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De-cluttering and power struggles.

post #1 of 4
Thread Starter 

http://online.wsj.com/article/SB10001424052702304022004577516780215315146.html?mod=googlenews_wsj

 

Not news to me, but it's nice to know it's a common issue.  Dh's office, which was supposed to be the family office, is impassable. It used to cause me a huge amount of stress, but I've learned to vigilantly tune it out.  It's self-preservation. 

 

Most of the kitchen counters are covered with stuff: standing mixer, water kettle, fire extinguisher, food canisters, cookie jar, fruit basket, paper towel rack, salt bowl, pepper grinder, garlic pot, perpetual wine glasses that need hand washing and the crowd of little bottles: vitamins, calcium, vit. D, hand lotion, dog's meds, dog's treats, advil.  The Dutch oven doesn't fit any of the cupboards so it stays on the stove. I don't see this clutter normally, but recently I heard dh grumble about it, says it really bugs him.  I didn't know this!  It's always my intention to keep it neater, but it's not high on my list of priorities.  It gets cleared out when company comes.  But I know how stressful other people's clutter is to me, so I'll keep this in mind next time the counters get really crowded.

 

Anyway, I guess 'power struggle' is the right term.  This is a typical scenario: I get around to cleaning the base boards (or insert whatever other secondarily important task), dh questions the value of it.  I bite my tongue to keep from flying off the handle at him, because for f***'s sake, the past 18 of our 20 years of our marriage I have shut. up. about how he does things around the house, I do not criticize the way he stores our music library even though it's nearly inaccessible to me (it's all downloaded), I DO NOT NAG HIM  him to get his g** d*** clothes into the hamper, etc, etc  So through gritted teeth I remind him that I don't tell him how to prioritize his tasks at work, he needs to afford me the same respect.

 

splat.gif 

 

Anyway, it wasn't my intention to rant about dh, though I should have known it would disintegrate into a rant.  eyesroll.giforngbiggrin.gif

post #2 of 4

Oh, I so sympathize.  I have the husband who likes to save things - because they might be useful. One of the big ones - the original boxes things came in.  After a while I just have to recycle them.  He kept the boxes for the Fiestaware we got when we got married - in 2001 - until 2008.  8 boxes that he stored in the office. 

 

I'm sure I bug the crap out of him with the yarn and crafts supplies. LOL 

post #3 of 4
Quote:
Originally Posted by journeymom View Post

The Dutch oven doesn't fit any of the cupboards so it stays on the stove. I don't see this clutter normally, but recently I heard dh grumble about it, says it really bugs him. 

 

Same in our house.  I specifically picked the color of my dutch oven so it matched the back splash.  It drives my DH bats that I leave it on the cooktop, even for one night when I intend to use it the following day.

 

I read that article last night and REALLY related to it.  The struggle in our house is DH is an out of sight, out of mind clutter person.  He rants about a  perfectly nice dutch oven overnighting on the cooktop but he will shove years worth of crap into every drawer, cupboard, closet, etc.  We joke about it but I can see how it would be a huge problem for some couples. 

 

I gave up long ago expecting to convert him.  I have gradually declutted bit by bit (and still have a ways to go) without consulting him.  I won't get rid of anything that is solely his, dishes from his grandfather for example, but if it is mine or jointly acquired, it goes when I am in one of my phases and he is completely ok with this method.  He doesn't mind that it is gone, he just doesn't want to be the one to make the decision.

post #4 of 4
Thread Starter 
Quote:
One of the big ones - the original boxes things came in.

 

 

Exactly!

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