Before I forget, I just wanted to say a huge thank you to Lilytiger for taking over the spotlight threads and being so good about it. They were really fun and you are awesome! Now that we're done with spotlights, let's have birth threads! :)
July 16th-- weekly chat, its that time! - Page 3
Thanks boots! I think there was a week here or there that got a leetle messy, but otherwise it was a fun endeavor! I loved hearing about everyone's different lives. And now you're totally right we should get to hear about all their new babies! Can't wait.
DH left this afternoon for his final trip (well, last one before our EDD on 7/30) and he'll be gone until Tuesday. I'm 38++ wks along .....These 5 days/nights will be the hardest for me to pass the time alone - I've already got cabin fever! The weather is hot again, we have no a/c in our 2nd/3rd floor apt, we didn't stock up enough food or ice cream in the house, I can't drive, and walking brings on contractions/cramping. The one person I know (my landlady who lives downstairs) is out of town for the week, so I feel really isolated (and hot! and bored! and antsy!).... I guess there's no excuse for me not to finish reading my baby/parenting books now and wrap up any nesting projects, but meh! My biggest excursion might be getting some iced coffee or gelato a few blocks down the street - IF I walk there suuuuper slowly and carefully.... *sigh*
I saw my primary at my appointment today. She measured me at 41 cm which just confirms that everyone does it differently. She said that's big but not freakishly so. I have my ultrasound on Tuesday, and then I see her the next week, which is when we'll discuss my options. Apparently she thinks that induction for a VBAC isn't as dangerous as they used to think, so long as your body is gearing up. I didn't think it was an option for me, so at least I get another choice. I don't like the idea of induction but if there's something I can do to avoid a section it's certainly worth thinking about.
NewMumJoy--I would be so nervous having DH gone at this point, and I'd feel so trapped being stuck at home alone! I don't mean this to be weird, but my sister and brother-in-law live in Winnipeg. If you need anything (more ice cream!, etc), or need to get out somewhere, just PM me, and I can get you guys in touch--I know they'd be more than willing to help out.
Ok, I am the world's worst flip flopper, but I need help on the pump decision. I was going to go with the Ameda since insurance doesn't cover it and it's half the price of the Medela. But everyone LOVES the Medela and DH made the point that we'll have more kids and it makes sense to buy a very solid one rather than a cheaper one that might break down. We can also write off the expense as a medical expense on our taxes (which we sort of need because DH is a contractor, so we get hit really hard), so there would be a slight discount in that sense. Every time I make up my mind, I go in the other direction for some crazy reason. I don't have to make a decision for a few months, so it's not imminent, but I'd be interested to hear what other pumping mamas have to say about the pros and cons of both.
LilyTiger - I used my sister's pump with my son and it was horrible. It wasn't either brand you mentioned, but I just wanted to say that it's worth it (in my opinion) to get a good one...especially if you are going to use it with multiple kids and can write it off on your taxes. Seems like a no-brainer to me. :)
How is the alone time going, Newmum? I hope you are able to occupy yourself well and get help if you need it.
Lily, I can't help with the pump, but I think I've decided to go with the Ameda.
FYI, did you (and anyone else who may still need a pump) see the big sale flyer from Babies-r-us with the 20% off all pumps (plus other stuff)? It's a pretty good deal, since I had ours on the registry but the completion coupons don't apply. I'm still trying to figure out the differences between what they offer at Amazon vs BRU, since the original prices seem to differ really wildly.
Woohoo, Boots, sounds like possibly things are moving along for you and I know you wanted baby to come sooner rather than later.
Wow, so I've been pretty emotionally stable throughout this pregnancy, aside from a few minor blips, but yesterday I felt like a different person. I got really upset reading about the Colorado shootings. I think having lived in NYC for 9/11 makes me especially susceptible to such emotional reactions. Then I got really distressed about a minor issue with dh, which just made my mind go into a weird place for the rest of the day, with lots of crying episodes. I felt terrible, too, because the baby was really active all day and I was afraid I was stressing him out but I just couldn't get over it.
