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Queer & Pregnant & Parenting - July, August, September, and now October! - Page 2post #21 of 6417/2/12 at 8:42pmpost #22 of 6417/2/12 at 8:54pm
Nos - it was a year ago that we concieved little sage and thank you for the reminders about all the wonders surrounding her conception :) One of my friends who had the dream was visiting today. We only see each other a few times a year right now, so it was special. She met Sage for the first time. I forgot to ask her if she looks like she did in my friends dream... I wonder! My one friend saw them older and described. I had one dream about her - but couldn't remember the image of her exactly. Oh there is alot of magic and wonder :)
It sounds hard to be without your fam after birth, and to be alone when DP goes back to work. It is great you are thinking about post pardum and what you will need and want at this point. I was so focused on birth, I didn't know what to really expect after birth. Your worry and sadness are totally understandable, and will hopefully lead to some creative solutions for community, etc. How long does your DP get off? I wish I lived closer :) Good luck with dyke maternity wear! bummer about the comments DP gets on the other site. belly pic time soon???
Carmen - I have been dancing and dancing for you. I know it has been a year. Because we were TTC buddies, I've been waiting and watching and hoping for you. Things are sounding great with your betas. I am waiting to hear all about your healthy little bean after your US. In the mean time, do let us know as you start feeling more and more pregnant! Sorry and yeah!!! for any MS that creeps in.
QQTD - wondering how you and your DP are deciding how many children you'd ideally have? we aren't thinking about ttc anytime soon, but i am wondering as I fold up baby clothes that are outgrown - how will I know when our family is complete?post #23 of 6417/2/12 at 10:48pm
Seraf, I can't believe you guys have been without power for so long. Glad it's back on, now!
Carmen, so sorry you are uncomfortable. Looking forward to the results of your ultrasound soon!
nosreves, I'm sorry things are getting you down right now. I'm struggling myself to not let myself get frustrated by the upcoming postpartum period, as I only get to take two weeks off of work. I dislike the idea of Ever being put into daycare, but we just don't have any other choice. I keep reminding myself that this was a decision we made together, knowing full well that we'd have to put the baby into daycare. Otherwise, we were going to wait several more years until *maybe* DW had a job that could support all of us and I would stay home. I wasn't willing to put it off, so here we are. Anyway, this is about YOUR problem, not mine, haha. I do wish we lived closer, and I'm sure it's not the last time I'll feel that way, but rest assured that we'll send you something for ze bebe that will make you and DP smile. Keep strong maman, and just keep swimming.
Omom, isn't that a difficult and strange question to ponder? It seems that many people have it in their heads beforehand how many kids they'll have, but I don't know how well that usually works out. We always talked about having two, so that's our number at this time, but we'll see. It's also likely that we'll foster and/or adopt as our kids grow old enough, too, so you really never know what's going to come your way with that. I'm interested to hear what others have to say.
Some little news I just realized: only 18 more days of birth control pills for me! Then I begin the pumping and herbal supplement protocol, and hopefully we'll see some milk!
Here are some "in progress" photos of the nursery from the past two days:
That's me, up on a ladder, applying vinyl leaves to the vinyl tree decals we bought on etsy. Don't mind the glare from the light fixture!
The finished trees with all their leaves, as well as our new recliner! Also, the trees came with bird decals and so we put them on the lampshade, and we are so pleased.
All we have left to do in the nursery now is choose photographs to put into the frames we bought last weekend, and I have to paint a long piece of masonite with her name on it for over the crib. Getting close!post #24 of 6417/3/12 at 5:30amAOTD, I don't feel like we are firm on a number. As we put away baby clothes we are passing most on and keeping favorites. After A, all our favorites were passed to a close friend and returned right before I got pregnant with S. We were passed so many clothes and it is so fun to make baby clothes that it's easy to keep only the coolest. My top number is 6 for now (just can't fit more in a vehicle). Sara would like to get pregnant again, so we are not done. As they get older I am still open to fostering/adopting. At this moment in the kids' development I feel plenty busy.
Being without power wasn't the end of the world. We live in a small town in the middle of the woods so lines come down for several days every year. It was in the mid 90s, so that wasn't cool. We swam in a lake (day 1), went to a movie when the theater got power (day 2) and went to a museum in a city (day 3). Our neighbors all hung out and stayed pleasant. The first morning we had ice cream with breakfast because the convenience store in town lost their freezer right away and they invited the kids to pick ice creams. There were still fireworks for our town's annual festival. We currently have half our recycling in the freezer making ice for friends who still have no power.
