When he threatens you & says you threatened him... - Page 3

[chefmommy]

Hanging in there so far. Trying to get a steady parenting schedule, but he refuses to agree. He had 10 days with them in June, but, now does not want to give me vacation time with them. Bottom line is they live with me and he is not here so we are more peaceful. Back to court soon for the house & bills. Am sure they are going to make us sell since he hasn't paid the mortgage or taxes for 5 months. Hope we are able to stay a little longer. Kids want to stay in their schools and there are no rentals in our school district.

Any ideas on getting together a vacation fund - with all the bills it has been hard to put any money aside. 

Thank you for thekind words Grass67hopper - the encouragement helps me to get through:)

[Goodmom2008]

Right now, going on a vacation is the least of your worries.  The kids and I didn't go on vacation for 4 years .  It was once I got rid of the house that we were able to go on a vacation. 

You can go on hikes, on a picnic, or visit a friend/family and call that a vacation.  Once the dust is settled, you can worry about saving for a vacation. 

BTW, your ex doesn't control whether or not you get vacation time with the kids.  And a court will order vacation time for both of you.  If you can't afford the mortgage without him, you are going to have to move.  It stinks, but it's not the end of the world.  I was able to stay in the house for a year and a half after I surrendered it in a bankruptcy before I got served with a foreclosure notice.  If you are in a judicial state (meaning that the bank has to go to court to foreclose), it will take a little longer before you have to move. 

When the divorce is over (and it will be despite his delaying tactics), you may want to consider filing BK (just don't tell your attorney this as s/he isn't going to be happy that you will discharge his/her bill in the BK and may ask to withdraw).   And when structuring the debt division, be sure that he is responsible for the debt in his name or both of your names.  Once you file BK, it won't matter if he pays or not.  The creditors can only go after him, not you.  And as child support garnishment takes precedence over any garnishment order the creditors may get. 

[chefmommy]

GM yes - I know you are right about the vacation. I will try and find a less expensive way for us to "get away".

Lawyer says it could take a while to forclose, but, judge may order a short sale and that could happen a bit faster I was told.

Never thought about BK for me, but, may have to. I am pretty sure STBX is going to do that because he has so much more debt that is in his name only -  from the gambling etc...  Will have to look into BK to find out the specifics. Worried about the reprucussions though.  

[Goodmom2008]

A judge can order a short sale, but that doesn't mean that the bank will accept it.  A family court judge has no jurisdiction over the bank.  Not to mention, that it is still going to take quite a while for a short sale to go through. I know of one in my area that has been on the market for almost a year. 

Plus, your stbx would have to cooperate because both of you will have to give the bank your financial information for the bank to even consider approving a short sale. 

Just what do you think the repercussions are for filing bk? 

[chefmommy]

STBX has been pushing to sell the house because he doesn't want to pay the mortgage since they are requiring such a large escrow amount now.

I always had excellent credit , but, it is pretty crappy now since he has stopped paying mortgage & the single joint CC that we had. He owes the entire balance, but, stopped paying that as well. Think he stopped paying the IRS as well:((((

Worried that the bank will still come after us for the house. Worried that it is possible to recover after 2 years for short sale, but, up to 10 years for BK. Need another lawyer for BK:( Can't even keep up costs on the current one. Leased car - what happens when the lease is up in 18 months? Have to find a new home - who will rent to someone in BK? 

[Goodmom2008]

In BK, probably not.  After the BK is discharged, probably.  You would be better off going with a private owner as opposed to a complex. 

I have a BK on my record and had no problem renting an apartment.  I got the apartmenta little over a year after my discharge.  While a short sale may not stay on your record as long, the bank can come after you for any shortfall.  And that will stay on your record for as long as it is outstanding.  Which could be longer than 10 years depending on how vehemently the bank goes after you. 

BK is a clean break and it's not the end of the world. 

[chefmommy]

I guess that is something I should consider. Does it look bad to the courts in the divorce if I am not paying my bills. I know my husband is likely not paying his, but, I don't want the judge to hold this against me.

Court next week for the pendente lite follow up - it has been 60 days & I am hoping for some rulings on CS. I expect to get an order to sell. Do I stay put in the house until they forclose? I have somewhere to move in the next school district - with better public schools to boot....  do I hold out & save until I get booted out? Do I pay for private school until then? Do I move to the better SD asap?   

What do you need to do to file for BK???? Do I wait until the DV is final? Do I need another lawyer? Can I do it myself?   

[Goodmom2008]

Actually, you not being able to pay your bills because he refuses to help support his kids will make HIM look bad in court.  Not you. 

http://www.bkforum.com/forum.php -this website has all kinds of useful information on what is involved in filing for BK.  In the meantime, here is the order that you pay:

1.  Food for kids and you

2.  Utilities-you do not want these turned off. 

3.  Gas for car so that you can get to work.

4.  Car payment-unless you plan on surrendering the car. 

As for when to file, I would ask your stbx if he is going to file BK.  If he is, then both of you might as well do it now as opposed to waiting for the divorce to be over.  It will definitely make the debt division easier as there will be none.  The only issue would be the division of the assets that both of you were able to exempt and child support.  And child support goes by a set guideline based on income.  Expenses don't matter. 

As for moving, I would wait until you have to move and save money by living rent-free until the house is foreclosed.  This actually benefits the bank as an empty house are prone to be vandalised.  Not to mention, that while you live there, you are responsible for the upkeep.  Such as mowing the lawn.  Plus, you have it insured.  Once you move out, the bank will have to get an umbrella policy. 

[chefmommy]

That is a great BK site - thank you - I have been reading there for days & am now considering. I am fairly certain he will file, but, we don't even speak to eachother - just thru lawyers because we are both so angry! Everytime I try and be civil he starts harassing & calling me names - so I choose to stay away from him as much as possible.

Sadly I heard from my lawyer on Friday - they are going to adjourn court for the follow up pendente lite :(  It has been well over 60 days and we still have no decision. I submitted the discovery by 8/1 as requested, but, the lawyers are not ready. UGH - can't believe I have to hold out longer! He is spending or socking away all of his money so that he can state he cannot pay me back CS. Last time his lawyer stated he doesn't have anything in the bank - he is living paycheck to paycheck.

His lawyer also gave us a preliminary settelment - OMG - it is ridiculous!!!! He wants to have them 50% of the time - during the week when he is working 12 hours per day!  He wants 4 weeks in the summer. He wants Christmas eve & Christmas day split. He is demanding that we sell the house and then that we continue to live in this town - that I cannot afford once we lose this house! No spousal support, none of the dissipated money - unbelievable!!!!

I feel like screaming!!!!

[Kate&Joey]

Chefmommy - I don't know if this helps, but XH was ordered to pay a large lump sum settlement amount to me...without the judge knowing his financial situation because he never responded to the divorce proceedings.

In addition, during his divorce, DH was also ordered to pay his XW money he didn't have.  Both parties had both disclosed financial records, credit card statements, etc.  So it was evident he didn't have $12,000 stashed away somewhere. 

Of course, the difference in our situations is that DH's parents gave him some money and he owned up to his obligations.  Sadly, my XH has paid me nothing...he has always insisted he has no money.