Queer & Pregnant & Parenting - July, August, September, and now October! - Page 10

[AmandaHope]

Mami: We cross-posted yesterday.  I'm amazed by the warmth and responsiveness of you and your family, just to take in another child on a moment's notice.  My heart just aches for the baby, though, to have to make such a massive transition at that age.  And Z (who was around when I read your post and commented on it to DP) was upset for the biomom; as limited as her ability to care for her children is, it still must be wrenching to have a child taken away like that.  Of course, both children are so very lucky to have you and DP; I just wish the world was different, you know, so that people were more able to take care of the children they bring into the world.  Best wishes with everything on your plate! 

Nos: Your two new Parisian lesbian couples sound wonderful--what a relief! And I'm happy to do all I can from afar to help with the babywearing.  There are tons of GREAT YouTube videos, too. 

Seraf: I forgot to mention what a good laugh we got over the pics of the boys while baking. Awesome.

Desert: Love those onesies! Glad you had a wonderful shower. 

AFM: This cold just sucks. Still hoping it is gone (or at least getting better) by tomorrow, when we head to Victoria.  I'm not bringing my computer and can't post from my phone, so I'll not be posting here for at least a week.  Have a wonderful week, everyone! Hugs.
 

[seraf]

Mami, I meant to ask, you said the birth mom's rights were terminated? Does that mean he may soon become perminantly yours? The pictures are beautiful.

Nos, I could totally make you a muffin mix that is "just add milk(and eggs and oil)" I think they would be fresher that way than if I tried sending actual muffins. Big yay for meeting local queer families. Daily pictures of the boys are back up on the blog now, any time your partner needs a fix.

AmandaHope, have a great week.

Whole lot of nothing going on over here. Except Soren, he has rolled over both ways now. He had his first bath. He has a funny laugh. He has moved into training pants today. Not because we have so few misses, but so we have less laundry to fold.

[mami2mami]

Nos- It wasn't hard to make the decision because in our eyes this may be the only blood relative N may ever know. I can honestly say though, that it is a big adjustment from 3 to 4 children. Especially since the younger ones are so close in age. Things have been running rather smooth here. I would of took a little more time to consider an additional placement at this time if the baby were not related to N. Thanks soo much for the kind words!!

Ahope- The whole situation is bitter sweet to us. Of course, we are thrilled to have N's sibling here with him but I can also say that it must be horrible to have a child taken away from you no matter the age. Lucky for us J adapted easily and has shown no signs of emotional damage as of yet. As far as his bio-mom goes, she picked up and moved from Chicago to Joliet and hasn't even inquired about J.

Seraf- Bio-mom did show up to court to relinquish her rights as a parent to N, but it's not that simple. She hasn't been to court or seen N in over 2 years. The process to forcefully remove her of her parenting responsibilities has already begun. Once the process is over, yes we have the first option to adopt N.

AFM:When J was taken from home, there was a male with his bio-mom who she claimed to be his father. The man outright denied his paternity and declined to even take a paternity test. Today during lunch, the boys caseworker called and said that this guy recanted his statement and says he is willing to do a DNA test. He says he believes he is J's father and wants to see him. Next Monday, pending the location of his bio-mom, he will be taken to court to perform these tests and visit with the man who claims to be his father. We're not sure if he wants full custody or not as of yet. On the 23rd of this month we are supposed to head to court to have mediation with the boys bio-mom regarding N's future. (permanancy) Apparently, we need to hear about her plans and wishes to stay connected to N if we were to adopt him. I thought this was hilarious because if we were to adopt him I do not plan on allowing her to have any part of him. It has been 2 years since she even inquired about him!! She wouldn't even be able to recognize him in the street. I'm sorry but she is a stranger to N and he does not know her at all. I would feel totally different if she would have kept a relationship with him over the past few years. I guess it just sucks, how she easily turns away from the children and refuses to do any type of services that would help her regain them.  What bothers me even more is that she refused to sign away her rights to him until she had another baby to replace him. Sigh.....

