OMG mamas, I'm so upset!!!

[tinawoman]

I am posting here because I know this is the community that rallies around their mama friends and I know all of you will most likely be as upset about this as I am.

Backstory: I had a homebirth in 2004 that ended, through no one's fault, in my son being born dead. Horrible ending to a story that started out so hopeful...Suffice it to say we did everything right...I even had an OB monitoring my pregnancy and 2 very capable and experienced midwives AND a doula attending my birth. He kicked me all the way out, was 8lbs 12oz, and there was no indication during pregnancy or birth that anything was wrong save some decels during labor that were all within the realm of normal. But he just never took a breath. Autopsy revealed nothing.

Fast forward to today: Today I found, via a feature on the backend of my website that informs me when people post a link back to my site, this excrutiatingly hurtful article where I'm quoted and mocked (along with other homebirth moms) hurtfully for my loss. (link removed, as suggested)

I don't care that she is against homebirth. Doesn't surprise me, since she IS an OB. But I NEVER gave permission for her to use my story or my words!!! Its just such a heartless thing to do, what she did!!! Wording it the way she did!!!

I am still reeling in shock.

Edited by tinawoman - 7/10/12 at 9:28am

[tillymonster]

Wow. I've had the unfortunate google search bring me to this snarky blog. I think it's absolute garbage. I cannot BELIEVE the audacity this person had to post words from someone elses' blog. Let alone the subject matter.

I am sure you are very upset and feel violated. Report this post and bring it to the attention of the host. It's WordPress I believe.

I'm so sorry mama!!!

[tinawoman]

Violated. That's an excellent way to put it. Thank you for your kind words.

[WildDoula]

It's disgusting what that "OB" will do to keep gaining followers. Your words are yours, no one can take them from you without your consent. I would report to the host (though not really sure what that will do for you), and I would email her (I know, horrible option) and tell her that she does not have permission to use your words or link to your website on her blog, and that there will be legal action taken if your material is not removed.

I am so sorry this is happening to you.  Absolutely no reason for it.

ETA: I would remove the link from your post, so she doesn't see all of these people coming from MDC to her blog. Draws less attention.

[fruitfulmomma]

 I would not waste time emailing her, I'd be consulting a lawyer. 

I agree, remove the link here or you are going to draw their attention. Pretty sure everyone here will still know who you are talking about.

[suchende]

Originally Posted by fruitfulmomma 

 I would not waste time emailing her, I'd be consulting a lawyer. 

I agree, remove the link here or you are going to draw their attention. Pretty sure everyone here will still know who you are talking about.

The following is not intended to be legal advice.

Before hiring a lawyer, you may want to ready up on how the fair use doctrine has been understood in the realm of blogs quoting blogs when the quotes are properly attributed (as in, not being passed off as the quoting blogger's own work).

[Tapioca]

I  know who you're talking about and I'm really, really sorry she used you like that to score cheap political points.

I'm sorry mama :hug:

[tinawoman]

Thank you mamas. And thank you for telling me to remove the link because I hadn't even thought of that. I keep going back and forth between wanting to email or post a response and realizing its not going to do a bit of good.

That evil b*tch doesn't give a damn about who she hurts. And her mindless minions have forgotten that there is a person and a story behind everything they attack. People are just monsters on the net. They don't have to think about who they hurt because they just don't care. If I posted there they'd only use it to throw back in my face their anger at me making the choices they feel are wrong. But that's the thing. They are MY choices. Not theirs. They won't care that for the rest of my life and our entire family's lives, we will feel the pain of the loss of this precious child whose life means so little to them that they can heartlessly mock the death of my child. They don't care that the reason I made the choice I did was that I had an emotionally scarring experience with my first birth and was scared to death to enter a hospital again. They don't care.

It doesn't even matter that they disagree about homebirth. What matters is that they've (every one of the nasty commenters as well as the doctor that started the whole thing and continues to fuel the mean fire that burns on her site) been heartless to people already hurting. They've been less than human. They won't admit that no matter how I word it. They should be ashamed of themselves but they won't. So I just won't give them any more of my energy by posting directly to them.