Nos, living far from "home" while pregnant is hard. We lived in SF when O was conceived. We made plans to move back to Ohio when I hit the second trimester (work issues as well as family issues) when we suddenly felt like strangers in a strange land. My SIL moved home to Fl half way through her pregnancy, too. I can imagine you are having a very hard time, no matter how awesome your corner of the world is, home is home. I think Sara feels the distance more acutely now that s is here, too. We are trying to explore video chatting more, pictures and phone calls more. Now is a great time to begin building a parenting community. It is kind of like a punch in the stomach when you have your first and so many pre-kid friends fade away. I had forgotten but Sara and my kids' mama reminded me of how isolating it can be. The French chat board cracked me up. Everything I've read about the new French-worshiping parenting book has gotten way under my skin but I know there are French women who nurse, baby wear and respond promptly to cries, just like there are people here who will look at you like you have two heads if you mention natural birth. One lovely thing about Ohio is the almost mainstreaming of AP. At the museum yesterday I saw 6 nursing babies and not a single bottle. I was a bit surprised. Down here, when I had my first OB appointment the nurse asked if I planned to breast feed. She then said, I can tell that you're the type who will, but we have to ask. Lol. I was not happy about it at the time but I have realized how polarized this area is on the issue.
Desert, she won't have to go into daycare at 2 weeks, will she? Your partner gets some time off? What will be different in 5 years? Lol, is it worth it for you both to work full time once you factor in childcare costs (and disposables if your daycare requires them, or will you use them full time, since you live in a desert? Or can you use shower water to wash diapers?)? Is it possible to adjust your schedule to fewer days per week and stagger, so she only needs 2 or 3 days of care? For us, Sara's time with the boys is better for us financially than if she chose to work while I work. If she wanted to work it would make more sense to do so on days I'm off. Lol, getting her out of the house is a different issue.post #25 of 6417/3/12 at 5:31ampost #26 of 6417/3/12 at 5:52am
desert - this babe in my belly will most likely be in daycare at 6 weeks and it's a big bummer. i'm in law school, and i'm sure i could take the semester off, but we're also super poor so if i did that i'd have to work. i don't like the idea, but there's not much i can do! after all, it's not like this babe was accidentally conceived! ;) also the trees are AWESOME!
post #27 of 6417/3/12 at 6:52am
I can't imagine putting a 6 week old in daycare....it breaks my heart when I hear how little support there is for families in the US during the first year. We get 12 months off minimum in Canada (and non birthing parents can take half of that!) - the employment insurance "pay" is very minimum but for us it was enough to help out with the mortgage payments at least. I actually took 18 months off with DD (my employer allows 18 months unpaid) and my DP took 5 months off at the beginning and then 6 months off when I went back to work. DD has been in childcare 2 days a week since she was 2. My DP works in the film industry so she has just taken a pay cut and only works 3 days a week. I have a crazy amount of vacation and my schedule allows me to take every Friday off. We've had to juggle and stagger our schedules like seraf mentioned but it's very much worth it to us. If things were ideal - one of us would stay home at least until age 5 or 6. I'm planning on taking 18 months again with this babe.
As for how many kids - we wanted to have 4. I was going to birth 2 and we wanted to adopt 2. In the newborn phase with DD we decided 2 would be nice Then we went back to wanting 4. However, given our ages we'll be very, very happy to have at least 2 and maybe still consider adopting an older child down the road depending on our situation (work, house, etc.).
In pregnancy news, the supposed cyst pain woke me up crying out in pain twice last night. Yowza. Rolling over in bed is a killer. I think I'll mention it to the RE's office today when I call for my appointment. I'm assuming I would feel sick or have constant pain if it was ectopic...does anyone know? The pain is when I stretch, move, roll, cough, etc. and is a stabbing pain only on the low right side - it seems a bit extreme for ligament pain....?
ps I also like the trees :)
Edited by carmen358 - 7/3/12 at 11:13ampost #28 of 6417/3/12 at 7:14amSorry guys, I should have been more specific. No, thankfully DD will not be going into daycare at two weeks. DW is taking eight weeks, fully off, and then she will be working some from home remotely and taking the babe with to work. Since she works in a theatre, many of her hours are nights and weekends, when I will be home. We anticipate at this point that we won't need any kind of childcare facility until Christmas, when she will be 3-4 months. I do feel thankful that we are lucky to be able to push that transition back a bit, but it still bums me out.
We had a five year plan at one point where DW would go back to school for an engineering degree and support all of us, but that isn't fair to her because I don't think it's what she really wants. I would quit, but I bring in the most money. She would quit, but then I can't put her and the babe on my health insurance, and at this point we require both incomes to live.
