My friend is having a hard time,and I feel she is neglecting her 7yo dd. :( She has cardiomyapathy and had surgery to put in a difibrulator a few months ago.Her heart isn't getting much better,and she may have to go on the transplant list at some point.Of course she is depressed,and she is not following her drs recomendations.She's diabetic and she's still eating piles of candy,not testing her sugar levels,and she's taking lots of vicodin or whatever she can get.She does get some by prescription for back pain,but she takes too many and then will buy more from friends,and she's still smoking at least a pack a day.I am so worried about her,but her dd is suffering too.She also recently started dating a man she doesn't know well,and she puts his needs far above her own and her dd's.
Anyway,she sends her dd away every single weekend,sometimes more than that,so she can stay at the boyfriend's house.She promissed me,and my mom(who is her dd's adopted grandmother,unfortunalty she has no living grandparents and doesn't know her father at all) that if her dd wanted to go home at any time,she would leave her bf's house and pick her up.The problem is,she won't answer her phone or her texts! If she does on the rare occasion,she acts like she doesn't want to be bothered.Her dd was at another friend's house,and she was crying that she wanted her bear(she's had him since she was born,he's her comfort!).At first her mom told the friend she was not going to go home and get it.So the friend called her again because she couldn't calm her dd down.So she went and got the bear,brought it to her dd,who was crying and wanted to go home.So what did my friend do?? Told her dd to stop being a little bitch and go to sleep,and that she was not taking her home!!How can you do that to your own child??She told me this like she was right and that her dd was just being bad. :( She wanted her own bed,her pets and most of all her mama!!
They just moved from their 3rd floor apartment to the 1st floor in the same house.She sent her dd to the other friend's house for the whole time,4 days or so.She spent Friday night home,and then she came to me Saturday.She was brought to me at 7pm.She was filthy.She smelled like b o and pee,her hair was very greasy and extremely knotted.She said she didn't eat dinner.So I fed her,and then gave her a shower.I helped her wash and condition her hair and had her wash herself(I didn't tell her she was dirty of course!).I helped her put on some deodorant and she brushed her teeth,then I gently brushed her hair.She was very happy to be clean.When I took her clothes out of her backpack,most of them were very wet!They smelled like laundry soap though,so I think they just weren't dried enough.So I just hung them up.She also told me she had been wearing the same clothes for days,even slept in them.
This is how she is always sent to me.Hungry and dirty,I've had to remind my friend to pack enough clothes for however many days I have her,plus an extra outfit just in case.I also remind her to bring her bear so she'll be comfortable when she goes to bed.My friend expects her dd to pack everything herself.She's 7,it's normal if she needs help or even just a reminder!She never has any food with her.I'm expected to provide everything,but I'm having a hard enough time providing for my own dc.We make do of course,no one goes hungry.
She's a wonderful kid,and I love her so much,which is why I agree to care for her so often.I'm just concerned for her.When she's here,she's always talking to me,climbing on me,everything to get attention.I give her tons of course,just like my dc.I've heard her mom tell her to get away from her so many times.She has to take care of herself,and her mother.She gets everything for my friend,soda,food,even her ciggs out of the car(even late at night down from the 3rd floor,alone!).I understand she os old enough to do chores and help her mom,I just think it's excessive.I also think it's too much to send her away every weekend,and now that school is out several days a week.I'm thinking it's because the boyfriend doesn't want her around(he's not very nice as it is,he treats my friend like crap,but she thinks she needs someone always).Her dd told me she can't play when he's at her house because he wants quiet.
I want to help my friend because I know she is sick,but I know she's taking full advantage of me.I wouldn't mind so much if she was trying to care for her dd.But she's not even giving her the basics,food,clean clothes,a bath at least every few days.She didn't even have proper shoes for a while,they were falling apart.It took her teacher telling my friend to get her shoes that she can run and play safely in to do so.I had actually bought the shoes that were falling apart when she started kindy.Either I or other friends provide her clothes and mostly everything else.It does upset me that my friend is buying ciggs and pills while her dd goes without neccesities.I'm very bad at confrontation and I have horrible anxiety(I am shaking just writing this!) so I just don't know what to do! I'm not going to call CPS,that would be an extreme last resort.They have no family,my family and the other friends are her family.Ugh.I just needed to vent,I can't talk to anyone irl while the kids are awake,I don't want them to hear this.Thanks.
Follow Mothering