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Queer & Pregnant & Parenting - July, August, September, and now October! - Page 7

post #121 of 641
no, no, no, no, Carmen... that breaks my heart. sending you much loving light. xo
post #122 of 641

Carmen, I've so been rooting for you. You have so many here who are hoping and praying for a healthy baby for you... This news is heartbreaking.

post #123 of 641

Thx rose and ks. I know I was sort of expecting it but I've been having much stronger pregnancy symptoms and actually thought there was a good change everything was going to be fine.


Unfortunately this is the end of the road for us. This is m/c #8 (3 before DD and 5 this time around) and I just can't do it anymore physically or emotionally. I'm going to be 42 this year and I just can't help feeling like I'm pushing things in a way they're not meant to be pushed. I feel like my heart will never heal from not having another child but I have to say enough is enough. Good luck to everyone, you've all been such an important part of my journey.

post #124 of 641
Carmen. I wish there were things we could do, words we could say, that would ease your heartbreak. I know that right now all you can likely manage is getting through to the next day, in hopes that tomorrow might be slightly less painful.
You and your family is in my heart and in my thoughts. I am so sorry that you're experiencing this again.
post #125 of 641

Carmen grouphug.gif

post #126 of 641

Carmen grouphug.gif

post #127 of 641

Damn, Carmen, I'm so sorry you are experiencing this again.  Many hugs to you.  Sending you love & support. xoxoxo

post #128 of 641
Oh no, Carmen, no, no, no. I am so sad for you and your family. So sad. So very sad. I'm so sorry that you're going through this again.
post #129 of 641

Carmen, I'm so sorry. I wish there was something that could be done to help with this baby, but I also hope a child comes into your life to fill your heart and family when the time is right.

post #130 of 641

Carmen, you sound so sad.  That's awful.  Is there anything that us far-away-cyberspace-folks can do for you?

post #131 of 641

Carmen-I'm so very sorry for you and your family.  I know how much you want a sibling for your DD.  I hope that you find a wonderful way to make that happen in the future.  We are all here to support you no matter what.  Take care.

post #132 of 641

Well folks, today is my first day off the birth control pill and on the breastmilk-inducing herbs, in addition to the domperidone (that I've been on for six months).  Just this morning, I used the pump for the first time and GUESS WHAT.  There was a droplet of milk on my left nipple, and several droplets on my right!  I am so very impressed with my breasts this morning, lol.  I realize there's a long road and a lot of work ahead of me, but I feel like this is a good sign and it helps me feel a lot more optimistic about my venture.  

Thanks for letting me drop in and share!!

post #133 of 641

Desert, that's great! If it means anything, my wife also was able to get drops when she pumped for the first time, and by the time G was born, she had an awesomely abundant milk supply. I think she probably could have singlehandedly fed our baby, at least as a newborn, if it was ever necessary. They say it might take a while to get anything at all or that you might never make any milk, depending on how your body reacts to the protocol, so I think it's really promising to see milk right away!

post #134 of 641
Hi all!

Hugs to everyone around here! I’m sorry everyone is having such a tough summer. Lots of love to Sara and Crystal. I think of you both often.

Carmen—I’m so, so sorry. I can’t imagine. We’re all here for you however you need us, whenever that might be.

Ahope—YAY on your friend’s girl! Congratulations to her—she must be thrilled! I’m hoping to get up into the attic sometime in the next couple days to sort out the things that E has already outgrown, so I’ll have a nice pile of girl-clothes for her (most from you, but I’m also throwing in a fair number of things my mom bought that aren’t my style—if she hates them I will in no way be offended, I’d just rather give them to your friend than throw them in the thrift store donation bin). I’m glad L enjoyed her hotdog—I’m a big fan!

Desert—that’s great! Hopefully it’ll keep coming!

hi to everyone else!

AFM—we’re finally home again. It was quite the trip, overall! E seems happy to be home (though we’re pretty sure she doesn’t really remember it much) and we are excited to get all of our junk put away and finally settle in to some sort of routine. I’m getting nervous about work on Tuesday and am trying (but failing) to cut down on the number of over-the-top preparations (groceries! Lunches! New wardrobe! Etc!) and instead focus on just spending as much time with my baby as I can before I’m away from her so much. In fun other news, breastfeeding only bought me three months before my first stupid post-partum period. Blech. DP and I talked briefly about buying a vial and playing sperm roulette this month just for the hell of it, but we have better places to spend the money, and if it did work and I got pregnant I think we’d be sorry we didn’t wait longer.
post #135 of 641

Welcome home, Isa!  Whoa, you only got three months before that witchy AF showed up again?!  That stinks.  I'm sorry.  Glad your trip went well, and you're all safely home! 

post #136 of 641

Isa, I can't imagine being pregnant with a young infant! Good call on waiting! Besides, your cycles might very well be quite unpredictable for a little while.

post #137 of 641

Isa: AF already?!  Ugh. I got mine back after 4 months with Z but still haven't gotten it back this time. I'm grateful, though the difference is probably due to Lilah's nursing throughout the night. eyesroll.gif  I can't believe you start work tomorrow! That is such a hard transition. Please let us know how it goes.


Desert: Way to go with the milk droplets!  That's really exciting. 


Dandy: How are things going today?


Carmen: Thinking of you today.


Crystal: How goes it? What is your little guy up to these days? 


Wehrli: inseminating?


