Threats with knives - WWYD? - Page 7

[marybethorama]

Originally Posted by Luckiestgirl 

Just wanted to say that comments directing the OP to put her children in school are really out of line, and reflect a real bias against homeschooling.  Even in cases where a parent is depressed, school isn't a quick fix.  It creates new stresses and time demands.  I would no sooner tell someone posting in the Gentle Discipline forum to put their kids in school than I would tell someone to quit breastfeeding.   

As much as I believe in breastfeeding, there are times when I would give someone this advice.  I don't think homeschooling is always the best choice.  People mention school because it's a source of evaluations, childcare, and other services.  If school is the best wasy to access those services, I think it's worth it.

[DragonflyBlue]

Hey inkster? How about you get things right? The vast majority of comments stated that ds1 was handsome and looked like a very loving sibling to the littles. Nobody said anything negative about him. Nobody!

These vicious life wrecking folks? Paid for my son's headstone. Sent me a handmade blanket after he passed. Sent cards, flowers and gifts. How horrible of them!

They've sent help to members in many ways. Monetary help, physical first person help, help with clothing for kids and others. They've fundraised, paypal'd and given in so many ways. So how about you take your drama seeking lies somewhere else. Your bs song and dance are a farce.

[inkster]

Hey DragonFlyBue?  Your concern and advice would be taken much more seriously if Storm Brides replies were not being screen caped to use against her.  

This is a group of adult women who sleuthed out a teenage boy to gain access to his pictures to prove his mother is unfit - these are the people you are defending.   The pictures from Storm Bride, her husband, and her sons accounts were then passed around in PM's while members proceeded to gossip about the squalor.   This families personal information - full names and address - was also passed around in PM's.   If this group is as wonderful as you say it is, they would be trying to help instead of hurt.   I did not say anyone said anything negative about the child - but they did essentially internet stalk him to gain their proof.

[Imakcerka]

Please stop, if you didn't notice SB doesn't spend her time with that kind of Drama. She already said she knew about the site and has no intention of going over there to read that. You need to figure out what your goal is here. Are you trying to hurt her more? You haven't offered her any sound advice you're just here to stir up crap.  Are you upset that she's basically ignored you? 

[DragonflyBlue]

I've not screen capped anything. Not once. I posted after I blew up here and was worried about getting banned. I asked for my words here, on that post to be sc'd. My own words. Nobody elses.

There were no addresses posted. Not once. Nobody posted names other than names SB has up here.

Your grammar is a give away to who you are. If memory serves, you were ran off that board because you were an ignorant dill hole. You posted horrid crap, got called on it and ran off with your tail between your legs. So, keep doing the same garbage posting here. At least you are true to form.

[inkster]

You're right - SB does not need any extra drama in her life.  This should have been done outside of the board.   DFB - I was not talking about you in regards to the screen cap.  You have given good advice - but you are naive to think that 'trolls' are not using her continued response to further their cause.   

I will delete my previous posts and contact SB outside of the forums.

[Storm Bride]

Originally Posted by inkster 

Hey DragonFlyBue?  Your concern and advice would be taken much more seriously if Storm Brides replies were not being screen caped to use against her.  

This is a group of adult women who sleuthed out a teenage boy to gain access to his pictures to prove his mother is unfit - these are the people you are defending.   The pictures from Storm Bride, her husband, and her sons accounts were then passed around in PM's while members proceeded to gossip about the squalor.   This families personal information - full names and address - was also passed around in PM's.   If this group is as wonderful as you say it is, they would be trying to help instead of hurt.   I did not say anyone said anything negative about the child - but they did essentially internet stalk him to gain their proof.

