Hi- dh and I are struggling to find a way to set boundaries for our almost 4yo son. The most worrying behavior we see is when he hurts his little brother, who is just 10 months old. So, one minute they are together on the floor, each playing with a toy, maybe interacting, maybe the older bro is even giving the baby a little affection by kissing him or tickling his toes. The next moment, he might push, pull, pinch, hit or something else that makes the baby cry. He says he doesn't know why he does it and we are at a loss because we explain every time that he hurt the baby and how does he feel if someone hurts him at daycare? Not good. Do you cry when you are hurt? Yes. That's why baby is crying, etc, etc.
Yes, we agree that this is likely a way to get Mom and/or Dad's attention. But telling him not to do it again and trying to get him to be empathetic is not working. This happens about once a day, often after supper.
It all seems further complicated because dh and I can't agree on how to handle discipline. I keep saying we need to pick something and stick to it, and he tries to do everything on the fly, including setting a boundary, inventing a consequence for breaking the boundary and how that is all carried out.
Please help! What are your experiences with stuff like this?