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Queer & Pregnant & Parenting - July, August, September, and now October! - Page 9

post #161 of 641

desert and planet - those are beautiful beautiful belly pics! You are both getting close! so exciting!


planet - happy 6 year anniversary!!!


yeah 4 months is early. it is just emerging so I have yet to feel the impact on my nipples. I'm a little afraid!

post #162 of 641

It is amazing how quickly things are progressing here.


Soren is huge! He is a solid feeling, happy little baby. He smiles all the time, coos, giggles, and just started rolling over. He loves being in the sling or just sitting up (with some assistance) and standing. My goodness does this boy love to stand. 


Ecing is going pretty well. Nursing is great! He is sleeping very well at night, unlike when he was still really young. He really is enjoying spending most of the morning awake and sleeping for about 4 hours solid in the afternoon. He also loves to sleep in, just like his mama! 


He is a dream in the car. We drove to pittsburgh last weekend, just him and I and he slept the whole way there and the whole way home. Its dreamy! 


The only time he really cries is when he has to potty, it wet, or tired/hungry more than he can stand. He is such a chill little boy and I'm ever so in love.


Got some meds and am finally starting to feel like myself.

The evenings I have both boys are getting easier but are still rather challenging. Shay wants to nurse anytime he see's Soren nurse and screams if I put him down to get the baby. Shay is working on walking, he has started taking a step here and there and standing up really well all on his own. His laugh is my favorite noise ever, and his huge smiles when he wakes up and is so happy to see us melts my heart. He is also really interested in the olympics, mostly probably because the tv has been on extra to watch them because I enjoy them so.


I had more typed but shay was helping me post and restarted my computer so its all lost and forgotten. 


Tomorrow's my 25th birthday and my family was here this past weekend to visit us all. Its so great to see the boys enjoying their aunt and grandparents and great aunts and uncle and great grandfather. 


Some pictures.





brotherly secrets





waiting for shay





napping with his first baby sitter




Smiley boy





post #163 of 641

Sara and Seraf: Loving those photos! You all look happy and relaxed. Sara: so glad you are feeling more like yourself; good for you for getting the help (including meds) that you need.  You must be relieved.  You even sound more like yourself in writing. 


The belly photos from Planet and Desert are fantastic, too.  What an incredible time in your lives.  Partner catching and birth centers sound dreamy. 


Omom: She is delightful! Love that teether, too.  And 4 months is early--really hoping the tooth doesn't bother you nursing.  I had some discomfort for about a week but then it got better.  When she got the top two in (and therefore had two on top and two on bottom), she did got through a bit of a biting phase, but I said no firmly, turned my back on her for a few seconds, and encouraged her to be gentle, and it got better quickly.  You'll be ok. 


We're on San Juan Island. We had a busy time with the entire family here over the weekend.  Seeing the four girls (Z, L, and her two cousins) playing together was truly priceless.  Unfortunately, my mom and I are struggling a bit again.  We love each other deeply and powerfully, but I have a very hard time accepting the way that she does things and treats people sometimes.   I said something, and she reacted completely defensively, as she always has and, I'm realizing, always will.  I spoke with my dad, who urged me to accept that she is never going to change.  So I'm going to try. But I'm really sad about it--like weepy, depressed, sad--which is unusual for me.  It feels like loss.  She is wonderful in most ways with the girls, so I'll work to preserve that.  But I'm sad to be giving up on a really close relationship with her, which is what I have to do.  Sigh.  Upside: I can't wait to get to BC on Friday!  Starling and Carmen--any chance of a visit to Victoria on Friday afternoon?? 

post #164 of 641
Originally Posted by AmandaHope View Post


We're on San Juan Island. We had a busy time with the entire family here over the weekend.  Seeing the four girls (Z, L, and her two cousins) playing together was truly priceless.  Unfortunately, my mom and I are struggling a bit again.  We love each other deeply and powerfully, but I have a very hard time accepting the way that she does things and treats people sometimes.   I said something, and she reacted completely defensively, as she always has and, I'm realizing, always will.  I spoke with my dad, who urged me to accept that she is never going to change.  So I'm going to try. But I'm really sad about it--like weepy, depressed, sad--which is unusual for me.  It feels like loss.  She is wonderful in most ways with the girls, so I'll work to preserve that.  But I'm sad to be giving up on a really close relationship with her, which is what I have to do.  Sigh.  Upside: I can't wait to get to BC on Friday!  Starling and Carmen--any chance of a visit to Victoria on Friday afternoon?? 


