Dirty Looks

[AFWife]

Recently I was wearing my 18mo in the Ergo to the store. As I walked inside I had 3 different people shoot me dirty looks! One guy even slowed his car down to glare in my direction. I wasn't dressed inappropriately so I'm fairly certain it was the Ergo...

WTH? Since when is BWing an offensive act?

FTR: Only 2 of them were "older" (elderly) the third girl was closer to my age (20s) 

Anyone else have that experience?

[Mama2mc]

One time at the airport we were questioned about the ergo (I didn't have it on yet), I answered it was a carrier for my older toddler, they looked surprised and said he was too big to still be carried, but no dirty looks. Sometimes I have seen alarmed expresions in elderly people who seem to think I'm carrying them in a backpack and think it's dangerous and irresponsible... could it have been something like that??

[WildDoula]

Personally, I give a HUGE smile to every mama I see BWing. I figure maybe I can negate at least one dirty look for that mama. 

[MrsGregory]

That's really upsetting, and I'm sorry you had that experience.

I have stopped wearing my little sweetness because she's decided she hates hates hates it very recently.  Now she wants to be in the cart, so she can grab at everything she sees.

When I was wearing her, she was usually in a sling (Too hot to really wrap!), and we got nothing but compliments.  All kinds of people would stop, ask how the sling worked, and then remark along the lines of "life of Reilly" to her.

You're in Texas - which part?  I am in the suburbs outside Austin.  I'm told that where I am, if I didn't "pass for normal" I'd get less chit chat and more glaring.  What I mean is, my tattooes are not visible at a distance, and my clothing is very "middle America".  I expect this is why I've never personally experienced some of the more storied downsides of living in the heart of conservative America.  I'm sorry you're getting the stink-eye, and I'm not suggesting you change a thing.  Just theorizing on what might cause it, if not carrying your children.

[mleawicks]

I get ? looks when they see baby and say oh its a baby in there. not bad looks yet. I am surprised by that. people when finding we co sleep give me and hubby the ????.Like we are nuts and don't know what we are doing is so unsafe. Then I educate them to truth.Sorry people looked at you like that. I know they were in cars but if it happens when you can talk just educate them to truth. my baby is only happy in the moby even at 95 walking at park. so i use it and dont care what others think. I just watch to make sure she's not to hot

[LorienEllen]

Wow, I'm sorry you had that experience!  Luckily I have not had anyone give me a dirty look and I have no idea why they would.  Maybe they don't understand what you're carrying and the look is confusion more than a dirty glare?

[lilitchka]

I am still wearing sometimes my 3 y.o (mostly my DH does) and my 4 months old (all the time). I only get very positive comments/looks. 

most positive comments I get are from teanage boys/young men! (they say it is really cool!)

[McGucks]

I feel the same way if I get a look if I do about breastfeeding my toddler.  I totally, totally don't care.  It's a nice feeling, because I am usually very sensitive to criticism or disapproval of any kind!

[Alphaghetti]

Yuck. I have had comments, but no outright dirty looks. I have been told that my baby can't breathe when they were slinged, and one time at the grocery store when I had ds in his ergo, some woman with a school aged child said, "oh for the love of god...here, billy, hop up on mommy's back and let me do all the walking for you. How ridiculous!"

My question is, why do people care?

A good friend of mine recently had a run-in with a stranger who called her an idiot for almost bumping into him with her stroller. She's far more zen than me, and she said that she was at first upset, but then began to feel badly for the man, because good heavens, he must walk around angry all the time, and what kind of life could he have feeling all that rage? 

So, let's just smile sweetly at the angry, angry people.

[Adaline'sMama]

I've gotten dirty looks and even some rude comments about about how unsafe it is. I notice people tend to give me freak out looks when I am putting her in, not so much when Im walking around.

No, I do not need your help putting my kid in the Boba when I am in the middle of doing it. They always ask like they are terrified that Im about to just let her slide out the bottom. When I had DD in a Moby when she was little, I had a woman walk by me and say, "you know those things were recalled for killing babies, right?" No, they weren't, but thanks for watching the news and assuming that all baby carriers are deathtraps.