If this crap is really going on, then I'm sorry people can't find better ways to spend their time. There's nothing on my Facebook that worries me. For one thing, any "squalor" is fairly irrelevant, as I don't think I've posted a photo in well over six months. (I only cleared pics off my camera a week or so ago, and they went all the way back to Halloween. I haven't uploaded any of them.) My house is a mess. My house has always been a mess. But, there's never a problem with access (eg. fire safety issues, etc.), and it's not dirty. Our downstairs (where almost all pics are taken) just tends to be piled with toys, and I don't feel the need to vacuum before I take a pic of my kids, yk? I take them when I take them. My kitchen counters are piled with stuff...but any dishes are no more than a day old, and most of whats' on there is cereal boxes, sugar cannisters, unopened boxes/bags of things, etc. If someone thinks that's CPS worthy, they can knock themselves out.

I always intended to keep my online name and real life name completely separate. That slipped when I started meeting local MDC mamas, and went right down the tubes when I started posting to ICAN. (There were lots of people who could recognize me there, where I used my real name, from my posts here, where I don't.) There are at least dozens, possibly hundreds, of people who can match my real name (and it's not a super common one) with my user name here. At least one of them has stirred trouble against me before. I really don't have the emotional energy to worry about who's out to get me. It all seems really middle school, to be honest.

I really don't give a crap. If people have nothing better to do than gossip about my life, I feel sorry for them. CPS would suck - but they're not going to hurt me, because there's nothing to address here, except for ds2's issues, which I'm calling about tomorrow. So...whatever

Time to do dishes. We had a lovely family day at a semi-local waterfall (an hour's drive), and I'm wiped. If I don't get the breakfast/lunch stuff cleaned up, I'm going to want to cry when I come downstairs tomorrow!

[stik]

I reported fauxcrunch's post. 

Honestly, I mostly want to find more energy and mental focus. I'm way too easily distracted, and tired all the time.  If possible, I need to close the diastasis in my abs, and just...forget about my exercises for days at a time (am doing them right now, because my post reminded me). I need to get shoes. I keep letting that slide, but it's really becoming crucial. The one pair I have is hurting my feet, and full of holes. That's definitely affecting my activity level! Get some help for ds2 - definitely need to stop doing the "I'm just over-reacting" thing. I should also look into mother's helper. Actually, I could probably pay my nephew (17) for a couple days a week this summer...hmm...wonder if he'd go for it...

We had a mother's helper for a week when the kids were out of school and I wasn't (dh works from home, so technically, I guess she was a father's helper).  It was awesome.  Teenage unemployment is high in the US right now.  If it's similar in Canada, I bet you can find someone.  Maybe an older kid from your homeschool group if your nephew isn't up for it? 

ETA: I ran a search for 6.5 and 7EEEE walking shoes on zappos: http://www.zappos.com/walking-shoes-sneakers-athletic-shoes/CK_XARC81wE6AtUL4gIDBwIB.zso?ot=walking+shoes&s=goliveRecentSalesStyle/desc/#!/walking-shoes-women-sneakers-athletic-shoes/CK_XARC81wE6AtULegTUBNkEggEEnhiNGMABAeICBgcCARgPDw.zso?ot=walking+shoes&s=goliveRecentSalesStyle/desc/

They don't have a 5E option - still looking. 

Found this: http://www.zappos.com/propet-mary-jane-walker-black-leather

Edited by stik - 7/8/12 at 7:00pm

[katelove]

I'm not sure if t works like this in Canada but in Australia people can self-refer to physios and other allied health services like podiatrists. If that's also the case where you are maybe it would be worth another physio appointment so you can be reassessed and get a new program if it's needed. And a podiatrist may be able to do inserts for your shoes which might help. The one my mum saw did home visits to assess her and then return with the inserts for her shoes.

ETA - I know you've mentioned that you thInk the fatigue is related to pregnancies and surgeries but is sleep apnoea a possibility? It's not uncommon and can result in major issues with fatigue.

[Storm Bride]

Originally Posted by katelove 

I'm not sure if t works like this in Canada but in Australia people can self-refer to physios and other allied health services like podiatrists. If that's also the case where you are maybe it would be worth another physio appointment so you can be reassessed and get a new program if it's needed.

I don't need a new program. I just never know when my back will flare up. The sacroiliac thing is apparently a fairly common side effect of pregnancy, and I was told that it's permanent, but it's not always active, yk? I can deal with it within a few days now - just a PITA when it's flaring up (which it was when I posted this thread, hence some of my bad mood).

