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Queer & Pregnant & Parenting - July, August, September, and now October! - Page 3post #41 of 6417/3/12 at 6:18pmpost #42 of 6417/3/12 at 7:06pm
seraf - yes, DW is on anti-virals but the pediatrician seemed SUPER freaked out which freaked me out. DD has been hospitalized twice since she was born (both times RSV). i'm experienced at RSV hospitalizations, but not chicken pox plus complications.
i did get the swine flu vaccine when i was pregnant in 2009. mostly because i was teaching (K-8) in a school in new york city an commuting by bus/subway.
i agree planet. vaccine stuff is always so complicated. i don't think there's any one "right" answer!
i set up an acupuncture appointment for DW for her shingles. she's in a serious amount of pain and teaching summer school. she's kind of miserable and the doc said if you're lucky it lasts for 3-4 weeks. so hopefully a few weeks of acupuncture will at least reduce the suffering.
today in class the smell of the whiteboard marker was UNBEARABLE. #pregnancyproblems
post #43 of 6417/3/12 at 8:22pmpost #44 of 6417/3/12 at 10:02pm
Lovely to hear all the news!
Not lovely about cyst-like pain ... boo!
Vaccines ... we're all over the map. We do some, delay others, decline yet more. By the time our kids are five they will have had everything, because i do believe in herd immunity (**lid of can of worms audibly popping off**). As for the outbreak-vaccines offered (swine flu, pertussis, etc) I am less inclined to accept.
Number of children ... We adopted six embryos and transfered every single one. No more left. So unless we get creative and think about fostering or adoption, or pursuing more available embryos, we're done at two.
Canadian government ... While it's frustrating to see so much destruction at the hands of the disgusting Harper government, I do still value so much about this country. Namely, our healthcare (even though we subsidize it with our taxes), our right to marry, and our maternity leave. I'll have been off for fifteen months when I go back in October, when H turns one.
Making do with less ... Jeez. We went from being homeowners to living in a co-op since having our second child. We've become pros at living on one and a half incomes. I like it though! I work two twelve hour shifts a week as a paramedic. We use my mom for one day a week, and dp is home with the kids one day. Free! Whoot, whoot! And I get to be home five days a week, which is important for us because we plan to homeschool.
Hello to everyone else!post #45 of 6417/4/12 at 6:14am
Thanks for sharing your experiences nos and planet. I do feel like it's a cyst. I had a small one when pregnant with DD but I didn't feel anything with it. And with an earlier m/c apparently the corpus luteum cyst burst and it was similar pain. It's still not gone unfortunately and it's been several days. However, it doesn't appear to be getting worse anymore so that's good. I don't want to end up with an earlier than 7 weeks u/s in case it's too early to see the heartbeat....I feel like that would stress me out unnecessarily.
beth, I hope the acupuncture helps your DW with the pain...that sounds awful. How are you feeling otherwise? Obviously sensitive to smell lol
dandy, still thinking about you! I hope Adair is responding well to the antibiotics.
Afm: Tired, hungry and I feel like I need a sling to carry around my ever growing breasts!post #46 of 6417/4/12 at 2:52pmThread Starter
ugh...i'm in a lot of pain/discomfort today every time i stand up and start moving around. i think it may pelvic girdle pain, but i'm wondering if maybe i just overdid it with the yoga i did last night and the one hour walk i had after getting a massage today. aren't all those things supposed to help pelvic pain instead of aggrevating it? i've been having pain on one side (in what i think is the posterior iliac crest) for over a week, but today it feels like everything is screwed up with my pelvis. any thoughts or suggestions? DP is trying to get me an appointment with an osteopath this week. does anyone have experience with them?post #47 of 6417/4/12 at 5:19pm
NOS, Osteopathic manipulation is awesome...my preference is to use a DO (doctor of osteopathy, same rights/privileges as an MD in the US, but with additional training in manipulation/holistic medicinal approaches) but there are osteopathic therapists too (less training). Manipulation helped me immensely in pregnancy.
And, in regards to the aforementioned vaccination can of worms--we do all of them, and I got the swine flu vaccine in pregnancy--DS is the picture of health. Pertussis in newborns can be very scary...very, very...so it's one of the ones I felt strongest about prior to DS's birth (I was up to date so didn't get the vaccine in pregnancy, but I would have)post #48 of 6417/4/12 at 9:18pm
nos, so sorry you're in pain!
