Queer & Pregnant & Parenting - July, August, September, and now October! - Page 17

[kateadelle]

Wow, I go out of town for a few days and things really start hopping around here!

planet Congrats! He is splendid! That is a really beautiful photo.

nosreves the blood pressure stuff sounds very familiar. My blood pressure is ridiculously high every time my midwives take it, but fine everywhere else. I bought a bp monitor and am now monitoring it at home, and it is always fine at home. If possible, I would recommend getting one if only to save your own sanity. Also there is a lot of stuff you can do in the meantime to lower bp. There is a thread about high bp going on over at our ddc that had some good suggestions, which you may have already seen, but I would check it out if you haven't.   As for the baby positioning stuff - have you had a chance to look at the Spinning Babies website? She has a lot of info about "belly mapping" and figuring out what position the baby is in. We may still be a little early to completely tell, but it might be fun to try. I am sorry you are having so much pain. It certainly isn't the most fun part of pregnancy, and it can be so frustrating when relief is out of reach. I hope things get better soon.

desert - Love the photos! She is gorgeous and you all look very happy.

Hope all of the mamas who are suffering with morning sickness start feeling better soon.

AFM, we survived the trip to  visit our families in Southern California. It was mostly pleasant and even the political debates remained civil. My mom tok my 4 and 7 year old niece and nephew shopping for the baby and let them pick out some clothes. They, of course picked out nothing but pink, pink and more pink. We are really trying to keep the pink to a minimum and do as much gender neutral stuff as possible, which my mom and sister think is hilarious, so it is hard not to feel like this was a little bit of a jab. I do appreciate the gesture, and it is really sweet that my niece and nephew want to pick out stuff for their new cousin, but I can't help but feel a little annoyed. 

Other than than, things are plugging along. I am a little over 26 weeks, and can't believe that I am almost in my third trimester. The sciatica is still causing me quite a bit of trouble, but I am feeling better after a trip to the chiropractor, thank goodness.

[Cananny]

Hiya

I'm feeling a bit left out of the morning sickness club ... I've had none ... Is that normal? Though my mom didn't have it at all with three pregnancies...maybe I'm lucky?
I am tired... Some days I have zero energy and chasing after an active 19 month old is hard...I need to work as long as possible dr said December 1 .. But being a nanny I got paid under table so I will not b able to get any short term disability or anything .. So we r trying to not freak out over DP being the sole provider for a while ... I've had a few breakdowns over how we are going to afford everything 3 babies need ... But I know we have great fam and friends who will help as much as they can...
We didn't get the duplex ...long story but we did apply for a little 3 bedroom one level house ( no stairs for three babies.. Woohoo) and find out in morning if we get... We have 31/2 weeks to be out if our current house soooo fingers crossed we get this place ....

Planet.. How's little man settling in?
Desert .. She's so gorgeous love her hair !!!! Keep the pics coming
Anna and knitting and Lise.. So sorry you are feeling so poorly

Nores... Cute bump and sorry to read your update ... Hoping the Bp stays low to rule out pre E ... Hang in there mama
Sorry I'm not the best with keeping up here ....

Hoping the 2nd trimester brings some energy ....

[seraf]

Lise, I'm sorry you're feeling so sick.  Do you at least get comfort from the fact that it means good things?  

Tiger, we have 3 laundry monsters usually.  I just told Sara that we should put away all our diapers but 2 dozen and we would find ourselves folding faster by necessity (we have better than 100 diapers in rotation!)

Nos, Big yuck on the high BP. I have read a lot about increasing protein intake helping with BP, maybe something to try? Eclampsia is some scary stuff.

Kate, pink is popular but obnoxious. Hopefully it's cute pink stuff at least.

CaNanny, if you have no morning sickness, count yourself lucky. I only had it with one pregnancy. About money, you have good insurance? Babies themselves don't cost all that much if your milk supply comes in and if you can wash your own cloth diapers (you just heard me complain about laundry, but I figure every diaper I wash saves 20 cents. If we use 10 diapers per boy per day, that's $4 a day/ 120 per month/ 1460 a year - So even if you don't cloth diaper full time, you would see savings if you had an inexpensive system and your own washing machine). Besides carseats, you can get everything second hand and save a fortune.  We buy clothes because we want to, we are offered hand me downs every couple of weeks, so we would not have to buy clothes (we still get hand me downs for the big kids, some years we buy clothes in the fall for O, he's a weird size) if we didn't want to.  I suspect you will qualify for WIC and food stamps while you're off work (they will help with the cost of formula if you need it or the extra 1500 calories per day you need). You might see if you qualify for any housing assistance, too.  Cribs, second hand, triple stroller is a one time expense and you can probably find a single and double second hand, slings and wraps can be pretty cheap if you don't get addicted.  Have you gotten involved in anything like the Mothers of Multiples Club? I know they used to be a pretty great resource.

