Need to vent. Nothing going right.

[MeAndVee]

The baby is fine, so no worries.  Just my doctor isnt what I thought she was.  When I first met with her I told her I wanted to have a VBAC.  She said that was fine.  Now at 28w 5d she is pushing for the RCS.  WHAT?!!!  She kept telling me that DS2 will be big and his shoulders may get locked and then I would need an emergency csection and I would be at risk of an uncontroable infection that could result in needing a hyserectomy.  And that I only have a 50% chance of a successful VBAC anyway.  I'm not a confrontaional type, but I did insist that I still wanted to do the VBAC.  I signed her little consent form. 

And the worst part is DH agrees I should do the RCS!  SO now I am completly alone on this.  How can I birth with no support from anywhere?  I just want to lock myself in my bedroom and have him alone.  Might as well.  Atleast I wont have people around me thinking "you should just give up and do the RCS".  

[wissa19]

I'm so sorry you feel like you don't have any support right now.  I'm 27 weeks and I'm also thinking about having a VBAC.

It sounds like your OB is concerned about the possibility of a shoulder dystocia.  Why does she think the baby is going to be big? It may be she changed her mind based on the fact that the baby is bigger than what she thought it was going to be.  Did she say anything about possibly doing an Ultra-sound to confirm size and position.  (I'm not trying to scare you, but if it is shoulder dystocia she's worried about that it could also have consequences for the baby and not just you.)

I think before you make any decision it might be a good idea to talk to your doctor when you aren't so upset or surprised by what she said.  Find out if she is against VBAC in general and why she is being conservative with you.  

My DH would pretty much rather me have RCS than a VBAC and my OB hasn't ever even said the first negative thing about it.  I think our guys just want a healthy mom and baby at the end....they aren't concerned with how that happens just that it does.  While you may be frustrated with his lack of understanding, it might be helpful to have a talk about the pro's & con's of VBAC & C-section.  Men tend to not make not decisions based on just emotion.  

[MeAndVee]

She is basing his size completly on fundal height.  I dont have diabetes.  I dont see how fundal height is a good indicator.  Sometimes my uterus is really high up by my ribs and other times it is low down closer to my naval.  This baby really gets around.  DS1 just stayed put

I'm just really scared and lost.  When I thought my doctor was on board with the VBAC I was confident and at peace because I felt I would have guidance and some meassure of protection in the event something went wrong.  I feel cheated now.  I can't do it alone, if something went wrong I'd never forgive myself.

[GoBecGo]

I would change providers because if you get a shoulder dystocia the only option involving cs is a zavanelli and that is NOT something you want your baby to go through, the US is pretty much the only place they still do it because the mortality and injury rates for mama and babe are so immense.  The fact that she even puts cs on the table as a potential outcome for shoulder dystocia is scary to me.  Normal careproviders suspect a coming dystocia when descent is very slow despite what seems to be good positioning and often only then with other factors (like known macrosomia) and do a cs before the head is born.

So i would email around and seek an Ob who is ACTUALLY comfortable with VBAC and not just lip-service to them with 1st tri mama's they want to book...

[MichelleZB]

Lol, how can she know at 28 weeks, by just feeling the fundus, how big the kid will get? Also, even if your child is big, who knows whether his shoulders will be stuck or not?

What kind of infection does she mean?

[MeAndVee]

GoBecGo... Not sure where to even start in finding a new OB.  I'm trying though.  Contacted the ICAN chapter in my area.  I figured they are the best resource for VBAC friendly OBs.

MichelleZB... I really dont know what sort of infection it would have to be.  She told me because the uterus has been laboring that I will bleed more and have a higher risk of infection and that the infection would resist antibiotics and that would result in a hyserectomy.  I have never heard that before.  The only reason she would give is because the uterus has been laboring hard.  At that point I was just so irritated I wanted the appointment to be just over.  My fundal height at 23 weeks was 26 cm.  She was convinced I had GD.  I dont, found that out saturday when the mail came. 