[fayebond]

*HUGS*

People are meaner on the internet than they could ever have the guts to be in real life.  Being mean on a blog is just lazy to boot.

*EXTRA HUGS*

[tinawoman]

Thank you. It means a lot that you ladies understand, to an extent...at least about homebirth...and care. I knew coming here would surround me with love.
Edited by tinawoman - 7/14/12 at 3:40pm

[LLQ1011]

This is terrible! I am so sorry. I lost two babies because of the ob's I had. If it was not for my midwife friend who siuggested a specialist I would not have my son today. I am soooo soooo sooooooo sorry.

can you pm me the link to her website???

[Adaline'sMama]

I'm assuming this OB is skeptical? First name Amy?

I really hate her website, sorry this happened to you.

Also, I'm so sorry for your loss.

[tinawoman]

Originally Posted by Adaline'sMama 

I'm assuming this OB is skeptical? First name Amy?
I really hate her website, sorry this happened to you.
Also, I'm so sorry for your loss.

Yup, that's the one. Nasty horrid person, she is.

[LLQ1011]

OMG! Is there anything we can do? Is your blog still up or did you remove the post? I lost my first baby and second because my obs and specialists told me I was fine when I KNEW i wasn't. WE FOUGHT HARD to get my son. Obs and doctors straight up lied to me multiple times trying to get me to not take meds and intervention I KNEW i needed. I listened to them with my daughter and shes gone, then my son I STILL listened and hes gone too. I Finally took my care into my own hands and have a healthy son. It took me 11 obs and 6 specialists to find ones that would help me the way I needed. Her degree is almost 30 years old. She is obviously out of date, out of touch, and a complete monster of a person.

[tinawoman]

Originally Posted by LLQ1011 

OMG! Is there anything we can do? Is your blog still up or did you remove the post? I lost my first baby and second because my obs and specialists told me I was fine when I KNEW i wasn't. WE FOUGHT HARD to get my son. Obs and doctors straight up lied to me multiple times trying to get me to not take meds and intervention I KNEW i needed. I listened to them with my daughter and shes gone, then my son I STILL listened and hes gone too. I Finally took my care into my own hands and have a healthy son. It took me 11 obs and 6 specialists to find ones that would help me the way I needed. Her degree is almost 30 years old. She is obviously out of date, out of touch, and a complete monster of a person.

Thank you. I'm afraid there's nothing that would change this woman's mind. She doesn't care who she hurts. And her comment groupies are the same. All I can do is not go back there again and just move on.

I knew there'd be people that would feel this way, I just never thought I'd be hit in the face with my own words and story being told in such a cold and uncaring way. I would NEVER in a MILLION YEARS talk about someone's loss like that. It's just deplorable. But I learned there were horrid people on the internet back when AOL was still new and exciting and I was chatting in a chat room, sharing how I had just had a devastating miscarriage (this was long before my stillbirth, before my first living child was born) and someone wished me another one. Some people are just despicable human beings.

This doctor has an agenda, and she doesn't care who she hurts to get her message out there. And it wouldn't even concern me so much if it was just that she felt homebirth is unsafe. Its the way she talks about people who've had horrific experiences as if we have no feelings and don't deserve any empathy.

Anyway, I digress. I'm past feeling hurt, now I'm just flabbergasted that this woman doesn't get at all how hurtful she's being, or just doesn't care. Same goes for all her minions that comment so nastily in agreement with her.

[bandgeek]

I think it's quite telling that her evidence does little to convince anyone of anything so she has to resort to scare tactics and anecdotal evidence. I think it's extremely arrogant that she thinks she's qualified to make medical assessments of our situations, given she does not know the details and has never met any of us.  I've spoken with quite a few doctors about it and most are in agreement that there's really no way to tell how things could have gone in the hospital.  Even the one doctor that I talked to who was a complete a-hole about the fact that DD was born at home admitted that things likely wouldn't have been much different in the hospital unless I'd been treated as high risk (which I wouldn't have been since my first was uncomplicated and I didn't have any high-risk factors).  He did suggest I be treated as high-risk for any future children though.  She might have a fairly accurate view of how my birth went, but she doesn't know everything....like how my DD's neurologist determined from her head ultrasound at less than 24 hours old, that the damage occurring likely began up to 2 days before I went into labor.  Ooops, I guess I forgot to mention that in my blog.  Not that it would have changed her mind.  She ignores things that don't help her case.   But all of that is beside the point.  I don't care if every shred of evidence points to a child dying or being hurt during a home birth was actually caused from the home birth itself.  You don't treat other humans like garbage to try to prove yourself right.  She's going to get what's coming to her one of these days, I'm sure of it.  I'm a big believer in karma and I think she's headed for a healthy dose of bad karma.  There's no way she isn't since she surrounds herself with unfeeling and uncaring human beings, and puts so much negativity out in the world.

