July Chit Chat - Page 6 « Back to Group Discussions

[Mal85]

DD1 is only 3, so we're not quite there yet. She starts preschool this year, so I am anticipating it. So far, she isn't very attached to the things she makes. If I display it for a while, that seems to be good enough for her. I honestly haven't kept very much so far. I'm the exact opposite of a pack rat, so I don't tend to hold on to things for long. Honestly, I will probably throw most of it away, but maybe wait until the end of the school year to go through everything. I could see picking through it without her, then letting her choose some special ones after I've already gone through it. I have a large hope chest we keep things like that in, but I really should get a box for DD1's things and one for Greta's things.

Here's a question... this makes me think of heirlooms. I know it's a long ways off, but I do think about it. One thing that has me concerned is their Christening gown. It was bought for DD1, but they both wore it for their Christening. So, who do I pass it down to? Or do I just hang onto it and let them deal with it after I die? I think that's a good plan, haha!

[Mal85]

AFU: Greta still doesn't want to nap. She was with DH yesterday while I had my root canal and she did nap a little better for him. I go back and forth between trying to fix it and just not really caring. She's happy when she's awake, so should I really be trying to fix it? 

She has also started refusing the bottle. She took it okay when we went away for the weekend. But has completely refused it since then. I got a sippy cup with handles for her today to see if she would take some from that instead of the bottle. Tonight I am having a girls' night with some friends. We're going out to a local winery for a wine release party. Live music and yummy wine with my girlfriends. I'm really looking forward to it, but worried that she won't take a bottle for DH. I'm hoping she'll take the cup. Tonight is the first time in 4 years that all us girls are going out and no one is pregnant! We've all been popping babies out pretty consistently for 4 years now!

[ZippyGirl]

Sara, thank you for the tip of removing the crib legs.  Bode's crib has metal legs, and I think we can just unscrew them from the base. 

Katie, I'll post pics if the permaculture workshop happens!  He's gorgeous! 

Jaimee, we constantly cull stuff from our home, so my daughter is used to seeing me get rid of my own things, but it is still tough for her to let go of her artwork.  She recently let me cut up a few of her Waldorf paintings to use as thank you cards, which was such a nice way to use up the excess.  The cards really came out so beautifully.  No ideas for the 3-D stuff, though!!!

[Becky Wheeler]

Aww! It's tough when it's like that, Jaimee. Maybe explain to her that the things she makes (with the wooden beads) are wonderful to wear for a day and help her take them apart at the end of the day. Michael is very giving too, but in a verbal way. Every 2 minutes he says "mommy, you're the best!" It's great and heartwarming to hear now and again, but hearing it every 2 minutes (seriously not exaggerating!) irks me a bit and when I ask him why he says it so much, he shrugs his shoulders and goes off.

AFM- The whole hospital drama from the other day- I brought it up to the emergency room director, who called me and we had a phone conference. We all agreed that I could attend a staff meeting on the 18th, where the issue would be addressed there and they will educate their staff on intact infants/children. I'm very happy that they took my words to heart and are making a change. 

[LunaLady]

Jaimee, what if you had Avalon take digital pictures with your camera (or you take them) and then show her how things can be preserved on the computer? You could even then go through them at the end of the year and get a hard bound book printed (they are pretty cheap to get made these days - like $30) with her favorites and you could have one for each year. Then, when she's ready to head off to college you can look through those books and see what she made when she was 5, 6, 7... etc. 

[TalkToMeNow]

Christina's idea is great! The artwork production doesn't really slow down until around 8. My 7 yo still makes me lots of stuff. My girls were the same with the bead necklaces. Here, stuff stays on the fridge for a while. Special stuff is kept somewhere... Not very organized. There are a few boxes here and there! Most things are recycled. It doesn't hurt their feelings anymore... They are practical about it now. I am able to ask if they think we should keep something. Most of the time they say no.

[Jaimee]

Originally Posted by Mal85 

I'm the exact opposite of a pack rat, so I don't tend to hold on to things for long. Honestly, I will probably throw most of it away, but maybe wait until the end of the school year to go through everything. I could see picking through it without her, then letting her choose some special ones after I've already gone through it.

