(((Maia))) May the best comes out from this !
Ear piercing went very well! Ears are healing beautifully. DD2 is happy and looking forward new earrings in about a month. :-)
Me, I'm in a grow/switch phase and trying to go with the flow/create new rhythm. There is a lot going on, nothing really standing out, and it can be confusing at time. I try to be gentle with myself.
Maiasaura!!!! 
WOW. What a wild 24 hours. How are you doing? How is M? I am sending lots of healing energy both his way and yours. I don't even know what else to say - it seems like it should be a big wake up call for him and I hope that he is where he needs to be. 
I totally kwym about staying up till 11:30. That used to be just past the time I went out for the evening.
I'm not doing well today at all. I am very, very stressed and worried. M's dd told me this morning that he'll be transferred to the psych ward (not the emergency mental) and stay for 3-10 days at least. I hope she's just full of herself. Which could be true. She wants him there for at least a month! And being next-of-kin, she might could pull that off. I hope to h*** not. He will lose everything. Apartment of 7-1/2 years, car, computer, all his stuff-- he would be homeless.
I don't think she's thinking clearly about this at all. I mean-- I know he needs help. But as long as he's compliant with his meds, he's alright, pretty much. She's like "little miss I know everything about it because I majored in psychology" and she's very immature and has an arrogant attitude-- what a combination.
Also, I think she has this lingering hope that her parents will get back together-- even though she's grown (32yo!) and they've been split up for like 13 years. Her mother lives with her, and if he is rendered homeless, he'd probably have nowhere to go but their house. I think it's possible that there is a subconscious thing going on with her about this.
At any rate, I called 45m ago and they told me he was "in a meeting". I have no idea what this means, except either they'll tell him he's being transferred to the psych ward for however many days, or he gets to go home. Ye Gods, mamas-- please cross fingers, pray, light candles, send energy-- whatever you can, and have time for 
I am up there in 10 days and I sure as sh*t do not want to visit him in the hospital while I stay at his house alone. I will die. I'm already dying. I'm so trying to stay positive. I know it's worse for him 
I haven't talked to him yet. All day long I have not talked to him.
At 11, I was told he was asleep. After the "meeting", I was told he was in "group". Then another group. I was told all the groups stop btw 3 and 7, and the last person at 2:30 told me they'd corner him and make sure he was by the phone (it's a phone for patients, on the hall) at 3:05.
So I waited till 3:08 and the person who answered must work there-- but she told me there was no such person as M, that there never had been, she asked all the staff and the patients, and he does not exist.
WTF???
So I called his dd and she said "They have to tell you that". I said "No, they don't. Yesterday they told me they couldn't confirm or deny, and that's what they say for privacy laws, but M put me on the emergency contact list and I have talked to him several times".
So she said "well, I just got off the phone with him". This, minutes after they said he didn't exist.
And she said "well he's getting moved anyway." and then I thought the phone cut off. So I waited like 15m and called her back, at which point she said "I'm having issues, I'll have to call you back". And hung up.
I know I will not hear from her again. At least tonight. She's got such a tight hold on her family and in her eyes, I am not part of it-- I am an intruder. It feels like she is keeping me from him. It really does. It does not feel like she has too much on her plate and I am one more thing. It feels like she has manipulative control issues and she's got a handle on this and I am not needed, thankyouverymuch.
Mamas, I am freaking right the f**k out. RIGHT out. I am afraid he'll think I've given up on him. I'm afraid she'll manipulate the whole thing so that I can't talk to him and that he'll have to stay there. I don't know what to do. I don't know what to do.
I am devastated 
Maia, I don't know if it would help, but I would write a letter to M. and one to his doctor and send it special delivery or whatever, to that institution. What a rough situation.... I'm sorry. Hugs!
I was going to say to call his counselor to find out what's going on. (((BIGHUGS))) I hope you can get ahold of M soon!
Praying for you and M. Do you have a counselor or minister (if I remember correctly, you attend a UU and a Catholic church) that can support you?
I was going to say to call his counselor to find out what's going on. (((BIGHUGS))) I hope you can get ahold of M soon!
Well, since we are not legally married, and I am *living* 800 miles away, not just "out of town", I am trying to lay low as much as possible so that at least I can talk to him.
Praying for you and M. Do you have a counselor or minister (if I remember correctly, you attend a UU and a Catholic church) that can support you?
I don't. But last night I got on the Sober Recovery chat rooms and I'm kind of getting known in there among the regulars, and one guy helped me out a whole lot.