[prettyisa]

Oh, Starling. No one does raunch like you!

Nos—Yay for movement and mom-friends! I’m sorry to hear about the knee pain. What a mixed blessing to have the scary pill not even be helpful to you. I hope they figure out what’s going on soon! Yep, we’re using thirstees duos with prefolds, mostly because our friends did before us so we already knew how to use them (not that it’s hard, at all). So far we’ve had no problems with them (well, the occasional blowout, usually when we need to move up a size in prefolds but haven’t made the switch yet)—we have about 7 covers, and 3 dozen diapers in each size (newborn, small, and now we’re on the medium, which I expect she’ll be in for a long time), plus three or four snappis. We have two travel-sized wet bags and two laundry sized ones that we just wash with the diapers. I made cloth wipes out of flannel that have been nicer than disposables (which we started out with, but then you can’t just throw everything in the wash). People gave us doublers and other extra things, but we haven’t needed to use any of them—I think probably because she isn’t co-sleeping with us and stays dry overnight, but that’s just my guess. Anyway, happy to answer any questions about them—it’s been a really easy, inexpensive system!

Mami—I second what everyone else is saying—you and your DP are awesome. We actually talked this morning about how incredible you are to be able to just drop everything and take in another baby, and how we let so many stupid little insecurities stand between us and helping someone in need like that. I hope that the process to adopt N (and possibly one day, J) goes smoothly. It must be hard to give up your children, but if you don’t want to raise them there’s no reason to stand in the way of their having a happy life with a loving family. N is so clearly your little boy, and who he should be with.

AHope—what a lovely wrap—it’s going to look so good with L’s eyes (I know they always say to put blue-eyed babies in blue, but I think that browns get so much nicer with a good blue backdrop!). Enjoy the rest of your trip! Hopefully the sniffles will disappear!

AFM—I think the morning breakfast-in-bed routine is helping a lot. I don’t feel exiled and I get to grab some extra cuddle time with E before I leave for the day. Work has been busy and challenging since I’ve been back so I’m not as bored as I used to be, which is good, too. We have started talking about remodeling our house, which terrifies me (mostly the money, which is going to have to spontaneously appear, I think) but is also exciting. We’ve been able to see friends and more or less keep up with the housework and generally I think things are going well. DP is off for another month, and then we’ll have to adjust to daycare, but E still does so well with strangers most of the time that I’m really hoping we’ll get her settled in there and feeling comfortable with the teachers before any stranger-danger stuff sets in.

[seraf]

Random note of the day, Isa, when we use disposable wipes, we throw them in with the laundry. I just sort them out while folding. They are thick and they don't shred or pill so I figure it works out (I would imagine you could use them as diaper liners after they have been washed and dried, if your kid poops in diapers).

Mami, how long ago did this happen?

[mami2mami]

Isa- We pondered the whole foster care thing for a few years before we actually decided to go ahead and do it. It's great to see the kids eyes light up for all of the little things our kids may take for granted. (I.E. a room, clothes, toys, and especially love and attention) Foster care has it's up and downs, but the ups have out-weighed the downs for us.

Seraf- We have had J here for a week today. We just heard that his Mom called and wants to see him (not N) seperate from his father. So, he will have 2 visits next week.

[DesertSunsets]

Oh Mami, DW's and my hearts just broke, reading about your new little guy.  I think she nearly threw up when she read about the roaches in his seat.  It's good to hear your adjustment is going pretty well.  I always feel so disheartened when I hear about bioparents letting their kids down.  I think everyone wishes it could be different, but since it's not, I'm thankful that N and J have you guys to watch out for them.  If there is anything we can do to help, don't hesitate to let us know.  

Isa - your breakfast in bed routine sounds divine!  I'm also glad to hear that the Thirsties and prefolds are working well for you guys - that's the route we are hoping to take, as well, though I've collected a couple pocket diapers (in a used lot I bought on craigslist) and some Kissaluvs newborn fitteds, which I was intending to still use the Thirsties covers with.  What kind of prefolds do you use?  Can you link me to the kinds you've bought?  Your Edie just sounds so delightful.  New pictures? 