This was how I started out.  It's not working as well as I hoped.  Everything becomes special.

Originally Posted by LunaLady 

Jaimee, what if you had Avalon take digital pictures with your camera (or you take them) and then show her how things can be preserved on the computer? You could even then go through them at the end of the year and get a hard bound book printed (they are pretty cheap to get made these days - like $30) with her favorites and you could have one for each year. Then, when she's ready to head off to college you can look through those books and see what she made when she was 5, 6, 7... etc. 

It's a great idea... I made one for the older two kids last year about Maryland.  The books go on sale all the time so for 22 pages it was only like $25.  It took me an exorbitant amount of time, though, and it doesn't solve the problem of the sheer volume of things that she wants to keep.  I can't really take a picture of everything either- even if I put several pieces in one picture- I wouldn't have enough storage on my computer.  But I do think that it's a good idea for larger items that simply won't be able to be saved for the rest of our lives.  I'll definitely keep this in mind.

Originally Posted by TalkToMeNow 

Christina's idea is great! The artwork production doesn't really slow down until around 8. ... Most things are recycled. It doesn't hurt their feelings anymore... They are practical about it now. I am able to ask if they think we should keep something. Most of the time they say no.

So, how did they get to this point?  Is it just age?  Or is she an innate pack rat?  I'm so the opposite.  I really abhor hanging onto to too many things.  I have a few sentimental items, but mostly I love decluttering.  I thought I could pass this on to my kids, but I'm wondering if I inadvertently caused the opposite!

[dashley111]

I have the same problems with 5yo DD.  Art all the time.  I limit her paper use during the day but have bought chalkboards, white boards, etch-a-sketch...things that have to be erased to make room for more art.  That way she can make 2 pictures or books a day, then can still be creative with other non-permanent mediums until the next day.  I also clear out the art via fireplace when she is at school...

[dashley111]

I just need to take this moment to say....co-parenting is hard.  So very hard.  I was a single mother for the first few years I was a mother, and I found it much easier than trying to parent in conjunction with my ex husband.  Today I am feeling a total lack of control over what is happening in my sons life while he is away for the summer, and that is very hard for me.  I cant seem to let it go.  I have no support around here, just a bunch of anger.

[TalkToMeNow]

Ash, I feel for you. Your ds is near dd1's age, right? 10 ish? My ex doesn't have them for long periods of time, but he has them frequently. There are a lot of things I disagree with, but they aren't battle-worthy, iykwim. Sometimes, I voice my concerns in a super non-threatening way, and then I have to drop it and move on. All I can do is parent them my way when I am with them. Luckily, my ex and I have a very civil relationship, so it is easy to discuss things. But I totally can't push it.

Jaimee, it happened with age. There used to be plenty of tears when precious artwork would be discovered in the recycling bin. I like Ash's idea of burning... Leaves no evidence. Lol!

[dashley111]

Originally Posted by TalkToMeNow 

Ash, I feel for you. Your ds is near dd1's age, right? 10 ish? My ex doesn't have them for long periods of time, but he has them frequently. There are a lot of things I disagree with, but they aren't battle-worthy, iykwim. Sometimes, I voice my concerns in a super non-threatening way, and then I have to drop it and move on. All I can do is parent them my way when I am with them. Luckily, my ex and I have a very civil relationship, so it is easy to discuss things. But I totally can't push it.
Jaimee, it happened with age. There used to be plenty of tears when precious artwork would be discovered in the recycling bin. I like Ash's idea of burning... Leaves no evidence. Lol!

Yes, DS is 9. I have full custody and get to make the arrangements for visitation myself. Of course my immediate thought is I would love to never send him across the US just to see somebody who does a million things the opposite of how I would do them...but, its important to both of them. Including my son. Especially my son. His relationship with his bio-father is something he struggles with and wants to nurture. Im constantly in that "this is not worth the battle" mind set, because ultimately I have to remember that its just 7 weeks a year...and 7 weeks worth of chicken nuggets and video games wont hurt him worse than not being able to see his biological father....right? Haha. Im having a very hard time not picking fights today.