I DID contact a lawyer, so we'll see if anything comes from that.  I've been told she's taken things down from her blog after having legal action threatened. I can't believe she'd be dumb enough to keep at it.

Oh and I was told by one of her cronies that me being judgmental of circumcision is the same thing as their judgement.  Yeah, because having a strong opinion on a topic is the same thing as dragging unsuspecting women into a fight they never signed up for and attempting to humiliate them on a public blog to prove a point. 
 

Edited by bandgeek - 7/15/12 at 8:28am

[LLQ1011]

Her degree is 28 years old. She is out dated. She doesn't practice anymore so is not required to further her education. Its classic crazy arrogant old syndrome. Where they have formed these weird ideas over the course of years and have gotten crazier in their old age but they are sociopaths so they can never be wrong. I had a manager who was convinced that women with big boobs were the best employees. He had a whole weird logic behind this and had felt that he was correct. What had really happened was that he remembered that women were better employees and hey he liked big boobs and those ideas meshed together over the years. My retail establishment I worked at looked like a hooters... He was old and crazy and too arrogant to listen to reason. Not even from human resources....

Her breed of doctor is slowly dieing out now. THANK GOD, and instead of furthering her self with FACTS or RESEARCH she is perpetuating this hurtful and offensive behavior to justify her ideals that are out dated.

Its like the formula argument, or the cigarettes argument. Some people fought tooth and nail against that change and she is fighting this now. Internet cronies are easy to find. There are whole communities dedicated to sex between dragons and sports cars.... She found hers gave them some attention and now they are stuck to her like herpes.

I agree with the legal action. If you use this  © with a blog your content belongs to you and you can have more control over who uses it.

I'm still so mad about this.

EX: © All content in this post is owned by LLQ1011

[Poogles0213]

Originally Posted by bandgeek 

Oh and I was told by one of her cronies that me being judgmental of circumcision is the same thing as their judgement.  Yeah, because having a strong opinion on a topic is the same thing as dragging unsuspecting women into a fight they never signed up for and attempting to humiliate them on a public blog to prove a point. 
 

That is not what I said. In response to you saying you've never met a more judgemental person than myself, I said the judgement that I see from posters here on MDC (not necessarily yourself) over things like circumcision and CIO (characterizing these things as "child abuse" for instance), is far worse than any judgement I, personally, have directed at people who make decisions I disagree with. I did not mention your specific views on circumcision, nor defend all of the judgement on the blog in question, so please don't misrepresent my words as such.

[DesireeH]

Big hugs, mama.  When I was 10 years old, in 1990, my mom had a full term baby boy die the same way, in a HOSPITAL. Bad things sometimes happen no matter where you are and disgusting that she is using your awful situation to twist words for her "benefit."  Yuck. Big big hugs!

[hansigurumi]

Oh, mama, I just want to offer you the biggest {{HUGS}} that I can.  That woman is a sociopath, using someone else's tragedy to further her senseless (and decidedly non-research-based) quest to deprive women of birthing choices.

The awful fact is that babies die.  Both in utero, and out.  Sometimes for a clear reason, and sometimes for no reason at all.  For low-risk women, the neonatal death rate is something like 1.5 out of a thousand, meaning that out of 2000 healthy birthing women, 3 of us will not get a living baby out of the deal.  This is the the same, whether the birth is at home with a trained professional, or in a hospital.  

Sending big hugs once again.  I am so sorry for the loss of your little one.  It just sucks.  And I'm glad that you have contacted a lawyer regarding use of your blog material by this ridiculous sociopathic woman.