anyone dealing with baby blues?? « Back to Group Discussions

[mamanoish]

Sorry I haven't been around much. I haven't quite been feeling like myself for the last two months. I was hoping I'd snap out of it but it doesn't seem to be getting any better. Anyone else?? I haven't talked to anyone about it and I have no insurance, but its kinda getting to that point where I either need to snap out of it or get help.

I had a picture perfect home birth, everything I wanted. Baby is great, not even a hard baby or anything. He barely ever cries. I had PPD with my last two deliveries and never got help, just felt better after they were older. I was so high and happy after this baby, I thought for sure we'd be ok. The last bit here though, ugh. I can't shake it.
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I have worked as a certified lactation counselor for the past two years. I was supposed to be able to bring my baby to work with me and when he was two weeks old they told me they overturned that policy. Basically after struggling to work, pump, work around DH, homeschool, do therapy for DS2 (he's autistic), we decided to have me stay home with the kids. I was really excited to be a SAHM again like I was before I started this job in 09'. But at home I feel empty. Its the weirdest feeling. I don't want to leave my kids, but I feel useless. I'm not contributing income, I decided to start online classes (prerequisites for midwifery school), but I just feel like a waste. Dh works long hours. I count the seconds until he comes home. Its so hot outside, we are cooped up in the house all day.

To top it off, DS1 is out of state for the first time ever visiting his biodad. I'm bored. I'm lost. I miss him. I just feel out of sorts. DS2 doesn't talk to you unless you talk to him, and 60% of the time he doesn't respond. He just ignores you. It never bothered me before, but lately it eats me up inside. I'll tell him I love him, or to clean up toys with me, or come play with me, go for a walk...he just stares at me with no response and walks away. I am just feeling really lonely and disconnected.

DH talks about the next baby like I'm pregnant right now or something. Multiple times I've encouraged him to engage with the baby we have NOW, and I've tried to tell him I don't feel well and really don't want to go through this again but he's not a very open guy so our talks are just me talking with him looking uncomfortable. He wanted a girl this time and mentions regularly that he can't wait to try again for a girl. It eats me up and I feel kind of resentful that he's not enjoying the children we have now and obsessing about a daughter we don't have. He didn't really come forward with this huge gender preference until late in my pregnancy. He always used to bed share with DS2 and me, but he doesn't sleep with this baby and says he fears squishing him. I don't get it. So DS3 and I sleep together, he sleeps with DS2 in the other room.

Ugh. I just needed to get all that out. I went to LLL meeting as a CLC on Friday and I'm trying out for leadership. I really liked it and it helped fill that void of missing helping other mamas with breastfeeding. Getting out helped, too. I met some other moms who cloth diaper too so that was nice. I'm hoping to start teaching childbirth classes soon as well. But when I'm home I feel really out of sorts. I feel like we're all going separate directions and I can't stop it. Anyone have any advice for naturally helping with this??

[Cynthia Mosher]

 I know this is your DDC and your DDC mama friends will likely respond soon. But I read your post and just had to respond with a .

[TeamGR]

mamanoish, so sorry you're going through this. 

It sounds like you have a lot on your plate... I would really encourage you talking to someone.  I managed to escape PPD, but I was extremely worried, given my personal and family history with severe depression.  I started seeing a therapist ahead of time, and I really think that's what enabled me to get this far with no episodes. 

I know money is tight for everyone, but there are sliding scale places and student trainees near many universities- are you near one at all?  There are also helplines you can call (look at http://www.postpartum.net/, they have good resources)

LLL sounds like a great outlet and resource for you-  I also joined the Attachment Parenting group on meetup.com that was closest to me- they have lots of playdates and babies of all ages are welcome, so it's nice to sit with a group of like minded Mamas and just talk about anything and everything for a few hours. (Just go to Meetup.com and search locally- there are tons of Moms groups). 

I'm sending you luck and good thoughts - I hope things get easier and you get the support you need and deserve!

[1blueheron]

exercise helps me - a little alone time doing something non-kid related and healthy - i know it can be hard to fit into the day though

wishing you some easier days soon

[Ramzubo]

Sorry you're dealing with this. Like pp mentioned there are lots of therapists who will offer discounted rates. When I had PSD after Hurricane Katrina I saw a therapist for about 1/3 of her normal rates.

Although I didn't have ppd, I do occasionally suffer from ppc (post-partum crazy) from just how long and tiring the days can be. I can really relate to you counting down the minutes till DH comes home. Just before I opened up mdc I sent DH and email asking when he was coming home today. What has been a lifesaver for me was getting a mommy's helper to come in for 2 hours once a week. This allows me some time to do what I want and some time free from worrying about DS (since I'm still at the house I'm not worried about the sitter either). I also picked a lady who's close to my age so we can actually talk. Some days just having another adult to talk to makes a world of difference. The rates are negotiable and some are really affordable (mine charges $10 a hour). I didn't think that one or two hours would make that much difference, but it has been awesome. DS is very happy to have someone take him for walks too. FWIW I chose my lady because she had a background working with autistic children. DS was very high needs, but I knew with her experience that she could handle him.

I also attend meetups with a mommy's group. Even though it's not AP focused it's still nice to have adult conversations, while being able to bring the kids along. Especially now that we don't have as many "baby" conversations it doesn't matter so much that we parent differently. I mean trouble with m-i-l or the weather is pretty universal. It sounds like you're trying to reach out to other moms through LLL and such so keep trying that.

And feel free to update your struggles here, you're not alone

[Ramzubo]

OK I know it sounds really cheesy, but have you tried aromatherapy? I don't mean like a whole ritual (who has time for that?) but just incorporating a few scents. Generally we are a fragrance free household, but recently I made a couple of spritzes and bought a couple of essential oil scented hand soaps. I know it sounds cliche, but just a whiff of citrus when I wash my hands after spraying down some dirty cloth diapers has helped my mood. I also keep some rose oil that kind of calms me down if I'm getting overwhelmed.

[mamanoish]

Hi ladies, thanks for your replies. I haven't had time to post but I did want to update on my situation.

Things kind of hit a wall with DH and I and we had a pretty big argument, but laid everything out on the table. I told him how I felt very upset over the bonding issues and since then he has stopped talking about more kids and really stepped up taking the baby and helping with him. I know he loves him. I think I enabled it as well because he NEVER really asked for him or interacted with him, I didn't push the relationship but then was getting so angry inside that I just kind of put up a wall like "this is MY baby." and carried on.

The more reading and investigating I did, I decided that I don't have PPD. I just don't have the symptoms of PPD. I think I just have regular old depression stemming from a lot of trauma & things in my life. This was just kind of the breaking point I guess? I started to suffer from insomnia  and also anxiety. After a week of laying awake staring at DS3 next to me in bed almost all night (I have extreme fears of SIDS) I decided that I just can't do this anymore. Compulsively checking him and just the stress and anxiety are eating me up and contributing to everything else. I had two miscarriages before his birth and a lengthy time TTC and I never really dealt with that so I'm assuming that's where this is from.

I did find a faith-based counseling center less than a mile from my house. I have only had one session with her, but I really really like her. The appointments are only $30/visit and an hour long. It's really nice just to be able to connect with someone and being able to talk and forcing myself to take a walk, get out of the house and interact with others is helping. I am still doing LLL and ICAN groups now as well.

I definitely appreciate the support. I was feeling much better, but yesterday we got tests back from my DS2 and his neurologist diagnosed him with epilepsy. So I'm trying really hard not to fall back down the rabbit hole. But my DS1 will be back from his dad's in less than a week and I just can't wait to squeeze him!!

[1blueheron]

Glad to hear you found someone to talk to!!