coming out - Page 2

[whatsnextmom]

To UCmamaTomany, I wanted to suggest youth theatre for your family if you are looking for a generally accepting peer and adult group. I can't vouch for them all but most are very, very open-minded and accepting. My DD 15 is a camp/classroom aide as well as a long time student (since 3) and last fall an 7-year-old child who was "male" one class came back as "female" and has been so ever since. It's been a total non-issue. Theatre can be good for all sorts of kids. My DS 11 is straight but gets bullied for other things (like our not being religious) and has found a great group of buddies who could care less about his differences. 

Anyway, you might look into your local programs. Like I said, I can't vouch for them all. I've seen some I wouldn't put my kid in for artistic reasons but I've yet to come across one that wasn't church related NOT be openly accepting to any sort of different child.

[pokeyAC]

Wireless- You don't need to go around announcing you are straight because people assume other people are straight unless there is evidence to the contrary.  If you mention your husband or boyfriend, people get the message.  I don't look particularly lesbian so people often assume I am straight.  Sometimes that is ok, sometimes it is not. Mentioning my wife usually clears that up or even just holding her hand. 

Sometimes my sexuality is other people's business.  It's not their business to pass judgement, but if I hide part of myself I can't be properly recognized for who I am.  Visibility is important.  The more people know and see other people who are gay, the more "normal" it becomes to them.  The same goes for trans people.  I can't imagine even 10 years ago parents being as open and understanding as UCmama and other parents like her.  For me, getting to know many different trans people really helped broaden my understanding and respect for them.  I wish you all the best with your daughter, UCmama.

Sometimes it's ok not to be so out because it wouldn't be safe physically or emotionally.  Emotionally in that someone could say something hurtful or insulting.  This is especially the case for a teenager.

[UCmamaToMany]

Originally Posted by pokeyAC 

Wireless- You don't need to go around announcing you are straight because people assume other people are straight unless there is evidence to the contrary.  If you mention your husband or boyfriend, people get the message.  I don't look particularly lesbian so people often assume I am straight.  Sometimes that is ok, sometimes it is not. Mentioning my wife usually clears that up or even just holding her hand. 

Sometimes my sexuality is other people's business.  It's not their business to pass judgement, but if I hide part of myself I can't be properly recognized for who I am.  Visibility is important.  The more people know and see other people who are gay, the more "normal" it becomes to them.  The same goes for trans people.  I can't imagine even 10 years ago parents being as open and understanding as UCmama and other parents like her.  For me, getting to know many different trans people really helped broaden my understanding and respect for them.  I wish you all the best with your daughter, UCmama.

Sometimes it's ok not to be so out because it wouldn't be safe physically or emotionally.  Emotionally in that someone could say something hurtful or insulting.  This is especially the case for a teenager.

I agree and I HATE that I can not protect my child from the hatred in this world. She already deals with neighborhood kids that might tease her from time to time, because she is so young and we don't push gender, so one day she'll be out in a dress and the next she'll be wearing some truck shirt with shorts. She'll play with dolls and cars alike, and it's amazing how uncomfortable people are with that. Some kids will brush it off and say "whatever" but others who are taught hatred can be down right mean bullies. It's horrifically sad.

Finding that support system and building it is key. Going to your local PFLAG for support is a great start. It helps both you and your daughter.

[UCmamaToMany]

Originally Posted by whatsnextmom 

To UCmamaTomany, I wanted to suggest youth theatre for your family if you are looking for a generally accepting peer and adult group. I can't vouch for them all but most are very, very open-minded and accepting. My DD 15 is a camp/classroom aide as well as a long time student (since 3) and last fall an 7-year-old child who was "male" one class came back as "female" and has been so ever since. It's been a total non-issue. Theatre can be good for all sorts of kids. My DS 11 is straight but gets bullied for other things (like our not being religious) and has found a great group of buddies who could care less about his differences. 

Anyway, you might look into your local programs. Like I said, I can't vouch for them all. I've seen some I wouldn't put my kid in for artistic reasons but I've yet to come across one that wasn't church related NOT be openly accepting to any sort of different child.

