I have a nearly 13 YO DS and a 9 YO DD. DD is best friends with 9 YO girl up the street. Friends family also has a 7 YO boy. The friend's mom does not want my son playing with her son -- she fears inappropriate conversation and/or actions from my son since he is so much older. While I think she is over-reacting/over-protective, she has a right as mom to control who plays with her children and I respect that.
Problem is, I don't know what to tell my DS about why he can't play with the other boy, especially since the two girls are together as much as possible. I have said "X's mom thinks you are too old to play with X". I have even explained that X's mom is afraid of inappropriate behavior, which of course upset my DS that someone would think he would do "something like that". So I'm stuck saying "No, you can't go up the street to play" and I do whenever he asks. But DS is on his own some days this summer and has gone up to see if X can play a couple of times. The mom won't say he can't play, but will complain to me that DS came up. I've said "I wasn't home, he came up on his own. If you don't want him there, you have to be willing to send him home." She doesn't want to be mean so she won't do that, which is nice but puts me in a bad spot. DS says "Mom, you are wrong, X's mom will let X play with me."
So, clearly I need to reinforce "don't play with X" with my DS and I have done that. But is it unreasonable for me to expect the other mom to say "No, X can't play" and send DS home if he does arrive there? I will help DS live with her rules, but doesn't she have some responsibility to help as well?