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feeling down, overwhelmed...

post #1 of 10
Thread Starter 
I guess this is my "feeling sorry for myself" thread. My daughter is now in the process of working toward a diagnosis for ASD. While it will be a lengthy process for sure, I'm pretty sure she will obtain a diagnosis, as my ped and her speech therapist both agreed with my assesment that she's somewhere on the spectrum
Some days I feel "okay" about this. Some days I just cry and feel heartbroken greensad.gif the worst is that she was developing so well for over 18 mos then lost all her verbal and social skills. I find myself mourning the loss of the child that she was. I worry about the future, I worry if she'll be able to go to "normal" schools, I just worry about the unknown. On top of all that I'm due with my fourth child today and I'm in such a low state of mind. I have no idea how I will be able to watch him grow and develop and worry that he will lose the skills he learned at one point. I'm also worried that the new baby will traumatise my dd who needs me so much greensad.gif

I guess that is all. Not having a good day. Thanks for listening
post #2 of 10

Sending you hugs hug2.gif

 

I found that I was so sesitive about my daughter's special needs right before my youngest was born. 

post #3 of 10

hug2.gifMy 3rd child is ASD, well soft diagnosis from our first eval through the developmental pedi, we do another eval this month. I also have a baby. I am just a year ahead of you actually! DS1 turned 3 in April and DS2 turns one this month. I'm not going to sugar coat it and say it has been easy, but we are hanging in there. Good days and bad days. 

 

 

Maybe only SN moms will get this humor but I was telling another SN mom I know about the baby, and commenting that I thought he was smart, she turns and looks at me and tells me that he is even better then smart. He will be normal. I needed to hear that. My first two children have various SNs as well. 

 

It can be very difficult being hormonal and having these things going on at the same time. DS1 didn't regress at 18 months, but 18 months is when I realized that he wasn't simply taking his own time to do things. And the same month that I ended up pg. 

post #4 of 10

hug2.gif
 

post #5 of 10
Thread Starter 
Thanks guys. It helped knowing others feel that way too. I have nobody I know in my situation. There are some ladies with older kids on the spectrum but no one with a baby too. We got pregnant way before we suspected anything and in retrospect we wouldve tried very hard not to get pregnant had we known. Of course overdue pregnancy hormones don't help with the spontaneous weeping sessions wink1.gif having a much better day today. Dd being her sweet little self as usual. Having one of the "okay with her being different" days.
post #6 of 10
Quote:
Originally Posted by Kuba'sMama View Post

We got pregnant way before we suspected anything and in retrospect we wouldve tried very hard not to get pregnant had we known.

 

 

hug2.gifSometimes things happen for a reason. We had our second child before we realized that our first is on the spectrum. DD#2 has done so much for her big sister over the years.  She draws her into friendships and teaches her social skills.

 

I like to think she chose to come here and be part of our family and be DD#1's little sister because she knew she was needed. She has also brought me so much joy.

post #7 of 10
Quote:
Originally Posted by Linda on the move View Post
 We had our second child before we realized that our first is on the spectrum. DD#2 has done so much for her big sister over the years.  She draws her into friendships and teaches her social skills.

 

truedat.gif

 

There are a lot of things ds didn't do until dd was old enough to influence him. She heavily influenced his ability to engage in imaginative play. She is also mommy's little girl love.gif , easy going and very affectionate, which helped during the 2 years that were most difficult with ds.

post #8 of 10
Thread Starter 
Thanks. I didn't mean to sound like we are not happy about having a baby. It was more like now that I know things can go wrong after being apparently "right" it will make me go crazy a bit. Unless I just force myself to take one day at a time, expect nothing. Easier said than done right.

My oldest son has spd and his younger sister did make a big difference to how he related to people and new situations. While he might have been more apt to hang back, she took his hand and basically dragged him into an activity. They continue to be very close. I do want my little dd to hopefully benefit from her younger brother's presence. I guess I was just concerned with the "genetic roulette" we played. We got lucky twice, are we pushing our luck now...
post #9 of 10
Quote:
Originally Posted by Kuba'sMama View Post

It was more like now that I know things can go wrong after being apparently "right" it will make me go crazy a bit.

 

 

yes, I understand what you mean. I think that part of the reason this is hitting you so hard is that you haven't really had a chance to make peace with your DD's diagnosis, as she doesn't even have an official one yet. This is from your first post:

 

Quote:
Originally Posted by Kuba'sMama View Post

Some days I feel "okay" about this. Some days I just cry and feel heartbroken greensad.gif the worst is that she was developing so well for over 18 mos then lost all her verbal and social skills. I find myself mourning the loss of the child that she was. I worry about the future, I worry if she'll be able to go to "normal" schools, I just worry about the unknown.

 

I think that a lot of us can relate to what you are going through right now with your daughter, and for me, that was some of the most difficult parenting stuff I've been through. When my DD was diagnosed, I grieved. There really isn't another word for it -- but grieving.

 

But for me now, that seems like a long time ago. I eventually found a way to make peace with it. My DD doesn't go to normal schools, but I love her school and I love the teachers there and she is happy and thriving, and that's what really matters. I still sometimes worry about the unknown and the future, but I don't get lost in it the way I used to. Yes, my DD is different. She's quirky. She is on the spectrum, but she is OK.

 

OK is a much bigger place than I thought it was. hug2.gif

post #10 of 10
Thread Starter 
Thank you Linda

I want to reach that place. It will be a while yet, with dd's diagnosis so far away yet and this baby not even born yet. But ultimately my goal is to be okay. I don't like feeling off-centre or unbalanced. I feel like I'm in limbo now, a state of suspension. But I want to work towards being okay

Thanks to everyone who responded. It helped to heard and understood
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