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An Important Conversation

post #1 of 8
Thread Starter 

Hello ladies;

 

As I may have mentioned in previous threads, I'm a therapist for my day job. What I may not have mentioned is that I exclusively work with people who have committed sexual offences and/or have inappropriate sexual thoughts that they're having difficulty controlling on their own.

 

As a result, I see a lot of situations that could have been made easier (or avoided altogether) if only the parents had proper education or information available to them. The saddest stories are generally when the child is trying to tell the parent what's happening but it gets lost in the reaction or the cues are too subtle, and the abuse goes on for much longer than it could have. I figure if I have a bunch of current and future parents available to me via this forum, I should share this information.

 

I recently came across this website that I have to say has done a pretty fabulous job of summarizing information in a way that isn't fearmongering and has genuinely helpful tips for talking to your children about inappropriate sexual behaviour and sex in general.

http://www.darkness2light.org/

 

This is a direct link to a really informative pdf they have released: http://www.d2l.org/atf/cf/%7B64AF78C4-5EB8-45AA-BC28-F7EE2B581919%7D/7%20Steps%20to%20Protecting%20Our%20Children.pdf

 

The key things that I can say from experience are:

- make the topic of sex something that your child feels comfortable discussing with you by starting early with general discussions 

- avoid using "cuter" words for anatomy, like cookie or birdy or muffin. This trivializes their genitals and makes it more difficult for you or others to understand if they are trying to tell you that something is wrong (think of all the names you have for your vagina vs all the times you have for your arm or your ears)

- most people (not just children) are sexually abused by people they know, not strangers. I would say as much as 85% of my clientele offended against their family, neighbors, or students

- sexual abuse against males is a serious matter and should be regarded as such. It is not different when a 28 year old teacher has sex with her 12 year old male student compared to when a male teacher does so to a female student. If anything the males are worse off because others expect them to be thankful for being raped.

 

Sorry for the downer, but it's very important.

post #2 of 8
Thanks for posting.
Definitely important!
post #3 of 8
Thank you for sharing. This is good info to have. We are starting to Have these conversations with dd1
post #4 of 8

Great advice.

We make this subject a nonchalant, non embarrassing part of conversation at our house at every age. We want our boys to be well informed so they will know what's acceptable or not, and yet make it clear that there are things you can talk about with your family that are not okay to talk about with other people. Just like your privates are not for showing to anyone... you don't talk about them to anyone. When questions come up, they are answered honestly and without drama. It was funny the other day, my 7yo asked me what sexy means. I told him some different definitions that people would use in different circumstances, then asked him why he was wondering. He happened to be watching a Myth Busters on Net Flix and one of the guys said he felt sexy in a tight wet suit. I told him it's not a word that we would use, but handsome or attractive would be a more acceptable term. :) It's just nice seeing that he was comfortable asking me to make sure it was an okay word to use or not.

post #5 of 8

Great topic thread. I was literally just reading an article that said a teacher was horrified to know that a student of hers was being sexually assaulted at home. The child was telling her everyday that her cookie was broken and she was sad. What the teacher didn't know is that her cookie was her vagina!

 

I'm a birth doula & we have the "talk" all the time. My boys are learning appropriate values with sex, intimacy, and vocabulary. While it isn't always fun, I do love that they feel comfortable to discuss things with us that most kids would either google or ask their friends about.

post #6 of 8
Thanks! Wow, what a job.

You should repost in the parenting forum.
post #7 of 8
Quote:
Originally Posted by Adaline'sMama View Post

Thanks! Wow, what a job.
You should repost in the parenting forum.

 

 

Agreed!  Please post in the parenting forum as well.  Thank you.

post #8 of 8

Good info! Thanks.

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