[carmen358]

Cananny, just adding to what seraf said.....definitely connect with a multiples mom/parent group before babes are born. I have a friend with twin girls and the group she belongs to are constantly passing on clothes and gear to the next family who joins the group. And you'll be surprising how little you will need for newborns (even 3!) once they arrive. Reach out to community and you'll be set :)
 

[KnittingTigers]

Nos, thinking of you. Fingers crossed for low BP and good news.

Cananny, I saw on FB that you got the house! Yay! I'm sorry you are feeling stressed about $$. I second the WIC suggestion. It was a lifesaver for us, especially when we needed to supplement with formula. And, the folks at our WIC office at least were super nice, and never made us feel bad about anything.

I am still insanely sick. Hate this. Just hate it. In other news, we told my parents last night. My mom's first words upon hearing twins were "oh no!" Awesome, right? She then launched into a 10 minute rant about how her mother was a twin and was crazy, and she was so scared for us. Thanks mom. Then we talked to my dad who was silent for a long time, and then asked if we had been trying to get pregnant. I am attempting to read this as a sign that my (trans) DP seems so obviously masculine that my father forgot he doesn't have sperm, not as a sign that my dad thinks I've been carting around and accidentally got knocked up.:/

Hope everyone is well.

[kateadelle]

Originally Posted by KnittingTigers 
 Then we talked to my dad who was silent for a long time, and then asked if we had been trying to get pregnant. I am attempting to read this as a sign that my (trans) DP seems so obviously masculine that my father forgot he doesn't have sperm, not as a sign that my dad thinks I've been carting around and accidentally got knocked up.:/
 

My father had a similar reaction when I told him I was pregnant. His response was "on purpose?". You know, because lesbians often get accidentally pregnant.

Cananny Just wanted to piggyback on what others have said - I have not been one of the lucky people who get a lot of hand-me-down stuff from other moms - I just don't have that many people with kids in my life and most of the people who do have kids are not done using their stuff yet. But, I have still saved a ton of money on getting stuff second-hand. I have had a lot of luck in our local thrift stores (I have even found a lot of brand new one-size pocket diapers) and kids consignment stores. Craigslist in the East Bay is also great and full of used kids stuff - especially if you know what you are looking for. My sister, the experienced cheapo mom, swears by these big consignment events that take place periodically. There is one coming up in October in San Mateo, which I am planning on going to. Apparently, you can get in for a pre-sale if you are a first-time parent if you sign up ahead of time. I have no idea if this event is actually worth going to, but figure I have nothing to lose except for a wasted trip to San Mateo. This is the link to the event if you are interested http://www.jbfsale.com/default.cfm

[Cananny]

Thanks everyone!!! I know it will work out ... As for Wic I'm
Already getting it, when we had the foster baby they signed me up and with multiples I get sooooo much milk ... Lol
I joined twins by the bay a local multiples group..
Kate you are local it's nice to know other moms from here .. I've met a few from mdc ...
I'm going to check out that sale ... If I can cd part time I'd be happy I have bo idea what ones to use .. But I'll have time to research once on bed rest

We did get the little house and it cuts our rent almost in half ... So that takes some stress off and we no longer need a housemate Yay!!!!

today I'm feeling a bit more optimistic that we can do this

[smilingsara]

Hi ladies!

Just caught up with everything I've missed! Congrats to all the bfps and new babies! Sorry, it's hard to type on the phone while nursing two babies.

Lise: I'm so flipping excited for you. Your due date is the day after Soren's was last year! Which donor did you use (feel free to pm me if you wanna keep that private). I was just saying like a day before Sara told me that you should be next! Yayyyyy!

More later!

[seraf]

Originally Posted by Cananny 

Thanks everyone!!! I know it will work out ... As for Wic I'm
Already getting it, when we had the foster baby they signed me up and with multiples I get sooooo much milk ... Lol

I'm going to check out that sale ... If I can cd part time I'd be happy I have bo idea what ones to use .. But I'll have time to research once on bed rest
We did get the little house and it cuts our rent almost in half ... So that takes some stress off and we no longer need a housemate Yay!!!!
today I'm feeling a bit more optimistic that we can do this

Yay for the new house! And you can do it! I don't envy you at 2 am, but you will rock it. 

We get WIC,too, and we get something stupid like 12 gallons of milk per month. I seem to be allergic and their soymilk brand is gross, so we use 2-3 gallons. When you go off work you may qualify for other programs, too.

