Okay I'm just looking for some support b/c I'm feeling like a failure or that I'm screwing up another baby.
When I had DD I was a single young mother. I had to have a c/s because she was breach and she was 5 weeks early so there was no birth bonding. I did breastfeed. We co-slept till she was about 5 months. I had a sling that I loved to carry her in. Then I started working and she got put on a schedule, and my milk supply started to go down so we supplemented and my family swore up and down that co-sleeping was really bad and I just need to let her CIO. Not knowing any better I just let these things happen and now at only 4 years old we are in therapy for behavior and anxiety issues.
With baby number 2 the situation was very different. I was sooo much more informed. I had a LONG but successful vbac and was able to hold him and start breastfeeding immediately. We co-slept (usually in a co-sleeper b/c of DH). I have a moby and k'tan. Well I returned back to work part time and I'd really like DS to eat whenever he wants but he eats MUCH more milk that I can pump and DH wants to just put him on formula or at least supplement and swears up and down I'm not producing enough milk and he's starving. Although, he's fine when he's with me. Around 3.5 months I started putting him in his crib because he would just sleep in there fine, no crying or anything and I was hoping I'd get more sleep this way. I'm sooo tired I just want him to sleep through the night and I know he can, he's done it plenty before but he got into this routine where he wakes up at 2 am and then 4 and basically every hour until I just give up and just wake up.
Even babywearing is just wearing me down. It hurts my back and DH won't let me get another carrier b/c he said 2 should be enough. Not to mention at 100* outside I don't want to be touched by anything. I'm just so discouraged with it all and I'm afraid he's going to end up like DD. I really want that close loving relationship with my kids but it seems as though having another child or being told what to do with my first child has reprogrammed my instincts and totally diminished my patients.
I don't know what to do.