We are going to try cloth diapering, since we saw how many diapers we used with the foster kids. Truly that was disgusting.post #29 of 6417/3/12 at 7:44am
carmen - we're doing our best to get to canada after i graduate. hopefully i won't be too old to naturalize by then! canadian values about the role of government is much more in line with oru beliefs. and now that we know we can live in the tundra (minnesota winters!) we will definitely be fine in a more northern climate.
we have also considered a nanny/aupair, which definitely might happen. we also considered a situation similar to desert's. hopefully i can arrange my schedule so i take afternoon/evening classes so if we have to do childcare it will only be for a short time. DW is a teacher, so she usually gets home around 3:30. i don't think i could bear full-day daycare for a tiny LO. but, people do it all the time, i guess. we've been exchanging care with a friend this summer while i'm in school. it's been working out pretty well, but she is starting full time work this fall, so that's off the table. i'd love to start a neighborhood childcare co-op...writing this reminds me i need to get on that! :)post #30 of 6417/3/12 at 10:17am
Bethy, have you SEEN what our current government is doing???? Maybe you don't want to come up here. We are not without the religious wing nuts, corporate greedy bastards and currently horribly shitty shitty politicians who are giving it their all to systematically dismantle everything that makes Canada awesome. It's so bad that the UN are probably gonna kick us out. :( Our current PM said in 2006 that "we wouldn't recognize Canada when I'm done with it", and it's turning out to be right.post #31 of 6417/3/12 at 10:46am
yes to darth tuna - it is true. It is pretty cruddy up here. climate change doesn't exist, wiping out funding for anything left wing, or environmental, or human rights, or for women. squashing union rights. it is sad. so much is being undone. but we do have some awesomeness that can't be taken away easily! (and 12 months maternity leave is one of them, marriage another). and there are some good trans rights changes happening.
If they tried to take away our 12 month leave parents would flood the streets! :) I can just imagine the creative protesting...post #32 of 6417/3/12 at 11:08am
Hey you all,
Wow, I am amazed! 12 months of maternity leave?! That is awesome. I know the Canadian govt. is not perfect, but that's one thing they've got figured out a hell of a lot better than we do! Jeez. I will have three months off, completely unpaid. Luckily, so will Donald (also unpaid), who's going to split his time off so that we can be home together for one month, then he'll go back (but cut down to four days a week instead of five) for two months, and then when I have to go back to work (2.5 days/week) he will be home with the babe for two more months. So the babe will be five months old before we need a nanny/babysitter, probably only for 1.5 days/week, and only for a few months because I have the summers off. We feel pretty good about our plan, but we are going to be SO frickin' broke!
Desert, the nursery looks awesome!!! WOW!!!
Carmen, I never got to say congrats to you on your pregnancy! I am so happy for you guys! That pain sounds really awful, though. I would definitely mention it to your doc/care people right away.
AFU, we had our 27 week midwife appointment yesterday. Heard the heartbeat, measured the babe, and all is well! The only tricky thing is that it turns out I am anemic and have to start taking a large dose of iron right away. My # is 32; if you are 30 or below you are required to birth in a hospital! So I am VERY motivated to take iron supplements, eat red meat and leafy greens, and become and iron pumping machine! They will test me again in a month, so I am hoping for a major improvement.
Also, I have a question for all of you, which may be opening a big can o' worms I realize. I'm hoping to keep it simple and not get more nervous. Generally, I am not against vaccines, but I had NEVER considered getting any while pregnant. However, here in WA state, there is a pertussis epidemic (whooping cough) which has killed infants and small children. My midwife recommended I get the vaccination (Tdap) which is now considered safe for after 20 weeks of pregnancy. Still, it makes me nervous, and I started reading about it online. .. an hour later I have only made myself more confused by reading about the huge controversy around the safety of vaccinations. . . yikes!!! So, my question is, have any of you received vaccinations while pregnant? Some stories of preggo people getting vaccinated and having healthy babies will be hugely reassuring to me. Thank you!
My last question for you all: Do you guys have some kind of Facebook group? If so, I would love to join you if you are willing. You can find me on FB: Janet Nechama Miller.
And, a belly shot, just for fun:post #33 of 6417/3/12 at 11:44am
Popping in from my MDC/TTC break to say...
Congrats Brite on a beautiful baby!!!! She is so amazing, and I am SO HAPPY for you and your DP.
Congrats KSDoula on a healthy surrobabe!
And, congrats to Dandy on beautiful little Adair. Sending you and your DP lots of hugs and good wishes in what I am sure is a stressful time.