Here is the update:
I finally waited till like 6pm and decided to give it one more try. Not call the direct patient phone, but the main number, and talk to the person who answered that one. I explained the situation, and told him what I just told you guys in my last post. He was very compassionate and helpful and told me exactly where M was 
Then, I asked him if instead of me trying to call over there, and just get sent through more red tape, would HE call for me while I am on hold and make sure M was there, before I attempt to call, myself? And wouldn't you be understandably frantic with worry if you were 800 miles away from your #1 loved one?
So he did! He confirmed that M was there, but couldn't tell me how long he would be there, or anything else. He did tell me that I needed to wait an hour before I called, but that the nurse would be expecting my call.
So I called at 7:10 and I got to talk to him! 
M thought I'd given up on him. He had no idea how much trouble I was having getting through. I promised not ever to give up on him, and he promised that he still loved me utterly and would not give up on me either 
and asked me if I was still coming up there! Um, course I am!
I told him-- well, briefly-- how his dd was being, with me (at first, compliant and helpful, but recently very dismissive) and he was like "Well, that's L for you"-- um, no. We are going to have one serious discussion about her when I get there. Because if she continues to act this way with me, one of two things is going to happen, neither of which will be comfortable, to say the least, for M.
Either I will lay down and be a doormat in the interest of family harmony-- which, I might, at first. For his sake. But I have been laying low for nearly 3 years while she adjusts to me existing at all.
OR, I will (eventually) blow up and tell her straight out that her behavior and attitude toward me is disrespectful and unacceptable, in which case M is going to be like a bone between two dogs. And it will cause a rift in our relationship, which would please L no end, probably, but would not promote her aim of hopefully getting her parents back together. And M would be resentful as hell against her for doing such.
But all that is for another day. Off to call and see if I can say hi.
Oh yeah-- and he said he's there for 3-5 days! At least I'll be able to see him. I'm going up there in 9 
As my kid would say "HOLY MOLY PANGOLIN!"
I'm so glad you were able to reach M! I will be lighting a candle for he and you. How old is his DD?? *sigh* It's too bad she is making things difficult for her dad, too bad she can't see that what she is doing is hurting him.
As my kid would say "HOLY MOLY PANGOLIN!"
I'm so glad you were able to reach M! I will be lighting a candle for he and you. How old is his DD?? *sigh* It's too bad she is making things difficult for her dad, too bad she can't see that what she is doing is hurting him.
What in the world is PANGOLIN?
Guess what??? M is getting out tomorrow! Woohoo!
HIs dd is 32. Going on twelve, I swear 
What in the world is PANGOLIN?
Guess what??? M is getting out tomorrow! Woohoo!
HIs dd is 32. Going on twelve, I swear
A pangolin is an animal that looks kind of like an anteater/pinecone:
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Pangolin It is the star of Z's favorite book "roly poly pangolin" by the same author/illustrator who does the Llama, llama books, Anna Dewdney. I would say "holy moly macaroni!" to her and she started saying "holy moly pangolin" - it's hilarious.
So thankful to hear that M is getting out tomorrow if that is what is best for him! YAHOO!! Not too long until you go to visit him, right? Did you say the 29th?
I was sure you were going to tell me his daughter was 22. Wow. I will send her energy to come to peace with her parents split and deal with it appropriately and you the strength to deal with her. Yikes!!
Love going out to all!
A pangolin is an animal that looks kind of like an anteater/pinecone:
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Pangolin It is the star of Z's favorite book "roly poly pangolin" by the same author/illustrator who does the Llama, llama books, Anna Dewdney. I would say "holy moly macaroni!" to her and she started saying "holy moly pangolin" - it's hilarious.
So thankful to hear that M is getting out tomorrow if that is what is best for him! YAHOO!! Not too long until you go to visit him, right? Did you say the 29th?
I was sure you were going to tell me his daughter was 22. Wow. I will send her energy to come to peace with her parents split and deal with it appropriately and you the strength to deal with her. Yikes!!
Love going out to all!
That's funny-- how old is she? Three? I bet to her, "holy moly" sounds like "roly poly". She might think it's the same!
She's 32 AND has a kid a bit younger than mine. Her parents-- M and his ex- split up some 13 years ago. It's not bloody likely they will EVER consider reuniting. But the ex, her mom, is freaky-deaky, too. She's untreated bipolar and crazy as a loon. She drove L's car into an abutment not long ago, trying to kill herself.
Consequently, L lost her job because she no longer has a way to get there. L doesn't have a license and hasn't had one for years and years. Supposedly she got busted with part of a joint years ago, in the car, and for some reason has a $1000 fine she can't pay, so can't get her license back. I think it's a load of hooey, myself.
