Queer & Pregnant & Parenting - July, August, September, and now October! - Page 6

[starling&diesel]

MMM ... Funny that you bring that up now!  E is 3.5 also and is just now getting curious. She started asking questions last week after we hung out with the family who gave us their extra embryos.  The one woman is our egg donor, for lack of a better description.  They fertilized her eggs with donor sperm, and the other woman carried their two children.  So their children are E and H's full siblings.  This sparked loads of questions about eggs and sperm and mamas and papas and adoption and pregnancy and such.  I can tell that she's really thinking about it because she'll come up with questions out of the blue.  Example:  "Mama, did Baba give you her sperm?"

It's neat to see her figuring things out.  Our approach is honest and frank.  Curious to hear from others!  

Thanks to everyone who commented on my beloved friend.  I appreciate it.  

[whoabethy]

today my conversation with DD went something like this:

me: i only have eggs and (DW) only has eggs so we needed someone to give us some sperm. (KD) gave us some sperm, wasn't that nice of him to help us?

DD: yeah. (KD) went to the doctor and the doctor took out some sperm.

me: oh, you don't really need a doctor to take out sperm.

DD: how does it comes out?

me: it comes out on it's own.

DD: where does it come out?

me: if you have a penis it comes out of your penis.

DD: when i'm a bigger girl sperm will come out of MY penis!

oh dear. this convo went on and on for about 30min. i think we're both more confused than we were when we started! ;)
 

[DesertSunsets]

Carmen.  Hugs to you, sweet mama.  I wish there were better words to say.  I'm sure you know in your heart that you don't deserve to have this happen to you - and if you say your heart has room for more kids, then I believe more children will find their way to you somehow.  

Sara - and you!  Just keep going, one day at a time, right?  I wish we lived nearby so we could hang out and help with the kids.  You've been in my thoughts, and I hope you had a good day today. 

Starling - it's so unfair that your friend has to leave this earth.  I'm terribly sorry for her loss and your loss.  Sometimes, knowing that a death is nearing makes it even harder than the ones we're surprised by, eh?  What an incredible friend you are, in your capacity to care for her in her final chapter.  

MMM - I'm glad things are going well with your son again!  Our instincts and reactions can really be surprising at times.  

dandy - thank you for sharing your blog!  I'm following you now, loving all the Adair updates.  You're doing so fantastic for that little boy, keep up the good (and hard!) work.  

Well, as for us, our Bradley classes are over and our Centering classes at the Birth Center continue.  Tonight we took a tour of the associated hospital's labor and delivery wing, which has been really nicely remodeled and renovated recently.  We learned that in most cases, the baby still has to be taken to the nursery for 2 hours in order to help the baby "transition" - which is information we were not aware of, since this hospital is reportedly working towards being "Baby Friendly".  Remodeled private rooms aren't worth having my kid taken away, nuh uh.  Glad we're still on track to birth at the Center.  

I'm getting ready to stop taking the birth control and start pumping in hopes of getting my lactation induction going... We bought a Medela Pump in Style two weeks ago, and things are starting to come together.  

Nesting at our house is reaching a fever pitch, as we spent all last weekend hauling furniture out of the living room, steam cleaning the carpets, then rearranging the furniture.  We also washed the curtains and throw pillow covers and steamed the rug and washed the walls.  There also may have been some obsessive electronic-cleaning and cord-organizing done by DW in the height of her madness, lol.  I think it annoys her that I always mention this, but she dusted our fire extinguisher.  

Lastly, I'll leave you with belly photos from last night!  

32 weeks!  Isn't she super cute?  

Knitting little lady's newest hat.  

