Quote:
ITA, emotional abuse is still abuse!!
One of the things that was so hard for me in therapy about my emotionally abusive father from whom I am estranged was the grief I felt even though he's not dead yet. I still remember how gently my therapist said to me, "It is a death. The dream of how you wanted your relationship with him to be is dead, and you have to mourn that." |
Yes! Emotional abuse IS abuse! I am estraged from my mother, and because of that, I am cut out of that side of the family. And yes, there was a period of grief over "what might have been" when I finally realized that it "never would be".
My mother is still alive, and my husband has asked me if I would attend her funeral (assuming anyone tells me about it). And my answer was "I don't know." That whole family has rejected me because I chose being emotionally and physically healthy over having a relationship with my mother. So my showing up at the funeral could be...unintentionally incendiary.
Of course my NOT showing up will be interpreted negatively, too. So it's a "damned if you do, damned if you don't" situation.
Sorry if I hijacked the thread. I can see how the grief following an abusive parent's death would have unique dimensions.
I wonder if the book
Toxic Parents has any information on this. It's been a few years since I read it, and I was searching primarily for information on the decision to become estranged (like, when is it bad enough to choose this), so I don't remember. It's worth a shot. I'll see if I can find my copy.
Ann-Marita
I sure need some!
