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Queer & Pregnant & Parenting - July, August, September, and now October! - Page 4

post #61 of 641

Rainbow- How are you feeling? How's motherhood treating you? DW and R doing well?

post #62 of 641

Sara--PPD is no fun and I'm so sorry that you're still struggling through it. I hope you are finding the resources and support you need to get back on track. Big hugs to you, mama. Keep checking in with us and let us know how you are doing. The heat certainly can't be helping your mood either. I hope you guys get some relief soon!

 

While I'm here, I may as well say hello to everyone and give an update. The babe will be 6 months in less than two weeks! Time is whizzing by, except for when she's fussy. She is doing great and is super chubby. Her little rolls are adorably squeezable. I'd post a picture, but she's not here. Yep, that's right, she's at day care and I am at home enjoying a Friday afternoon to myself in a totally quiet house. I went for a run this morning, got a pedi and have been chilling out all day which I totally needed. Anyway, we are feeling like we're in a really nice groove as a family of four. Baby S is getting better about being set down and she isn't crying nearly as much as she was at the beginning. I was really beginning to feel down when she would cry. I would ask her, is it really that bad? Are you really that unhappy? And then she would look back at me and continue to cry...it was torture. Fortunately, she has grown out of it and settles much more readily now. Big sis continues to do a fabulous job and is really helpful. Not much else here. I hope everyone is well and I can't wait to hear more updates.

post #63 of 641

Just a quick drop-in...

 

Adair is doing really well, thankfully. He's taking 4ml of my milk through his feeding tube every 2 hours, and they'll keep increasing it daily.  I'm pumping every 2-3 hours, and working in some hand expression too to get at the milk that the pump can't access.  I had a good chat with the LC today because I'm a bit worried that my milk will dry up without actually breast feeding, and she was very reassuring and just confirmed that I was doing well. We've had some skin-to-skin sessions two days in a row and this helps.

 

The medical team have warned us that there will probably be some tougher days ahead, but for now we're just celebrating these early good days. He's still breathing well. He's had some apneas but this is normal for his gestational age. Darth, my RN partner was thrilled to see your post about the CPAP. She said it just made her feel so positive and she really appreciated it.  His infection is completely under control and he's gaining back weight after his post-birth loss. He was up to 880g last night (he was 990g when born and 720g at his lowest).

 

Sara, I'm sorry you're struggling with PPD and I can relate. I hope you feel better soon.  I've had some really low days the past couple of days where I've feel really down and very weepy. Little things set me off and I just start crying uncontrollably.  Today is better, but I'm still sad.  I know that we're so fortunate that he's doing well, and that he's getting amazing care. I think, more than anything, I miss him. We see him lots, and the skin-to-skin time has been amazing, but I hate leaving him. It's very strange not to be pregnant anymore. I know we have a little boy, but we don't really have him with us, so that's been really hard.

 

Speaking of amazing care, let me just chime into the Canadian conversation. I can't tell you how many times over the past week that we've thanked our lucky stars that Adair was born here in Ontario close to one of the most amazing neo-natal facilities, and that his care is covered. We've called him our million-dollar baby a few times, and I'm sure we're not far off.  We are so lucky to live here and to have the healthcare system that we have.  But don't get me started on Harper and his cronies...

 

KS, I'm glad to hear that you're healing well, and that your DD is nursing again. Love it! Ugh to the itching and heavy feeling -- I know what you mean. 

 

To everyone else, please forgive my lack of personals for now.  Thank you for all the love, prayers, chants, good vibes, and positive thoughts. Much, much, much love to you all. xoxo

post #64 of 641

Dandy, I don't think any of us are worried about your lack of personals!  Being a NICU mama is incredibly gruelling.  Fantastic job with the pumping!!  Sending Adair lots of good thoughts, prayers and energy about lung development, that his PDA will close, that his tummy will stay good and that his brain is in as good of a shape as it can possibly be!!

post #65 of 641

 

Sara, I'm sorry you're struggling with PPD and I can relate. I hope you feel better soon.  I've had some really low days the past couple of days where I've feel really down and very weepy. Little things set me off and I just start crying uncontrollably.  Today is better, but I'm still sad.  I know that we're so fortunate that he's doing well, and that he's getting amazing care. I think, more than anything, I miss him. We see him lots, and the skin-to-skin time has been amazing, but I hate leaving him. It's very strange not to be pregnant anymore. I know we have a little boy, but we don't really have him with us, so that's been really hard.