I love the San Juan islands! Are you going to be visiting any others? Lopez is fun too. I would love to go to Victoria on Friday but alas I can't make it. I was born in Victoria....I love it there! We go for my birthday most years. The royal museum is awesome if you have the time....Z would probably enjoy it.

post #165 of 641

We can't do it in a day trip either, bummer!  So close!  

post #166 of 641

Hi, Starling and Carmen.  I'm sorry we'll miss you! I wish there were some other way to make this work.  For being so close, the transportation options aren't good.  From Friday Harbor, the only way to get to Vancouver would be to go back to Anacortes and drive up and then ferry over to Victoria.  We couldn't possibly do all that in a day, either, especially given how hard it is to get off this Island right now (with one ferry down at the moment).  Ugh.  Starling, I will say that if you wanted to camp out on my dear friend's living room floor with some air mattresses on Friday night, you and your family would be welcome.  My friend even suggested that we could all hang out there on Friday.  We're all leaving to go up to Savary Island on Saturday morning.  I should have planned this trip better with more consultation with you all!  I was really hoping to catch you... Sigh.


Sara: Happy birthday!!


No more whining from me.  Things are going better with my mom.  We all got colds from my nieces, but we're hanging in there and enjoying our time here.  I took an amazing 2.5 hour hike with Lilah in my fern wrap yesterday.  And Lilah took her first steps!  She is up to six at a time, and her wobbly little steps are just wrenchingly adorable.  I haven't gotten a video yet, though. 

Edited by AmandaHope - 8/7/12 at 9:15pm
post #167 of 641





I am going to jump in here very cautiosly.. I got my BFP on 7-30-12 and due 4-8-13... Betas are rising nicely.



I am going to jump right in with a question some of you might be able to answer.. its a bit uh personal.. 


I have lost all sex drive.. and have since we were TTC but I was making the effort at least once a week ... but since we got our BFP... all bets are off...I am to tired, to scared of any thing going anywhere near my cervix.. I am in such a delicate state right now.... Its been a long emotional journey for me to ever get a BFP.. Ive been told for 15 years that I would almost never be able to conceive.. so I am a little bit over paranoid and a lot about protecting this growing baby.. 

Needless to say DP is less than supportive and is giving me a really hard time.. We had a pretty ugly fight... I know sex is an important part of a relationship... but honestly its the last thing i could even think about right now.... how can I get my mojo back.. any ideas?

I dont know what to do.. I cant even make myself pretend :( I still find dp very attractive.. i love her, we get along well.. and communicate well.. have a pretty healthy relationshio... except with this...


any advice would be greatly appreciated....

Edited by Cananny - 8/7/12 at 11:17pm
post #168 of 641
Thread Starter 

Yay, Cananny!!! i'm so happy to see you here...it's about damn time! blowkiss.gif   


regarding the sex drive issue, i don't have any good advice, as i felt the same way in the beginning of this pregnancy and for the same reasons that you listed.  my DP was very understanding, though.  i think she was feeling as cautious as i was after all that time of ttc with no results.  if you end up with morning sickness or the crushing fatigue that many women get in the first trimester, it's going to make sex look even less appealing.  things generally turn around once you hit the second trimester, though.   i hope you find a way to get past this.  it really is a temporary thing.  hug2.gif

