My son is 8. He doesn't like to sleep. He falls asleep a million times faster if I snuggle him until he drifts off. I have left him several times to fall asleep on his own and he was still awake at 2am (I was on the computer doing my taxes and I could hear him and knew he hadn't fallen asleep yet). If he wakes up early (7am) and has an action packed day, he will fall asleep alone occassionally before midnight. But this is rare and has only happened 4 times.
After I snuggle him to sleep I usually return to my bed or go to my other son's bed (he's 5). My 8 year old will wake us up with calling us usually 5 times a night. My husband has had it. He told him last night that he is not to call for us. If he has to go to the bathrooom to get up and go alone (we have many nightlights to help with that) and that we weren't going to sleep with him or he with us. So...he called for me. My husband said we weren't coming. He eventually came into our room. Husband said "Go back to bed. You can't come in our bed." He went back to bed and cried. Husband went into his room twice to talk to him. He was still whimpering an hour later. Then sobbing. I eventually went in and slept with him, even though DH said we wouldn't.
Now, to be fair, DH made this decision on his own without talking to me or coming up with a plan. He informed my son just before bed that this is what was happening. We are just tired and sick of getting up 5-6 times a night with an 8 year old! And he squirms so much in his sleep that DH cannot sleep decently when he is in our bed. So, sleep deprived for 8 years, I can see why DH snapped.
Anyways, after I fell asleep with my son, DH came in and said to me, "By coming in here and sleeping with him you have just completely undermined my authority and undermined his confidence in himself. You are reinforcing that he is not brave, cannot face his fears, and can't do things on his own. You just totally undermined his confidence."
Huh? I was simply responding to my son's cries the way I thought best.
So now, I can tell there will be this big discussion, disagreement, possibly fight with DH who feels the need to pick apart everything I do anyways.
I don't know what to do about my son. I don't know what to do about my husband. I feel like telling him that if he were crying for some physical touch I wouldn't scold him and tell him to suck it up. So I could really use some advice on both levels. DS has never liked to be alone and never liked to sleep. To him, it is a necessary evil. And I have always LOVED sleep, so I don't get him. lol.