 


To everyone else, please forgive my lack of personals for now.  Thank you for all the love, prayers, chants, good vibes, and positive thoughts. Much, much, much love to you all. xoxo

Dandy: Please don't think twice about personals at the moment.  And I can tell you that for the very few days (like 2 or 3--it is a blur now) that Z (5 weeks early) was in the hospital with severe jaundice as a newborn, it drove me CRAZY that I wasn't pregnant and also not with the baby.  It was the closest I've ever felt to true mental illness (apart from anxiety and minor depression).  I felt psychically and physically torn.  There was one afternoon that DP and my mom took me from the hospital to Whole Foods so that I'd eat something, and I just stood there staring at the rotisserie chickens, which we about the same size as she was. The guy behind the hot food counter asked me if I was ok, and I wasn't. At all. I said that I'd just had a baby, and he looked at me all confused, wondering where was the baby? It was a new low point for me.  Obviously, things got much better once Z's bili levels started going down and I could see the light at the end of the tunnel.  I know that what you are going through is harder because it will be longer, but in terms of the intensity, sadness, shock, and loneliness, I can relate. I'm so glad that you are getting skin to skin time with him.  It should help you both a great deal. Will they let you hold him in a carrier (like a Moby wrap) yet?  I know several people who have used Moby wraps with premies, but I know that he is very small and hooked up to lots of tubes and wires.  Do you have a Moby or other stretchy wrap for whenever it is that they give you the go ahead?  You are a champ with the pumping, and I'm glad you have good LC support.  Hang in there. We are all here for you and your family.

post #66 of 641

Sara: I'm sorry about the PPD.  I was borderline this time around, and I know the feeling of not feeling like yourself, of loving being a mom but also feeling oddly distant at times.  I'm glad you are talking about it and getting support.  It will certainly get better.  For now, just hang in there, and know that your little boys are so lucky to have you.  They are especially lucky to have two nursing moms!

post #67 of 641

I missed everything! Holy Moly!

Dandy: Congrats, he is just lovely. I am thinking of you and your partner and sweet babe. I hope the next couple of months are kind. I can't wait to follow you guys from the NICU to your home:)

 

KS: So cool that DD is nursing again! I am sure that eases some of the shock of not being preggo to your body and brain. 

 

Brite: I love the pics! Ihope you guys are enjoying your babymoon.

 

Nos: A boy! How fun, as a mother of 2 boys I can tell you that you are in for such joy!joy.gif

 

Ahope: I am right there with you lady. 1 year is right around the corner. I just want him to stay my baby forever.

 

sara; HUGs. anytime you need a friend, I am a phone call and an hour drive away:)

 

desert: Cute room, can't wait to see the baby that goes in it!

post #68 of 641
Hi kids,

Just checking in briefly--we're in florida at my MIL's house, which is very relaxing but also kind of keeping me out of time, if you know what i mean. Days are drifting into each other a bit. It's nice, but hard for me, since I like to have everything planned out. E is getting all fun and playing games with us now, and also seems to be sleeping through the night (which is to say, she's done 10pm-7 or 8am three of the last four nights, and only woke up once the other one). Grandma keeps sending DP and I out on dates and E seems to have no problem taking the bottle from her, which is a great relief. I know that when I'm back at work DP will figure out the bottle stuff with her regardless, but knowing that she's doing it already without being miserable will make that transition a lot easier on all of us, I think.