And a podiatrist may be able to do inserts for your shoes which might help. The one my mum saw did home visits to assess her and then return with the inserts for her shoes.

I thought of that, and had a full gait analysis and all that done a couple of months ago. Apparently, I don't need anything. I just need to get my silly shoes.

ETA - I know you've mentioned that you thInk the fatigue is related to pregnancies and surgeries but is sleep apnoea a possibility? It's not uncommon and can result in major issues with fatigue.

I don't have any reason to think so, but I have wondered about that - more in a "WTF is going on? sense than anything else.

[Momily]

Originally Posted by Luckiestgirl 

Just wanted to say that comments directing the OP to put her children in school are really out of line, and reflect a real bias against homeschooling.  Even in cases where a parent is depressed, school isn't a quick fix.  It creates new stresses and time demands.  I would no sooner tell someone posting in the Gentle Discipline forum to put their kids in school than I would tell someone to quit breastfeeding.   

I'm one of the posters who suggested putting the kids in school as one possible solution.  Although I'm a teacher and a parent of a schooled child, I'm actually also a big believer in homeschooling.  I don't have a bias against homeschooling.  I do however have a bias towards being flexible, and finding solutions that work for a family, rather than adhering to one specific ideology.  I'd love to homeschool my child, I think he'd thrive, I think I'd find it incredibly rewarding.  But I also know that for my family the cost of homeschooling, which would be sacrificing our only income, would simply be too high.

Storm Bride, it sounds like there are lots of wonderful things going on in your house and family.  I never assumed otherwise.  However, that doesn't negate the fact that there are also safety concerns.  If anything, it sounds like some of the wonderful things, like extended breast feeding, and letting the kids find their own rhythm and bedtime, and preparing all foods from scratch, and taking lots of field trips, and raising chickens, are contributing to your exhaustion to the point where you can sleep through a situation that was really dangerous and scary.  From the outside, it seems like a situation where the perfect is the enemy of the good.  I think MDC intensifies those situations because there are so many people who feel strongly about small details that they can lose sight of the forest for the trees.  So, while I don't think that all kids belong in school, or even that your kids belong in school, I do think that school is one possible way to reduce your stress and get intervention for your son. Right now, the cost of all those wonderful things, homeschooling among them, is that you are too fatigued to keep the kids physically or emotionally safe.  It may be that for your family, like my family, that cost is too high, and something will have to give.

Storm Bride, I also hear you saying that you acknowledge that you have symptoms of depression, but feel like they're due to exhaustion caused by things like your little one waking you up, and not a true chemical imbalance.  Am I correct in that?  If so, my thought is that while your symptoms may be totally understandable, they're still effecting your precious children.  If you feel as though what you need to be able to be the parent you want to be is sleep, then you need to prioritize that.  If it means checking into a hotel, for a few days while your DH does the nighttime parenting, or setting limits about staying in bed more firmly than you might otherwise, or getting some melatonin to help you fall asleep, then I'd encourage you to do it.  If it means cancelling some of your planned outings and putting DS in one room, with an engaging video and a door alarm, and the girls in another room with instructions to play quietly so you can meditate?  Then do it.  Does it mean hiring that nephew to come to your house before your DH goes to work and take the two younger ones to the park for 3 hours?  Do that.  You need to take care of yourself.  You need to do so because you are precious and you deserve to have your needs met, but also because you have 3 precious little ones who depend on you being available to them.  You're clearly an intelligent, creative woman, and when you can't solve a problem like where to put the knives so that your child can't reach them, then something is getting in the way of your functioning.  If it's lack of sleep then do what ever you need to do to get that sleep.  If the fatigue is damaging your problem solving to the point where you can't figure out how to do that, then go to your friend, or to your DH, or to someone and lay this at their feet and ask them to help you.

I also wanted to say, I also stated that as a mandated reporter I would need to make a call if I knew one of my students was chased by or chasing another child with a knife, and dramatic steps such as locking up the knives and preventing unsupervised time wasn't put in place.  Having said that, that doesn't mean I've taken steps to do so.  I don't know anything about another site or FB or whatever. 