Seraf and Sara - woot for Soren being a rolling fiend!  I love seeing all the pictures and videos of your kids.  Lovely.  Plus, I agree that your baking adventures sound really brave but also fantastic!  Sara, I'm glad things are on the upswing for you.  Love to you, my friend! 

Ahope, you're gone by now but I hope your trip is wonderful!

Planet - you're just too sweet!  The "artsy" photos are a passion of mine, I'm forever asking DW to let me take photos of her.  I even tried (briefly) persuading her to let me take nudes, but her point was, "What are we going to do with them?  I don't want them on the computer, and certainly not on the internet!"  Good point, dear.  I think she lets me take a lot because she knows that when it's my turn to be pregnant, there probably won't be that many pictures.  (I'm not anywhere close to as cute as she is, LOL.)  I think your photos have been super adorable!  My unsolicited advice about good pictures is always that if the lighting is good/interesting/different, the pictures will be, too!  

nosreves, you poor poor thing!  I'm so sorry to read about how much pain you're in.  Truly, I wish I could help in some way.  Are the DVDs from the States compatible there?  I could send you seasons of television... or something?  Books?  Comics?  Let me know! 

AFU, tomorrow DW will be 37 weeks.  Full-term, according to the Birth Center, and that means that whenever Evie is ready to come out, she can be born there!  (As long as it's before 41 weeks, 1 day.  Hmm.  Don't hang around in there too long, little one.)  Pretty much, I'm totally stoked.  Every once in awhile I experience a short bout of fear, but overwhelmingly I'm just so excited to meet her.  The midwife mentioned the other day that it looked like Evie had dropped some, and her head is pretty well locked into DW's pelvis so YAY for that.  DW also had her first for-realsies contraction the other morning.  Of course, it was just one isolated contraction but DW said it was MUCH different than the BH she has all. the. time.  I'm hoping Evie won't wait too terribly long to be ready, but as long as she's safely cooking away in there I will be a happy camper.  

In other news, I've been starting to collect things for cloth diapering and I've realized that I am way behind on creating a stash.  Whoops.  I've got my mom on the lookout in the Phoenix area, and I'm scouting here as well.  As mentioned above, I've got some newborn fitteds and some pocket diapers and a few covers, but I'm looking to buy a big bunch of prefolds and I'm lost as to what to get.  Anyone, help?  Also, my other problem is what to do at the very beginning of Evie's life.  Do I use sposies for a few days until the meconium goes away?  Or is it not that hard to get out of diapers?  Again, advice is appreciated on this front.  

[starling&diesel]

Mami ... I am so thankful for you and the shape that your family takes. Those children are lucky to have you, and you them. We often talk about fostering, but I'm not sure that we're cut out for it. Thank goodness for folks like you who have such big generous hearts!

Desert! So soon! Exciting! Quick dipe advice ... We used diaper liners for the first few days. That meconium is so sticky. We also used sposies in the hospital after our home birth transfer. We've bought all of our dipes off of Craigslist and have always been satisfied. Happy stash-building!

[Cananny]

quick note.

we just got our first foster placement.. a 5 day old baby boy we spent a few hours with J in the NICU tonight.. he will be coming home tomorrow we think.. This is a temp placement as he has an aunt and cousin who are thinking they want him....

Mom lost custody do to drug use :( luckily J has had no withdraw symptoms!

Wish us well...

[seraf]

Good luck, cananny! Nothing like being up all night with a newborn in the first trimester!

Desert, diaper service quality (DSQ) Chinese prefolds. Those are the most popular for a reason. If someone offers you any prefolds, they will usually be these. If you can get your name out there, there are always people looking for a good home for their diapers (they don't go bad). Go to the health food store and put up a flier, "ISO gently used cloth diapers." Also try LLL. Lol, I guess that depends how you feel about used cloth. So exciting that her arrival is potentially so soon!