Did I mention the mom, and L, and L's heroin addict husband, and her 10yo boy live all together? The husband got sent away for like...ever, recently, I am not sure of the story. She's totally done with addicts (she says). They're supposedly finally divorcing.
It's dawning on me-- has been for years, but this weekend confirmed it-- that that family has survived on chaos and calamity and crisis for a LONG time.
M is starting to get the idea that people don't live this way. Most people. He's so enmeshed with codependency and enabling that he can't see the forest for the trees. Can't tell the difference between love and unhealthy rescuing. His dd has never had a chance to grow up. She's incredibly immature and selfish. She's also a know-it-all and has a huge superiority complex. And it's becoming clear that she has taken care of the parental crises for years-- like when M was hospitalized for leukemia, years ago. It wasn't his ex, his co-adult-- but his then 25?yo...maybe 19, I forgot-- who handled it all.
What a mess. He's utterly non confrontational, as well, which makes it all way worse. I wonder if he's afraid of his dd, a little bit. She's very...she has a very strong personality. Rather pushy. She doesn't care who she talks to how. She sent me a text, when I texted her to remind her to wake up and go see M's boss on Monday-- "I don't need to be reminded on what to do or how to say things. I have been doing this a long time". I thought it was very snotty and disrespectful.
The thing is, though, this is going to come to a head very, very soon. Supposedly she is the only one with access to M's medical information, because she's #1 next of kin-- and Monday 3pm was the last I heard from her. She kept telling me relax, she's got it, etc...and then hung up on me and never called me back. If I had to depend on her to know anything about my sweetheart, I'd turn blue first. She's just pretty much dismissed me as not important. And M is like "well, that's her".
And he's going to HAVE to confront her-- he had bloody well stand up for me! Because if he doesn't-- if his (in this situation) spineless attitude wins out-- then *I* am going to confront her, and either way, it's going to be uncomfortable for him. He's going to lose out either way, but especially if it's me who has to speak up. Because if it's me, it will for sure cause a rift. If it's him, she'll eventually get over it and speak to him, and probably eventually decide I am a person who's nice and not going away and she better act accordingly.
I am not trying to make enemies. I have been way beyond patient for nearly 3 years while she decided if I am an entity or not. I am a very easy person to get along with, and I'm really usually pretty nice, as you all know-- but do NOT make an enemy of me before you even try to get to know me. It will not end well.
What a f**ked up mess.
What a mess. He's utterly non confrontational, as well, which makes it all way worse. I wonder if he's afraid of his dd, a little bit. She's very...she has a very strong personality. Rather pushy. She doesn't care who she talks to how. She sent me a text, when I texted her to remind her to wake up and go see M's boss on Monday-- "I don't need to be reminded on what to do or how to say things. I have been doing this a long time". I thought it was very snotty and disrespectful.
The thing is, though, this is going to come to a head very, very soon. Supposedly she is the only one with access to M's medical information, because she's #1 next of kin-- and Monday 3pm was the last I heard from her. She kept telling me relax, she's got it, etc...and then hung up on me and never called me back. If I had to depend on her to know anything about my sweetheart, I'd turn blue first. She's just pretty much dismissed me as not important. And M is like "well, that's her".
And he's going to HAVE to confront her-- he had bloody well stand up for me! Because if he doesn't-- if his (in this situation) spineless attitude wins out-- then *I* am going to confront her, and either way, it's going to be uncomfortable for him. He's going to lose out either way, but especially if it's me who has to speak up. Because if it's me, it will for sure cause a rift. If it's him, she'll eventually get over it and speak to him, and probably eventually decide I am a person who's nice and not going away and she better act accordingly.
I am not trying to make enemies. I have been way beyond patient for nearly 3 years while she decided if I am an entity or not. I am a very easy person to get along with, and I'm really usually pretty nice, as you all know-- but do NOT make an enemy of me before you even try to get to know me. It will not end well.
What a f**ked up mess.
Yes, a F-ed up mess for sure. WOWZA, lady! You are a very strong woman and I hope this DD BS works out well in the end.
How is M doing now that he's home? How is everything shaking out from the stay in the hospital? I'm thinking of you, mama.
Off to pack for the festival this weekend. Looks like rain tomorrow... good thing I'm not sweet enough to melt (and have a TOTALLY NERDY but TOTALLY AWESOME) rain outfit... pants, jacket and I have rocked that in the rain while dancing like a maniac before! woohoo!! haha.