[Storm Bride]

Originally Posted by Momily 

Storm Bride, it sounds like there are lots of wonderful things going on in your house and family.  I never assumed otherwise.  However, that doesn't negate the fact that there are also safety concerns.  If anything, it sounds like some of the wonderful things, like extended breast feeding, and letting the kids find their own rhythm and bedtime, and preparing all foods from scratch, and taking lots of field trips, and raising chickens, are contributing to your exhaustion to the point where you can sleep through a situation that was really dangerous and scary. 

I haven't raised any chickens. I'm thinking of maybe hatching some eggs next Spring, which will then be picked back up by the people who rent the incubators. Like the butterflies, that's not really labour intensive - just cool. And, honestly - anybody could have slept through that situation. DS2 got upset, grabbed the knives, dd1 grabbed dd2 and the phone and ran into the bathroom. It wasn't loud. There wasn't a lot of commotion, and it was fast. I woke up as soon as the intercom rang, and was downstairs within 30 seconds. I'm not minimizing the situation, but sleeping through it isn't really indicative of much of anything.

From the outside, it seems like a situation where the perfect is the enemy of the good. 

That's actually kind of funny to me. I'm not shooting for perfect. I don't believe in it, and think it's a really unhealthy goal.

I think MDC intensifies those situations because there are so many people who feel strongly about small details that they can lose sight of the forest for the trees.  So, while I don't think that all kids belong in school, or even that your kids belong in school, I do think that school is one possible way to reduce your stress and get intervention for your son. Right now, the cost of all those wonderful things, homeschooling among them, is that you are too fatigued to keep the kids physically or emotionally safe.  It may be that for your family, like my family, that cost is too high, and something will have to give.

Okay - again. Putting the kids in school would not reduce my stress. BTDT - I had a child in public school for 13 years, ending last June. It stressed me out, and he was a "good" kid. If I'd been dealing with the schools over the kind of behavioural issues ds2 has, I'd have gone nutso. His grad was a huge, huge relief. School may or may not end up being part of the answer for ds2. It may end up being a valid option from that angle. It's not even remotely a valid option from the standpoint of reducing my stress. And, I can get intervention for my son! He's enrolled in a school, and has access to all the things the school kids have access to, except a brick and mortar building. Like the brick and mortar schools, I can't access any of that until I have a diagnosis from a medical professional...and I think I've been pretty upfront about the fact that getting the diagnosis is my major stumbling block. It takes a lot for me to work myself up to dealing with doctors, and if they don't listen to me, I have to start all over again.

Storm Bride, I also hear you saying that you acknowledge that you have symptoms of depression, but feel like they're due to exhaustion caused by things like your little one waking you up, and not a true chemical imbalance.  Am I correct in that?  If so, my thought is that while your symptoms may be totally understandable, they're still effecting your precious children.  If you feel as though what you need to be able to be the parent you want to be is sleep, then you need to prioritize that.  If it means checking into a hotel, for a few days while your DH does the nighttime parenting, or setting limits about staying in bed more firmly than you might otherwise, or getting some melatonin to help you fall asleep, then I'd encourage you to do it.  If it means cancelling some of your planned outings and putting DS in one room, with an engaging video and a door alarm, and the girls in another room with instructions to play quietly so you can meditate?  Then do it.  Does it mean hiring that nephew to come to your house before your DH goes to work and take the two younger ones to the park for 3 hours?  Do that.  You need to take care of yourself.  You need to do so because you are precious and you deserve to have your needs met, but also because you have 3 precious little ones who depend on you being available to them.  You're clearly an intelligent, creative woman, and when you can't solve a problem like where to put the knives so that your child can't reach them, then something is getting in the way of your functioning.  If it's lack of sleep then do what ever you need to do to get that sleep.  If the fatigue is damaging your problem solving to the point where you can't figure out how to do that, then go to your friend, or to your DH, or to someone and lay this at their feet and ask them to help you.