[wissa19]

The risk for infection is greater after an emergency c-section...is what I would assume she was talking about.   All the other stuff after are risks of getting an infection after an emergency c-section...

[GoBecGo]

The thing to remember, really hold onto, is that the OB's unwillingness to support VBAC is NOT to do with your body or your baby at this stage.  It is to do with her own preferences and fears.  There is nothing about 28-week fundal height in a second pregnancy (or even a first pregnancy but ESPECIALLY not a subsequent one!) that can predict suitability or not to VBAC.  I would imagine the only clients she finds suitable are ones who have already had a previous VBAC with someone else IF THEN.  What are her VBAC stats?  The ICAN chapter will certainly be able to help you.

But do hold onto the fact that her fears are unrelated to your actual abilities.  A bit like you're looking for someone to be your guide climbing a mountain and as soon as they see the size of the thing they're like "oh, can you really climb with those legs...i don't know....".  You are completely capable of going for the birth you want, even if she is incapable of supporting you.

[JamieCatheryn]

Wow. The book that got my DH really informed and fired up about the illogical, dangerous stuff some OBs push was The Thinking Woman's Guide to a Better Birth. Maybe you can assign your DH that. Honestly if you plan for it UC isn't a bad choice, but you won't want your DH arguing against a natural birth. But do look for a more supportive care provider so you know your options. Ask local doulas, they'll have seen all the local OB's and MW's in action. With this doctor, I think you have less than a 50% chance of a successful VBAC. With a supportive team and taking charge of what happens to you, it's more like a 85% chance maybe more.

[handnhand]

I am sorry that you are not feeling supported. That is a tough spot to be in.  VBAC success rate is something like 75%.  1st time moms have a vaginal birth rate of 67% or so.  Perhaps if your dh realized that chances of having a success vaginal birth is better than for first time moms, he might be more supportive.  I see that you have contacted your local ICAN chapter.  That is a great start.  With my vbacs (I have had 2), I hired a doula as well.  My dh was supportive of my decision to vbac, though it took him awhile to warm up to the idea.  A c/s just seemed like the thing to do.  A doula will definitely be a support.  I would highly recommend having one!!!

[wildmansmom]

I'm so sorry this is happening. I can relate to the DH not getting it and I know how frustrating that can be. Husbands, as much as they love us, just don't understand our fears and desires for childbirth. They only see that their wife/child may be in danger and they want to keep us safe. I agree with the other posts that it may be time to get another opinion. Has the OB done an ultrasound to determine how big the baby is?  And how can she possibly know how the size at 28 weeks is going to change or not change by 40 weeks? That's a long time with a big time of growth.  Although ultrasounds can be off by 10%, I would insist on growth ultrasounds before agreeing to a RCS.  My sister had an emergency C-section because the on-call doctor thought the baby was too big based on her size.  He was just over 7 lbs and completely birth-able.  I agree that this doctor is afraid of VBAC, but I'm sure you can find one who isn't.  A trial by labor is standard procedure for VBAC.

[MeAndVee]

I had an ultrasound at 19w and he was average sized then.  I changed OBs but same practice.  We'll see how it goes.  He has double the years experince.  Don't know if that will make any difference though.  Hoping he has seen more, been there done that.  Did locate two VBAC friendly doctors, one is almost two hours away and the other is just over an hour.   Fingers crossed things are going to be better!

[wissa19]

I hope the change in doctors works out for you.  I agree with the others I would at ask for an ultra-sound to confirm size before making any decision.  My baby measured a little big at 20 weeks, but my doctor didn't seem concerned.  I have my 28 week next week so we'll see what happens...

The only other thing I could think of since she wasn't going by ultrasound is that maybe your last baby was big and she thinks this one will be too.

It sounds like you feel better about things and I hope it works out for you.