So, last summer I began a large project that I affectionately refer to as The Great Roses, which is a twelve panel "mural" of sorts that is done off a photograph taken of the roses used in our wedding ceremony. I posted pictures of it in progress in QC, and then we got two foster kids and I didn't have a lot of time, so basically it's been hanging on the wall, unfulfilled. Today I got a big chunk of work done on it so I'm going to keep sharing in progress pictures with you all!post #49 of 6417/5/12 at 9:56amnos, sorry you are in so much pain. Perhaps a chiropractor? I hope it improves.
Afm: The pain I was having has lessened significantly which is nice and I feel more confident that it wasn't caused by an ectopic pregnancy. However, I'm REALLY struggling with feeling good about this pregnancy. I plan in my head a million times a day how I'm going to deal with the miscarriage - assuming it will inevitably happen. It's terrible I have some symptoms still but nothing really knocking me over saying "you're really pregnant!" I honestly wish I felt terrible....which is a terrible thing to wish. I don't know how I'm going to get through this....post #50 of 6417/5/12 at 10:54am
Carmen, I hope the pain is harmless! I know how you are feeling its is really hard to stay positive sometimes!!! I hope you get knocked over by that pregnant feeling very very soon! When I was pregnant wih my son I had just been thru a m/c the month before i got pregnant again, and at 14 weeks I woke up in a small puddle of pinkish fluid, then startd bleeding and cramping. I was sure my water had broken and I was losing him. In triage at the hospital when they asked me about previous pregnancies I told them I was pregnant once before and it was a miscarriage ALSO. I was way ahead of my self and I'm sure you are too. I had a SCH and he was just fine in there with plenty fluid.post #51 of 6417/5/12 at 1:14pm
Carmen, I'm sorry to hear about what you're going through. It sounds so stressful to be constantly wondering and worrying like that. I can only imagine. I was worried during the early part of my pregnancy, too, and I hadn't had any previous experiences to cause me any extra concern. Reading the forums, books, websites about pregnancy, etc. was not helpful for easing my worry because I would read others' experiences and be like, "Oh no, I am not feeling sick enough!" and stuff like that, comparing myself to other people. As you know, pregnancy feels different for different people. And of course, your past m/c does not mean that it is going to happen again, but it makes sense that you would have it on your mind. I hope you are able to surround yourself with good, caring people who understand what you are going through and give you lots of love and support! Hang in there.
Nos, I'm sorry to hear about your pain! I hope the osteopath helps. I don't have experience with osteopathy, but I've heard good things, and I've had great experiences with craniosacral therapy, massage, and acupuncture. Here's to feeling better soon!
Desert, love the painting! What a huge endeavor! You are awesome.
Dandy, I am still thinking about you guys and sending lots of love!
AFM, Donald and I both decided to get the Tdap vaccination and move on. We got the shot yesterday and it was just fine. I figured that after being recommended to get the vaccine by the midwives, my trusted naturopath (who is selective about vaccinations), my doula, AND my western medicine OB doc (yes, I called all of these people for their opinions! Obsessive much? ;) the babe and I would be just fine. Hearing stories of the many other pregnant people who received the vaccine and have healthy babies and children now was super reassuring, too. Thank you to all of you who responded with your thoughts.
Now we are getting ready to go to Newton, Kansas for Donald's family reunion! I'm nervous about the plane ride and the heat, but otherwise I am super excited to see the family! They are very hardcore about family reunions and have one every other year.post #52 of 6417/5/12 at 1:50pm
I somehow fell out of my routine of checking this board for the last week, and when I did, I discovered that I’d missed so very much!
Rainbow: Riley is just beautiful, as is your entire three-person family. You all look happy and healthy and just so ready to be together. I’m thrilled for you and hoping that the postpartum transitions are going well. How is nursing? How is your anxiety?
Dandy: Ohmygoodness it was a shock to see news of little Adair’s birth. You must still be in shock, though it sounds like you and DP are handling things remarkably well. My DD1 was only 5 weeks early, and I swear it took me a few months to get over the shock of it. Her due date was a milestone. Please give yourself at least until your due date to make space for some feelings of pain and loss (as well as gratitude for his safe arrival, of course). Meanwhile, I stayed at Ronald McDonald House in Manhattan in college while DP was having cancer treatments. It is an amazing place, and I’m hoping you find lots of love and support there during this tough time. It is great news that Adair is getting your milk; that will help him so very much. I wish there was more we could all do here…but know that I am thinking of you three every day and sending your little guy strength and healing vibes galore.