Yes, a F-ed up mess for sure. WOWZA, lady! You are a very strong woman and I hope this DD BS works out well in the end.
How is M doing now that he's home? How is everything shaking out from the stay in the hospital? I'm thinking of you, mama.
Off to pack for the festival this weekend. Looks like rain tomorrow... good thing I'm not sweet enough to melt (and have a TOTALLY NERDY but TOTALLY AWESOME) rain outfit... pants, jacket and I have rocked that in the rain while dancing like a maniac before! woohoo!! haha.
What festival again? Have fun!
Oh, mess. Thank you for asking. M is doing well! Yay! He's adjusting to his new med schedule, and back up to his proper dose. He still has a job! He goes back tomorrow. 911 broke his door in, but the landlord fixed it and is only charging M $30 for it.
The dd saga is not panning out well at all, though 
She is really making this way harder than it needs to be.
I am so happy to have the day off. I am hoping to get visited by a long time friend of mine. It gets to be just the two of us, i think. She's dropping her baby off with her MIL, and we get to have some adult time! I feel so bad for her. Her husband has severe anxiety/social issues, so she rarely gets out.
I am still hoping for good job news for either of us. At this point, I desperately want to stop teaching and just DO something else, like research, editing, or even be an admin assistant. I have WAY too much education for the latter for anyone to hire me for it, though, so I'm banking on the research or editing instead. As for DH, it looks like half the schools he applies don't even OPEN his application. He uses an online site that gives you status updates on your application, so we *know* they aren't getting looked at. So frustrating.
Anyway, Vydalea, have fun this weekend!
Maia, I sincerely hope that M's daughter straightens out somehow. You and M don't need this.
Hi all!
Hope everyone have a great time this week-end and that everyone's situation evolves positively!
I'm in the Red Tent. Enjoying having the house to myself while DH and DS are at work and DD2 is playing at the park (town hired a student to play with the kids for the summer).
Maia, I sincerely hope that M's daughter straightens out somehow. You and M don't need this.
It's a HUGE mess, now.
I have chosen to utterly bow out of it and let M handle it. I sent her a letter via FB, which is the only contact I have besides her direct phone, which I will not do, after this crisis happened. She's so disrespectul, no way am I going to subject myself to her verbal abuse. What a b*tch. I don't know how M does not see this, or (up till now) care.
She sent me a letter back that basically said, "I am not even reading beyond the first line, because I know it will just piss me off", and she basically said she has her life with her father, I have mine, and let's just leave it that way, "I do not care", and do not bother me with this again.
Gawd. I'm just infinitely sad. I knew that her dad was going over there for lunch today-- he's there now, as a matter of fact-- and I was wishing like heck I could tell him that before he went there. Well YAY, the Universe intervened and he called at his 9:30 break. I gave him the bare bones, like I just told y'all, and he said to fwd it to him, and I said "Honey, I am so sorry. I tried." He said "I will fix it". I am thinking, there is no way you can.
The last contact I had was, after she sent me that, I shot a line back that said "Your call, L. I'm sorry you have chosen to force your dad to choose between us. You won't be hearing from me again".
To which, she sent yet another reply, that said "How am I forcing him to choose? I never said it was all you or all me. I'm not a 10yo. I am 32 and no longer have a mommy and a daddy. I take care of my own family".
I did not reply.
What I really WANT to say, is, "Then act accordingly. You ACT like you are ten. And you sure do a bang-up job of taking care of your family. Your husband is a junkie, every boyfriend you ever had is a junkie, you are an immature brat with an attitude, your mom lives with you and she is a bipolar mess who just got done trying to kill herself with your car, which is why you are now jobless and carless. You have never lived on your own. Your grammar-school-age son found used needles in your bathroom. Your husband stole your father's air conditioner for heroin, knowing he has a medical condition that requires he not get overheated or risk death. You did nothing you said you were going to do, when he was in the hospital. His apt was broken into by 911 and you never checked to see that it got secured. Yeah, you do a bang-up job."
Ugh. Thanks for letting me vent.
vydalea, I hope you enjoy the festival this weekend!
witchygrrrl, it's so hard to be job hunting right now. :( Can you do some temping in the fields you're interested in, or even take a volunteer position or internship, just to get some connections and experience?
Valerie, I'm in the Red Tent too. Fantasizing about seaweed salad right now...
Maiasaura, it's really frustrating when you don't have the legal standing to help make healthcare decisions with your partner, and you don't get along with the relative who DOES. (I would insert my rant on same-sex marriage here, but that would just distract from what's going on with you.)