post #169 of 641

CaNanny, yayayayayayya! Y'all have been trying for so long, I'm so glad to see you on the other side.  Getting your mojo back, good luck. Like Nos mentioned, the first trimester is exhausting. Like weary to your bones. My personal trick was to NOT try to do anything in the evening. Try for different times of day. Sometimes I would try to make sure my partner was happy and then just take a pass for myself (so not interested) but generally seeing her excited would get me excited.  Thinking about it during the day, trying to think of new fun things to try or ways to make it more interesting. Keeping it on my mind made the idea of it easier.  Ask how much involvement she needs? Maybe she would be happy if you held her while she masterbates sometimes? That would take the pressure off. Also, when you started TTC with your body, you started treatment for PCOS, right? Some women with PCOS have higher testosterone, which yields more drive. It may take a while for your body to get back into it if you just greatly changed your hormones (on top of pregnancy hormones). On the bright side, second trimester is way more interesting. Sex is better again, if not better than ever before in your life. Your cervix should be fine for some action if you're having a normal pregnancy.  That thing is supposed to be tight. Women have been having sex through pregnancy as long as women have been having babies and the human race is thriving.


Speaking of sex. I would also like to hear post partum sex from the NGP perspective. We are dealing with double nursing, so double low libido (I just got AF last month, so I may be overcoming that) plus a fairly traumatic (physically) birth. Sara had a lot of tearing and the few times we've done anything, there's pain.  I'm looking for ideas, since I obviously don't want to hurt her.

post #170 of 641

I forgot that I came to post pictures.  Just some sillies. The boys and I baked muffins yesterday.




post #171 of 641
Seraf—I love the chuckles! E doesn’t do it for us all the time (though it’s getting more frequent)—I feel like I’m totally awesome when I can get her to giggle these days. I have nothing for you on the sex question. We’re still working out me being back at work and having the baby come hang out in bed with us in the mornings and being exhausted in the evenings. One day I’m sure it’ll sound good again…

OMOM—Oh, no! Teeth already! I live in total, drool-covered fear! I love Sage’s look of total concentration! smile.gif

Desert—the tiedye is great! And your DP looks amazing! Are you going to put together a photo book of all the awesome pictures you’ve been taking of the journey? Congrats on getting to 36 weeks!

Planet—you look so cute! That’s funny about working for a couple weeks during school. I always wondered what the teachers did when they got pregnant and were due at random points during the school year. I guess that’s an argument in favor of year-round school calendars, huh?

Sara—happy late birthday! And you sound so much better—it’s good to see your green ink again! We’ve been thinking hard about a road trip, but I don’t think it’s going to happen this year—the only time we could go we’re going to be in DC for a conference. But next year I’ve been toying with the idea of actually attending my college reunion, so that’d put us in Ohio! I love the one of them sitting together.

AHope—that’s hard. I’ve had to come to terms with some similar things regarding my sister, and it’s really hard to let go of what you have in your mind as your ‘real’ relationship when time after time your actual interactions don’t bear it out. But once you do, you can enjoy the good parts of the relationship you actually do have. And it’s possible that over time things will change in ways you can’t see yet, too. Wishing we were out on vacation with you all—you make it sound like paradise! OMG—WALKING! That’s so incredible!

Cananny—Yay! And welcome! And YAY again!! I’d say that you should give yourself more than a week to come to terms with things. After that, I’d say: mornings. wink1.gif Also, can you just do things that aren’t anywhere near your cervix? Non-penetrative? You want to do things for her but not the reverse for a little while?

AFM—I’m so glad you’re all back and writing again! smile.gif Work is going well—I’ve gotten pretty busy and the time seems to go reasonably fast. DP and I are working out how to do the best baby care in the mornings and evenings and I think we’re coming up with stuff—I need to resist the tiredness I feel coming home from work and actually play with E more instead of just putting her on her mat and leaving her to play alone, and they need to get up with me in the mornings so I don’t get sad to be eating breakfast by myself. E is just the cutest thing ever.
post #172 of 641

Sara ... I totally forgot to wish you happy birthday yesterday!  So a very happy belated birthday to you! flowersforyou.gif


Amanda ... We'd totally come for one night but we have a Roots & Blues Festival to go to here on Saturday.  Indigo Girls, whoo hoo!   Maybe next year we can plan it?  I hope so!  Or, you could just move here and then we could see you whenever the fancy struck!