AFU: Well, OK was ok (ahem). We landed only to find out that my nephew had hand, foot, and mouth disease.  My brother and sister in law decided that since it was a mild case and he probably wasn't contagious anymore, they didn't need to alarm us.  Even though they and my niece all had low fevers.  UGH. I nearly freaked out but managed to stay calm as we planned for how to minimize direct contact while spending time together (lots of museums).  Then we got to the motel, where my in-laws had already checked us in, and we were in the pet section.  The floor was dirty (great for crawling Lilah), and the doggies were loud.  But it was super late.  So we changed rooms the next day.  Oh, and it was 110 degrees.  And my sister in law is a complete control freak, to the point that she was clearly uncomfortable letting me wash out my own breastmilk bottles in her sink (she pumps exclusively, so it wasn't a milk issue--just an issue letting anyone use her sink, since she has everything in its exact place all of the time--and what if I used the WRONG bottle brush?!).  And we were sharing a vehicle with my in-laws, who bicker about everything in the car, including where to park (ie, how much shade is enough?).  Despite all this, we had a decent time, because we went to four different, really great museums, and Lilah ROCKED the baby wearing.  She slept and nursed in carriers, on my front and back.  It was so cuddly and cozy and convenient! And  Zoe is the perfect age for museums, taking everything in, constantly pulling us over to share her discoveries, respecting the rules without any reminding, and showing such curiosity and enthusiasm about natural history, art, and culture.  Both girls loved the Chihuly glass exhibit at the OK Museum of Art.  Lilah kept spinning her head back and forth in the carrier as I walked so she could keep looking at the amazing bright colors.  It was good to meet my little nephew, though I wish I could have held him and let Lilah interact with him more directly. I'm afraid that my niece is on the autism spectrum and has yet to be diagnosed--sigh. Life is complicated but good.  Now we are here this week. TOMORROW is Lilah's birth day, so I've been trying to finish up the long version of her birth story. And on Friday we leave for nearly a month in the Pacific NW and BC. I can't wait to get back to the coast!!

post #138 of 641

isa, wow, that was a quick return. Mine returned at 13 months after DD.


Afm: Thanks again for the kind words everyone. We were out of town for the weekend so it was a good distraction. Unfortunately I still have super sore breasts, nausea, etc. which is really painful to experience. When I *actually* think about not being pregnant again I have a complete panic attack. So I'm not thinking about it. I have a follow up u/s next Monday when I expect there to be no heartbeat. We're going to move on to adoption in the next few months and see where that journey takes us.

Edited by carmen358 - 7/23/12 at 1:27pm
post #139 of 641

Hi everyone, I haven't been here in awhile, but I wanted to check in and say hello.


Carmen, my heart is heavy for you. I'm so sorry that this appears to be happening again, and I'm sending you much love.


Crystal, I'm so sorry about your relationship. I know what you're going through and my heart is aching for you. A few years ago, my 13 year relationship ended abruptly, and I lost who I thought was my best friend and my life partner in one shot. We didn't have kids, but we were planning them, and I was absolutely devastated by her announcement that we were over. I know it seems hopeless now, but it will get easier. I met my wonderful DP just a short while later, and I began to see the holes and flaws in my previous relationship, and now DP and I are married with a beautiful son. You have a beautiful little one who is so lucky to have you for a mom!! Hang in there, surround yourself with good friends and supports, and take it one day at a time. Message me if you ever want to talk.


AFU, we are doing well. Adair is a strong little boy, and he keeps us laughing because he's quite a character. I don't know how, at 30 weeks gestational age, he managed to army crawl his way out of his little snuggly pocket to the top of his incubator, but he did. Yesterday, he was so mad at the nurse for adjusting his CPAP tubes, that be pushed his upper body up on his arms (like doing a half push-up) and stayed up.  All the nurses say that the fighters do really well, and we sure have one of those!  I do think we'll be in big trouble when he's a few years older though! And I can't wait! :)  He's still working on the whole breathing thing, but he's slowly being weaned off the supports, and is handling it okay. It's one step forward, and one step back right now, but we hope he'll get to the two steps forward, one step back stage soon.
I'm doing well. I have lots of emotional days and moments, but that's to be expected. It's almost been a month, so only two more to go! Yikes. Slow but sure, right?


I hope you're all well! Sending lots of love.

post #140 of 641
Dandy—I’m thrilled to hear that Adair is doing so well! The idea of him army-crawling is darling!

Ahope--ugh to not telling you about being sick. I hope no one caught it! Museums are fun--but even more fun with 10 year olds! I think that 8-11 is the golden age for children. I can't wait until E gets there!

I’m back at work for day #2. It feels a bit surreal, mostly because so much has changed (we basically got a whole new administration while I was gone) and I feel like it’ll take me forever to catch up. On the positive side, though, I have some nice new projects and I forgot how many awesome coworkers I have! Being away from E is sad, but yesterday went pretty quickly and DP reports that all was well on the bottle-feeding and being-a-baby front, which makes it all easier. Not having to take her to daycare for another 2 months is a real blessing—by 5 months I think she’ll be ready to have other kids to play with and we’ll be ok sending her off to play.

In sad news, we decided that our dogs need to find a new home. We’ve been watching them over the past few months with other kids and haven’t found a child yet who doesn’t want to chase them. They aren’t aggressive, but they can get snappy if cornered, and we just couldn’t live with ourselves if they bit anyone’s child and had to be put down. The only other option would be to crate them all the time, and they’re such cuddly, loving little beasts that doing so seems cruel. There’s a dachshund rescue organization that has found a foster home willing to keep them together until they can find a home with people who don’t have children. They’ve been sad since E was born, and this morning she started reaching for Peanut, so it’s the right time to do this, while they don’t have any bad history or health problems that will stand in the way of finding a good home. We’re going to miss them a lot, though, and we feel like big jerks for being the stereotypical new parents who get rid of the pets once the baby is there. I guess being an adult is learning to do what’s right even if you have to eat your good intentions, right?
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