[Cananny]

I'm back with a proper post... We brought the baby home today around 2 he's a very easy good natured guy ... He doesn't cry just fusses when hungry he eats and sleeps ... Pretty chill ... We only have him on a short term basis but we will enjoy him none the less:)

And a big Ty to everyone who answered my sex question... All your replies meant a lot to me..Dp and I had a good talk and she has been much more understanding . And starling I love your very informative answer and suggestions !!!!

I have my 7 week us on the 20 th .... Heartbeat time

Hello to everyone else

[DesertSunsets]

Thanks Seraf and Starling for the dipe advice!  I will be stocking up on the chinese DSQ prefolds and yes! Starling!  Liners!  Brilliant.  Most everything so far has come from craigslist, I made a great purchase on eBay and I recently joined DiaperSwappers (which kind of overwhelms me) and a FB group called Cloth Diaper Swap and Sell, which I've gotten a couple inserts and a pocket dipe from. 

Cananny - congrats again on bringing little guy home!  It's awesome to hear he's doing so well.  How long is "short term" in his case?  

So yesterday morning (early, early EARLY) we went to have photos taken of the two of us by DW's mom and my requirement was that the pictures didn't look so warm!  The harsh direct Tucson sunlight just makes pictures look so hot.  And not in a good way.  The pictures were all taken on campus, where DW works, because campus looks particularly pretty and green right now because of all our monsoon rain and the landscaping crews have been working overtime because the students move back in next week.  Gotta look nice for all the parents!  Here are some of the pics. 

[qmama42]

Desert--just came out of hiding to say I love, love the pics! Can't believe you two are so close to meeting Evie!

I am so woefully behind with everyone else so i'm gonna go ahead and issue a big blanket apology for being so quiet, but I have been reading along. Life is so busy with two little ones, working full-time, etc. that I can barely keep up! A proper post is promised though!

[outdoorsy]

Threadcrashing to say I love the pics, Desert!

[julietea8]

Hi all. Dropping back in after a long absence....

Beautiful pics, Desert! I love your purples against the greens and stone colors!

Good luck, Cananny. So much queer fostering and adopting going on in our town right now. Are you working with Family Builders?

Isa, good luck with the remodel planning. Our contractor was willing to take our payments in installments over 15 months. I think he offered this so that we would go with him--he didn't offer the very lowest bid, but the no interest payment plan made it more doable than shaving a bit off the top.

Mami, good luck with your meetings this week. That would be quite stressful for me.

AFM--R is 10 months on Thursday. She seems incredibly content and delighted each day. I feel an ever growing gratitude for her all the time. Such love. Over the last months, the self-healing that loving a little one brings has been profound too. We're starting to think about the next one that DW will carry. I'm still coming to terms that R was likely my only pregnancy. Sometimes is a big deal, sometimes just fine.

[kgulbransen]

Hi folks: Dropping in for a planning question I hope someone can help with. Has anyone gotten Short Term Disability to supplement your state benefits for pregnancy/birth? I am with a small employer so I have to supplement my coverage and I'm trying to figure out who to go with. Aflac used to have something but appears you can now only get it through your employer which is annoying!

Any suggestions welcome!

Krista

[kateadelle]

Hi All!

I just wanted to de-lurk and introduce myself. I already know a couple of you from my DDC board.  I am Kate my parter Kris and I are expecting a daughter in mid-December. She was conceived at our home with a known donor. We are planning a home birth. Looking forward to getting to know you all better!