[CatsCradle]

I'm sorry, OP, that you got that type of reaction.  Babywearing is so common where I live that I have never seen or experienced any negative reactions to it.  When I used to babywear, I did get inquisitive looks from elderly people.  I think more than anything, the idea is foreign to a lot of older people.  My dearly departed aunt - who had her children in the 50s, was fascinated with the concept of babywearing and told me how she wished that babywearing existed back in her day (in middle America).  She said she had to carry a huge baby carriage (perambulator)(sp?) up and down a fifth floor walk-up every day and that it was a miserable experience.

[Asiago]

I've received the stink eye too. I'm fairly immune to it now as my son is 32 months and I have been carrying him in various carriers and slings since infancy, Never the less, why would anyone be offended.....it really is odd.

Edited by Asiago - 7/14/12 at 10:56am

[mleawicks]

"you know those things were recalled for killing babies, right?"

if they had been they wouldn't still be sold. she should have thought of that. they just don't know safe when they see it.
 

Edited by mleawicks - 7/14/12 at 2:46pm

[mleawicks]

I walked into Walmart the other day. some lady I don't know from a hole in the ground said to me, " Oh she is so cute I would offer to hold her for you well you shop if I knew I would be here till you were done." my DD was in a Moby. I thought but didn't say to the lady, 'what kind of nut do you think I am, let you who I don't know hold my baby! And this is why I have her in a moby. Know one,  like this nut can walk up when I make a mistake and turn to get item of shelf and not have hand on baby in car seat, can take her. She is safe and sound in the moby on me, MOM!   I must have turned white at the thought of what she could have very well been trying. told DH later and he turned white and shook his head and I'm sure thought just what i did. I think it great you baby wear! Don't let anyone get to you.

[mleawicks]

Well ok I was told today that I'm spoiling my kid. I just said no she goes down of floor mat or in swing some. Lady asked if i hold her all the time. Later thought  I should have said it's called attachment parenting and it works. it was at a church picnic. someone else there did as I do with her kids and they are just as well behaved as the other lady but I think they act more secure

[reminiscing]

I remember carrying my baby daughter in a sling and a woman in a restaurant telling me very angrily that I was going to deform her legs. Would be nice to be able to travel back in time and show that woman that my daughter is now a model and her legs are fine, thank you.  I think when people have angry reactions to good parenting they are probably feeling envious about something they never got?

[darbycrash]

Sometimes I think it's like some kind of defensive baggage other people have. I used to get that when people would find out I was a vegetarian. They'd have to tell me why they weren't.  Now they have to tell me why they can't wear their babies or would never.  Some days I just want to yell, " I DIDN'T ASK! I DON'T CARE!"
 

[sillygrl]

That's awful! Babywearing isn't huge here, I only see it occasionally, but everyone is pretty positive about it. Only had one person about eight years ago ask if I was worried about dropping my son. No, if I thought he was in danger, I wouldn't have put him in it....

[humboldtorganic]

I too have got some strange looks. Mostly I get comments from my family like "you know thats why her legs are bowed, right?" or "she is so attached to you" (like that is a bad thing... i finally said "oh, you think we have a good attachment? well thank you!" ...I didnt hear that one again).

Also as soon as we get into my MIL house, the first thing she says is "why dont you put her down!". She also says things like, "it looks so weird when people carry their kids that are 2 years old, their legs are so long and are just dangling there." I secrectly think she regrets not carrying her kids more.

Its funny, all the rude comments come from family and all the positive comments come from strangers.

[mleawicks]

Originally Posted by darbycrash 

Sometimes I think it's like some kind of defensive baggage other people have. I used to get that when people would find out I was a vegetarian. They'd have to tell me why they weren't.  Now they have to tell me why they can't wear their babies or would never.  Some days I just want to yell, " I DIDN'T ASK! I DON'T CARE!"
 

Oh WOW you too. people are always telling me why they eat meat. I think sooo I didn't ask you to justify yourself for eating something I don't. Gee I don't justify eating a vegetable that most people hate. I just eat it.