Bajingo Moms and Babies in the Summer Sun - 2012 - Page 4

[CA Country Girl]

Boots- Sorry you and Lyle are struggling a bit with the breast feeding, but kudos for all your efforts for your little one- so many women give up on BF in the face of challenges like those.

As for the anxiety/depression, I think it is totally normal.  There is so much to worry about with a new baby.  I had those thoughts about how easy it is for them to be hurt and how hard it is to keep them safe for both my DD's.  Sometimes it was horrible flashes of them injured in terrible ways.  I do have generalized anxiety, which I have not really treated with anything but regular, mild exercise (which I think does wonders), but I think new moms often have very visceral worries about their babes.  If you still find joy in your time with him and feel like you are bonding, I think you are doing ok.  The negative self talk is hard :(.  If that keeps up- you may want to talk to someone.  Can you give yourself a counter mantra?  "I am a wonderful mother and my son needs me here."  Hugs to you and your sweet boy.

Edited by CA Country Girl - 8/17/12 at 12:15pm

[Tear78]

boots, Livingsky and CACountryGirl said everything I was going to say. Keep at it: breastfeeding is wonderful but HARD, and you're doing GREAT! Look how you are second guessing a lactation consultant (and you're right, btw) because it doesn't feel right to not be pumping. Your instincts are right. As for the negative thoughts, have you tried thought blocking? I have those horrible flashes too, and I struggle with anxiety, but I try to block the thought immediately saying "no, I will NOT think that!" and then try to replace it with a positive image. I still have those scary thoughts and it really helps to stop them before they grow. Hang in there, and don't feel ashamed to call someone if you feel like you need help with the negative thoughts. You're a good mommy!

[Calycanth]

Boots, I'm sorry the LC wasn't more helpful.  Have you checked to see if your insurance will cover your visit? Just wanted to add that I also had massive anxiety, complete with horrific mental images and nightmares, for the first four weeks or so after Cara was born. I still get worried when I leave her with someone else for more than a few minutes, even though I know she's perfectly fine.

[LivingSky]

Boots I second the anxiety thing. I think it's normal. The feeling of panic abated after a while when I'm with Kayden, but when he's with anyone else, I still get horrible visions of what could happen running through my head. Most of the time I can steer my thinking onto another path and get away from them, but sometimes I can't. When I can't, I call whoever he's with and check up on him. It makes me feel better and helps keep me sane (at least as sane as I was before having a baby )

[birdie.lee]

.

Edited by birdie.lee - 5/13/13 at 11:51am

[RosieL]

<3 boots. Hope things are looking up.

FWIW, Odin has some serious cluster feeds, nights when he ended up just crying. I fed him constantly, round-the-clock on those nights. When it became a bit too much (nothing more painful than him coming off the nipple and crying/frustrated), I handed him to DH, went for another glass of water, took a breather, then started over again.

The thing that is so true and so unbelievable is that it gets soooo much better. This is the hardest period (at least in my experience, in four months). It's sooo hard to believe when people tell you "it gets better" but I swear it will and it does. Hopefully the knowledge of that helps the determination to get through these next few weeks. One day at a time. That was a matra that helped me. one day at a time!

[iixivboots]

Hey everyone, thanks for all the awesome support! It means so much to me and it does feel so good to hear it from people who have been there recently!

Things are going pretty well. Lyle is still latching great (actually what we are doing is cross-cradle) and so a lot of my anxiety about nipple confusion and having to introduce the bottle and the pacifier early are gone.

Also, at his weight check Friday he was 8.12, which is 6 oz above birthweight and the doc was happy so we got to go two weeks without a weight check and just come back for his one month well baby. That feels great.

We are still struggling with the nighttime fussiness and clusterfeeding, but I'm starting to wonder if supplementing is/was necessary. I found some good info on kellymom and we're trying to work through it.

http://kellymom.com/parenting/parenting-faq/fussy-evening/

That said, I really want to figure out the one time of day when I can pump and get one feed ahead so we don't end up having to supplement with formula if things get desperate again. I'm really lucky with the challenges we've faced that my husband's work has been understanding. This week he is working from home so I can have a dry run with back up caring for Lyle by myself.

birdie, the water and food issue is a good point, it took us awhile to figure that out but we are both making sure we're getting good hydration and nutrition now so we can best care for our little guy. I got some instant oatmeal but something ready-made might be a good idea.  Also, thanks for the info about the birth center walk in help! We might end up trying that. I will also check the other local birth center and see if they offer anything too.

My goals for this week are to get back to side-lying nursing and get this kid in the sleepy wrap. We got him in once (on DH) when my friend was here to help but we've both tried since and he doesn't seem secure and seems too low.

Thanks again for the love!