But today has been better, even if I'm exhausted because we woke up at 5:30 to get ready for the maternity photos. It was so hot that despite beginning just after sunrise and finishing before 8 am, dh's shirt was actually soaking wet with sweat by the end of it. We got our gift in the mail from my mil from Spain today (sheets for the crib), which are adorable, but we will be using the cosleeper for as long as possible. I tried to stop dh from telling her we don't have a crib yet, but of course the man has no sense, so I'm sure she's disappointed.
I am not getting any signs at all of labor coming anytime soon, no more intense bh despite drinking rrl and third tri infusions, and I haven't had an actual contraction that I can discern, either. But I'm definitely happy for him to be on time or a little late. He doesn't seem to be slowing down his movements, either, although lately he seems more active in the daytime and pretty quiet at night, so I'm hoping that means he like to sleep when mama does :)
It's 4:15am right now and I have to get up to pack the car for a day trip for a family gathering 3hrs away lol! Craziness. But my sister is driving so maybe I'll be able to sleep. I sure hope so, because without taking a nap anymore, I tend to just fall asleep wherever I am in the afternoons now LOL
I've been getting crampier BH ctx the last couple days which is exciting, I had a little emotional nesting day on Friday and scrubbed the bathroom including the tub. Looking back, I've done that with every baby at exactly 37 weeks so I'm right on schedule! But then I started telling dh where the birth towels and receiving blankets and heating pad is and he started to get worried hahaha I had to reassure him that no, I'm not in labour. I just feel like he needed this information "just in case".
Oh and then my sister let's me know that my mom was dead serious when she commented on a facebook photo of my belly, she seriously thinks I'm having twins. Gee, thanks. I'm smaller with this baby than I was with my first!
Anyhow, there's my blather about myself lol I always look.forward to reading everyone else's updates!!
Quick rant: I am getting super frustrated with DH. He keeps saying that if I need any help with baby stuff, I should just put it on the list. But then he doesn't look at the list. So now he's irritated that there are all these boxes in the study/front hall, but they're all from baby stuff that I unpacked, laundered, and organized, so I figured the least he could do is break down the boxes. I put it on the list, he didn't see it, and then got all mad that there were boxes sitting there for two weeks. Then today I tried to get him to put up the car window shades that literally just cling to the back windows... no installation necessary, nothing but sticking the damn things to the car. His response: Why do I need these up? There's no baby yet. I responded that he was the one stressed out about stuff building up in the front hall, so if we can just start putting things where they belong we can get things in the house cleaned and organized. He then walked out the door saying he would do it later. ARGH. I guess what really pisses me off is that I'm 38 weeks tomorrow. This kid could literally come any day. And I know that all the stuff on the list (like installing car seats and hanging pictures in the nursery and moving the light fixture into the nursery, etc.) will NOT get done once the baby arrives. I don't think it's unreasonable when I've done EVERYTHING in terms of shopping, laundering, organizing, and so on, for him to finish the few small projects I've asked of him before the baby actually gets here. It sort of seems like the closer we get to the baby coming, the less interested he is in participating at all. And sometimes, not often, it seems like he actually enjoys watching my nesting instinct get totally frustrated with his bs. I wish he would take a little more interest in the whole process. To be honest, it really hurts my feelings when he seems totally detached. The odd thing is that he's great with kids, has always wanted his own, and was super excited about the pregnancy. So I don't get that now that it's down to the wire I can't get him to stop watching the Daily Show for a damn minute to install a freaking car seat. I'm really really pissed off right now.
(To be perfectly fair, he did a TON of home improvement stuff like installing hardwood floors and so on during the second tri, so maybe he just feels like he can rest on his laurels, but it's still really pissing me off.)
Argh... Lily Tiger - that would drive me nuts!! It is really hard when my husband and I are in dif't places about what our priorities need to be. We both work hard to empathize with each other, but it's not always easy to do so.
Maybe he feels like you're obsessing a little bit?? Which, by the way, is a normal thing to do at this stage of the pregnancy, especially a first pregnancy. But it doesn't justify him being a bit of an a$$ about things. Maybe he's a bit gun shy now that the baby's birth is so imminent??
