Mamas....I am so freaked. I'm relieved, but freaked.
Last night, M was going through some kind of severe psychotic episode and I hung with him on the cam and the phone. He stayed on the cam while he called his dd and tried to call his counselor. He did up his dose of the Thorazine, I think-- he was supposed to be on the higher dose, but had lowered it by half a good while ago, because he thought he didn't have the money, and now he does, so he upped again. He is paranoid schizophrenic and was hearing stuff again. Bad stuff. Voices telling him to hurt himself.
He kept saying things like "It's really bad and I know I am going to hurt myself", and wanted to walk to the hospital, but around 9pm he started yawning and I thought he was in the clear to go to bed.
Well, this morning, I thought I would let him sleep in because of the meds, and so didn't call till 9am. No answer. I called every half hour until like 11:30 when I started to freak and I contacted his dd, and a friend, both through FB messaging. His dd finally called me back and she said she wasn't worried, this happens all the time. Well, no it bloody well does not-- he ALWAYS calls me, no matter what. She'd called 911 and they came and broke down his door--- and he was not there. Not there!
I was like OMG he wandered off in a Thorazine stupor and got hurt or killed.
Long story short, it's 2pm and she just found him. He's at the hospital, in the mental ward, and they are not letting him have visitors or contact for a couple of days. He does not have his phone with him. Which, the bill is due tomorrow anyway and it will get cut off.
His dd talked to him and he said he'll call me tonight *cross fingers*-- apparently he thinks he's just going to get up and walk on out of there. He was drinking. I don't know if he lied about the Thorazine or not, or if he drank ON it, but I'm just relieved he's alive.
And here I have tix to go see him on the 26th.
I don't know what to do-- I guess there's nothing I can do, but I am breathing again. I didn't realize how much I have been holding my breath all day.
Jesum Crow. Please light candles for him, or say prayers, or whatever you are led to do. I love him so freaking much.
I really, really hope he calls me tonight. I really really do. I have had such horrid thoughts running through my head. Funeral thoughts. We're not legally married. I have no legal rights to him whatever. Not in NC, anyway, because of that stupid amendment that passed...I wonder about MA.