KS: Congrats again! I see from FB that you are doing a ton of pumping. That must be exhausting. How are you adjusting to all the pp hormones?
Crystal: Congratulations to you on making a break. I hope you’ll stick with it, rather than going back to the relationship, because it really sounds like that’s best…if also unspeakably hard. I wish I still lived in the Bay Area and could be an in-person friend for you, but I agree that your former friends should be ready and willing to step in if you ask them for the support. Hugs to you.
Nos: You’re in a tough spot right now, both in the pregnancy (some movement and an obviously preggo belly will do wonders) and in terms of lacking the support and enthusiasm of family and friends. It must be really hard to be so far away from loved ones during this massive transition in your life, and also not to have the comfort of familiar rituals. Where exactly is your family located? What can you do to create more community for yourself and the babe-on-the-way there in Paris? That food sounds incredible! And that forum your partner is on sounds like more trouble than it is worth. Sheesh!
Carmen: CONGRATULATIONS!! Hang in there, little one! I’m glad that the pain is lessening but sorry to hear about your completely understandable anxiety. Is there a pregnancy after m/c board or group where you could get more direct and focused support?
Desert: I adore those trees, and the birds. What a whimsical, delightful environment for your little one. Daycare is so hard; hopefully you’ll all get used to the routine quickly when the time comes. Your roses in progress are amazing!
Planet: I didn’t have any vaccinations during pregnancy, but personally, I’d feel fine doing it. We delay and decline many vaccinations for the babies until they turn two, but during pregnancy, it is your immune system that is doing most of the work. This isn’t based on any research and is just a personal feeling, but I know how terrible it can feel not to know what is best to do regarding vaccines. What would make you feel most comfortable? CUTE BELLY! Update: enjoy the reunion! My DP is from Salina, KS, though since her parents moved, I haven’t been back there in years.
Whoabethy: Scary! I hope everyone is healthy in your house very soon.
Rose: SO freaking exciting about ttc this month! Whoa! I’m not sure we’re going to make it to the Faire this year, since we’re traveling so much in late July and August. How late does it run?
Hi, to everyone else.
Whew—that was a lot to catch up on.
AFM: I’m feeling down today, though for no great or clear reason. It was wonderful to get Z back from camp, though we’re having some trouble readjusting. She is needier than I apparently feel she should be, because I’m getting frustrated with her a lot. I need to sit down with her and explain what I’m hoping she can do for herself and to help around the house rather than just getting exasperated when she doesn’t automatically do it. That sounds obvious—sigh. I think I’m having a hard time with Lilah’s turning one in a few weeks. Her party is on the 15th—just over a week from now. I’m not feeling ready for this year of infancy to be over. This time last year I was hot, sweaty, pregnant, and so happy. I’m loving my adventurous, cruising, signing, dancing, sing-songing little one. I’m usually pretty good at staying present and being satisfied with whatever stage she is in at the moment, but I’m struggling right now. Work (writing/revising) is really hard, too, so that’s not helping. I don’t mean to complain—everything is going well, and I am so fortunate to be able to spend lots of time with my beautiful family over the summer and to have so much help from in-laws and others so that I can do some work without feeling torn. I do wish I could hit pause for a little while, though. Right now. For about a month at least.post #53 of 6417/5/12 at 2:22pm
Nosreves - Hope you are feeling better. I heard the good news about gay marriage and adoption in France. http://www.bbc.co.uk/news/world-europe-18690348 Could this change things for any future insem plans of yours? Hope the Brussels sprout is well!
Desert - love the painting!
Carmen - I hope you are able to feel better and less worried soon.post #54 of 6417/5/12 at 4:56pmCarmen, hugs. Hugs. Hugs. I'm sending a peaceful embrace to you. I wish I could do something to encourage that babe to burrow in and grow like the dickens. Hugs.
Nos, all my kids see an osteopath. Only A and s have needed manipulations. And Sara. She likes the D.O. way more than the chiro now. The local university is for osteopaths, so that almost all we have around here. Go get fixed. You'll love it. And yoga, it's so much easier to over stretch than when you're not pregnant.
Planet, the decision is the hard part with vaccines. I'm glad you found an answer you're comfortable with.
Desert, lovely roses. E will go through so many diapers, cloth or otherwise. Cloth seems so much less icky to me, tho.