[carmen358]

When DD first started daycare 2 days a week in January she started talking about Daddy because 3 of the other kids have daddies. The other family has two moms too. It was more in the context of "mommy, mama, daddy and me!" or one time she asked if "daddy was at work". I think it was just a new name for a family member that she was interested in. She does the same with Grandma and Grandpa - she only has one great grandma so it's not a common reference in our day to day lives. She's never asked why she doesn't have a daddy. She honestly doesn't seem that interested. She knows some families do have daddies or grandparents but that's about it. She's also very bright and curious so I'm surprised more hasn't come up. I ordered the book everyone suggested on here and to be honest I'm not sure it would be of interest to her right now. I really don't feel like she's asking where she came from or how she was made at all and I want her "story" to unfold as her interest or exposure to the information through others comes up. She knows she came from "mama's tummy" and that she was attached by her belly button and recently she tells the story of how I bounced on a yoga ball to help get her out lol We have a KD and are very open to talking about him, etc. but I also don't want to confuse her or overload her with information all at once.
 

[seraf]

Hey, we're still here.  My phone died (temporary phone will do facebook but not mothering) and life has been busy.  I have to find a new job.  I've been off work for more than 2 weeks (so no downtime).

Sara is getting out every day.

The kids are good.

O is writing a very masculine story about a dragon hunter.

A had art camp this week.  Also about dragons, but she hated it because "the other kids are mean to the teachers! They don't listen and when the teacher says to be quiet, they keep talking!"

S is obsessed with standing, no hands. He has 5 teeth and 3 on the way. 30 inches and 24 pounds.

s smiles and holds his head up now. He likes to stand supported. 23.5 inches and 12.5 pounds.

Thinking of you all. Especially Starling, Carmen and Dandy.

[AmandaHope]

Hi, everybody.

Re donors, Z has a known donor, so that made it easier to bring up.  He'd visit once a year, and we'd tell her that he helped us make our family, until she was around 4-5, when we got her an age appropriate how babies are made book and explained that he gave us the swimmers. She never asked many questions.  Regarding Lilah, it will be interesting to see if she asks more questions. Seeing Z's donor once/year will inevitably bring up questions about her donor.  And we are FB friends with the moms of Lilah's donor sibs, so there is another area for discussion. 

Dandy: How is little Adair today? Hoping he's getting some good skin to skin time down your shirts :-) and that he is breathing and growing well.

Carmen: Thinking of you and your family. How are things with DD?

Desert: Your partner has a beautiful belly.  She looks very peaceful, especially in the second photo.  I love it.

Whoabethy: I laughed out loud at that conversation.  Fantastic.  Sometimes it is good to be confused.  Let the clarity come when it comes. 

Starling: Sounds like E is thinking hard about families. Lucky girl to have such a diverse community around her.

Isa: How's FL? 

Seraf: Sounds like everybody is busy doing and growing.  Sorry about your job, though.  How are you feeling about it?

Sara: Glad you are getting out every day.  What are some things that are making you laugh right now? 

Wehrli:  TTC yet?  Now?

AFU: Lilah is having a very hard time with sleep...like she just prefers not to go to sleep, no matter how tired she is.  And if she does sleep during the day, it is for 30 minutes max even though she is clearly still tired. At night, she is tossing and turning and nursing all night.  I'm sure it will pass, but it is exhausting all around.  We should have a nice group for her party tomorrow.  I'm looking forward to it!  I got an extremely hard to find/get wrap conversion mei tai (an Obimama) in a trade and am thrilled with it.  It is how I finally got Lilah to sleep last night (walking around the back yard in my pjs with her in the carrier...with my boob hanging out the top in 80 degree heat at 10pm).  I can't wait until it cools down a bit so I can use it more. 

[seraf]

AmandaHope, I hope you have a good party. Going to sleep stinks here, too.  S just can't bring himself to be still.  He is all about acrobatics while nursing.  He falls asleep moving and wakes up moving.  Fortunately he usually re-settles himself in the night.  It cracks me up when he wakes up looking like he's picking berries and eating them. He frequently tries to stand before he even opens his eyes. Looking for work is one of my least favorite activities of all time. I would rather spend a couple of hours in the dentist chair. I'm nervous because I took May off work, June I worked something like a half schedule because they didn't have enough hours available and July has been no work.  That has taken it's toll on our savings account. Now even if I got a job tomorrow I would have nothing come in for a month, probably.  I'm also sad because people don't spend weeks in the hospital when they're healthy, I initially thought the long hospitalization had more to do with the power outage but this morning I learned there was more to it.

