Well...I understand that it is not the mom's job to babysit the dad. However, I do think it is the mom's job to pass pertinent school information on to the dad when it comes to her house. Not everything is sent out via email, or it is often in my experience just a reminder the day before kind of deal. When we get papers from school that mom needs to know about, guess what, we send them to her house with dsd! Should we just say, oh well, sorry, I figured you could figure it out yourself, it's not my job to babysit you? Seems kind of petty. As for the conferences, generally the teachers just have one conference per child here-I don't know if they would accomodate a separate conference for each parent because we have never asked, but ideally, both parents can go together. Hence, when one parent receives the conference sheet, it is their responsibilty to let the other parent know, even if they don't ask for input as to time, etc. (which is annoying in and of itself), because they are both parents.
OP, I would find it pretty hard to swallow that your dsd's mom "forgot" to let your dp know about the conference. Seriously? She forgot up until the conference was over that she should maybe let her child's dad know about it? I would be really upset too. Yes, your dp should definitely get himself put on any contact lists for the school, and put your name down as an approved pick up person/emergency contact if appropriate. Dp and I are not married, and I know I was put on the pickup list (actually by dsd's mom) because I do the driving sometimes to and from school.
I have heard that some teachers are willing to make extra copies of papers that are sent home for two households-if you get an accomodating teacher like that next year, I would just request that all papers sent home with dsd be duplicated and sent home again on Fridays so you are getting the information. Most back to school events are listed on websites here with decent notice, so make it a point to have your dp monitor the school's website calendar so he can meet the teacher and find out about big events just in case. I always check the calendar just because, whild dsd's mom generally tells us about big events like that, it is often not until a couple of days before when she has clearly known about it for weeks at minimum, so that I can plan it out (I.e. her school concert was on Wed. and dsd's om told us about it that Monday afternoon, but I had it on the calendar for a month already). The problem is that whiel the big events are generally fairly easy to find out about, things like the school conference time, big homework projects, field trips, and other smaller school events are often not and should be communicated through the parents.
It is easy to feel like we are being set up to fail sometimes, even if it is not intentional. Sorry for the rant, the end of the school year was pretty tough in this regard.
So my answer, I guess, is yes, you should get in contat wit the school to see what you can set up, and yes I think you should talk to mom to let her know you really need want to set up a better communication method so these things don't keep happening.