Older children adjusting « Back to Group Discussions

[joyfulmomof2]

So, DS2 is now 3 weeks old, but my question is about DD who is 2 1/2. I feel like she's having a pretty hard time adjusting to the new baby/new family dynamic. She likes him a lot, and that's great, but she's been really defiant with me, and just having all kinds of behavior issues that we never had before. She has challenges with bed time, and she's been waking up really "hard"- just really upset when she wakes (especially from naps- to the point where I'd rather that she doesn't nap), where she'll cry sometimes for several minutes and be really difficult to console, etc.

Another thing that she does that's been getting really hard to deal with (and I could really use some advice on!) is that when I'm nursing the baby (which of course, is pretty much all the time), she wants to come up and hover around me/him. She'll prop herself up on the nursing pillow and lean over and kiss him several times (which is cute at first, but then I tell her that's enough and she gets upset). I try to tell her gently, but she doesn't listen and then it escalates. Or she leans on my legs, but her elbows dig into me and it hurts, and I try to explain, but she just keeps doing it. It's been going on for a while, and I just feel like I'm losing my patience with her. I want to include her, but part of me has that "touched out" feeling after a while, part of me just wants her to quit messing with the baby, since it's distracting as he's trying to get/stay latched on, and it makes me feel overwhelmed which I'm sure he can sense.

I guess there's always some new issue to deal with the more children you have, DS1 had issues when DD was the new baby, but not like this. He was rough w/DD (even though he was trying to help) and she got hurt a lot by him- thankfully that's not the issue this time around...

Anyway, can anyone relate? Any tips on how to gently redirect her without hurting her feelings?

[calapitters]

It really sounds like you are doing all the right things, mama.  I'm having very similar issues with my 22 month old, but she is also still nursing and having a really hard time sharing mama's milk.  Just keep showing her "gentle touches" and when she climbs up on you, it's ok to put her down and say, "No thanks, that hurts mommy."  It would be helpful to show her how to climb up without hurting you, so she won't feel so sad by not being with you.  Or maybe you can sit on the couch or bed while nursing the baby where your dd has more room to maneuver around you.  

I tell myself that it has to get worse before it gets better and hope to God that it gets better tomorrow. 

[TenzinsMama]

Oh wow, I could have written that post-- the same thing is happening here.  DD is almost 5 weeks old, and DS almost 23 months.  I've been finding it really hard... I've had a c-section which I've had a lot of issues with when it comes to pain, and DS not only wants to climb up on me when the baby is near me, I've had to tell him repeatedly that I couldn't pick him up because of my 'owie' on my stomach... For a while, he didn't want me to do much with him, he only wanted DH, and he became so clingy with him... DH had to help me, help with the baby, and tend to DS for most things in those first couple of weeks especially.  I felt so bad that he has been having a hard time adjusting... Thank goodness it's starting to get better.  I don't know if there is anything in particular that has helped the most, I think time is the biggest thing.  I had been prepared for some difficulties with him adjusting, but I didn't anticipate that it would be as hard as it has been.  Though it is getting better as I said, I still feel like I'm shortchanging one of the kids somehow, in trying to balance out both their needs.  I'm glad this thread was posted, because honestly, I thought I was the only one experiencing this.  I wish we were all having an easier time... I'm sure it will just get better though with time.

[MamaInTheDesert]

DD is 4 and we've been having some similar issues. She wants to climb up on my breastfeeding pillow when I've been feeding Donovan, and she gets upset when I can't immediately come to her room to see her latest block creation or picture she's drawn. The biggest issue that we've been having though is that all of a sudden she wants to run and skip throughout the house. This shakes our whole house and tends to wake up baby. It seems no matter how many ways and times I tell her she still insists on doing it.