6 year old girl changing attitude

[RavenStar]

Hello there Moms!

For those of you with girls, does age 6 bring sassiness and a change in attitude?

Our daughter has become quite disrespectful and has started talking back.  Is this another shift in development?

It gets very tiring.

[knittindigo]

My little 'angel' will be 6 at the end of July and I must say she has gotten pretty... intense. She spends a lot of weekends at grandpa's and even he has noticed that she has been winding everyone up! There is the girly sassy attitude and the screaming, the flat out 'no mom!'

I think most of the problem in my household is that we are expecting a new LO any day now. Although she is very excited, it can still be stressful. Plus she has been feeding off of my... intense hormonal moments

I know that a big problem with kids can also be summer break. Especially at about 5 and 6 because they just started getting use to school. Routine can be everything for a child and they spent all year adjusting to something only to get stuck at home all day for 3 months straight.

Have you tried putting her in a daycamp or something similar? I wish I could have for my daughter but with the new baby on the way we just couldn't afford it and scheduling around such a big moment got to be too stressful. :-(

[mamazee]

When my older daughter was 6, I definitely noticed a change in her attitude, like she was starting to get hormonal already. I've heard some people say on here say there is a hormonal shift around that age, so maybe that is it. I don't know about that. I know that it isn't uncommon due to how many threads we have about kids (and girls, from what I've noticed) becoming more sassy at the age of 6.

Summer vacation could also be a factor. Mine (now 10) is generally pretty good at this point, though I expect her attitude to get worse again in a year or two as she gets more into the whole puberty thing. But during summer vacation, she sometimes gets a bit stir crazy looking for things to do, and then her attitude can be worse than usual. I find if i give her projects or find stuff for her to do she's better. I don't generally entertain my kids - I think it's best for them to figure out how to entertain themselves - but I make an exception during vacation when things are very very slow. I like the PP's suggestion of a daycamp.

[mirina]

My dd is 6.5yrs old and there is a change in her attitude. She is talking back, she is sometimes aggresive and bothers physically her little sister (4yrs) more than before. I think she is a lot more tired than before. In her preeschool age, she was going to school only for half-days and now it was all at once every day full day. She is very absorbent, sees and hears everything, I think this is quite exhausting for her. When I pick her up from school, she would sometimes fall asleep on the way home. I never heard about that hormonal change, but that could be the reason too. 

[Tapioca]

Originally Posted by RavenStar 

Hello there Moms!

For those of you with girls, does age 6 bring sassiness and a change in attitude?

Our daughter has become quite disrespectful and has started talking back.  Is this another shift in development?

It gets very tiring.

Yes.

It does pass though - then at 7 it takes on a whole new level.  HAHA!  Hang in there mama.

[meemee]

Originally Posted by Tapioca 

Yes.

It does pass though - then at 7 it takes on a whole new level.  HAHA!  Hang in there mama.

so true.

take it as training ground for preteen.

NOW is the time for you to stay in balance and not get pulled into issues.

i think its also hormonal and prepuberty. thankfully i had children of my friends who helped me see how difficult that age was for them and so i was able to hold a compassionate heart towards dd, have more patience and be able to let it pass.

please dont take it personally. its not about you. its about her struggling. dont give in - draw your boundaries - but try to do so with compassion and understanding. 

my INTENSE sassy rude backtalking ... 6 year old is now the sweetest well mannered still intense 9 year old. 

[RavenStar]

Originally Posted by knittindigo 

My little 'angel' will be 6 at the end of July and I must say she has gotten pretty... intense. She spends a lot of weekends at grandpa's and even he has noticed that she has been winding everyone up! There is the girly sassy attitude and the screaming, the flat out 'no mom!'

I think most of the problem in my household is that we are expecting a new LO any day now. Although she is very excited, it can still be stressful. Plus she has been feeding off of my... intense hormonal moments

I know that a big problem with kids can also be summer break. Especially at about 5 and 6 because they just started getting use to school. Routine can be everything for a child and they spent all year adjusting to something only to get stuck at home all day for 3 months straight.

Have you tried putting her in a daycamp or something similar? I wish I could have for my daughter but with the new baby on the way we just couldn't afford it and scheduling around such a big moment got to be too stressful. :-(

I can see how a new baby on the way would lead to a shift in your daughter.  We did day camp at the beginning of summer and she will take a gymnastics class in another week.  She does seem to be better when we get out of the house.  Your post made me think that we have our own changes going on and she's feeling emotional about it.  I recently had hip surgery and can't do as much.  My feeling is that this is part of it, along with a shift in development and changes in routine.  All the best to you and your family as you welcome your new baby into your lives! 