But I think it's fabulous that M is home already and that he still has his new job! Once things have settled a bit, can you and he start getting the legal paperwork in place so that you can make health care decisions for him in the future? (And vice versa, of course.)
AFU, we are supposed to have an old friend come by for dinner this evening. It's so nice to find a childfree person who doesn't mind watching an 8 month old eat!! ;) However, I'm not sure if she's going to make it now, because she has an ear infection. :( There seem to be a lot of those going around, I suspect it's all the air conditioning nowadays.
Bon Fet Sen Jak (Feast of St. James the Greater, AKA Papa Ogou) to everybody next week, if I don't get a chance to post!
Maiasaura, it's really frustrating when you don't have the legal standing to help make healthcare decisions with your partner, and you don't get along with the relative who DOES. (I would insert my rant on same-sex marriage here, but that would just distract from what's going on with you.)
But I think it's fabulous that M is home already and that he still has his new job! Once things have settled a bit, can you and he start getting the legal paperwork in place so that you can make health care decisions for him in the future? (And vice versa, of course.)
It's VERY frustrating.
I don't need to make healthcare decisions. I just need access, and to be able to know how to find WHERE HE IS. I mean, I want information. I want to be able to call there if I'm not there, say if he's hospitalized, and have them just tell me what I need to know, without having to lie or pull strings or whatever. I want ANSWERS. Without having to go through L.
What would we have to do to make that happen? Can't he just write somewhere that I am a next-of-kin as well?
Update: I've been on the phone with him since like 4pm, and she called him at some point and I have no idea what they said, but then she tried to call me, and I didn't answer, and apparently she left a voice mail, which I haven't heard yet. She kept trying to call me, and calling him and he kept answering her, and getting more and more pissed off, so he was blasting ME as well....ye Gods.
She must have left me two voice mails and called at least 3x while I was on the phone with him and called him at least 3x. I have no idea what happened when they spoke, but tell you what-- this is "leave me alone"??? I am done. I said my piece and I am done. I have bowed out. Now YOU leave ME alone, you immature beyotch. You poke me for 3 years and then blame me when I react? I don't f**king think so.
GRRR.
I've been too sick to keep up, but Maia, look into having him grant you durable power of attorney.
Hi all!
I don't get to post much - between my 11 week old DS and having to use my DH's messed-up laptop because mine is completely broken - but thanks for all the welcoming and suggestions last month!
It sounds like this has been quite a month for some of you!
Maia - . What a rough month! It sounds like this has been really energy draining for you - I hope you give yourself permission to spend some time this weekend not thinking about the whole situation. Go out, do something fun with DS, go somewhere alone and have a relaxing time. You need and deserve that.
Revolting - Good luck with buying a house! That's got to be so exciting and so stressful - I'm sure you'll get the right place!
Lioness - Congrats on the new LO!!!
Everyone- sending good wishes for healing from illnesses, financial problems, employment, etc.
I will definitely check out the Circle Round book that everyone recommends! I have recently learned about Amazon having really terrible labor practices (apparently, they're big into union busting), so I'm limiting myself to either spending full price at our local women's bookstore (which I would do all the time if I could afford it, but can't often), or searching our great used bookstores for it. I've also been looking into pagan-themed children's books. I found a neat site called goodreads - here's their "shelf" for pagan parenting: http://www.goodreads.com/shelf/show/pagan-parenting
One book I really love is The Pagan Family by Cesiwr Serith. He has some really nice ideas, and just some really great suggestions for sharing Pagan concepts and values with your kids.
I've also been having lots of fun looking up Pagan crafts for kids, imagining how we'll celebrate Sabbats when DS gets older, etc.
However, I'm realizing that my own practice is really falling by the wayside. Obviously, having a tiny LO takes up most of anyone's time, but that may not be an excuse for the fact that I've basically meditated once or twice in the past 3 months. I'm trying to start meditating while breastfeeding - that's sorta kinda working. I've also decided to re-listen to my OBOD (Order of Bards, Ovates, and Druids) CDs - DH and I had started to make a bi-weekly practice of listening to them / doing the meditations before DS was born, and we got halfway through them. I think I'll start over from the beginning - even if I can't do all of the rituals, at least I'm absorbing the concepts and energy. It's also been hard to get out much, as most days it's 100F+ here - I really need to spend more time outdoors in nature. I took a quick walk with DS after a monsoon last evening, and really tried to focus on the birds, cacti, etc.
Any advice from anyone on how you've kept any kind of spiritual routine whilst being consumed by your newborn?
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