AmandaHope, they grow so fast. It's insane. I see that you have a great plan for getting your expectations across to Z. Hopefully she responds well. With L, a year is a big milestone.post #55 of 6417/5/12 at 8:23pm
Don't have much energy for doing too many personals right now, but hopefully soon.
Nos- I have DEFINITELY overstretched during yoga while pregnant and ended up with pain for a few days. It's really easy with all that relaxin in your system.
Carmen- I keep thinking of you. Good, fertile, burrowing, growing thoughts! :)
Thanks for asking about me, Amanda. So, I'm now eight days postpartum. It is very different this time than when I had my daughter. My surrobabe is awfully cute, but she does not in any way feel like mine. I have been enjoying witnessing the early days of her life with her mom and dad... I am recovering well. My stitches have started itching now which is annoying, but I know it's a sign of healing. I have very little pain, mostly just that "heavy" feeling of having a weakened pelvic floor while I heal. Hormonally, it has been less intense than last time around. I had my placenta encapsulated and I'm taking 8 capsules per day at this point, trying to keep my milk up and my hormones balanced! I think it is really helping. About day 6 I started feeling a bit weepy/sensitive, but I'm keeping it in perspective... I expected those feelings, and they are not too intense. I am pumping 12x per day and nursing the baby once or twice a day on top of that. I enjoy nursing her, but I am leery to continue too long because I feel like my energy needs to go to my family. I am really trying to get a week's worth of milk in the freezer so that we can go home. (After that we'll probably meet to give them milk once a week or so.) I'm pumping almost twice what she drinks in a day, so the freezer stash is plentiful and we're planning to leave Sunday. The best news for me has been that my DD has started nursing from me again! I'm not sure if anyone remembers, but I was not able to go through surrogate IVF without weaning her, and I chose to stop nursing her at 15 months. She's been going strong nursing from my DW ever since, but DW is keen to have me nursing again as she's not going to pump this school year at work and she's thinking she feels ready to be done in the not too distant future. (DD is 25 months old now.) I, however, have really missed nursing. I knew that she might self-wean before the baby was born, but I was kind of hoping she'd still be nursing so that I can be "done" in our own time- quitting nursing her at 15 months was really emotional for me... I was definitely not ready. Anyway, once my milk came in I began offering and she kept saying no, because when she tried to nurse while I was pregnant she got colostrum and thought it was gross. But then two nights ago I got her to nurse while half-asleep at like, 1am. Last night same thing but she actually woke up while nursing and started talking to me because she had a hair in her mouth, haha. Then I saw her eyes and she was so surprised to be having a conversation with ME, not DW! This morning she asked to nurse from me and has now nursed several times over the course of the day. She seems very amused that she can go between her Mommy and her Mama. Okay, done pumping now and it's time for dinner.post #56 of 6417/6/12 at 8:28amThread Starter
wishin -- thanks for sharing your experience. i've got an appointment lined up for a week from today. osteopaths are wildly popular here (much more so than chiros). i think the one i am going to see is just a therapist, though, instead of a DO. sorry to hear about your BFN, btw. hang in there, gal. *hugs*
desert -- yay! i'm so glad to finally see the painting(s) in all (or most of) its glory. it's gorgeous!
carmen -- i'm glad to hear you're feeling better physically, and i hope that sometime very soon, you'll be feeling better emotionally/mentally. i can't even imagine the anxiety and hopelessness you're feeling after all the m/cs. i haven't gone through anything remotely as hard as you have, and i still worry that i'm going to go in for an appointment and be told that we lost this babe, too. i really, really hope this is your sticky bean and that S. has a little brother or sister next spring.
planet -- enjoy the family reunion! i don't know if you saw on fb, but i absolutely *love* your work. you and desert are inspiring me to get back to my own artwork.
outdoorsy -- yeah, it's pretty cool, isn't it! the only thing that annoys me about all of the articles i've seen in the British and American press is that the headlines make it sound like a done deal, and i'm old enough to know that i shouldn't be counting any of my poulets until they hatch. still....with the govt being heavily socialist now, it looks very likely that we will be able to get married and my DP will be able to adopt sprout next year.
