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Who will be at your LO's birth?

post #1 of 19
Thread Starter 

My midwife asked me this question at last month's visit and I think I've finally decided who I'd like around. It'll pretty much be the same people who were at DS's birth actually!


DH- of course! I doubt I could have birthed DS at home without DH. So grateful to have a supportive birth partner!

Midwife and assistant- Same midwife as last time, new assistant though we have known each other for a couple of years.

Doula- Different doula than last time but dang, I love her style already! Met her a couple years ago too.

My mom- She'll come to watch DS, who I would love to have stay for the birth. However if he gets worried or I get stressed then my mom will take him to her house (30 minutes from ours) and bring him back after Baby is born. 

My older sister- She'll come for support and to take pictures. 


I think that's it! Who will be there for your babe's birth?

post #2 of 19

My DH and our midwives.  I don't like a lot of people around so it will be us and us only.  Although since I'll be in the hospital, I suppose the nurses might be in and out.  But I'll be very concise with DH ahead of time and make sure he keeps people out as much as possible.  

post #3 of 19

I think this time I will have only DH and my little sister.  I had a doula attend my last birth but honestly I was so in the zone and focused inward that I did not ask much of anything from her.  The one thing I am thankful she was there for was getting me over the hump when I was in transition.  I asked for an epidural and she encouraged me to keep going naturally.  Anyway I don't believe I will be having a doula this time around because she is the ONLY one in this area that I know of and the last time I saw her she looked as pregnant as me!

post #4 of 19

Same as for my last 2 births, dh and my best friend.   She acts much like a doula.  She has no formal training but is a mom of 10, so lots of experience.  We will be in the hospital this time, so the mw and whatever nurses, etc.

post #5 of 19

So far just DH.  My mom passed last summer and I'd really love another women in there with me.  My sister in law wants to come but after spending a family vacation with her, I don't think I could handle her 'busyness'.  So right now just dh, I reserve the right to change my mind :)

post #6 of 19
All going to plan, DH and two midwives. We're planning a hospital birth but, over here, there are no L&D nurses only midwives. At our hospital you generally have one midwife looking after you and then a second one comes in to assist when the birth is imminent.
post #7 of 19

Originally the plan was to have DH, my mom and my BFF so basically someone for me and then a person for each baby although that is back under discussion since we got confirmation last night during our L&D trip that since I have to deliver in an OR, I can have 3 people while in the labor room, I can only have one person in the OR EVEN if it doesnt end up being a c-section.  So now I am not sure whether we are still going to have my mom and BFF come since they will have to miss the big moment anyway. 

post #8 of 19
My DP, my son, my two midwives and probably a friend/doula to walk through the experience with my son - though I'm yet to decide who the right person for that job is. My mum would love to be there but I'd rather stab myself in the eyes!
post #9 of 19
*sigh* I wish I could have any of the close women in my family (mom or sister) but they just would be terrible, they don't believe in homebirth or something nonsensical like that... They would just freak out like they did with my first birth while they waited in the waiting area of the birthing center- my sister actually left after like 30 mins.

Anyway, DP Was so awesomely amazing during my first (very long!!!) birth. I don't think I could have done it without him- he was my rock, exuding peace, harmony and security during the whole thing. Well now he has decided that it was too much FOR HIM so he wants to be more hands off this birth and hang out with dd and check on me every so often greensad.gif I seriously thought he was joking (he is a funny guy) but after a conversation realized he was beige completely serious!!! I just can't believe it and I'm still coming to terms with it greensad.gif super not happy. Also, I think it's bs that the labor/birth was too traumatic for him- I mean I had a long birth and other than getting dehydrated and needing an iv, it was pretty uneventful and no one was ever in danger. I didn't even tear and DD came out fine- and sunny side up, latched on and we were happy and health smile.gif sorry for the rant but this has been a big deal to me this pregnancy...

So to get back on track, it will be my two midwives, hopefully some dp thrown in there from time to time greensad.gif maybe dd (but I'm hoping this will be a night babe and we'll just wake her up when its all done), I need to ask this girl I know who I really like to be my doula (she's training to be a midwife, does doula work and she's all spiriual and mellow smile.gif) and that will prob be it. My bff who lives in Milan, Italy really wants to be here and I do too but we rather she come in December when she gets more time off and not risk her missing the birth- I tend to go over my due date but I never know what could happen this time.
post #10 of 19

I think it may depend on how my labor goes and what I feel like at the time. Ideally, I would want my husband, mom, and sister. But then I'd feel bad if my dad were just waiting in the waiting room...so maybe him too.

post #11 of 19

So far, just my partner and our two midwives and one student midwife. I would love for my 11yo stepdaughter to be there, but the odds of the birth happening on one of her weekends with us are very low. We may be able to make special arrangements, but we haven't crossed that bridge yet and I don't think we can count on it. My in-laws have asked if we want them to be there...I don't think I'd mind, but wouldn't it be kind of hard to coordinate a trip from 6 hrs away when we're not sure when the actual birth might happen? 