[handnhand]

With both my vbacs, my dr was 2 hours away.  Glad you have some choice now.  As for baby being bigger and that being a reason NOT to vbac, my vbac baby was BIGGER than my c/s baby!  Position of the baby plays a big part in the delivery.  Check out www.spinningbabies.com

[MeAndVee]

Wissa...DS1 was a good size at 8 lbs 10 oz and breech.  I'll have the ultrasound at I believe 32w is what she suggested.  I really am starting to comes to terms with this though.  I'll be happy if I can just have the chance to labor, to try.  Just so scared to have surgery.  In the end I just want for baby and I to be healthy and in one piece! 

HandnHand...What did you do when you went into labor, thats my only concern?  I have been reading over at SpinningBabies.com often.  Just can never tell what I am feeling in there, feels all the same to me.  Head bottom leg arm?

[wissa19]

I know in the end we all want a healthy baby, but you were thrown a curve ball.  I totally understand why you were upset.  I think the idea of an ultra-sound at 32 weeks should give a little more perspective on things.

My DS was breech as well he was only 7.9, but he came early.  My doctor is willing to let me go over my due date, but I'm worried about a big baby.  So, I think the most frustrating thing for me and (I'm guessing for you too) is that we really won't know what's going to happen until it happens.  Sometimes I'm just fine with c-section, but then I remember everything that goes with it and I'd rather try labor.  I kind of feel like, if I could at least go into labor on my own I would be fine with whatever happens because once labor starts I know the baby has to come out.   

Good luck and I'm happy to hear you are feeling much more positive about things. 

[pokeyAC]

No two births are the same.  Your second one could be totally different from the first. 

Even with an ultrasound it is difficult to correctly judge the size of a baby.  They can tell you if the baby is breech, but that's another issue.  I met a midwife that said women's pelvises come in 2 sizes, adequate and drive a truck through.  Basically, she means most babies can fit through most pelvises, but you can't tell by looking at someone how that will turn out.

I agree with lots of the other posters who suggested finding a different doctor who supports you, if that's possible.  Or at the very least, tell your doctor again how important this is to you and perhaps agree on at least doing a "trial of labor" as they call it.  The baby may move down into a beautiful position.  I also second hiring a doula, preferably someone with VBAC experience.  She can support you and your husband through the process.  If your husband isn't on board, you could use the extra support, but she may also be able to help him warm up to the idea. Good luck!  You can do it!

[MeAndVee]

Wissa...The unknowns are the worst part of it.  I keep thinking "ugh, just go on and do the section, it'll be so easy!"  Then I remember how terrifying the whole experience was and how I felt like I missed out on something very important.  I want to do this, I do, but the unknown is hard.

Pokey...Tomorrow I will get on to looking for a doula.  Also looking for a chiropractor!  I'm a good size.  Wide hips and all.  I really do wonder how big is my limit to birth.  I've read about women birthing 10/11 lb babies.  I don't think he'll be anywhere near that big though!  I hope not!  Be nice if there would be a test to determine that.  Maybe someday...

[JamieCatheryn]

The thing is, pelvises are flexible, and get more flexible the more pregnant you are from the hormones. Also baby's heads are flexible too, given time and a good chin tucked position big headed babies will get that alien head looking molding so they can got through. And fat and water weight is squishy and doesn't pose any problem in birth. As long as a mom's pelvis hasn't been damaged or malformed, It's more a matter of ideal positioning of the baby and the mobility to use upright positions in labor that allow baby to get through.

[MeAndVee]

Just got home.  The appointment went so much better then I would of thought.  He didnt see any reason why I couldnt labor being that DS1 was breech {vs some other reason}.  Also he doesnt find baby to be unusually large when he meassured fundal height and felt my tummy.  He doesnt even think I really need an ultrasound either but if something comes up that he would order one at that time.  OHH and baby is head down too!  Fingers crossed he stays put!  I'm still hesitant to get too excited.  The other doctor was fine too with the VBAC at the start.  Also found a doula with VBAC experience in my area.  Looking forward to meeting with her.

Now for a nap.  Too hot here and it really drains you to be out and about in it.  Ugh....