[RavenStar]

Originally Posted by mamazee 

When my older daughter was 6, I definitely noticed a change in her attitude, like she was starting to get hormonal already. I've heard some people say on here say there is a hormonal shift around that age, so maybe that is it. I don't know about that. I know that it isn't uncommon due to how many threads we have about kids (and girls, from what I've noticed) becoming more sassy at the age of 6.
Summer vacation could also be a factor. Mine (now 10) is generally pretty good at this point, though I expect her attitude to get worse again in a year or two as she gets more into the whole puberty thing. But during summer vacation, she sometimes gets a bit stir crazy looking for things to do, and then her attitude can be worse than usual. I find if i give her projects or find stuff for her to do she's better. I don't generally entertain my kids - I think it's best for them to figure out how to entertain themselves - but I make an exception during vacation when things are very very slow. I like the PP's suggestion of a daycamp.

Thank you for the helpful ideas and thoughts!

[RavenStar]

Originally Posted by mirina 

My dd is 6.5yrs old and there is a change in her attitude. She is talking back, she is sometimes aggresive and bothers physically her little sister (4yrs) more than before. I think she is a lot more tired than before. In her preeschool age, she was going to school only for half-days and now it was all at once every day full day. She is very absorbent, sees and hears everything, I think this is quite exhausting for her. When I pick her up from school, she would sometimes fall asleep on the way home. I never heard about that hormonal change, but that could be the reason too. 

We have talking back going on over here too.  Complete with glares and eye rolls.  I really feel like this is a precursor to the teenage years and I'm afraid!  I just need to think back to myself and try to stay calm and positive.  It seems like there is some kind of developmental leap with this age, either hormones or a growth spurt.  She has been sleeping more, her legs are longer and she falls a lot more.  I need to try and remember to give her some space for all of her feelings.

[RavenStar]

Originally Posted by Tapioca 

Yes.

It does pass though - then at 7 it takes on a whole new level.  HAHA!  Hang in there mama.

Thank you!  I will hang in there.   :)  So 7 is another level....I need to hold on for the ride and hope she'll mellow out at some point.  If she doesn't, I need to find a way to roll with it all.

[RavenStar]

Originally Posted by meemee 

so true.

take it as training ground for preteen.

NOW is the time for you to stay in balance and not get pulled into issues.

i think its also hormonal and prepuberty. thankfully i had children of my friends who helped me see how difficult that age was for them and so i was able to hold a compassionate heart towards dd, have more patience and be able to let it pass.

please dont take it personally. its not about you. its about her struggling. dont give in - draw your boundaries - but try to do so with compassion and understanding. 

my INTENSE sassy rude backtalking ... 6 year old is now the sweetest well mannered still intense 9 year old. 

That's how I'm feeling, MeeMee.  It feels like pre-preteen.  Thank you for the helpful advice.  I just need to keep breathing and stay flexible.  Thanks for the reminders about boundaries.  She is always trying to stretch the boundaries or negotiate any chance she gets.  I'm trying to find that balance between allowing her appropriate choices and letting her know that certain things aren't negotiable.  She tells me and my husband we're "Mean" if we don't let her have chocolate right before bed.  I tell her that we're not doing it to be mean, but because we care about her and want her to be able to fall asleep. :)  Glad that your child made it through that phase and is now doing well at age 9.  There's hope!

[LuxPerpetua]

Our daughter is 6.5 and we're expecting a new little one (due this Thursday, actually) and we've been experiencing some of this, as well.  For our dd, it is less sassiness than it is just being sensitive and not willing to forgive and wanting to debate everything--"Why did you say *this* instead of *this*?"  She also is really struggling with not always being right or knowing everything.  From what I can tell, this is very normal for this age--it's the shift between young childhood and middle childhood.  My mantra has been that it isn't my job to keep our daughter happy.  I tell her when she needs to rephrase something to be more respectful and if she gets upset I tell her calmly that I'm here for when she's feeling better and we can do something fun together then, but that it's really up to her to let go and find peace (as I said, our daughter really latches on to whatever is bothering her and will run it into the ground trying to sort it out to her satisfaction).  We are a homeschooling, media-free family, so I think we've had an easier go of it than many of dd's friends simply from lack of examples to imitate.  Some days do feel like walking on eggshells, though.  I have noticed that the more we deal with this, the better she's getting at handling her emotions and letting go and moving on, so I think it will be just a matter of time.  And I'm totally not worried about the teenage years--dh and I were both very connected teens so I think if that connection is there you are more likely to not experience stereotypical teen issues.  I like what I read somewhere, that as a parent you need to "be the sun"--when your children's orbits are all wonky and nuts, you have to be that constant emotional force that is in control and unshakable.  However, being hormonal right now, I don't always do that like I'd like, but I think it is a worthy goal to strive for.  Hang in there, mama!