Cananny ... I'm a big ol' sex advocate, and especially so of sex during pregnancy. With my first child I felt too nervous to do anything during the first trimester.  I think it's totally okay to be freaked out for the first while.  But once the second trimester arrived, I made a point of getting back into it.  And I'm so glad that I did!  Sex during pregnancy has been the best sex of my life.  If you're used to being aroused or 'into it' before you start messing around, then you'll need to rearrange that thinking.  It helps to just start, and often --- if you tend to enjoy sex usually -- your body will catch up and you'll end up getting off or having fun at the very least.   There is so much going on down there and with your hormones, it's a whole new game.  

I do think withholding sex long term (like I said before though, I think abstaining during the freak fest that is the first trimester is just fine) is very problematic in a relationship, being that sex is often what separates us from just being friends or roommates, which is a pronounced issue amongst us queers, whether we want to admit it or not.  hide.gif  


One last thing before I launch into the raunch.  Masturbation is everyone's friend.  Just as much as you have a responsibility to put forth a decent effort to stay physically connected, it's also her responsibility to get herself off if she can't wait for you to feel comfortable to help her out in that department.   


Warning: Spoiler! Way TMI and a mention of porn ... fun! (Click to show)

I do believe that we owe it to our partners and ourselves to really try to physically connect on a regular basis.  This can mean all kinds of things, depending on what each of you like.  I couldn't stand my partner going down on me while I was pregnant.  I was too sensitive.  So that was out.  And I was reluctant to do any deep penetrative stuff, but loved going up a width when it came to cock.  Funny thing though, had to go down a width after being pregnant.   We had lots of fun looking at preggo porn for ideas and just a good giggle.  Experiment with lube, more, less, new.  Second trimester sex is earth-shatteringly good.  Third trimester gets more gymnastically challenging, but still really good.  We moved a lot slower and more carefully.  And to be honest, with my first pregnancy, we back off towards the end.  With my second pregnancy, I was a sex fiend.  The whole time.  The. Whole. Time.  I actually miss that part about being pregnant.  Best sex ever.  

post #173 of 641

Cananny: WELCOME! So happy to see you here! Not a lot to add on the sex conversation--sadly, we've been struggling in that area ourselves. Starling's posts always inspire me, though...now I'm devising ways to sneak some in when we have about zero privacy on vacation.  Could be fun...  Anyway, I agree that getting creative with her is a good idea for now, and definitely jump back in during the second tri. I'm with Starling--second and third tri sex was freaking awesome.  I miss it.


Starling: Roots and Blues with the Indigo Girls--WOW. And I say this in total seriousness: if you ever hear of a job in Vancouver for a Women's Studies/History type queer mama, please let me know.  A job at UBC or SF would change my world, though it is hard enough getting those jobs for Canadians, never mind Americans.  As soon as I have a book contract, I'll be looking.  Maybe the stars will align. In the meantime, we'll probably be around for New Year's.  You?  Maybe we can plan something then.


Isa: I do find it close to paradise out here, but I'm leaving out all the fun stuff regarding tensions with DP, colds, sleep deprivation, etc.  Funny how life's daily stresses come along on vacation. ;-)  Your adjustments to your daily routine sound worthwhile.  Let us know how they go.

post #174 of 641
Thread Starter 

hey, gals.  i need someone to talk me down right now, as i'm freaking out a bit.  for the last week, i've been dealing with *excruciating* knee pain that wakes me up several times a night and that just generally has made life hell.  i was going to go to see our doctor (who is literally right across the street from us), but as it's August, he (like most Parisians) is away for the month.  after watching me break down in tears nearly every day this week, DP finally insisted that we have one of the housecall doctors come to the house tonight.   the doctor came and examined me and said that it's most likely suprapatellar bursitis.  i can't take the anti-inflammatory medication that they usually prescribe, so i just have to rest and wear some kind of brace to immobilize my knee.  i'm also going to have an ultrasound done to make sure that his diagnosis is correct.   the doctor also prescribed Ultram for me and said that i can take one or two a day for a few days to help me sleep at night and survive during the day.  Ultram is a category C drug, and i feel really conflicted about taking it.  i've been hypervigilant about what i injest throughout this pregnancy, and i'm so scared that this is going to hurt my little boy.  the pain really is unbearable, though, and i'm worn out.   