My husband really had to go through a huge transition when we had our first... it was HARD for him to re-prioritize and accept the fact that our lives were no longer our own, and that our time was no longer our own. Especially once we wanted to sit down and have family meals every day - that time from 5:30-8pm or so - filled with meal making, eating, dishes, baths, bedtime stories, etc... really got to him - it drove him crazy for a while (because of how long it took out of each day) and we really got into a few big rows about it.
Becoming a father is a huge transition - and they don't have the benefit of being pregnant for 9 months the way we do - we're just so naturally into it all... they sort of just have to fall into it in a different way. I don't know if that makes sense.
Maybe it's worth sitting down (once you're calm) and just sharing your feelings of frustration with him, but also asking him how he's doing in the midst of all this too?
Thanks, LizBiz. I just had a great talk with my best friend whose son is now 9 months about this and she said her husband went through the same thing close to the end. I think you're right that they have a hard time processing what's going on. And he probably finds my nesting really annoying. But either way, I think the solution is to sit him down when he gets home and not ask him about the to-do list but just say that he seems a little detached lately and ask what's going on. I'd like to give him the opportunity to explain where he's coming from and how he's feeling so we don't get into a back and forth about who is doing more work. Those conversations are NEVER productive, I've found. I feel much better now that I laid it all out here and talked to my friend, so hopefully I don't immediately attack him with a bludgeon the second he walks in the door.
I think my major concern is what you mentioned above -- that I'm not sure he understands how much his life is going to change. So this insistence that he can do all these things after the baby is here seems to me to be pure denial. I'm worried how he's going to handle the constant demands on his attention. I guess I should just shelve that anxiety for when the time comes and assume we'll figure that out as we go. I should probably just focus on surviving the next few weeks.
Boots - that could be exciting! I'm still keeping my eye out for any plug/show but nada so far here....
Andaluza - I'd love to see how your photos turned out! I just purchased a photo shoot package on Groupon yesterday - it's only @ Sears so I'm not expecting anything fancy, but it was a super good deal. Now at least we're locked in for a baby shoot (in case I can't do a good enough job myself). I do still wish that I had done a nice maternity shoot though......
I had a few weepy episodes out of the blue here too ((hugs ladies!))... Extreme Home Makeover had me bawling the other night. And I've been thinking a lot of my grandmother (who passed away unexpectedly over Christmas) which really makes a mess of me (I guess there's some lack of closure catching up w/me there....)
LilyTiger - very frustrating indeed! It could definitely be some denial, or maybe DH is just a bit burnt-out after all the physical house projects he'd been working on this spring. Men definitely process things differently, they ARE in a different place both mentally and physically (not carrying the babe and living this pregnancy 24/7 for 9+ months). I think your planned approach to him sounds fair and sensible. Good luck talking things out, I hope you can quickly get back on the same page!
I have a similar DH frustration when it comes to expressing my concerns about preparing for postpartum.... I feel like I've been such a good sport about his extensive travel schedule while I've been left home alone 80% of this pregnancy and that he expects things to be "just as simple" after baby's arrival - which I really disagree about. He'll be resuming his crazy schedule after 3 weeks pp and I'll have sleep deprivation, nursing, baby's well being, and who knows what else to deal with on my own. And prepping for our relocation to NYC at 8wks pp.... I just can't fathom how we're going to pull it off when he's not even here...... whenever I bring it up, he just sort of laughs it off as if I'm being a neurotic worrier. Not fair!!
Well..... 3 days/nights down and 2 to go here before DH gets back home from this most recent trip. THEN it's officially "baby time", I cannot wait! I've been able to get in a couple short walks for lunch or coffee but it's a hot one today so I'm just laying around w/the dog, finishing up some reading, trying not to sweat... or swell up!! Fortunately the contractions/cramps haven't been too bad lately and I also feel assured since doctor confirmed I had little dilation @ my last appt. So just trying to pass the time here.... I've actually turned the TV for the first time in ages - that's hitting a new low for me....
