I am in the place of questioning whether my husband's presence enhances or detracts from both my life and our children's. He believes that his main job as a father and husband is to bring home a paycheck. Yes, it is a big deal but there is more to life than just money. He doesn't play with our children often. He doesn't like to help with the "dirty work" like diaper changing or cleaning up the house. He has the attitude that our energetic 3 y/o has too much energy. He wonders if he is jealous that our kids "get away with stuff" because I don't strictly discipline with physical punishment as his mother did. (Yet his mom counsels him to avoid physical punishment.) He tends to withdraw emotionally from me and our children. He wants to make our sons "emotionally tough" and as a result ds2 would rather be hugged by ds1 than picked up by his daddy when I am not available. He never takes both our children out of the house. He gets sick of the 3 y/o saying "I love you". He has told ds1 that he is being bad because he was being loud in the car. The word "bad" comes up a lot and I worry ds1 will begin to think of himself as bad. And since hubby spends so much time talking about what a handful ds1 is, I wonder if there is something there I am not seeing. He seems to always infer that our kids are abnormal. He also likes to blame me for our children's behavior: ds1 didn't sleep well because I didn't leave him to CIO and was too rough with other kids because I didn't spank him. His views of our children are affecting the way I am preceiving them.
I feel the same way with my partner. The question I have to ask myself is. How can he know our son so much when he spends no time with him. He made a coment yesterday that hes glad hes fianlly not fussy anymore. I asked him what he meant and he refered to our son as out of control fussy for the past three months. I see no change in the baby he is a happy, sweet, curious, loving little guy. I feel like they say these things to appear involved even though they aren't true.
"I am parenting because I say these things and believe parenting like ideas" whether they made them up or not. And also I am everything that is wrong with my son. I even cause his ear infections, or his cough. Its rough mama. Don't let him make you think anything you know not to be true. Its like they are manipulating us so it will be us against the kid/kids. This isn't a war its a family.