My vote is something you don't have to fold!!!  We currently use flats and prefolds (and cut up towels) but laundry folding issues with two are making me phase out the flats (you may like to have a few flats in the beginning, they're awesome for tiny newborns and your babes will be tiny newborns a lot longer than mine were). We used Bummis whisper wraps when O and A were small.  We only diapered part time and I think we had 2 of them in medium because that lasted from about 4 months to potty training (we didn't buy them until O was walking). I don't love velcro because we had several brands scratch O's belly and thighs. but these never did and these are hella faster to put on than our current fuzzy bunz with their 4 snaps per diaper. You only have to wash them when they get poopy or stinky, which is an added bonus. So why do we use fuzzy bunz? They were hand me downs. We've spent less than $20 on diapering the boys. A cute option I've never tried, but friends use are gDiapers. They're cute, have a wrap that only needs infrequent washing and they have a no-fold insert.  They're not cheap. Prefolds and and wraps are a cheap and easy system and if you had 2 dozen diapers, you would save about $5 every time you wash and all you have to do is stack them up when they come out of the dryer.  You will certainly have enough bums to experiment!

Originally Posted by kateadelle 
I have not been one of the lucky people who get a lot of hand-me-down stuff from other moms

Is this your first baby?  We got our first set of hand me downs from kids Sara used to nanny and several more from other moms at story time and playgroup (once the babies were here and we were hanging out with other parents). Since we co-sleep, and don't use a changing table we only needed clothes and carseats. We did buy highchairs but a few were offered. I think you will be offered more if you make it clear that you are interested and if you announce the sex.

Originally Posted by KnittingTigers 
 Then we talked to my dad who was silent for a long time, and then asked if we had been trying to get pregnant.

"Well, we weren't using birth control." That is such a weird question.

[lisedea]

Sara--I used Jeremy. I read his profile last night (I called and asked several questions that I needed to know about but otherwise we went in blind and got the paperwork after becoming pregnant). He seems to be quite the arrogant intellectual. I guess this nuture vs. nature thing will really be put to the test! He also is from a 'larger' family (as in height and weight) than what we normally went with so that should be interesting as well.

I had dreams last night that I miscarried. Ugg...so awful. Woke up feeling really sick so that made me feel better. I think it is my on and off cramps that keep me worried...otherwise, everything else seems 'normal'. Hooray for another end of a week! SOOO excited to sleep in tomorrow since it seems that early morning is the only time I actually sleep well. My first u/s is a week from today (I will be exactly 6 weeks). I can't wait!

[kateadelle]

Cananny - Congrats on the new house! Hope the move goes very smoothly and that you have lots of help! 

Seraf - Yes, first baby. I am sure I would be getting a ton of hand-me-down stuff if I actually knew anyone who had any. Among my circle of close friends I am kind of the baby-having pioneer. The two other friends I have who have kids are both having babies within 2 months of me, so they need their stuff. My sister has given me a few things, but her youngest is 4 and she has long ago given away all her baby stuff. I am totally not complaining, btw. I have had so much luck finding things for cheap or free via other avenues! I love thrifting for this baby and have become a little addicted to it. Plus, I am so blessed to have an amazing generous group of family and friends. So many people are knitting and sewing for this kid, which makes me weepy to think about. It just hasn't been my experience that people are lining up to unload their baby stuff on me, even though, when I was first pregnant,  a lot of people told me that would happen. 

lisedea - Pregnancy anxiety dreams are the worst! I have been absolutely plagued by them. Hope the next week goes by quickly for you and you get some relief from worry when you see that baby!

[Cananny]

Thanks Kate... When are you due?
We have already been given three boxes full of clothes from a friend who has twins! And two bouncer chairs .. I'm very grateful for hand me downs
I scored a big box of cloth diapers and covers for 50.00 I mean there's newborn sizes to toddler sizes.. We figure if we can CD at least part time we can save a ton with three babies in diapers !!
And someone from here offered to send us a few she wasn't using... I def feel grateful
I love Craigslist and the Berkeley parents network lots of great deals

Currently suffering with the awful back pain I get from time to time... I always have a sore back but once a month or so it goes out to where I can't even walk ... Accupuncture doesn't help at all ... Can't take the Motrin or the muscle relaxers that usually help ... It's really painful :/ I've been doing a heating pad and laying in bed I did take a Vicodin and it barely took edge off ... Any other ideas??

How are u feeling these days smiling? Good to see u post .. The boys are big!

Knitting how's the nausea?

Hi to everyone else .... I'm 11 weeks today ! Crazy fast

[DesertSunsets]

Just dropping by to share our blog post with the birth story!  DW and I each wrote it from our own perspective.

http://twomothersmcgill.blogspot.com/2012/09/one-birth-two-stories.html

[nosreves]

beautiful, beautiful stories, Desert.  way to make a hormonal gal tear up :)

[kateadelle]

Desert - Such beautiful stories! Thank you for sharing them. I am with nosreves on the hormones and tears!

Cananny - We are due on December 17th - making today our official first day of the third trimester!

