I concede that there have been several word choices offered that improve on my suggestion of "loon."
I would make if very clear to my son that this is the other parent's issue, nothing about him. I would make it clear that I knew the other parent was wrong. I believe that this is moment where the OP is teaching her son what it means to be a man in our society and what she thinks of him as a person, I'd be more concerned with getting that right than the neighbor's feelings.
Many 13 year old already have issues and concerns with their changing bodies, and I think some of the posters underestimate what it means to tell a teen boy that he has now crossed the magic line where some people see him only as a potential sex offender.
I think some of you will be surprised at how young your children will still seem when they are 13, and how much they still enjoy things like lego!
Originally Posted by The4OfUs
In FACT, I think StormBride brought it up, I probably *wouldn't* be OK with my kid going there, either, if the mom is that worked up about it, in case she imagined something happened that didn't.
I completely agree with this, and see the other home and the other children as NOT SAFE for the OPer's son.
Originally Posted by mammal_mama
I realize this probably isn't how this other mom would like for her actions to be explained to your children -- but she is seriously putting you between a rock and a hard place.
The other mom is completely clueless. She honestly doesn't have a problem calling another mother and stating that based on her child age and gender, she views them as a potential sex offender. This is SO FAR for civilized behavior, the fact that she really expects the relationship to remain friendly is bizarre.
In refusing to kindly but firmly saying something like, "I'm sorry, but I feel the age difference between you and Y is too great, so no, you cannot play with him," she proved that she talks about people behind their backs rather than being honest to their faces. She cannot set appropriate boundaries, but she whines about it afterward. She's most likely passive aggressive.
Although I most likely wouldn't put a stop to my DDs friendship immediately, I think the writing is on the wall that the other mom has some serious issues that will impact her kids' friendships, and that if the girls remain friends, it will be in spite of her mother.
Originally Posted by One_Girl
If it was the abuse worry I would call her on it and not allow either child over. I would completely cut off contact with anyone who suggested my child is an abuser waiting for a target because that is just plain wrong.
I'm not sure how it is different to assume someone is an abuser based on age and gender than it is to assume someone is a thief based on color.
I also find the idea that kids of different ages playing together is a bad idea to be odd here on Mothering, and I fail to see how that view can be part of "natural family living." Isn't it natural for kids to be around those both older and younger than themselves? Isn't isolating children by age not just all day at school, but also in all social activities a little "unnatural"?