this couldn't have come at a worse time, as we live on the 5th floor, and our elevator is going to be out of service for the next month and a half.  normally, i wouldn't mind, but atm, the thought of going up or down even two or three steps is terrifying.  i'm trying very hard not to get depressed, but being in pain, immobile and stuck at home alone for weeks and weeks on end just f'ing sucks.  gloomy.gif


on a much more positive note, i've been feeling movement for the last few weeks, and DP even got to feel the lil sprout kicking a few times recently.  DP teared up the first time she felt it...it was so sweet.  it's definitely reassuring to feel him bouncing around in there (even if he does seem to like stomping on my bladder.) 



anyway...if anyone has any advice or words of wisdom, i'd really appreciate it.  

Edited by nosreves - 8/8/12 at 3:38pm
post #175 of 641

Hello Ladies!!

It's nice to see some new posts up here.


Sara- Happy Belated Birthday!! Hope you spent it doing wonderful things with your wonderful family. We are so glad that you're starting to feel like yourself again!


Seraf- I love the pics you posted. The boys are getting so big!! Soren's facial features are changing just a bit. How are O and A doing?


Ahope- We hope you're enjoying your vacation. I agree that the stresses of everyday life follows you on vacation and it can be so annoying at times when you're trying to escape them. We hope all is well with DP. Sad for me to say, I understand how you feel about your Mom because mine is exactly the same. All I can say is take it day by day!


OneMommy- Wow, 4 months! L just got her bottom two teeth in the past few weeks. She hasn't really bit down on my nipple yet, so that's a plus.


AFM:Things here have gone from crazy to hectic in a freakingly fast pace. We went from a family of 5 to a family of 6 in a matter of hours. Our foster son had court and his attorney called us to say that his bio-mom showed up to court trying to give up her parental rights to him. At the same time she was standing in the courtroom with a baby in a stroller. When asked she denied that the baby was hers. To sum up the story a public aid search was done and the baby was found to be hers. DCFS invstigated her home and the baby on Friday morning and shortly after I was sent an e-mail from N's worker saying that they took custody of the baby and needed to drop him off later on that day. We had a few hours to get a crib set up in N's room and get mentally prepared for one more. (Which I still think hasn't happened) The baby is here and he is 7 months old, born about a month after L. He is a good baby and loves to sleep, except between the hours of 3 a.m. and 6 a.m. The kids seem to be adjusting well and things are not as bad as I think they could've been. The baby is not sitting up yet and his head kind of leans to the left. Oh! When the worker brought him into our home a roach crawled out of his car seat that he was still strapped in to. We quickly ran the carrier outside and took him out to check him. I refused to bring it back in and it's a good thing I did because upon closer inspection there were roach eggs under his headrest. I'm glad to say he has a new carseat and clothing. Aside from all that going on we had to go out this past weekend to take A shopping for new school clothes and supplies. School begins on 08-22 for her and I am expected to return to work on 08-20. Can't say I'm excited about it though. It's going to be hard leaving home after spending so much time with the family.

post #176 of 641
Mami, wow!!! I am glad you are able to cope with that huge change.
post #177 of 641

Oh, Nos. I'm afraid I don't have any uplifting advice.  I'm so very sorry that you are in pain and potentially stuck in your apartment.  UGH.  Is there anywhere else you could live for the next 6 weeks? What a mess.  I'm really hoping your knee heals up well and quickly.  Hugs to you.


This is a pic of a custom wrap conversion mei tai I had made for me and Lilah.  It has taken a long time, and I'm so excited to try it once we are back home.  It is supposed to evoke Mount Rainier, which I summited with my dad and brother in 2000.  It has buckles on the waist and padded to wrap straps.  I'm hoping it is divinely comfy. 




