Thanks in advance for any advice that is given.
2 years ago I planned a natural hospital delivery (yea, right...) at 41 weeks pregnant and after 3 days of labor I finally ended up in the hospital with a cascade of interventions that thankfully ended just before they prepped the surgery room. I had pitocin, an epidural, and finally a 3rd degree tear because I had vacuum assistance and the doctor couldn't fit the vacuum into the vaginal opening. After which I got little postpartum care, suffered severely from postpartum depression and struggled through the first weeks of having every breastfeeding problem in the book (inverted nipples, thrush, mastitis, bleeding nipples, poor latch, oversupply). All of this was after experiencing 2 mc, 1 at 5 weeks, 1 at 11 weeks (maintained because my OB put me on progesterone) and a D&C.
When my son turned 2 I reluctantly agreed to wean him as my husband had pushed far beyond our original goal/limit of 1 year. About the same time I found out I am pregnant again with a surprise baby.
Now, I've come to terms with the birth I had with my son. It happened, I've accepted it. My husband and I were going to start TTC in October and I was going to begin discussing birth options with him before that. Of course our surprise made us jump into the conversation much earlier. I made an appointment at our local birth center fully staffed with certified midwives and talked to him about the possibility of delivering at the hospital instead of at the birthing center since I know he would be more comfortable with it. (this is a different hospital from where I had my son and I have several friends who have had intervention free births there.) Today, he asked me to meet with an OB in addition to the midwife. Ostensibly he wants to compare care. He's as uncomfortable with the idea of a midwife as I am with a doctor. As soon as I made the OB appointment I had an anxiety attack. I just don't think I can go back to a doctor's office.
I'm terrified that I'm going to end up like I did with my son, immobile on a delivery table with 4 people leaning over me, exhausted as my child is ripped from my body.... is that extreme?
He knows how important this is, but he doesn't get my fear. How can I help him to see what I need?