[carmen358]

Amanda: Sorry sleep is such a challenge..but as you said, it will pass. I just looked at your signature and saw that L will be 1 very soon! How the heck did that happen??!!

Seraf: I haven't had to look for work (knock on wood) for over 10 years but I know it wouldn't be my favourite thing. Perhaps this just means you'll find the *perfect* job. Good luck!

Afm: I'm 7 weeks tomorrow. I haven't seen anymore blood since that one time putting in the prog. My breasts have been super sore and I've actually had some nausea in the evenings. Not a lot but some. I'm hesitant to type that because I'm afraid of getting my hopes up and I know my hcg is still up so of course I'd be having some symptoms. My u/s is on Thursday so I'm taking comfort in knowing that I'll figure out what's going on one way or the other soon. I'm also back to work this week so that will distract me....although I was plenty distracted this past week being at home!
 

[mkrini]

Hi all, I'm new here. The wife and I are expecting our first (a little girl) 1/12/13!

[prettyisa]

Hi, kids! Another quick check-in. We’re on our last day down in FL and things have gotten really, really busy, so not much internet time.

Starling, I’m so sorry to hear about your friend. I wish you all peace and time together and I hope that she can find a way to go without suffering or regret. What a difficult time for all of you.

Ahope—I hope you had a wonderful party for L! We were thinking of you! And don’t worry about making perfect birthday cakes—your kids will love whatever they get (I know, because DP always turns up her nose at my homemade cakes. Her mom always used mixes and store-bought frosting so that’s what she likes). In any case, I bet it was fabulous!

Desert—your DP looks so cute! I can’t believe how close you’re getting!

Seraf—ugh on looking for work. I hope you find some soon. I also hope for good news about the person you were caring for.

Hi mkrini! Welcome to the party! Tell us about yourself when you get a chance!

E is getting really close to her three-monthaversary and keeps changing all the time. It’s amazing how much stuff she does now that she didn’t do when we came down here a couple weeks ago. She’s getting closer to laughing (DP can get what is starting to sound more like a giggle out of her) and rolls wildly from one side to the other. She hasn’t managed to flip yet in either direction, but I think it’ll happen soon. Still good on sleeping and strangers, which I’d really like to continue at least until we can get home. We’re going to be sad leaving my DP’s family—it’s been really nice to be down here and have so many people to see. In some ways I wish we still lived nearby, but I really hate the heat and I can’t handle the homophobic laws, so it’s a no-go. But that doesn’t stop us from talking about what jobs we could get that would let us live down here in the winter and Illinois in the summer…

Hi to everyone else! I’m almost looking forward to being at the office so I can keep up better!

[DesertSunsets]

Welcome, mkrini!! As Isa mentioned, please tell us about yourself and your family! And congratulations on the pregnancy.

[smilingsara]

Hi everyone.

I'm trying to do okay. Some days I feel really good and others I don't still. I'm trying to get my self to go out of the house daily, but sometimes its really hard to muster it up. I don't feel like me, I feel like someone else and its hard. I feel like on my 'bad days' that everything annoys the snot out of me and I hate that. I really have no reason to be annoyed by things, but it makes me so mad sometimes. I feel really sad that my babies are growing up so fast and aren't the tiny boys they once were. I feel no motivation or drive to do anything, even send e-mails to people. 

Most of all I feel like I'm not being fair to Sara. I'm being an ass and I feel so bad about it. Its not fair of me to be selfish and only think of me. I hope she knows the girl she fell in love with is in me somewhere and will be back eventually. 

Ahope you asked what makes me smile/laugh? Its shay. While I'm sad to see him getting bigger, he is ever so cute in his curiosity of things, his crawling around and his laughter. I love it and him so much for it. 

[mami2mami]

SARA-BIG HUGS to YOU !!!

