I'm having a hard time staying calm. We are new foster parents and AS (4) is having a hard time sharing his toys. Our last FS was a fiery little guy who stood up for himself but frequently got himself into trouble for it, b/c he would scream bloody murder, spit, hit, etc. to get his way. It really upset me. DS also turned into a little Jekyll/Hyde and I was stunned by some of his behavior; it just wasn't "like him."
Now we have a new little guy who is 3, and he is very shy and quiet and scared. He has a couple of older brothers who were placed separately, so I know he is missing them. I also assumed that he would be a little tougher because of them. But he's not -- he doesn't know how to handle DS's grabbing/bullying. (It's not really bullying, he's just being a non-sharing 4 yo, but it's "not nice" and I really don't like it. Neither does FS!)
Normally, I'd let them sort it out themselves and if they want to beat each other up over a puzzle piece, then so be it. But I don't know what kind of violence FS has been exposed to and whether that's such a good idea. DS is pretty nonviolent and would stop fighting and cry if he ever actually got hit, but yesterday he got so angry and frustrated that he charged FS and started to swing at him. I stopped him before he did it, and let him know that's NOT allowed. But what about the squabbling and crying? If I let it go, it may escalate again. If I intervene, they don't learn to work it out themselves. Obviously, I have done something wrong with DS since he hasn't learned how to deal with this yet, but I don't know what to do, and I don't know if it's okay to "let them work it out" if it means FS may never "win" or get his way.
Is it different when it's a foster child rather than one who is going to be around permanently? How do you handle it? I'm getting really upset and that's not helping.... :(