Sara, I'm so sorry that you're still feeling out of sorts. I don't know how you're managing everything you have going on--it was hard for me with just E, and in chicago there are so many places to go to just be with other people. You're amazing for taking care of both boys (especially since they need different things now!) alone for such big chunks of time! I hope it gets easier. DP wanted to make a side run through Ohio to see Soren (and the rest of you all, but she says she keeps reading your facebook updates and really misses him for some reason) but it's too far off our route home. greensad.gif

Hi to everyone else! I'll be back at work in 2 weeks and I'm sure you'll get sick of me never shutting up then!
post #69 of 641

Will they let you hold him in a carrier (like a Moby wrap) yet?  I know several people who have used Moby wraps with premies, but I know that he is very small and hooked up to lots of tubes and wires.

 

No, not when he's this small!!  And thanks for the suggestion about moby wraps with prems, that's good info for my job!!  :D  I usually suggest to mamas that they wear a stretchy low cut or v-neck shirt, and we just pop the baby down the front.  How fast would it be to get a baby out of a moby wrap if he needed to?  I've never used a moby wrap....  We tie babies to their mamas (it's *really* hard to tie babies to dads, because there's no boobs to keep them upright) though, I imagine a Moby wrap would be even easier!!!  (we use two small flat sheets, I suspect they're actually cloth diaper flats that are no longer used as such since we have disposables, folded into triangles, and then tied together, with a slip knot on one side so you can release it one handed if you need to).  

 

I think the Ergo with infant insert starts at 7lbs?  We definitely have babies that are much smaller than that who go home.

 

I know some of my co-workers used to make slings out of the baby linen and carry the really crabby ones around, as then they would sleep and weren't screaming all the time.   Unfortunately it's a frowned-upon practice now.  

post #70 of 641

Dandy, I'm glad to hear Adair is doing well smile.gif

 

And Sara, I'm sorry you're struggling. Are you getting out lots and connecting with other adults? Is there a local PPD center or group you can contact - even if it's just by phone or email. Take care and I know you already know this but you're a rock star for caring for the 2 boys!!

 

 

Afm: I'm 6 weeks tomorrow. So far nothing too exciting has been happening. My boobs are still super sore so that's comforting but I'm not having any severe nausea or heartburn...I had both with DD by this time. I'm really tired and very emotional and I get short waves of mild nausea most nights or if I wait to eat. Mostly I feel good though. I found it really hard to concentrate at work last week - my heart just isn't in it at the moment. I have a fairly busy week coming up or I'd consider just taking some vacation days. I said on the other thread that I hate wishing my days away but I'll be super happy for July 19th to get here!
 

post #71 of 641

Darth and Dandy: I posted an inquiry on my babywearing facebook group and got these resources regarding babywearing preemies. This site sells the kind of woven wraps that the experts apparently prefer even to stretchy wraps (like a Moby) for tiny preemies.   This web site is a support and resource page for parents about kangaroo care for preemies and newborns.

Also, a mom on the site posted a pic of her baby, who was 2.5 days old after being born at 27 weeks and on CPAP, in a kangaroo carry against her chest in a Moby.  She said it was great for limiting movement to protect the baby's delicate skin. Apparently the kangaroo carry is preferred for various reasons, including how quick and easy it is to remove the baby (no unwrapping needed--just pop the baby out the top).  Here is a video showing how to use a woven wrap (would also work with a stretchy like a Moby) to do kangaroo care.  Hope these help a bit!

post #72 of 641

Amanda, thank you SO MUCH for this info!!!!!  A lot of "older" prems (33-37 weeks) go home before they're "normal baby size" and we have to adapt things like car seats for them, but I've never found good info on baby wearing prems.  There is a growing body of GOOD literature that links better outcomes for prems with being kept with their parents (fully supported).  They're studying the older prems, who are less likely to need help breathing/maintaining their blood pressure/etc (but even micro prems, once they can tolerate the transfer from incubator to warm human body, do well).  Moby-type wraps would be cheap and easy to acquire too, which is a bonus in our cash strapped nursery!  I will suggest it on our next nursing practice meeting.  