[CrystalPerez]

hey all just a quick update. dp has a new girl in her life, ONE day after i told her i dont want to work on things with us anymore. I said that because I knew something was up. I filed for child support yesterday and I really dont know how thats gonna work out since she hasnt adopted C, but I brought our partnership papers and birth certificate and I'm waiting on a call from them now to set an appointment. I'm having sleep problems, I got 2 hours last night and 3 tonight. It is so weird for C to be sleeping so good and I'm not! I am open to any and all sleep aids that are ok for bf, there is a certain tea that helps sleep isnt there? On the plus side I'm getting some friends back and have been able to see my mom a lot. but the pain is just unbearable.

[Mizyellow]

Crystal: Life will become sweet again now that the sour is out of your life. I know it may be hard now but really you are going to be able to be the mother YOU want to be without anyone telling you that you are selfish and wrong. I have been a single mom before and it is tough but also really lovely. Just focus on yourself and that sweet little man and remember how amazing of a person and mama you are.

Carmen: Fingers so crossed for you.........

Hope: H isn't walking but he is also pulling up and crusiing. He stands for about 10 seconds on his own and is impressed with his trick. He also doesn't sleep. It is kind of killing me. I am a terrible sleeper myself and I am positive I passed it on to him. So we basically toss and turn all night. How often does L wake to nurse? H will still wake up 3-8 times a night. I am getting the Jay Gordon sleep book tonight, I love his attachment parenting work so I htouhgt I should at least read it. Can't hurt right? Other than the sleeping he is so wonderful. I LOVE this age. 

[carmen358]

Originally Posted by CrystalPerez 

hey all just a quick update. dp has a new girl in her life, ONE day after i told her i dont want to work on things with us anymore. I said that because I knew something was up. I filed for child support yesterday and I really dont know how thats gonna work out since she hasnt adopted C, but I brought our partnership papers and birth certificate and I'm waiting on a call from them now to set an appointment. I'm having sleep problems, I got 2 hours last night and 3 tonight. It is so weird for C to be sleeping so good and I'm not! I am open to any and all sleep aids that are ok for bf, there is a certain tea that helps sleep isnt there? On the plus side I'm getting some friends back and have been able to see my mom a lot. but the pain is just unbearable.

Crystal, you are so brave. Seriously. You and C are going to have an amazingly happy life!! I'm happy you're getting to see your friends and mom more, that will help you heal. If you have a natural vitamin type store around you could ask them to make you a skullcap tincture. Check with them to make sure it's ok while breastfeeding - I took it while pregnant on the advice of my midwife (I was having insomnia) and it was amazing.

[onemommyonemama]

Hugs all around

I don't often get a chance to write, but have been reading and thinking of each of you.

Carmen - you are on my mind today. I am so so hoping.

Dandy - I have been following your blog. Your family is in the hearts of many round here. Little Adair is growin and looking so great! We are here if you need anything at all :)

Starling - I am so sorry about your dear friend. Since I read I've been thinking about you and her fam. Cool that she is asking about sperm at 3.5! My DD is just three. I wonder if she will be there in a couple months too :)

Sara - big hugs to you. I'm sorry you aren't feeling like yourself. It isn't your fault! What supports are around you?

Crystal - wow. I'm so sorry about what DP has put you through. Good luck with sleep, and keep us updated. DO you need anything?

And...

Desert - beautiful belly :)!

Whotha and Mkrini - Hello for the first time! Welcome Mkrini!

Isa -  :) I love hearing about your little one :)

AFM - I almost lost ALL of my photos for the last 10 years in a computer crash this week. I was able to get them all recovered for about $700. I learned my lesson. External drives fail alot. back up back up back up! hoping others can learn from my mistake! :)

I'm well. S is teething, so a bit fussy. But still we are in much easier waters than with Z. I need to relax about it though, I keep waiting for S to become as hard as Z - or stressing that something I do will change her temperment. I want to be okay with whatever, but you know what years of sleep deprivation is like and gah. hoping to avoid it.

We are both off still. DP is off until November. Summer is here and it is great. We are off this week to Ottawa to visit DP's fam. It is a 5 hour drive without kiddos. Will report back on how it went with 2! our first car trip.