[nosreves]

 and welcome, Kate!  so  to see you here. would you like me to add you to the list on the first page?  

julietea -- weclome back!  reading what you had to say about your daughter gave me the warm fuzzies and made me feel so eager to meet my own LO.  i hope we'll be seeing more of you 'round these parts.

seraf -- ooo, muffin mix sound yummy.  maybe you can send me your recipe, though, so you don't have to fuss with snail mail.  i'd love to have the naan recipe, too.  DP and i are both pleased to see that you're posting daily pics of all of the kiddos again.  things there just seem so lively, and i'm envious of that.  is O sleeping better these days?  both he and A seem to adore the babies (and vice versa).

mami -- how are things going with the new foster baby and the birthmother situation?  sending you all lots of love and encouragement.

isa -- thankya thankya thankya for the diaper info!  i went and added pretty much everything you mentioned to our little wishlist thingy.  i wasn't sure what size travel wet bags to get, though.  any suggestions?  i'd be using it for taking him out and about here in paris, and i figure i need something similar to what you're using in chi-town.  when are we going to get to see more pictures of E???  

cananny -- how are things going with the fosterbabe, and how is the first trimester treating you?  any morning sickness or exhaustion?  your first u/s on my bday (and also the day i have my next u/s!)  make sure you post pics of it!  

desert -- aw, sweetie, thanks for the offers of  things to keep me busy.  don't even think about sending anything, though!  you've got enough on your plate right now and you're going to have even more very soon.  anyway, i'm doing a pretty good job of entertaining myself.  the pictures are really lovely, btw.

qmama -- .  i hope things are busy in the best possible way, and i'm looking forward to your next update!

afm... it turns out that i have what the ultrasound doctor (yes, doctor) called une grosse tendinite  or a big fat tendinitis of the quadriceps.  i've been resting, elevating and icing, and i'm in sooo much less pain than i was a week ago.  i have my first two rounds of PT this week, and i'm pretty sure the physical therapist will focus on the quadriceps rather than my pelvis.  i'm hoping that i'll be much more mobile in the next week or so, as we're supposed to spend 5 days in early september in and around barcelona, and i *do not* want to be on crutches in one of my favorite places on earth.  in any case, DP is positive that all these mobility and pain issues mean that i'm going to be put on maternity sick leave for the rest of my pregnancy.  to be honest, i'm not really sure how i feel about being stuck at home with little human contact for another four months.  i'm also not sure that i can handle all the walking, stairs, metro-taking and classroom-standing i'd have to do to go back to work.  our big ultrasound is monday.  it's also my big 4-0, and DP wants me to invite people round to celebrate, but somehow, i just don't feel very festive.  besides, the best gift i've ever gotten in my life is already boogying down in my belly, so who needs a party, right?  i just hope this LO doesn't mind having an old grayhair for a mama....

[kateadelle]

nosreves yes, please add me! My due date is 12/17. Also, congrats on the birthday! I hope you do decide to get some celebrating in. And I am glad to hear that you are getting some relief from the pain. 

[Cananny]

Hi

Update here... baby J is wonderful dream baby.. sleeps well... and eats well though is now having trouble with the formula he was switched to ( wic only carries one brand) and he has been very fussy and having a hard time going poop.. poor babe ..he starts the night off in the co sleeper but around 3/4 am he is just fussy so i end up holding him and he settles right down.. he needs the human contact... it is funny because i swore i will never co sleep.. ahemm .... and well it is what makes the little guy happy. 

His stay with us is going to be short and bittersweet.. his aunt who also has his 11 month old brother ( with the same name. wtf) that they adopted and baby J will be going to live there.. how amazing he gets to grow up with his brother! .. i had  a good cry today realizing how attatched you get so quickly... but i partially blame the pregnancy hormones ;) I know its the right thing and a happy ending for a sad start to his life!!!!

My US is tomorrow ( they changed the date) On my birthday.. I am very anxious and keep having these anxiety attacks that we wont hear a heartbeat.. sigh.. this is going to be a long 7 more months.. I am utterly exausted .. I fall asleep random places or in the middle of talking to DP or friends.!!  No m/s yet. and i wouldnt be sad if i never had it ;) 

In other news... we now have a 4.5 yr old foster son ( Jr) we debated and listened to out hearts and went for it.. knowing baby J is going home in about a week ( or less) we felt helping this little boy was the right choice. He so far has been pretty easy and has adjusted well.. He is old enough for kindergarden this year so next week we have to figure out how we are supposed to register him when school starts in a week! 

 Welcome Kat... congrats on your little one!

Hi to everyone else!