Thank you. Like I said we're in a very open Unitarian Universalist church. We're Agnostic Atheist or Secular Humanists our selves and Evelyn has a ton of friend who accepts her. The nursery didn't even bat an eye when we walked in one day and told them "Well, Evan has decided she is Evelyn." They said "Okay" and that is how they address her and write her name etc etc etc. The PFLAG group, while it's difficult to find a GROUP of 4-5year olds who are "gay" or "trans" in many places, I don't think a theater group at this time would help. I think if Evelyn was older, maybe she'd be interested, but not right now. :D

We have MANY LGBT friends, & even our minister, so we're not lacking for support. I'm sure as she gets older her friends will expand beyond the "norm", but right now most parents will try and suppress their kids at this age. I had one "friend" who was "supportive" in one breath but in the next started telling me how her one son kept saying he was a girl and would cross dress while he played but that her "solution" and "reaction" is to keep telling him "No, you are a boy and boys __(insert stereotype here)__." It angered me that she would literally tell me how great of a parent I was and that she supports LGBT and their rights and then do exactly what one SHOULDN'T do to her own child! NO matter how I tried pointing our her hypocrisy, she could NOT see how she was wrong. :(

Still, I feel like we have a HUGE loving support system in place. I never felt scared or ashamed of telling our friends - just scared and nervous of telling family, LOL Like I said this isn't something we could hide. She's already lucky to have been born into a large loving family that will support her and defend her at all costs and at all points in her life. If extended family chooses to be hateful I can choose loving friends instead. It's their loss and our gain! ;)

[whatsnextmom]

Originally Posted by UCmamaToMany 

Thank you. Like I said we're in a very open Unitarian Universalist church. We're Agnostic Atheist or Secular Humanists our selves and Evelyn has a ton of friend who accepts her. The nursery didn't even bat an eye when we walked in one day and told them "Well, Evan has decided she is Evelyn." They said "Okay" and that is how they address her and write her name etc etc etc. The PFLAG group, while it's difficult to find a GROUP of 4-5year olds who are "gay" or "trans" in many places, I don't think a theater group at this time would help. I think if Evelyn was older, maybe she'd be interested, but not right now. :D

We have MANY LGBT friends, & even our minister, so we're not lacking for support. I'm sure as she gets older her friends will expand beyond the "norm", but right now most parents will try and suppress their kids at this age. I had one "friend" who was "supportive" in one breath but in the next started telling me how her one son kept saying he was a girl and would cross dress while he played but that her "solution" and "reaction" is to keep telling him "No, you are a boy and boys __(insert stereotype here)__." It angered me that she would literally tell me how great of a parent I was and that she supports LGBT and their rights and then do exactly what one SHOULDN'T do to her own child! NO matter how I tried pointing our her hypocrisy, she could NOT see how she was wrong. :(

Still, I feel like we have a HUGE loving support system in place. I never felt scared or ashamed of telling our friends - just scared and nervous of telling family, LOL Like I said this isn't something we could hide. She's already lucky to have been born into a large loving family that will support her and defend her at all costs and at all points in her life. If extended family chooses to be hateful I can choose loving friends instead. It's their loss and our gain! ;)

Sorry, just giving you some options for down the road. Glad you already have all the support you need.

[journeymom]

Originally Posted by UCmamaToMany 

I know I looked up the Queer Parenting board the first commenter suggested, in the hopes it was for parents raising LGBT kids, but it's more of LGBT parents raising kids and not the other way around. :(  {{{sigh}}}

Ah, good point. 

[Laura87]

i come from a similar family. my southern baptist and catholic (oh yeah i got BOTH) family knows i am very pro gay rights and see it as a good normal thing. BUT i see no impending reason to tell them that i'm bisexual. yes its a struggle as i dont want to come off as i'm hiding but on the other hand if something is not of immediate importance and will only cause conflict why bring it up?

 i am currently married to a man so they are all happy. if we weren't together and i ended up with a women then i certainly wouldn't hide it either. i would not announce it like its a big deal -because its not. just show up or introduce a significant other when the time cames in a relaxed way. 

 learning to laugh off advice is part of growing up. remember they truly love her and want to "save" her from the horrors of hell in their minds, they mean well

good luck!