Ah, I can understand your frustration, LilyTiger. Just seems awfully stubborn to stew over boxes for a couple of weeks rather than taking fifteen minutes or so to break them down and put them away/recycle them. I'm an awful procrastinator and even I wouldn't let something go like that if it really bothered me that much. I think it's probably true that brand new fathers underestimate how their lives will change after baby arrives (brand new moms do, too!) I know some people find change -I don't know...exciting, I guess - but most people seem to find change, especially big change, pretty scary. So maybe we become overwhelmed and resort to avoidance. Also, I've heard that new father's are often a little jealous of their unborn/newborn child. I know my husband scoffed at the idea that he'd be jealous but, recently, he admitted to feeling a little jealous that he no longer commanded my undivided attention (and I didn't help matters when I started calling the baby some of the endearments I had previously reserved for him.) I was glad that he told me how he was feeling. It's cliche but communication is the key. I'm lucky that, most of the time, my husband volunteers how he is feeling but sometimes you just have to ask.
Thanks for the anniversary well-wishes. We are continuing our celebration with a one-night "staycation" in Portland. Of course, continuing the pattern of our other getaways this year, we might be too distracted with worry to fully relax. We found out on Thursday that our 35w baby is measuring small (weight est. at 4lbs 7oz) and that our doctor suspects that the placenta might be, I guess, "prematurely aging"? So suspected asymmetrical IUGR. Back to the perinatalogist! We're having another ultrasound to double-check the measurements and have the umbilical cord blood flow checked. I'm trying not to worry until I know I have something to worry about... but, that's sort of impossible. I finally got a natural childbirth book I've been wanting to read from the library but I just don't want to read it anymore. I'm already researching induction.
Lily, I think my husband has some of that. He really didn't respond well to having a list, he will do things specifically if I talk to him face to face about them and emphasize how important certain things are or how they are bothering me. Do you think if you picked one thing a day and talked to him about it he would respond differently? Just like...."I'd really like us to get the carseats installed by Wednesday.." I don't know, just brainstorming. I am sorry it's stressing you out. I cried today because when we finally took pictures of the nursery today the crib skirt was all crooked. Yes, you guys heard me right, I am a pillar of emotional maturity.
Andaluza, ugh to hot picture sessions! That's all I remember from our wedding (7/29) I'm sure the pictures will be great and hopefully you'll forget the discomfort. :) I hope you had a relaxing weekend after some stress.
Keuriweo, I am sorry to hear about the concerns about your little girl. Why were you at the perinatalogist initially? I hope that you guys find out everything will be fine. I also understand not wanting get set on a certain type of birth. I am in the process of researching induction, too, so let's share resources if we find anything good!
I am second guessing whether it was really my plug or part of it or not, I've just had a big increase in discharge since that first episode. Things have been pretty, uh, dry all pregnancy so this is weird. But my BH contractions are pretty mild, milder than last week even. I was planning on starting EPO and sex to start helping the cervical softening, but I've had kind of an upset tummy all day and it hasn't happened. Huz took tomorrow off and that's sort of our last official day together to do stuff and prepare before I go back to work and then hopefully baby pretty soon. He's been really great getting stuff done and dealing with my craziness. There's a ton to do to get our house clean and keep planning meals etc and he keeps plugging away, with only minimal crazy freakouts from me (which do help spur him along, haha). I just wish we had taken a little more time to go away for a weekend or something but I guess we still have a few weekends left to enjoy probably before baby comes, hopefully work won't be too stressful since I'm not actually preparing to teach, I've just gotta show up and make it through without dying. ;)
Boots, I remember with my first, I thought I'd lost my plug early on, because there was more discharge than I'd seen before. It wasn't until quite a way through the labor that I actually did lose it. It was (gross, warning) like the biggest ball of snot I've ever seen, tinged with blood. There was no mistaking it then, haha!
J is always a pain in the butt when it comes to doing things around the house. I've been scooping the cat litter boxes (being aware of the risks and confident my toxo risks are extremely low) up until last week. I cannot physically get down anymore to do it. I literally have to beg him every day to do it. The other day the damn things were overflowing onto the floor and I still had to nag him to do it. He also keeps telling me he'll pick up his clothes that are all over the bedroom but he still hasn't. I've warned him that when I get to cleaning the bedroom his clothes are going into a basket in the closet, clean or dirty. I can't look at them much longer.