[meemee]

Originally Posted by RavenStar 

 She is always trying to stretch the boundaries or negotiate any chance she gets.

in all fairness you know she has the right to dont you? they are little people growing up and needing more 'space'.

 I'm trying to find that balance between allowing her appropriate choices and letting her know that certain things aren't negotiable.  She tells me and my husband we're "Mean" if we don't let her have chocolate right before bed.  I tell her that we're not doing it to be mean, but because we care about her and want her to be able to fall asleep. :)  

this is just me but i think 6 is plenty old for them to find out why mommy and daddy has guidelines. that is the age i removed some of the boundaries. however i was that parent that had v. lose boundaries, and rarely said no - so when i did say no dd knew it was always serious. anyways at that age i'd tell dd ok the reason i dont want you to eat the chocolate cake is coz you wont be able to sleep. however you are 6. you are old enough to make these decisions yourself. its your body afterall. so you dont have to do what i say. i'd advice you not to eat the cake but if its that big a deal to you then go do it. and you withdraw. let her discover for herself how it does react with her instead of you telling her so.

and so experiment. give her some freedom. see how she does with it. overall dd did well with the freedom. sometimes she did overstep but not too often. and i considered that a learning curve. 

give her freedom in areas you can handle without stressing you out further. and see if she is ready for it. everytime dd has given me trouble over things has been coz she has been wanting more responsibilities.

that's why at around that age i started giving dd way more responsibilities. that's the age i stopped bugging her about hw. she was on her own with me to help her. i wasnt going to bug her anymore to do it. it was an experiement and it worked. i have never run after her for hw again. that was also when seh'd help me in the grocery store. she was given a list of things to get and she did it happily. it was also the age she started making tea and breakfast. and chopping. OMG that kid was a whiz with the knife. she still LOVES chopping. with a real sharp knife. i think she has in all these years cut herself maybe twice. with a real sharp knife too.

i think this is the age when parenting starts evolving.

and THAT was hard and is still hard for me. its sweet and sad all at the same time. rather than me parenting her its more about me starting to let go more. 

it is HARD for me to let that little girl go. the one who was soo needy. it was so easy to go in and take care of everything. now its the opposite. she wants to take care of herself and as the mama above put it so beautifully i have to be the sun and let her come to me when she is all out of whack. 

yet it is sweet. i am getting glimpses of the young woman she is going to be and it is soo poignant. 

but OMG on the other hand - OH MAMA!!!!! this kid has become my mother. she keeps a strict eye on me. she is way cautious (more than me). so when we walk she constantly yanks me from the edge of the sidewalk which has a further bike lane - hissing under her breath 'ma stop walking so close to the edge. do you want to be run over?!!!' seeing that seriousness in that little body CRACKS me up - yet i have to keep a straight face. 

we have a GREAT relationship. 

so far.

if i can keep letting go as my dd needs me to (not me needing so) it can only get better. 

Edited by meemee - 7/9/12 at 8:17pm

[RavenStar]

Thanks for sharing your story, MeeMee.  Our daughter does love helping and taking on more responsibilities.  Thank you for the advice! 

[RavenStar]

Originally Posted by LuxPerpetua 

Our daughter is 6.5 and we're expecting a new little one (due this Thursday, actually) and we've been experiencing some of this, as well.  For our dd, it is less sassiness than it is just being sensitive and not willing to forgive and wanting to debate everything--"Why did you say *this* instead of *this*?"  She also is really struggling with not always being right or knowing everything.  From what I can tell, this is very normal for this age--it's the shift between young childhood and middle childhood.  My mantra has been that it isn't my job to keep our daughter happy.  I tell her when she needs to rephrase something to be more respectful and if she gets upset I tell her calmly that I'm here for when she's feeling better and we can do something fun together then, but that it's really up to her to let go and find peace (as I said, our daughter really latches on to whatever is bothering her and will run it into the ground trying to sort it out to her satisfaction).  We are a homeschooling, media-free family, so I think we've had an easier go of it than many of dd's friends simply from lack of examples to imitate.  Some days do feel like walking on eggshells, though.  I have noticed that the more we deal with this, the better she's getting at handling her emotions and letting go and moving on, so I think it will be just a matter of time.  And I'm totally not worried about the teenage years--dh and I were both very connected teens so I think if that connection is there you are more likely to not experience stereotypical teen issues.  I like what I read somewhere, that as a parent you need to "be the sun"--when your children's orbits are all wonky and nuts, you have to be that constant emotional force that is in control and unshakable.  However, being hormonal right now, I don't always do that like I'd like, but I think it is a worthy goal to strive for.  Hang in there, mama!

All the best to you, your daughter and your baby.   I like what you said about the parents being the sun.  It's very true and children do pick up on things, even when we don't feel like we're showing it.  Thank you!