[birdie.lee]

.

Edited by birdie.lee - 5/13/13 at 11:51am

[Calycanth]

Boots, so glad Lyle is gaining! I love the cross-cradle hold, too. It's pretty much the only hold I use anymore, except when I'm feeling adventurous/tired enough to try side-lying.

Birdie, thanks for the link! My diet has been terrible lately. I needed some ideas for healthy snacks, and I'll definitely be pulling my slow cooker out of the cupboard! I can't believe you have a 9 mo. old already!

Things are good here. DH comes home on Thursday and is really excited to see his baby girl. Cara has mostly outgrown her newborn and 0-3 mo. clothes, so I spent part of the afternoon yesterday sorting and washing clothes from my 3-6 mo. box.

[iixivboots]

Hi all,

Lyle is going to be three weeks old tomorrow! Crazy. What a wild ride. DH has been working from home this week but he still helps out a fair amount. I am dreading next week, to be honest. It's not that I don't want to stay with my baby alone, but the anxiety is sort of ramping up. I am going to try being very forceful with myself, like Tear suggested, and pushing away those thoughts very hard. In the past I've tried other distraction methods but when the images/thoughts/fears are so great, I think I need to be stronger in dismissing them. My friend was here last weekend and we left him with her for a few hours while I went to buy nursing bras. I had ZERO anxiety about leaving him with someone else, it's just my own confidence. :(  I am doing better emotionally but I am still prone to crying a lot every few days and feeling like I'm not doing something (or everything) right, but I snap out of it pretty quickly.

I am still not seeing an obvious pattern in Lyle's fussiness/cluster feeds. Since there's no pattern I can see, I have no idea when I can try to pump.  Last night he was fussy for a bit but then went on to sleep over four hours at a time twice. I think one time we might have been more like five hours from start of feeding to start of feeding, that freaked me out a bit but he was sleeping and ate well after that, so I guess don't worry? Just won't let it happen too often, I doubt he will, anyway. He ate a lot during the day so maybe that was it. Overall things are getting a bit easier!

birdie, what a great thread! I think huz will be making me some one-handed lunches to have next week. We were SO lucky we happened to have made a big crockpot of cilantro-lime chicken right before Lyle was born. That's basically all we ate the first week or so and it was totally unplanned.  One of my favorite slow cooker meals ever!

http://www.pipandebby.com/pip-ebby/2011/11/18/slow-cooker-cilantro-lime-chicken.html

[Calycanth]

Boots, he is too cute! I'm still afraid to be alone with Cara, not because I don't want to spend time with her, but because one pair of hands just doesn't seem like enough. My DH will be going out of town again the second week of September, so I'll be alone with the baby for a week. Thinking about it makes me feel panicky. Would it be possible for your DH to work part-time his first week back? Or do you have a friend who could spend the first couple of afternoons with you so you're not alone with Lyle the whole day?

[RosieL]

I was panicky about my first alone time with Odin too. It seems as if it's impossible to do anything besides hold and nurse the baby. But then you start to learn little tricks and it falls into place. I feel like when I spent my first weekend alone (no grandparents, friends or husband), I really leapt forward in capability in being alone with baby. You mamas are doing a great job. Hang in there!!!

I feel like we are in a golden stage. Fussy Odin turned into happy, completely giggly, grinning nanny in the last month. He is super chubby and nothing but interaction and smiles. And he's not yet mobile. It's awesome!

[Calycanth]

That makes me feel a little better, Rosie. I'm glad Odin is so much fun right now! My father-in-law actually referred to 3-5 months as the "Golden Age" for babies.

I found out a couple of weeks ago that my dear friend from graduate school has terminal lung cancer.  If the chemo and radiation (which she started yesterday) are successful, she has 1-2 years; if not, it could be a matter of weeks or months. She asked me to come see her, and I'm definitely going, but I haven't decided whether I want DH and Cara to come with me yet. Does anyone have any advice? Have you traveled with a young baby, or spent a few days away from him/her? I'm worried about having supply problems if I'm gone for 3-4 days, trying to pump while traveling by air, and transporting the milk when I come back.

[RosieL]

Im so sorry.

Is your friend in a hospital? I am no germaphobe, but I would keep Cara out of hospitals as much as possible. That being said, I think you could go without her and it would be okay, but you'd both be much happier if Cara came along. Can your mom or MIL come?

Tough choice.

[birdie.lee]

.

