Rough transition to public school - anyone else deal with this? - Page 2

[Lisa85]

Thanks everyone for the responses.  I have talked with her teacher but her teacher tells me that she hasn't really noticed anything.  I'm not surprised as she is in a large class (dd said 29 kids, who knows for sure) and there just hasn't been enough time for her teacher to gauge what is "normal" for each child.  She didn't really have any ideas on how to help her adjust, just that it's "normal".  I set up a time to come visit the classroom in action.  I hope that I can kind of sneak in without dd1 realizing it and observe a bit before dd1 realizes I am there. I am committed to homeschooling, if that's what she needs.  Yes, things can change and homeschooling may no longer work for us for whatever reason but there are lots of things that *could* change in our lives.   I feel that there are enough resources out there that if one is dedicated to homeschooling, it can generally be done.  Either online, with another homeschooling family, dual enrollment, etc.

I'm fairly certain that we are going to pull her at the end of next week.  While she may adjust, it's doubtful to me that she will ever truly enjoy it at this stage in her life.  We have options now and while they may not last, for the forseeable future it works for us.   I see that most won't agree but it's what works for us:)

[beanma]

Homeschooling is a great option if it works for your family. I would urge you to leave the door open for school at a later date, though. Y'know, "Seems like homeschooling might be a better fit for you right now, dd, so let's do that for now. Maybe later we'll decide to go to school again."

Edited by beanma - 7/22/12 at 6:32pm

[meemee]

Originally Posted by Lisa85 

Thanks everyone for the responses.  I have talked with her teacher but her teacher tells me that she hasn't really noticed anything.  I'm not surprised as she is in a large class (dd said 29 kids, who knows for sure) and there just hasn't been enough time for her teacher to gauge what is "normal" for each child.  She didn't really have any ideas on how to help her adjust, just that it's "normal". 

honestly you are asking too much for a teacher to gauge all that when it has just been over a week. she cant have any ideas of how to help her adjust is coz she just doesnt have the time when it might just work itself out within a month. in most cases it does. that is why you have to go with your gut feeling of how you feel your dd is doing. 

and first grade is a much harder class to adjust to, coz the fun of K is no longer there any more and its more work. but then it keeps building up on that. whenever you do decide to send her back to school make sure you dont do it at 4th grade. that's another hard grade for kids to sit through. 

[Linda on the move]

Did you set up a conference for your dd and you to meet with the teacher?

As far as homeschooling always being an option, that's just not true. I've know families who've stopped homeschooling because of things like death of a parent, dad having an affair, mental breakdown of a parent, extreme financial problems, and extreme health problems of another family member.

Leaving the door open is a bit like buying life insurance. You have no way of knowing what the next 12 years will bring.

Also, homeschooling can mask special needs. You havent figured out why she isn't coping at school, so it raises the chances that you are missing information about her. Most kids can make this transition (with support) and you've decided she can't. One of my kids has sn, and if we didn't have a good school option for her, I would hs her, but I would do a better job of it by knowing what is going on with her.

[moominmamma]

Originally Posted by Linda on the move 

Most kids can make this transition (with support) and you've decided she can't. 

No, I don't think that's what's been decided. I think what's been decided is that she neither wants nor needs to make the transition at this point. Whether she can or not isn't something one can decide after a couple of weeks.

Miranda

[CatsCradle]

Originally Posted by moominmamma 

No, I don't think that's what's been decided. I think what's been decided is that she neither wants nor needs to make the transition at this point. Whether she can or not isn't something one can decide after a couple of weeks.

Miranda

That's cool.  So maybe OP can post in the homeschooling thread from now on, where she won't get any opinions outside of pure homeschooling support, since we've all be shot down here on this end for talking about our own experiences with schooling outside the home. No disrespect, but it is the same frustration I feel (as a vegan/vegetarian) when meat-eaters come to the veg'n forum and tell people that they just need to eat meat because that is what is best for them.  Honestly, I don't go into the homeschooling forum with the intent of giving lectures.  I would hope that it is reciprocal.

Edited to say that I don't have any problem with homeschooling and I fully support it when people choose to do it.  I guess what bristles me is that when advice is asked on other options, people come in to dismiss it.  Sorry, just bugs me and feels like no matter how one tries to state the positives or the struggles, it is invalidated.  I know it is a two-way street in a lot of respects.  But I see the defensiveness a lot here where there is no need to be defensive.

[beanma]

I think it just sounds like Lisa85 doesn't want to make her child go to school unless she's excited and happy about it. She has homeschooling as a comfortable back up and she seems to enjoy that as a parent and says her dd1 would be happier doing that. I don't know if it will cause problems with the dd2 or not. 

I know for my kids if I were to homeschool one I'd have to homeschool both of them even though my dd2 is much more social and has an easier time of it at school. She would feel super left out if she had to go to school and didn't get to stay home with dd1 and there would be a lot of drama. 

School is hard because you can't really do it partway very easily in most places. Our compromise for dd1 is going to be a small charter school next year. If it's dance class or something it's easy enough to pay by the month and if the child doesn't like it after a month to cut your losses and drop the class and it's no big deal. It's a little trickier with school, though.

OP, I think if you want to make school work for your dd1 there are a lot of strategies you could try that you haven't explored fully, but I do think homeschooling can be a great option for a lot of families.

I don't think homeschooling would be great for my dd1, however, as it would be an avoidance behavior for her anxieties and would only serve to exacerbate them. She is much better off working through her problems and knowing she can face up to her fears and can be part of a bigger group. Separation anxiety is very developmentally appropriate even in first grade, IMO. My dd1 as a rising 6th grader is still struggling with sep anxiety at times and it's not so much okay at that age and is something that she needs to get through. She was super excited to go to art camp this morning, though, and I think her anxiety levels have actually lessened by being in camp this past week and this week. Allowing her to avoid something she's anxious about only reinforces her anxiety by sending her the message that, "Whew, good thing you avoided that. It was really scary and dangerous. You'll be safe here at home," when that is not what I want for her. I want her to be confident and self-assured and ready to try new things in life. If any of this rings true for your daughter do try to make sure to let her know that just because that particular school and that particular teacher and that particular class is not a "good fit" right now doesn't mean that all school is scary and there may come a time in the future when she would like to try it again and it might be best for the family then, too. I'd just encourage you to not let her internalize the message that school is not for her and is to be avoided. 

Best of luck in your journey!

[geemom]

HSers and Learning at School... can't we all just get along?  Geez.  It really isn't black and white.  I am an HSer, but that doesn't mean that my child necessarily is, or thrives at home.  What can you do?

OP:  we are having a rough transition, too.  My 2nd grader was doing GREAT, but today would not get out of the car.  literally.  I waited until the tardy bell. She tearily shook her head no and froze like a deer in the headlights.  The horrible lady in the office (when I went in to report her tardy/absent) acted like I was some sort of failure for not being able to extract her from the vehicle.  What the heck, call the fire department, get the jaws of life.

I am not going to DRAG my child into school.  I sat in the parking lot with her for an hour.  I guess I have to figure out what's going on.  I want her to go to school, since she decided to try it this year.  I feel like she needs to go since she is enrolled.  Would it have been healthy for her mentally if I would have wheeled her in on the hand-truck dolly from the cafeteria storage room?  I am not sure.