Going from 1 baby to 2? « Back to Group Discussions

[Jewels*]

In the early days / months what helped you make the transition from 1 to 2?

What would you do differently another time around?

What helped your kiddo?

What did you do to prepare them?

Were they present at the birth? How did that work?

Anything else you can think of to manage at home with two?

How did everyone get a nap?

How did you cook dinner? Were you co-sleeping? Who slept where?

[Carlin]

Great thread Jewels! These are some of my big concerns too, especially as DD's bahaviour over the last week has me looking back at the terrible twos with fondness. I'm interested to hear how the more experienced mamas in our group have handled the transition.

[herenow2]

Try to get some help for awhile so you can focus on your kids!  We had a little bit of a rough transition.  My daughter (2.5 at the time) really "acted out" for around 6 weeks, but then things got much better. 

Sort of a random suggestion that my midwife gave me that seemed to help:  During the newborn days, when baby is sleeping, try to put the baby out of sight in another room for part of the day so the older child has some time without the baby around.

Also, expect regression in areas and be patient.  Let your older child act like a baby and indulge that a little.  From my understanding they just need some validation.

I'm sure you'll get a ton more suggestions.  Good luck!

[beans]

My first was 5 years older than #2, so quite a different situation that having a toddler, but here goes:

It really helped in the last months of pregnancy to admit that I was scared of having another baby since I wasn't sure I could possibly love someone as much as I loved #1. Of course that turned out to be silly since I was immediately over the moon with #2, but at the time I didn't know it was possible!

I signed #1 up for a "big siblings" class at the hospital and I really liked it and think he benefited from it. It was brief- like one hour. But they each brought a doll and swaddled it, learned about not touching baby's face, learned how baby would give "finger hugs", talked about how much time baby takes to eat and change and rest. #1 has always been the type of kid that appreciates confirmation of information from another source, so having a nurse go over these things worked for us.

My mom stayed for a week after #2 came and, while she helped with laundry and cooking, she really left me alone with #2 to rest. She took #1 out on all kinds of adventures and playdates. I do regret letting her take him home with her (about 6 hours away) for the following week. Before the birth, it sounded perfect: "he can be around and play and see baby, then off he goes to have fun with cousins for a week before really settling into the reality of having a little one around". I ended up feeling like I'd traded him in for a newer model and cried a lot about it (of course with hormones flowing, I was likely to find something else to cry about if I hadn't let him go!)

I never insisted that he throw diapers away or do a ton of other chores related to baby. He wanted to be helpful sometimes and that was great- at other times he wanted to just play around, and that was ok. (Of course, now that he's getting a third sibling, I do expect more!) At that time though, I was wary of him viewing the baby as someone who created a bunch of work for him.

I think the rest of your ?s are more for people who've gone before with littler ones. I could use info from them too since #3 and #4 are going to be the closest in age I've ever had (3.5 yrs apart) and #3 has very much been our baby this whole time!

[MamanFrancaise]

In the early days / months what helped you make the transition from 1 to 2? Remember to ask for help. Especially so you can catch up on sleep. I was a total basket case without sleep and useful to nobody. If I was able to get sleep, I was able to manage everything just fine.

What would you do differently another time around? Ask for more help. Ask people to cook for me, to take DD1 out for a fun time, etc.

What helped your kiddo? Being a helper was fun for her. Keeping her routine was important, too.

What did you do to prepare them? Not much. Read a book or two, talked about the baby. That's about it.

Were they present at the birth? How did that work? No.

Anything else you can think of to manage at home with two? 

How did everyone get a nap? DD1 didn't nap any longer. I would sit her down with a snack and a movie so that I could nurse baby to sleep. Once baby fell asleep I'd get up and lay on the couch with DD1.

How did you cook dinner? Were you co-sleeping? Who slept where? Some days you cook dinner, other days you ask someone else to, other days you order in. But it really only takes a few weeks to get into a groove. DD1 slept in her own bed, I co-slept with the baby.