And here are a few recent photos from the NW, for those who aren't on facebook.  (If you are and we're not friends, pm me for my full name so we can connect!).





post #178 of 641

pics of the kiddos












post #179 of 641

Nosreves - you probably have this kind of info already, but ---http://www.ehow.com/way_6166997_suprapatellar-bursitis-treatment.html



post #180 of 641
Thread Starter 

mami2mami -- i just want to say that i am in absolute awe of you and your DP.  how incredibly open-hearted and loving you both are to accept another LO in need into your home.  that little boy is so lucky to have been placed with you.  it may be the hormones, but i tear up every time i look at the pictures you posted.  your family is just beautiful.  luxlove.gif


amanda -- thanks for the concern and kind words.  i wish there were somewhere else we could go...alas, we have our cats and our life here, and there don't seem to be any other options.  i just need to suck it up and get through.  my DP has it much harder than i do, as she's the one who will have to do everything until i'm mobile again.  i looooove love love the photos of your girls together and of you with L in the different wraps.  you both look so happy in every picture.  i am tempted to show them to all my friends and family members who tell me that baby wearing is too difficult/hard on your back/inconvenient/bad for the baby.  i might be consulting you later for advice on what to buy and different carries.  right now i'm looking at a couple of Didymos and Storchenweiches and once i can get out again, we're going to take a baby wearing class with a local midwife.  (i have a feeling tht you and the other gals here will be able to teach me more than she will, though.)  enjoy the rest of your vacation!


isa -- i'm glad to hear that you're adjusting well to being back at work.  is you DP staying at home with E?  i think i remember your mentioning using Thirsties Duo Wraps with, E.  is that right?  we're looking at Thirsties right now, and i'd love any input you have on them.  did you get prefolds to go in them or something else?


omom --  gah, she's so freaking cute!  how are things going these days with both moms and girls at home?


desert --  i am *so* jealous of your baby shower and deadhead onesies.  Evie is going to be one stylin' little hippychick!  you DP is adorable with her bump.  i feel like mine is going to be gargantuan in comparison...    i can't believe that it's not much longer until your little girl is here.   are you feeling ready?


planet -- great pics and sweet bump you've got going on there!


starling --  thanks for posting the reminder about baby CPR classes after H's harrowing experience.  thank jah he has a mama who knows what she's doing and was able to react quickly.    


sara -- sooo happy to hear you sounding like yourself again.  DP asks me daily about photos of S. and S. and then we both "awww" over them.  little S. is getting so big and smiley now.  he still looks just like you. :)  


seraf -- there is just so much going on in those kitchen pictures.  wow.   you are pretty badass to be able to handle to babes and baking at the same time.  (i want some of your muffins!) 


afm... i'm sitting here with a massive knee immobilizing splint and an ice pack on my swollen leg. after agonizing about it for hours, i finally ended up taking one of the pills last night before bed.  it did absolutely *nothing* for the pain, and i won't be taking any more.  tomorrow i have an ultrasound on my knee to see what's really going on.  


i mentioned before that my DP joined a queer French forum for people who are ttc, pregnant and parenting, and i think i talked about how it's nothing like this lovely little haven.  i guess i judged it too soon, because we've recently become friends with two other Paris-based lesbian couples through it.  one couple is Franco-Welsh, and they're also expecting a little boy in late December.  the other couple had their little boy a week ago.  we've already had a ten-hour long face-feeding-fest English brunch together, and i've been spending time hanging out and comparing pregnancy notes with the French half of the first couple.   i'm so happy to finally know other people in the same situation as us, and it's exciting to think that our three little boys will grow up together.  both couples are just lovely, and as an added bonus, our little sprout will be able to speak both French and English with the son of the Franco-Welsh couple. 


in other news, i'm 21 weeks now, and my next u/s is the big fetal morphology scan on the 20th, my 40th birthday.  one of my friends is a professional photographer, and she wants to do belly shots of me next week.  if i don't hate them too much, i'll post some.    other than that, the little sprout is kicking up a storm, and we're slowly getting things together for his arrival.  just a little over four months to go....  it seems like forever right now, but i'm sure it will be here before i'm ready.


bisous to everyone blowkiss.gif


ETA  MERCI, outdoorsy!  surprisingly enough, i managed to miss that particular link during my hours of consultation with dr. google.  thanks for taking the time to post it!

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