If there is ever anything you folks need - even though I'm far I'd do my best to support you. Seems people are going through some rough times round here. I wish homemade meals were shippable :)!

[AmandaHope]

OMom: Good to read your update. I hope your car trip goes easily and that you have a great visit.

Crystal: I can only imagine how much you must be hurting. I'm so sorry.  But I agree that you are a brave woman and a devoted mom, and your little guy is lucky to have you.  Things will get easier. Just try to take one day at a time and take all the love and support you can get from friends and family. 

Carmen: Thinking of you and hoping for the best.

Dandy: Hope Adair is strong and healthy today. How is the pumping going?

Sara: Good to hear from you. It must feel really bad not to feel like yourself and to feel like a burden on others. I'll also chime in, though, with the reminder that it isn't your fault! What kind of professional support do you have? Have you tried any herbs or other natural supports? Shay sounds just delightful and like a constant source of joy and amusement.  Seraf's description of how he is on his feet before his eyes open made me laugh.  Lilah is also super wiggly and an expert at nursing acrobatics.  She can nurse upside down! You'd think gravity would inhibit that. Has Soren laughed yet? That's the best...

Yellow: I've been meaning to read Jay Gordon.... L nurses somewhere between 2-6 times/night, but all but once or twice at most, I don't even really wake up, and she just latches on and falls immediately back to sleep without even opening her eyes.  She usually wakes up enough to really nurse around 3:30-5am but always goes back to sleep. I really can't complain, though I am pretty tired a lot of the time.  Once she's asleep, we're good, but getting her to sleep is often extremely tough.  Right now, DP is the only one who can do it consistently, and even she has to resort to extreme measures to get her to sleep at night sometimes (ie, bouncing her on her lap while watching documentaries on TV with Lilah facing her, not the TV). The other night, I was pacing around my hot, dark back yard at 10pm with her in our new Obimama Mei Tai for 45 minutes.  She just can't wind down at the end of the day, it seems.  We have a bed time ritual and all that, but perhaps we need to extend it a bit.  Unlike with Z, I'm just not motivated to work very hard at changing anything sleep-related. I know it will get easier or just change on me one way or another, and it feels good to roll with it.  It does disrupt some of our time with Z in the evenings, though, which is sad sometimes. How does H's sleep difficulty affect L?

Mkrini: Congratulations and welcome!! How has the pregnancy gone so far?

Seraf: How is the job hunting? 

AFU: My close friend in CA whom I've told you all a lot about (massive fertility problems, donor egg, failed attempt to have her husband be our KD, etc.) had her anatomy scan and is having a girl! That's what they were hoping for, so they are thrilled. And she looks healthy as can be. The downer is that my friend's cervix is short. She has a history of cervical cancer, so this isn't a surprise, but it is certainly a problem. They are starting her (back) on progesterone and monitoring it, but it is a worry.   

Lilah's birthday party was great!  We had about 25 people here for a bbq with meat from our local farmer, and it was delicious if I do say so myself! It was crazy hot, so the kids played outside in the yard with water, and we all rotated inside to cool off.  The only drama was that the swingset extension that my mom built onto our zipline platform for Lilah's baby swing came crashing down! Lilah was in the swing and landed face down (in the swing) in the mulch. She was scared but not hurt, thankfully.  My mom is officially banned from construction at my house. SIGH. Lilah wasn't especially interested in her fancy cake (though she did enjoy a piece of it the next day), but she LOVED her first (nitrate/preservative free) hotdog. 
 

We are flying today to OK to visit DP's brother's family. They have a 6 month old whom we haven't met yet, so I'm excited! 

[justrose13]

gah... 'punter just ate my post. a post explaining why I haven't posted much... and now there's no time left to recreate. just know that I'm keeping up, thinking of you all and sending loving light to all who need it.

[carmen358]

Quick update - same thing is happening this pregnancy as last. Baby is very small (only 6w1d) and heartrate is very slow (71). RE doesn't expect things to be successful.