boy, though, even though I had the same fears of raising a rambunctious pain in the butt son. :)  In reality, I had no idea how incredibly wonderful it would be to be the mother to a son.  My boy is now five, he is calm and serious and the sweetest little charmer of them all.  He kisses the back of my hand, tells me I'm beautiful, and wants to marry me when he is older.  He's defensive of me, helpful around the house, tells me I'm the best mom in the world and that he loves me to the moon and stars and back again. I am showered with kisses and affection every. single. day.  This morning he woke me up with kisses and love and then scratched my back and rubbed my shoulders with his tiny little hands.  I had no idea the bond and the love between mothers and sons and now that I'm pregnant again, although a part of me would like the experience of raising a girl, I'd be absolutely delighted to have another son!  I'm the first to admit that I don't relate to the superhero fascination or the attraction to guns and swords, but in all honesty neither does his dad.  They spend more time riding bikes and gardening together and he gets his aggressive play out at play dates with little dude friends.  Really, though.. trust me.  It may seem foreign to you but you're about to feel like the luckiest, most in love mama in the world.  Your son will steal your heart and instantly be the love of your life.  If I had any idea at all how much good stuff I was in for I would have been overjoyed at that u/s appointment years ago.  Mothers and sons are special.  You're so lucky to be able to experience it. :)

post #17 of 18
Quote:
Originally Posted by hotsauce View Post

I'm lurking :)  I completely understand and I went through this when I was pregnant with my son.  I had always imagined myself with a daughter and even had a dream about seeing her wave to me from the u/s screen the night before we found out the gender.  I was shocked when the u/s tech told us it was a boy... completely shocked.  It took all of 2.5 seconds for me to start daydreaming about my baby boy, though, even though I had the same fears of raising a rambunctious pain in the butt son. :)  In reality, I had no idea how incredibly wonderful it would be to be the mother to a son.  My boy is now five, he is calm and serious and the sweetest little charmer of them all.  He kisses the back of my hand, tells me I'm beautiful, and wants to marry me when he is older.  He's defensive of me, helpful around the house, tells me I'm the best mom in the world and that he loves me to the moon and stars and back again. I am showered with kisses and affection every. single. day.  This morning he woke me up with kisses and love and then scratched my back and rubbed my shoulders with his tiny little hands.  I had no idea the bond and the love between mothers and sons and now that I'm pregnant again, although a part of me would like the experience of raising a girl, I'd be absolutely delighted to have another son!  I'm the first to admit that I don't relate to the superhero fascination or the attraction to guns and swords, but in all honesty neither does his dad.  They spend more time riding bikes and gardening together and he gets his aggressive play out at play dates with little dude friends.  Really, though.. trust me.  It may seem foreign to you but you're about to feel like the luckiest, most in love mama in the world.  Your son will steal your heart and instantly be the love of your life.  If I had any idea at all how much good stuff I was in for I would have been overjoyed at that u/s appointment years ago.  Mothers and sons are special.  You're so lucky to be able to experience it. :)

 

I love this!!

post #18 of 18
Thread Starter 

:D I love you all! And I love my amazing husband even more. I mentioned the still being a bit disappointed at not having tutus and fairy wings over the weekend, and his reply was that there are definitely boy fairies as well - in fact the weekend we met, we were at an event where people tend to dress up in costumes, and he had his own fairy wings he wore (with a bowler hat :P)

 

that and we got excited thinking about steampunk family outfits :P

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