How can I help,but not be completely taken advantage of?? - Page 2

[swd12422]

That's exactly why I recommended she contact CPS (or the licensing agency if her state is contracted to private sector agencies) and find out about getting her home licensed for foster care. I did NOT recommend she report the mom. Not until she has her license, and the girl under her roof. There is still no guarantee that CPS wouldn't fall down on the job but it makes it much more likely that they would let the girl stay as a foster placement in a home where she already has a room, where she already knows the family, and where the family has already been cleared by a CPS background check. The stipend would help with clothing, the foster status would take care of medical care, and both moms (and the child) would all know where she is sleeping at night, and maybe they all could sleep at night. (This also has the added bonus that the mom's visits with the child would have to be supervised -- so either she doesn't show up or the girl only gets time with her mom when she is off drugs and not verbally abusive.)
 

[JollyGG]

Originally Posted by LynnS6 

Because:

And, unless she can get the mother to sign some legal documents, the OP has no way to get the child health care, schooling/school records (since she's on the books at a school, she'll be considered truant, even if the OP homeschools her), and no right to keep  her should the bio father or some other relative come and want to take her. You would have no ability to prevent her drug addict dad from coming to take her so he could get TANF, for example.

There's lots of other ways to do these sorts of things. I'd just say "Hey bud, I made an appointment with a lawyer for the two of us so that we know what options we have for medical authorization, release forms, types of guardianship or whatever so that we know what we need to do so that I can care for your little girl while she's with me." At the least she should get a medical authorization letter. But they can both go meet with a lawyer and find out the options. I think they may find that there are options that both the OP and the girl's mother can live with with neither feeling bullied or coerced.

[LynnS6]

Originally Posted by JollyGG 

There's lots of other ways to do these sorts of things. I'd just say "Hey bud, I made an appointment with a lawyer for the two of us so that we know what options we have for medical authorization, release forms, types of guardianship or whatever so that we know what we need to do so that I can care for your little girl while she's with me." At the least she should get a medical authorization letter. But they can both go meet with a lawyer and find out the options. I think they may find that there are options that both the OP and the girl's mother can live with with neither feeling bullied or coerced.

I thought the OP said she didn't think the mom would go for this. It also lacks the consistency and certainty that I think this child needs. The child needs to know that she's got a home to go to and that she won't be sent away/brought home on the whim of mom or the current boyfriend. I'm not saying that the foster system is an ideal solution by any means. But CPS was already willing to put the child with someone the family knows when she was an infant, so they've shown that they have in the past been willing to work for both the parent and the child.

[JollyGG]

Originally Posted by LynnS6 

I thought the OP said she didn't think the mom would go for this. It also lacks the consistency and certainty that I think this child needs. The child needs to know that she's got a home to go to and that she won't be sent away/brought home on the whim of mom or the current boyfriend. I'm not saying that the foster system is an ideal solution by any means. But CPS was already willing to put the child with someone the family knows when she was an infant, so they've shown that they have in the past been willing to work for both the parent and the child.

I read it as the OP thinking the mom wouldn't go for adoption or full guardianship. That doesn't mean that there aren't options somewhere between what they are doing now and the Mother relinquishing her child to someone else.

It would be worthwhile for the OP to talk to a lawyer about what those options might be.

As I said, getting the mother to sign a medical authorization letter at minimum would be a good start. 

[muldey]

Hi,sorry it's taken me so long to reply,I haven't been feeling well at all.Thank you all for your replies.I still have been taking her on the weekends,I'm making it work.I did change the rooms around,I tried to get her to sleep in the room with the futon,but she's afraid(my room is in the attic,one floor up,so I understand).Dd's been letting her sleep in her room,and that's been working out well.

Things have been going a little better for her mom,which has made things better for her.Not where they should be,but better.When she's stayed here recently,she was dropped off bathed,had appropriate clothing,and I have told her mom to feed her,unless I am making dinner and have planned on her being here too.Which is a huge improvement.She seems to be a lot happier,her mom took her to a few birthday parties,spent some time playing with her,and she' had a few sleepovers during the week with her neighborhood friends.I hope it keep getting better.They also moved from the 3rd floor to the 1st,and now she can play outside and her mom sits at the window where she can see and hear her at all times.Her mom has been keeping all of her dr appointments,and is taking a little better care of herself.She's been calling her dd at least once a day when I have her,and she's also been answering her calls and texts.I talked to her about this as gently as I could,and it seems like she has changed a lot.I hope it continues.

I do have a notarized letter from her mom that I can treat her medically if I need to,and another letter stating that if something were to happen,she wants me to have custody.I'm going to ask her to update them asap.I don't want to call CPS,I'm afraid of making things worse for her dd.She's been through so much.I'm going to continue to be here for her of course.She has my number in her cell phone,as well as dd's and my parents.Her mom has a notice on her fridge with all of her own medical info,and our phone numbers and that her dd is to go with me if something happens.

I don't feel taken advantage of anymore.I've been able to talk to my therapist a little,I see her tomorrow and we'll talk more.I just want this little girl to have a great life,and to just be able to be a little girl,hopefully with her mom.I'll be there in every way I can.I tell her I love her all the time,and I tell her what an awesome kid she is,and that if she ever needs me for any reason,she can call me and come here at anytime.

I hope I answered everything,I'm still not feeeling well at all,I don't know what is wrong with me. :( Hopefully my drs will be able to figure this out so I can start feeling better soon.Thank you all so much!!

[meemee]

oh mama i hope you find out. you seem to have your hands full according to your signature so i hope you feel better.

but i must say your update makes me very happy.

the changes seem to be good ones. ones you were hoping for. so the question to call CPS is not necessary right now. 

i am sooo glad you dont feel you are being taken advantage of. 

yes i would make the letter legal asap. 

mama you are contributing in a GREAT way to give a lovely life to the little girl. actually even helping her mama by giving her a break during the weekend. 

this is all GREAT news.

i hope now you can pay full attention to yourself and help yourself get better.