or Connect
Mothering › Mothering Forums › Mom › Parenting › Single Parenting › When he threatens you & says you threatened him...
New Posts  All Forums:Forum Nav:

When he threatens you & says you threatened him...

post #1 of 50
Thread Starter 

STBXH has been threatening me & stating I am the one making the threats. I already filed a police report this week, but, what else can I do to protect me & my children? 

post #2 of 50

How is he making the threats? If verbal you need to use a smart phone or a small recording devise to record the threats then go to your court house and apply for a Emergancy Protective Order. Are the threats made in seriousness, does he really intend to hurt you?

post #3 of 50
Thread Starter 

Hi hillymom - he says he's never going to let me get away with this divorce & that he will make sure I never get the children. He tells me I am a worthless bitch. He is physically a much bigger person than I am standing 6'3 & weighs about 220lbs. He likes to stand in my personal space when he says these things. He likes to physically restrain me & get in my face especially since he knows it makes me uncomfortable.

 

I thought a recorder wasn't useful unless the person consented to being recorded? 

post #4 of 50

What you need to do is find out if your state is a one party (only needs the consent of one party) or two party (needs the consent of all parties involved) state when it comes to recording conversations. 

 

If it is a one party state, you can record all conversations with your stbx.  And it would be admissable in court. 

 

If it is a two party state, send your stbx written notice (send certified, request a receipt, via e-mail, text and voicemail) that due to his allegations you will protect yourself by recording any and all conversations with him.  And if he chooses to have a conversation with you, he is consenting to the recording.  In fact, I would go as far as stating, at the beginning of any conversation with him (and only have conversations with him in regards to the kids, radio silence on other subjects) that you are recording the conversation and any participation on his part is consenting to the conversation.  

post #5 of 50
Quote:
Originally Posted by chefmommy View Post

Hi hillymom - he says he's never going to let me get away with this divorce & that he will make sure I never get the children. He tells me I am a worthless bitch. He is physically a much bigger person than I am standing 6'3 & weighs about 220lbs. He likes to stand in my personal space when he says these things. He likes to physically restrain me & get in my face especially since he knows it makes me uncomfortable.

 

I thought a recorder wasn't useful unless the person consented to being recorded? 

Depends on what state you are in.  In NJ, where I am, it is a one party state.  You don't need his consent for the conversation.  I believe that in NY, you need the consent of both parties.  But you can get that simply telling him that you are recording the conversation and that any participation on his part means he consented to the recording.

 

Or better yet, only meet him for child exchanges in a public place.  And if he grabs you, report it to the police (I would have a third party present to witness his behaviour) as that is an assault. 

post #6 of 50
Thread Starter 

We are in NY and live in the same household with our children Goodmom2008. I think he has been trying to get me angry & record me lately because he picks a fight with me then suddenly tries to act nice after I am angry and send me baiting email & text messages. He did not ask for my consent though. Can he still use things he has recorded if he has?

 

It's a tough to keep my cool because he knows how to push all the right buttons. But, I think I have to learn how to restrain from an arguement. He refuses to leave the home & is just constantly trying to antagonize me and get into my space. Lately the threats are escalating & kids are in bed with me, but, I'm not sleeping at night because I am afraid he will act out some of these threats. I have filed a police report & kept my lawyer aware of threats.

post #7 of 50

If you are that scared of him why are you and the children still in the marital home? Go to a womans shelter asap! No house is worth staying in if you and the children are in danger.

post #8 of 50
Quote:
Originally Posted by hillymum View Post

If you are that scared of him why are you and the children still in the marital home? Go to a womans shelter asap! No house is worth staying in if you and the children are in danger.

Because if she leaves, he can get a court to order the kids back into the marital home.  It's not as simple as just taking the kids and leaving. 

post #9 of 50

I would double check with an attorney about NY being a 2-party state.  If it is, he can't use them.  Not only that, if he ever records you when he is not present, even in a 1-party state, he will get into trouble if he uses it. 

 

What does your attorney say about the threats? 

post #10 of 50

oh no

post #11 of 50

Not without a court order.  I would find some way to get that filed tomorrow.  In fact, your attorney should be able to do it for you.

post #12 of 50
Thread Starter 

My attorney keeps telling me to call the police on him, but, I don't want the children to be involved. I called yesterday in the early morning & an officer came by (I took the children out of the house), but, when we came back stbx proceeded to tell the children what happened:( They are young in elementary school - it is all really sad. He did tell my daughter he was sleeping in a hotel & left all night. He also told her he would see her tonight after work - so I am just dreading his reappearance tonight. Lawyer wants me to go to family court & file an OOP or a Family offense order. I can't get there until friday this week (job).

 

Can I make him stay out if he went to a hotel???

post #13 of 50
Thread Starter 

Wouldn't it be considered abandonment for custody purposes Goodmom?

post #14 of 50
Quote:
Originally Posted by chefmommy View Post

Wouldn't it be considered abandonment for custody purposes Goodmom?

 

It hasn't been long enough for you to even make that claim.   And as long as there is no court order, he is free to move back in at any time.  Going on a one or two night vacation (even more) is not going to be considered abandonment.  Now, if he were to sign a lease on an apartment and not bother seeing the kids at all, then that could be viewed as abandonment. 

 

But that's not what happened.  Your stbx stayed in a hotel room after talking to the police.  He can claim that the police reccomended a cooling off period. 

 

You need a court order giving you exclusive use of the marital home.  Because he can come and go as he pleases without one. 

post #15 of 50
Thread Starter 

Well I got a temp OOP - sheriff escorted him out last night, but, back to court on Thursday:(  Don't think my lawyer is available - haven't heard back from him. Think he has recorded me arguing with him. He had been starting an argument, then when I get angry enough to oblige he starts acting all nice & sweet. He is also making false allegations that I hit him. Terrified of the hearing on Thursday....    will they reverse the order??? 

post #16 of 50

Thinking of you. Hang in there and breathe. It sounds like you are doing everything right. Try not to worry about recording right now - it might not be happening - worry about it only when and if he brings it to the table.  Easier said than done, I know. Hugs xoxo

post #17 of 50

I was just looking for my lawyer's email when I came across this document that she wrote. I thought it might be helpful for you right now: http://www.domesticabusemuststop.org/resources.php?subaction=showfull&id=1102303016&archive=&start_from=&ucat=2&

post #18 of 50

If your attorney isn't available, have your attorney request a continuance.  My hearing on my TRO (temporary restraining order) was continued 2 times, first because my ex's new attorney wasn't available and the second was because the judge had something come up. 

post #19 of 50

...


Edited by KJack - 7/4/12 at 6:07pm
post #20 of 50
Thread Starter 

I will keep you posted - thank you ladies!

New Posts  All Forums:Forum Nav:
  Return Home
  Back to Forum: Single Parenting
Mothering › Mothering Forums › Mom › Parenting › Single Parenting › When he threatens you & says you threatened him...