The exhaustion is a long-term, cumulative thing. It built up over a lot of years. A couple of days of naps, even if I were capable of napping (I'm not, except when I'm pregnant) aren't going to deal with it. I'm getting more sleep than I was six months ago. I'm not as exhausted as I was six months ago. Something like this doesn't go away overnight. It takes time.

I also wanted to say, I also stated that as a mandated reporter I would need to make a call if I knew one of my students was chased by or chasing another child with a knife, and dramatic steps such as locking up the knives and preventing unsupervised time wasn't put in place.  Having said that, that doesn't mean I've taken steps to do so.  I don't know anything about another site or FB or whatever. 

Oh, ffs. DS2 has been instructed to come and wake me up when he gets up, so that I'm down here as soon as he is in the morning. DH also put the knives into a drawer with a safety lock. DS2 could defeat the lock, with enough effort (he can do child safety locks easily, but this one is super stiff, and hard for even me to open), but he's not going to be casually reaching into a drawer for them. I didn't do that before, because I rarely use that particular drawer (everything in it is special occasion stuff) and had forgotten that it had a lock on it.

[Storm Bride]

Originally Posted by stik 

I reported fauxcrunch's post. 

We had a mother's helper for a week when the kids were out of school and I wasn't (dh works from home, so technically, I guess she was a father's helper).  It was awesome.  Teenage unemployment is high in the US right now.  If it's similar in Canada, I bet you can find someone.  Maybe an older kid from your homeschool group if your nephew isn't up for it? 

The oldest kid in our homeschool group is only 11 (one of dd1's best friends), but I think my nephew will probably be up for it. He loves his "little cousins" and he also loves money. lol

ETA: I ran a search for 6.5 and 7EEEE walking shoes on zappos: http://www.zappos.com/walking-shoes-sneakers-athletic-shoes/CK_XARC81wE6AtUL4gIDBwIB.zso?ot=walking+shoes&s=goliveRecentSalesStyle/desc/#!/walking-shoes-women-sneakers-athletic-shoes/CK_XARC81wE6AtULegTUBNkEggEEnhiNGMABAeICBgcCARgPDw.zso?ot=walking+shoes&s=goliveRecentSalesStyle/desc/

They don't have a 5E option - still looking. 

Found this: http://www.zappos.com/propet-mary-jane-walker-black-leather

hmm...Zappos doesn't ship here, but you found my shoe. The New Balance 812 is the one that replaced my old, lovely 811. It looks from the comments as though the fit is a bit different, but it's definitely worth a try! I'll see if the local athletic store has them or not. If not, I'm sure there's someone who ships to Canada.

[Storm Bride]

For closure on the CPS/TWWS thing:

I've told ds1 about it, so he has the option of closing up his security settings if he wants. I'm sure he never expected people to be looking for dirt on his mom when he shared pics of his siblings. For myself? I don't care. I have nothing on my Facebook that I want to hide. If I felt it needed to be hidden (not much of my life that qualifies, atthough I'm somewhat reticent about my sexual quirks), why the heck would I have it on Facebook in the first place? I think my kids rock, and if people look at my pics and see something to be ashamed of, I'm sorry for their eyesight.

[MrsGregory]

StormBride, I've been reading, and you sound like so many people I know and I love, I just had to come back and give you a goofy little encouraging icon.  I hope it conveys to you that I'm cheering for you - because I am. 

 

[Imakcerka]

As am I!!!!!

[DragonflyBlue]

How are you this morning? I'm sure your anxiety and fears are toying with you. I'm here, imagine me standing next to you as you make the call. Imagine my arms giving you a gentle hug as you hang up the phone after the call is made. You can do this. I'm really proud of you for taking this first step. You are awesome!

[Storm Bride]

Actually, I have a headache, which is distracting me from nerves. :)

My friend will be here in about half an hour (she doesn't live close to me), and then I'll get the first step over with.

[Imakcerka]

We need cheerleader smileys!

[Storm Bride]

Cheerleaders for making a phone call would make me feel like twit.