Part of me really likes the idea of a bunch of people being there, and part of me would rather keep things quiet. I'm not a super private person, but it's my first birth and I don't know how I'll feel.

post #12 of 19

So far we have DH, midwife and her assistant, and my doula. I'm planning on my boys being around, but they fight a lot and I may have them go with my sister if they prove to be difficult ;) I've also toyed with the idea of a birth photographer since we are planning on a home birth and live in a rental. Since I know I won't be in this house forever, I'd like to have memories to take with me. 


I asked my doula when I first found out I was preggo (she is another fellow Hypnobabies doula) and I thought I really wanted a doula. Now I'm not 100% sure about what I want her to do, other than be there just in case I need some reassurance. 

post #13 of 19

I want my DH, parents, little sister, and BFF to be there during the birth. Depending on how I'm feeling and what's going on, there may be times when I only want my mom and DH in the room with me. BFF is scared to have a baby and that's why I want her to be there, to show her that it is an empowering natural process. But when it comes down to it, if I really want to get into a focus zone, it will just be DH and mom. They will know when to back off and when to help (DH is taking Bradley classes with me, mom is a nursery nurse, childbirth educator and healthy start nurse). And of course the midwife will be there!

post #14 of 19

DH, midwife (could be any one of the 5), we will be at the hospital, so most likely a nurse or two at times.  With DD, it was awesome that my nurse was also a certified midwife... I'm sure they assigned her to me specifically.... due to my natural labor wishes/non-medicated birth.  The midwife was only there near the very end.

This time we are also planning to have a photographer friend capture the moments of labor and birth.  Really excited about this, hope she'll actually be around when I give birth and that 'in the moment' I don't mind her being there!

No other family members - although they live fairly close... I don't want it to be crowded and stressful

post #15 of 19

ooh good thread.  Last time it was the midwife who was very hands-off.  I don't remember much interaction with her, but I was also way in the inward zone.  DH was there throughout and my mom came in for the pushing.  She was great.  A quiet, reassuring presence, and her excitement when DS was crowning was infectious.  Then when I had trouble passing the placenta, I was glad she was there because she seemed calmer about it than the midwives.  I hope she can make it again. She lives only about 2.5 hours away.  Since things went well the first time, I'm thinking of inviting my MIL.  She has 2 boys, and there is no way my SIL would invite her to her birth. It may not be something she is interested in, but it would probably be her only opportunity, so I'll likely extend the invitation.  The only reservation I have is that she has this weird revisionist memory and I don't want her making up things about the birth.  I had some trouble piecing together exactly how DS's birth went down.  I could see her informing me of something that happened that really didn't happen. She's lovely, but weird.  I so wish that I could choose the midwife that will attend the birth.  It's a crap shoot at the birthing center.  None of them are bad, but I can see at least one of them being really wonderful.  I want her!

post #16 of 19

Initially I only wanted whoever midwife was on call + assistant, and DH. Now I'm thinking I'll be nice and phone my parents and inlaws, so they can be there eventually and wait in the waiting area to see their grandkid after it's here (first gbaby on inlaw side, 6th on my side).

And THEN I decided I'm going to talk to my best friend about being there with me, because she is a super calming influence on me (usually), she's one of the people I am most comfortable with in zero modesty situations, and I was present for her second birth just a month ago - a truly amazing thing to be a part of. She can also take photos of everything for me so I don't have to have my husband worry about that and/or distract my midwives. Basically, with how I intend to utilize her, she'd kinda be an impromptu nontrained doula. Using wiki's definition: a nonmedical person who assists a woman before, during, or after childbirth, as well as her partner and/or family by providing information, physical assistance, and emotional support - she's definitely been a rock and a fountain of knowledge for us on this road to parenthood, and I think I'd love for her to be there as well for the main event.

post #17 of 19

DH, midwife, and doula. (Which reminds me that I have to send out her contract ASAP!)

post #18 of 19

Doc and nurse(s), of course.


DH and doula.  


My mom tried to tell me I "owed it to her" for her to be in the room, too, since I eloped instead of having a traditional wedding (I'm an only child), but the kibosh was put on that one pretty quick.

post #19 of 19

Evolmama, I am so sorry :(  Reading your story about your DP wanting to be hands-off at your birth made me tear up!  That stinks!  I'm so sorry he feels this way, and so sorry you have to carry this burden throughout your pregnancy.  Can your midwives talk to him about how important it is that he be there to support you?  Can they reassure him that they do want him to take breaks and take care of himself during labor so that he won't get burnt out?  I just want to change this for you!  Hugs, mama!!!


I am planning on having my DH there, my midwife and her assistant, and one of my best friends who will be playing the role of doula.  She is not a doula in actuality, but I feel really comfortable with her and I just have a strong sense that she would be great at my birth (she's so excited!)!  I may have another friend/midwife there as well (although she will have a 8wk old at the time, so we'll see about that).  I do not plan on having my mom at my birth.  She is super supportive of homebirth, but her presence would totally stress me out for other reasons.  I have 2 sisters that I have sort of considered inviting, but I don't know how well they'd do and I do not want a crowd.  Plus, we have a small place!

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