Edited by birdie.lee - 5/13/13 at 11:52am

[Tear78]

Caly, I'm so sorry. I would also vote for taking Cara with you, but if your friend is going through treatments I would find out if it's ok for her to hold/be close to Cara. We know a family that went through cancer treatments for their daughter and the mom wasn't allowed to hold her daughter after treatments because the mom was pregnant. It's a hard think to have to think about, but I would check. I'm so sorry you're going through this, and I'm thinking of your friend.

eta - we traveled with DD when she was 2 months old. We drove from Western NY to the Adirondacks (about 4-5 hours away). She was really a trouper in the car and slept a lot. Having just traveled to Europe with a one-year-old, I would say early travel is probably easier (though she was a trouper this time, too). Good luck with your decision!

[Calycanth]

Those are excellent points, Tear. If Cara comes, DH will come, too. That way he can take care of the baby, and my friend can spend as much or as little time around the baby as she wants. She may be having daily radiation treatments at that point, so I'll have to look into whether or not it will be safe for Cara to be around her. 

Rosie, she's still at home, but it's possible she'll be in the hospital when I visit. I hadn't even thought about that.

Birdie, we had a wonderful reunion, thanks for mentioning it. DH was worried Cara wouldn't remember him, but she gave him a big smile as soon as he picked her up.

Thanks for all of the advice, ladies. I'm leaning toward taking my family with me. This is going to be such a sad trip, it would be nice to have DH there for emotional support as well as baby care.

[iixivboots]

Caly, I didn't read this before I pm'd you, how very sad. It is great you are going to be able to go see your friend, though. It will be sad but so meaningful for her to have you there, I'm sure. I would definitely want to take huz and Lyle with me if I were going to be gone that long. I think it will be a comfort for you on such a trip and you won't have the added stress of separation and pumping and all that jazz. I also didn't realize A was already back, how sweet about the smile!

Rosie and Birdie, thanks for the reassurance. So glad to know I am not the only one who has felt like this. It seems weird to be afraid to be alone with your own baby, but there it is.  I like your idea, Birdie, about trying to make some small goals of getting things done besides just caring for him. I think it will make the day go faster. I need to get into my babywearing groove, too, I still feel awkward about it. We got a ring sling from a friend this weekend and DH has tried it but I have not. I need to keep practicing with the sleepy wrap too.

Birdie, let me know when you try that chicken. We're on our second batch, yum!

Tomorrow is our big day home alone. I am not feeling as nervous tonight as I was previously. I have had several friends say just to call if I freak out, so that's reassuring. I told my one friend that if I really panic I'm just going to show up braless at her house with Lyle. ha!

We're still having some rough/colicky (?) nights. Last night I nursed him through it with some significant breaks, so I feel good about that. I was skeptical I'd really get another letdown after an hour of nursing but I did. Amazing. We're getting some gripe water tonight, hopefully we won't need it. This doesn't happen every night. I don't see a connection with anything in my diet or much else, but will keep on the lookout for patterns.

I wish the LC I had seen would have addressed my questions about trying to build a small stash pumping while still nursing. We really can't afford another one at this point. I still struggle to see any feeding pattern (and we track religiously with the Baby ESP app, we are such nerds but after all the doctors and hospitals we got into the habit and figure why stop) so until I do, I don't know when to pump. Need to find some time to do more reading about the whole thing.

I can't believe August is winding down and all the ladies in my DDC are having their babies. I hope that Lilytiger and andaluza join us over here eventually. I was lucky to have a great DDC and some great bajingo ladies in it with me. I am sort of sad that I think the pregnant bajingos thread will be dying down for awhile, there haven't been many new members. We need to channel some babydust to the TTC thread.

[RosieL]

I agree, giving yourself small goals is really great (e.g. "empty the dishwasher while wearing baby," or "eat three meals"...wait a minute...with a newborn those are SMALL goals at all!!!)

 

The only way to get the hang of babywear is to do it, all the time. Even if you just put him in then take him out five minutes later...you're practicing, and he's getting used to it. Odin took a little bit to get comfy in the sling. I put it on every day, and he would want out within a minute. Eventually he learned to like it and would be happy in there for an hour. Same with wrapping him up. :)

 

We had so many of those rough nights. I'm so sorry you're going through them too! :hugs: 

 

I loved tracking Odin, but a word of caution: paying attention to the tracking rather than him probably led to at least one of my mastitis bouts. I pumped/tried to pump after his first morning feed each day. I didn't get much, but at least I wasn't "stealing" milk from Odin. Now I pump after his morning/wake up feed, all day while we're seaparated, then 2 hours after he goes to sleep in the evenings. There is no way I could have done that when we was less than two months old...he'd be mad about empty boobs. HOWEVER, I have to add that he can get a let-down immediately after I have a long pumping session. So if you pump and baby needs to eat right after, he'll still get milk. He might be annoyed that it's not as easy as normal, but if he stays latched it'll come!

[birdie.lee]

.

Edited by birdie.lee - 5/13/13 at 11:52am