 

I've seen the kangaroo mother care website before (I think it might even be part of our NICU parent package on the resource list).  The position is picky for prems so that they have less of a chance of cutting off their airway (it's much softer than a term baby's airway), and so they can hear the heartbeat.  It's developmentally appropriate in terms of body positioning (like a frog, so arms tucked in to the sites in a bicep curl position, knees bent and spread out on either side of the body, head turned to the side so that the ear is on the chest).  In babies who start to show feeding cues, it means that there is a boob a short distance away, which supports breastfeeding!

 

All the stuff you posted will be great for Dandy, DW and Adair once he gets a little bit bigger!  I will sucker a baby wearing, Moby familiar parent in the nursery and test run it on them.  Or maybe I'll pilfer a sheet from the maternity unit upstairs and try it out.  ;)

 

And I'm done hijacking your forum now!!  Back to talking about babies!

post #73 of 641
AmandaHope, I love that you found resources. You rock.
post #74 of 641

Amanda - those resources are great! i felt so lost and out of control when DD was in the NICU. it's great to know that there are people working for more baby-wearing in the NICU.

 

carmen - is july 19th your first visit?

 

afm: DW's shingles are on the mend. the vitamin E oil and acupuncture seem to be helping a lot.

 

i'm 8 weeks and we have an appointment with an OB on friday. i'm having a really hard time choosing a caregiver for this pregnancy. for DD we planned a homebirth, but my water broke at 35 weeks and DD was breech so i ended up with a c-section. right before she was born my BP started creeping up and my MW told me to start my maternity leave. i'd love a VBAC, but from what i've read, the success rate is about 5-10%. it would be super disappointing to pay for a homebirth (again) if i end up getting another c-section. especially since my health insurance requires i pay for 10% ($3000 for MW + $5000 for c-section). we had a lot more money when DD was born (dual income! no kids!) but this time $8000 would be a strain on our budget. i'm going to the local ICAN meeting tonight, so hopefully i can get some perspective and advice. have any of you tried for a VBAC? what do you think?
 

post #75 of 641

Whoabethy--I've heard really good things about the HCMC midwives (they deliver in the hospital).

post #76 of 641
Beth, no experience with VBAC but is the 5-10% success rate for people who attempt them or just how many go on to have a vaginal birth?

I had the same argument with myself, could I afford a midwife? My second birth was very fast and she beat the midwives. I couldn't see spending 3500 for another UC.

If I had had insurance I would have gone with a midwife who took insurance. I would have either had S at home with a midwife or not, but I would have been much happier with my prenatal care.

As it was, I went with the least expensive OBs in town, they were fine, but it's a different model of care. My first visit they gave me the names of every midwife in town, even. I was a pain in their rump because I refused everything.

So when I was in labor, if we had had a midwife I wouldn't have gotten anxious 10 minutes before delivery. I wouldn't have had the baby on the side of the road.

I spent about $600 on my prenatal care, nothing on the birth (or 160 if you want to count the appointments for him and me after) but I think it would have been much smoother to have found a midwife. And I think that's the moral of my story. If you find someone you're comfortable with you will be a lot better off. If you an find someone who takes your insurance and who you trust, so much the better. Or if you make peace with a repeat c-section, there you are.

Good luck.
post #77 of 641

It looks like I'm out again. I should be 6 weeks exactly today and I had some spotting after putting in the progesterone suppositories this morning. I went to the ER as I had some cramping too and an ectopic still hadn't been ruled out. They did a vaginal u/s and saw a gestational sac and yolk sac but no fetal pole. My hcg is only 8878. They said there is still a chance but it's not looking good at this point.
 

post #78 of 641

carmen - sorry to hear your news. :( keep us updated.
 


Edited by whoabethy - 7/9/12 at 2:44pm
post #79 of 641
Carmen, I'm so sorry.
post #80 of 641

Carmen - Hugs to you. I'm so sorry. I hope that small chance turns in your favor.

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