At wit's end with 2.5 year old

[sarahr]

I have had it with my two year old, and need some ideas to change my approach.

When he's upset with something -- i.e. it's raining out and he doesn't want it to be raining -- he whines and yells and screams at  me to change it. It's of course worse when he's tired, but he has these tantrums/meltdowns even when he's well rested. I try to walk away from him when he's like this, but it's really hard to disengage. I'd love ideas of how to get him down from the ledge.

He's also started hitting and throwing. He doesn't do it when he's angry or upset -- he thinks it's funny. He doesn't hit hard and it doesn't hurt, but it is of course unacceptable and his sister hates it. He also likes to throw his toys across the room. When he does that, I take the toy away, but he's perfectly happy to lose it -- and just goes and throws something else. The "mainstream" advice would be timeouts, but I'd rather find something else, and the few times I've tried, I've had to physically hold him down until I give up 30 seconds later.

Any advice would be great. I miss my easy-going fun little boy.

[AdinaL]

Have you read How to Talk So Kids Will Listen and Listen so Kids Will Talk?  That might give you some approaches to staving off the meltdowns over things he is upset about.  I don't know how verbal he is yet, some 2 year olds are super chatty, and some are still working it out.

It does sound like he is trying to get something across and is getting frustrated by not being able to.

What about replacing the toy he throws with something that is acceptable to throw?  Maybe removing the hard toy, and handing him a bean bag or soft foam ball and saying "Have at it, throw it as hard as you can!" Then he gets the fun of chucking something across the room, but it won't damage anything.  Alternatively, water balloons outside is another great way to get the throwing need out. :)

As for hitting, that one is hard for me.  We have a pretty solid "No hitting" rule in our house.  Hitting someone else brought everything to a stop, and we made clear that was not okay.  Only after we got an acknowledgment that she understood did we resume our play/activity.