[nosreves]

starling -- thank you so much for your words the other day.  they calmed me down quite a bit, and i was able to finally stop feeling anxious and weepy.  merci 

kate -- i'm due the 19th (well, according to the American sites, at least)!  does that mean that i'm in the 3rd trimester on wednesday?  reading about your "adventures" in frilly pinkness made me happy that we're having a boy.  actually, i'd love to have a girl, too, but i dread the fight against mainstream notions of gender and what's "appropriate" for boys vs. girls.  it's just as bad, if not worse, here in France.  i was lucky to have a feminist mother who tried to avoid imposing gender roles on me.  when i was 7, i remember her reading me this story from Ms. magazine:  Baby X.  do you know it?   how's your sciatica?

lise -- sorry about the dreams.  pregnancy certainly does seem to bring on some intense ones (both good and bad).  as for the cramps, i had them for several weeks after i got my BFP, and they scared me, too.  i remember waking up crying from the pain one night, even.  it's probably just the little bean(s) snuggling in good and tight for a nine month ride.  i hope you're finding some mental and emotional calm now.

cannay -- yayayay for the house!  and booooo for the back pain.  i hope you can see a chiro or osteopath or find some other way to ease your suffering.  i'm finding that being in the swimming pool is incredibly helpful for relieving my back and pelvic pain.  maybe that would work for you as well...

afm... i had a rather horrible weekend that involved over 24 hours spent in two different hospitals, an ambulance ride between the two, tons of tests and an upsetting MRI.  i had another vision disturbance on saturday and went to the ER of my maternity hospital to be checked.  it turns out that my BP is perfectly fine and there is no protein in my urine (so no preeclampsia), but the doc was very worried about the vision thing and decided i needed to be seen by neurologists. seven hours later, i was in a claustrophobia-inducing tube getting an MRI of my brain.  i started hyperventilating and crying the first time they put me in, and i had to be calmed down by the tech before we could proceed.  during the 30 minutes of crazyloud spaceage sounds, i kept rubbing my belly and telling the little viking that i was there with him and that everything was okay.  i hope he wasn't too traumatized by it all...  even though they found nothing wrong, they wouldn't let me leave the hospital that night...grrr.  the next day we waited for 4 hours for them to sign the discharge papers and then finally DP and i both got fed up and just left without seeing the doctor.  it was all sooo frustrating, but at least it looks like there's nothing seriously wrong.  

i just watched a debate about gay marriage, adoption and reproductive rights that was on French tv.   all (or some) of those things could be legalized in the next 6 months-ish, so of course, people are discussing it quite a bit.  there were three very well-spoken  advocates of those rights and three bigoted idiots opponents who were spouting the same clichés i'm used to hearing from their American counterparts.  the "children need a mother and father" thing was repeated over and over, but the most annoying speaker was a psychologist who kept insisting that children need to be able to fantasize about their origins and if there are two mothers or two fathers, they can't do that in a way that makes logical sense, so it f's them up emotionally and mentally.  he also declared that all the long-term studies on children of gay parents were completely homo-biased (surely there's a better word...) and unreliable.  

oooh, and another preggo gal i know mentioned that stuff came out of her nipples when she squeezed her breasts, so i tried it, too... ....omfg.   pregnancy is a bit like having your body turn into Willy Wonka's chocolate factory (including the swollen blueberry part and the trippy, freaky boat ride part.)

[seraf]

Just for the record, when I fantasize about where I came from, I think about California. Not my parents DTD! Oh, maybe that's why I'm queer?

I always thought we were doing our children a favor so they wouldn't have to imagine their own parents doing anything. Lol.

[KSDoulaMama]

Um, are you joking? What kid "fantasizes" about their parents doing it? That makes no sense. Also, why couldn't our kids think about sperm donors or fertility clinics? If that's what their parents tell them about their conception, then that's what they'll know!

[DesertSunsets]

Oh nosreves, what a time of it you're having!  Poor sprout.  I'm sure he isn't traumatized, but it sure sounds like you are.  Hugs, big big hugs sweet lady.  That argument about fantasizing over our origins is such a load of crap, by the way.  I never did that.  Eewwwwh. 

Thanks everyone!  Sorry it took us so long to get those birth stories written!  Glad to have them done, though.  

We've been cloth diapering full time for a few days now, since Ever's umbilical stump fell off.  I think we're doing pretty good, even if we do need a little more learning and more practicing.  That's what these early times are for, right?  

Just because it's SO stinking cute, here's a pic of Evie in her tie-dye and a cloth diaper.  

Love to you all.  Back later. 

[tandy401]

 Just wanted to introduce myself and say hi. My DP and I found out a few days ago that we are pregnant-- expecting in May 2013.  I know a few folks on this page from Queer Conceptions, and I look forward to getting to know everyone else over the next several months.