Planet, nice belly! We do have a FB- search for MDC Queer Parenting. All of you, in fact!
Okay, re-lurking now...post #34 of 6417/3/12 at 12:07pmPlanet, that bump is awesome. I skipped the vaccine (admittedly I got it a few years ago so I should still be up to date) and Sara got it. Soren is a-ok. I refused it while pregnant with A and S, to be honest. I'm sure they would have advised that O and A get it before the babies were born, but it's not something I asked for. There has supposedly been an epidemic around here for the last few years, if I say I haven't heard of anyone getting it, my kids will have it within a week, so I can't say that. I have heard more about the epidemic in Washington. Some of what I've heard has been kind of weird. I don't pay a great deal of attention but I thought someone said the epidemic was a different strain than the one they vaccinate for?
Ok, I'll close my worm can. Two healthy babies, two different choices made about the shot.
After 5 months of being crazy broke, perhaps you will find a new level of comfort there. My work had a heck of a time with me trying to split my maternity leave and I didn't think they would let me keep my job. I have for now, but they bring it up every time they want something and they are definitely going to hold it over my head if I ever want anything. I hope y'all have a better experience of it.post #35 of 6417/3/12 at 12:19pm
planet - we just had whooping cough scare at my house and i scared the crap out of me. DD is vaccinated, but i guess asthmatic kids can get the cough anyway???
in other news, DW has shingles right now and DD had a really bad cold (on prednisone) and i guess if you're on prednisone you can catch the SERIOUS type of chicken pox from someone with shingles. we declined the varicella shot initially, but then we had to scramble to get DD vaccinated this week before she caught it from DW. ack!
post #36 of 6417/3/12 at 4:19pm
I don't know much about the risks of the pertussis vaccine during pregnancy. We did opt to get that one for DD (albeit delayed). There was a swine flu outbreak when I was pregnant and everyone was pressuring me to get the vaccine - I didn't get it.
My ultrasound is scheduled for July 19th when I'll be, by my calculation, 7w3days. However, the nurse I talked to wanted to check with the doctor about the pain I'm having and she said he may want to have me in sooner - I'm waiting for a call back. She also said that if it gets worse or I develop other symptoms that I should go to the ER right away.
Edited by carmen358 - 7/3/12 at 10:06pmpost #37 of 6417/3/12 at 4:26pmThread Starterpost #38 of 6417/3/12 at 5:18pmPlanet--our midwife advised that most babies catch pertussis from parents; we got vaccinated when he was a week or two old. But there wasn't as bad of an outbreak here at the time. A pregnant friend in Seattle has made it loudly known to her friends that NO ONE will be allowed to visit new babe unless they are up to date on their vaccine. We delayed Alex's DTaP until he was six months, and we're comfortable with that because we both got the shot early. Some (most?) hospitals offer it to new parents if you birth at a hospital. We're doing delayed/selective vax, but pertussis was one of the few I did want. (Re iron: cook in cast iron whenever you can! It adds iron to food.) Vaccines are a tough decision. We found the Dr Sears "Vaccine Book" a very useful source of factual info--it was the book our midwife recommended so we could learn about each vax and discuss with her what we wanted to do (she's also Alex's pediatrician).
Congrats to all who've had news since I last posted: Brite, KS, and dandy for those beautiful babies, and Carmen for a new sticky bean! Yay!post #39 of 6417/3/12 at 6:05pmpost #40 of 6417/3/12 at 6:11pm
Thanks for your responses about the Tdap! It is indeed a tricky thing. Horror stories about newborns dying of the whooping cough have me leaning towards going for it. I managed to make it through a whole year of teaching 7th grade without being exposed (presumably), so sometimes I feel my risk of exposure is very low at this point! At the same time, I just learned that a friend of mine had the whoop! Thankfully, I haven't seen her in awhile. She's also a teacher. Gave me a little reality check! I'll be back with the 7th grade again in the fall, in my last month of pregnancy, so that would definitely be a risky time to be exposed to the evil germs!
Seraf, Sara got the vaccine while she was pregnant?
I totally respect all the different opinions and sides to the vaccination discussion! I am just a beginner.
Carmen, somehow I forgot to mention that when I was around 17 weeks pregnant I got a mysterious pain in my lower right abdomen area, and was urged to go to the ER for fear of appendicitis! An ultrasound determined that it was an ovarian cyst. Apparently they are pretty common and go away on their own. It was a sharp pain that lasted for several days before fading away. Perhaps that's what's up with your pain! Regardless, I hope you feel better and get it figured out very soon!
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