[ZippyGirl]

I am not sure why this is bothering me so much today, but I just keep getting hit with sadness.  On July 4, my former next door neighbor drowned in her new pool.  Her husband found her submerged.  The ambulance sped by us as we walked to the town's parade; obviously we didn't know the reason why at the time.  She was the kindest, sweetest person with the most beautiful smile ever.  Truly.  She was so incredibly sweet!  I feel so sad for her three little ones and husband.  Maybe it was because her photo was on the front page of today's newspaper?  It's just awful. 

[Abraisme]

Jaimee, I'm sure it will pass and I doubt you caused this issue with Avalon.  I think it's just her personality.  I think you're probably going to have to live through some tears, because you just can't keep everything.  That, or limit what she can give you to 2-3 items a day.  Make her really think about it before she gives it.  Luckily my DS isn't too attached to things, but I did have to limit the # of origami frogs that he was allowed to give me in one day!

[dashley111]

Originally Posted by ZippyGirl 

I am not sure why this is bothering me so much today, but I just keep getting hit with sadness.  On July 4, my former next door neighbor drowned in her new pool.  Her husband found her submerged.  The ambulance sped by us as we walked to the town's parade; obviously we didn't know the reason why at the time.  She was the kindest, sweetest person with the most beautiful smile ever.  Truly.  She was so incredibly sweet!  I feel so sad for her three little ones and husband.  Maybe it was because her photo was on the front page of today's newspaper?  It's just awful. 

You know, I recently found out that a good friend from years ago (that I had lost contact with) had been murdered in a domestic violence situation in 2009.  It took me a while to process it...probably a week.  It was right there in the front of my mind for days.  Just take your time, and let yourself have your feelings.  Eventually you will be able to wrap your mind around it

[seraf]

Anthea, I'm sorry about your loss.  Unexpected death is very hard to deal with.

Ash, co-parenting is hard even when you get along.  It's just hard.  7 weeks of video games and chicken nuggets won't kill him. I'm sure my ex tells herself the same thing all the time.

Art is hanging all over my house.  I have several very old pieces. They get eaten by the baby and knocked off the fridge. They are generally put in a folder, but she gives me the special ones or displays them on the walls.  The kids' bedroom walls are covered with pictures, and many 3d things hang from the ceiling. I have to tell her occasionally that I don't have anything to do with 5 million scraps of paper with tiny drawings on them, I love to see them but I don't want to keep them. She frequently takes new art pieces from my house to her mama's and from mama's to our house, so we must both cull things often.  

One solution I've heard of is to have a gallery of kid art, hang the special ones and at the end of the week replace the old for new from the current week. I'm not organized enough to pull that off.

[ZippyGirl]

Thanks, Sara and Ash!  It makes me want to hold my little ones just a little closer!
 

[Jaimee]

Anthea, that's terrible!  I would be completely shaken up by that as well.  I think death is really difficult for us to integrate if we haven't been exposed to it much, as most of us haven't (thankfully!).  My childhood neighbor died a few years ago and then his son died a few years after that.  Both deaths really shook me up for days.  I would get weepy frequently.  I think part of it is feeling sympathetic for your friend/neighbor and the other part is internalizing it and thinking about how you would feel and how you would deal if it had happened to your family members.  It was very shocking to me to face that mortal reality closer to me- not so far removed as old relatives I'd never met or on TV or something.  ((HUGS))  I'm sure you'll start to feel better soon.  Your neighbor is in my thoughts.

[Becky Wheeler]

One of my friends lost a friend to drowning on the 4th as well. She was out on the lake with her kids and husband. My friend was really shaken up about it. Me and another mom helped watch my friend's kids while she went to the funeral. I'm sorry, Anthea. 

[ZippyGirl]

Thanks, everyone, for the support and comments!  I really appreciate it.  I am feeling better each day, but it's still so awful!  Thank you again for your kindness!

ETA:  Becky, Ash, and Jaimee, I am also very, very sorry for your lost friends and loved ones.  It's never easy, is it? 

[Becky Wheeler]

No, it isn't. Losing someone never seems real until the funeral. At least for me. :/