amanda -- my family is all on the east coast (in SC and the DC area), but my friends (whom i consider my real family) are spread out all over Europe and North America. i'm looking into going to some LLL meetings and there are a few expat parenting groups, too, but i'm not usually one to get into the expat community. i guess i need to make an exception here, though. DP's actually found a few people on her forum who sound more intelligent and friendlier than the others, so we may try to arrange a meet up with them as well. it's really important to me that sprout grows up seeing other queer families on a regular basis. i'm sorry for the melancholy you're feeling over L's approaching first birthday. i imagine that there's a similar mixture of joy of sadness with each milestone, although, one year is a pretty big one. how old is Z? does she usually respond well when you sit her down and explain expectations? i hope the load starts to feel a bit lighter as the summer continues...even if that much-desired pause button never materializes.
seraf -- cool! i'm really looking forward to the osteo appointment. how are you all doing these days? how's sara? she hasn't been on here too much lately (although, i've seen plenty of cute pictures of all of you on your blog) btw...it's your turn!!!!
ksdoula -- i realized after reading your blog that we have the same name :) . pumping 12 times a day...wow, that's intense. wasn't the surro-mom going to try to induce, too? it's really exciting that you get to pick up nursing your DD again. you must be excited to finally get back to your family and your life. do you have any advice to give me regarding doulas? i was trying to explain to DP what you do, but i'm not sure she completely understands. i've even managed to find a couple in Paris who speak English, but i'm not sure that the hospital we're at will allow one to accompany us in the delivery room. i certainly feel like i could use the extra support...especially since everything is going to be in French... what should we be looking for in a doula?
afm.... we had our third u/s today. i just *LOVE* our hospital full of friendly staff and pregnant women. the doc who did the ultrasound was sooo nice. and what an amazing relief it was to see the little one moving around like crazy. sprout is growing well and appears to have all the right parts in all the right places. and...it would seem that my motherly intuition was completely off. our little sprout appears to be a boy! he was so incredibly active that i can't believe that i'm not feeling him...although right after the u/s i swear i felt some very new fluttery sensations. i don't think he liked the u/s at all. DP is SOOOOOO excited. she never came right out and said she wanted a boy, but from her reaction, i'm guessing it was a secret wish. i'm just happy that he's doing well. and now we won't have to deal with all the obnoxious pink gifts! the next u/s is scheduled for my 40th bday.
here's our little boy:post #57 of 6417/6/12 at 9:59ampost #58 of 6417/6/12 at 10:35am
Nos: YAY! Congratulations on your healthy little one in there. Fun that your DP was so delighted about the baby's boy parts. What wonderful reassurance, too. I just love seeing those u/s pics! Z is ten.
KS: Thanks for sharing your experience right now. I did a little happy dance (in my head and heart--I am in a coffee shop, after all) for you about your daughter nursing again. I can imagine feeling incredibly conflicted about weaning at 15 months (even though she is so lucky to have another nursing mama), and I can just see the surprised look in her sleepy eyes when she realized that her yummy milk was coming from you. Bonus that your DP will be able to do less nursing, too, since she is ready for that. What a perfect situation for everyone!
Seraf: Thanks . Z and I did have a talk last night, which went really well. We came to some agreements that worked well for us this morning. I struggle with TV/movies, since I feel strongly that they are usually a waste of time (at best), but Z LOVES movies and many documentaries, for creative reasons in part, and I'm trying not to be so closed-minded about them. We agreed that there are certain things she needs to do before any screen time and that we'll be clear about what those are in the morning so that she knows what to expect. And she understands that if things get really busy and she is watching TV, we might need to ask for her to turn it off and help without complaining. She seemed to understand that. She's actually remarkably cooperative when we're not catching her off guard. As for L, a year is really big, so I'm going to try to embrace this big milestone.
Yesterday, right after I posted here, I pumped a quick 3 oz in the cafe bathroom (ugh) and was finally going to work, when I realized that I had milk dripping from my (leather) purse onto the floor. I'd forgotten the darn adapter ring on the Avent bottle, and it all spilled in my purse. BLECH. So I gave up and went home. But I'm feeling better today anyway. I'm thinking maybe AF is finally on her way back--I definitely feel more emotional in a hormone-related way. It's been SO NICE not having a period for over 20 months.
post #59 of 6417/6/12 at 10:39amNos, I'm so happy to hear your little guy is doing well! Boys are lovely and I'm so happy for you and DP!!!
As for me, I'm doing okay. Not enjoying this PPD. I don't like nt feeling like myself and I feel like I'm the biggest bitch in the world right now. I love being a mom and even more now that I can nurse my boys.
Also, I hate this heat. Anyone have any cold weather they can send here?!!post #60 of 6417/6/12 at 1:20pmThread Starter
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