How do you tell first child? « Back to Group Discussions

[ClumsySugarPlum]

So, this is our second child. We have talked to our son about having another baby, but it's always been very hypothetical, like "Would you want a brother or sister?" Or, "What would you name the baby, if we had one?" He knows we save his old clothes and toys forig  another baby someday, but he doesn't yet know there is one "in mommy's tummy." 

Any thoughts on how best to do this would be appreciated. I'm pretty sure he would be excited about being a big brother because it means he is officially "big." (He is three.) Also, things to avoid in conversation about the baby would be good to know too.

Thanks in advance!

[kalamos23]

We aren't telling DD for a while because she would tell the world :) She just turned 4. She has been talking about her baby sister for forever (we have DD and DS, she doesn't have a sister yet, unless this one is a girl!). DD was almost 3 when DS was born, so we just told her there was a baby in mommy's tummy, and then answered questions as needed. She was there for his birth (in the other room, but there right before and right after he was born - I pushed for 4 minutes, so it wasn't long). I prepped her by having her watch birth videos on youtube close to my EDD, she thought they were great. I would just play it by ear - I incorporated DS when I naturally could in the conversations before he was born and it worked out well.

[revolting]

When I told my eldest about her baby brother, she was two, and she didn't really understand. Until she saw the baby, she thought another toddler was joining our house to play with her. This time, she will be five, and I think she will get it more. I plan to tell her after we hear a heartbeat.
 

[Earth Momma]

at 3 I may wait until there is something more tangible - like a belly to connect it too 

[SamiPolizzi]

I can't wait to tell my son, but I'm not ready for my parents to know yet, and I'm sure he would mention it to them. He's 3 now. He'll be turning 4 right around the time the baby is born. We've been talking about it hypothetically and he says he wants a baby sister named Vincent (his name). Lol. He also keeps saying we're going to have to buy a baby sister. 

[madelaine]

Well, I was going to wait longer to tell our 3-year-old daughter, but I was griping to my husband about being pregnant and she came around the corner and said "Are you pregnant?"

So then I just told her yes... Tried not to make a big deal out of it yet so she doesn't tell the world, but she did seem to know something about it, like "You are going to get a baby?" I didn't emphasize that she would be getting a sibling out of the deal yet, but I think she'll be excited, she already has a "little sister elephant".

[BeantownBaby9]

For a 3yr old, I would wait till you have an US picture or a belly, something tangible for them to help understand.  You won't believe the cognitive difference between 3 and 4, so waiting I think is ok.  

My 4 yr old has asked us for a sibling for a while.  He asked for "a brother, a sister, and a baby".  And he's been staunchly in that position, not waivering.  When we watch UP (disney movie), I've explained why Mrs. Ferguson is crying (the miscarriage scene) and that it has happened to mommy a few times trying to get him a sibling.  In that vein, when I told him last week, I told him it may or may not work out just like the movie, but we'll love the baby as long as they are with us.  He understands the baby is in my belly, and yes, blabbed to a few people he shouldn't have.  I think we have that under control with "asking mommy before you tell".  Then last night, he asked how the baby got there.    all I could say is "love".  

[madelaine]

I did not actually think of the whole explanation part yet (she didn't ask), but I like your answer... : )

[Ktietje85]

We told ours almost right away and said "There's a baby in Mommy's tummy!"  The older two (4.5 and 3) immediately demanded to see it.  They remember their brother being born about a year ago so they understand what we're doing.  I explained/reminded them that the baby is very small and has to grow big before it can come out.  Then I explained how big it was based on something they would understand -- a grain of rice, a blueberry, etc.  My kids are really into watching birth videos and also like the animated "this is how the baby develops" videos we found.  I show them the pictures each week of what the baby looks like and how big it is.  And they are aware that it makes me sleepy and sometimes not want to eat much.  (I sleep on the couch in the playroom every morning until the baby gets up...lol.)  I don't think there's anything we really held back.  Although neither has yet asked "So how did that baby get into your tummy?"  I'm surprised that my oldest hasn't.  But my answer to that question will be: "Mommy and Daddy made it, and God helped" or something like that.  Keep it simple.  If there are follow up questions...we'll see. lol.

[naturalmama1002]

I don't think we really told #1 about #2 in any sort of "official" way, but he was only 2 when I got pg with his brother, so it was all over his head, anyway. This time my boys are both much older and it will be interesting. We won't tell them until we are ready to tell everyone else. I anticipate questions from my oldest, especially- he is almost 10 and understands where babies come from, ha! Oddly, the other day my 7 year old very randomly put his hand on my belly while we were cuddling on the couch and said, "What would it be like if we ever had another baby? Will I have a baby brother or sister some day?" So we had a little conversation about how much smaller a baby would be than him, how it would mostly sleep and eat and first, and he could help take care of it but wouldn't be able to play with it for awhile. He was surprised that he wouldn't have an instant playmate, I think- but he got it. It will be fun to tell them, since they will really be able to participate in the pregnancy once they know.

[Peace+Hope]

We had our 2yo (in March) son tell family, "I'm going to be a big brother!" and he picked up from the following conversation that I have a baby in my belly.  He is a very relational, attentive little guy and brings it up a few times a day.  We aren't emphasizing it, but he's started asking questions about the baby and wants to see it and pretends he has a baby in his belly too.

What cracks me up is that in recent months we've been talking about where food goes when you eat it, you know, into your belly and then it comes out as poop.  So the other night he asked me if what I was eating was going into my belly for the baby to eat.  LOVE that.

[ClumsySugarPlum]

Yesterday afternoon we told ds (3 years old). He seemed to already know that he was going to have a brother or sister. We have talked about it with him a little. But when we told him "there is a little baby in mommy's tummy right now" his eyes got wide and he got really excited. He put his asked if he could touch the baby, and I told him he could touch my stomach, but he wouldn't be able to feel the baby until it got bigger. He seemed to understand my bloat as "baby". Then he put his hand on my boob and asked if that was where the baby's head was.   We let him announce to  to my husband's parents when they came over to watch the opening ceremonies of the Olympics. So far, he hasn't announced to anyone else, but we'll see how long that lasts. We didn't tell him not to tell anyone, but I think he forgets and then remembers suddenly and wants to feel the baby. So cute. I'm really enjoying this moment.