I Need Some Advice...Feeling So Overwhelemed.

[BeingMe]

My little guy is 4 months and rarely neaps during the day.  I try to watch for signs and get him down within 90 minutes of waking, but it often takes 30 minutes or more of rocking to get him to sleep during which he fusses and cries the whole time.  Today I rocked him for 2 hours of which he fell asleep 3 times and woke everytime I laid him down.  And the whole time rocking he screamed and cried.  As soon as you stop he will smile or talk, and I know he's not hungry as he was recently fed.

I'm going crazy.  I have a 6 year old who I'm trying to homeschool (not going well), and can barely function as I've lost so much weight from not knowing what to eat.  I've cut out dairy, eggs, wheat, onions, spicey things, and more to try to help his bowels and other reactions.  I feel like I'm barely functioning and spending all my time trying to get him to sleep.  And then somewhere in there trying to eat, shower and take care of my 6 year olds education.  Oh and add to that, that there are no kids near us and she has noone to play with.

Please give any advice you can.

[sageowl]

No advice, but for what it's worth, my kid wouldn't nap at that age unless I lay down with him and held him.  The only other thing that worked was I would walk around the neighborhood with him in a wrap or the stroller and he'd fall asleep after about 15 minutes of that.  

My thought is that the 6 year old could probably use some quiet time after lunch, so maybe you could talk her into doing something quiet for half an hour, and just kind of have family quiet time whether the baby sleeps or not.  (This is more for you than the kids per se, it sounds like you need a daily "break".
 

[chiromama01]

So sorry mama ? My dd was the same way, but I didn't have a 6 yr old on top of everything. The only way dd slept as an infant was in a moby. You might try wearing your LO for sleeping time, even on your back so wheel LO does sleep you can be productive. Otherwise, you might also try a DHA supplement by Nordic naturals (infant DHA) that's great for constipation if that's an issue. Chiropractic care can help with colic. What was the birth like? Have u tried a swing for sleeping? What about a swaddle blanket? I know im a little bit all over the place, just throwing things out there. It will get easier!! Keep us posted!

[BeingMe]

Thanks for the responses.  I do take fish oil and try carrying him but I'm so weak from not eating enough (down 15 lbs from prepregnancy weight and I'm getting really skinny).  He's been seen by a chiro 2x and a cranialsacralist2x.  He's gaining weight good and hitting milestones.  Tried swaddling (hates it) and don't have a swing as with my daughter we overused it and she would only sleep in it.

The thing that's getting us is eating.  I don't know what to eat and have no energy.  When you take everything out of your diet it seems like all the easy stuff is gone, and by the time I nurse him (45 minutes to an hour each time), its time to put him back to sleep and trying to squeeze food prep in there is almost impossible.

[Kuba'sMama]

I would try then maybe once a week or so either during naps or bedtime or maybe someone can help you with holding the baby? Anyway, prepare a whole bunch of easy foods to snack on- cut up veggies in a container with hummus on the side (or whatever dip you like), some boiled eggs if you can have those, cooked meat however you like it, make up a bunch of salads, cut up fruit, smoothie jar, whatever you think you will feel like eating. Then its just a matter of grabbing it. Maybe stock up on some gluten free crackers, rice cakes etc also to have with your prepared foods. This kind of preparation shouldn't really take more than 2, 3 hours. There are lots of great recipes online too.
Stay healthy mama!

[Philothea]

Hey mama so sorry you're having a hard time. First I just wanted to encourage you with your 6 yr old. I am one of 10 children- all homeschooled-and we've all gone to our first choice colleges on scholarships. Now I say that to preface the fact that my mom believes when a child is young they don't really need much 'schooling' and kids learn mostly through their play. Also, there was constantly an ebb and flow of seasons for when she could devote more time to homeschooling and times when things were hard (like what you're going thru) when she allowed the structure of homeschooling to take a backseat and trusted we were learning through our experiences and playtime. So I just wanted to hopefully alleviate some of that stress that you're feeling with your son. It is so easy to catch up when you homeschool and you guys will eventually! All of my siblings and I went at least a year without 'schooling' at some point in our life and it didn't hurt us in the least. 4 of my brothers missed 2 full years of elementary school when my mom was sick and they all went on to be valedictorians! They're careers now are doctor, college professor, and engineer. Anyway I hope that takes away some of the guilt and pressure you are feeling. I know it must be extremely hard but I think of it as one of those seasons. You will be in a more peaceful season eventually.

As for your LO, have you tried white noise? My baby will not fall asleep unless I am swaying with her next to our super loud air conditioning unit. That's the only thing that gets her to calm down and soothes her to sleep. But I have do have to keep holding her cuz she'll wake up if I try to lay her down.

[jwynne]

OMG, this post sounds exactly like my 16 week old DD and me. I feel for you.  it's so hard and I don't have a 6 year old.  I'm loosing weight like crazy cut all the same stuff out too.  struggling with cooking because no time.  I have my mom cook for me on the weekend and we freeze stuff.  Also rice cakes and gluten free bread from www.grindstonebakery.com is a good option which has no allergens in it.  not even yeast.  I put avocado on that because it is the easiest and has fat in it.  I also just put chicken marineated in oil and salt for a day in the fridge and then breaded with flaxseed meal in the oven for an hour or so and eat it for the next few days with some bagged lettuce with olive oil on it.   As far as naps my DD just recently got better but she was just like yours.  Would take me forever the only thing that would work is the sling outside but she would wake up the minute i stopped walking.  She is a little easier to put down last week or so some rocking and pacifier but only naps 45 minutes and then I have to try to rock her back which is not always successful.  She keeps changing on me daily or weekly on how she wants to be put down but stroller and swing are never an option for her.   I also do the 90 minutes between naps.   Can you get someone to help you out with cooking?  I think that's what helps me the most. 

[mamapenguin]

Sorry to hear you're having a difficult time.  I only have one child (my daughter is 2.5), so I can't speak to the challenges of having a high needs baby while trying to take care of an older child as well.  But, I have had the experience of taking care of my high needs baby, while desperately trying to maintain my already low weight while nursing and being completely sleep-deprived (she was a terrible napper too).  

To me it sounds like you really have to make feeding yourself a priority - if you feel weak, shaky, and generally crappy from lack of nutrition, then everything else is going to seem 10x more difficult, especially if you're nursing too!  For myself, I have to focus on eating something every 2 hours, and try to eat as much nutrient-rich food as I can - I find I function best if I focus on getting good fats and protein.  This doesn't mean sitting down to full meals - I don't always have the time for that.  And not everything is always tasty - especially when my DD was younger and I was in survival mode and just needed to eat whatever I could!  I have celiac disease and various other food intolerances (including dairy, soy, and corn), so my selection is somewhat limited too.  Some of my easy standby snacks include fruit smoothies made with full-fat coconut milk (I also add a tbsp. of flax or hemp oil), nuts, guacamole and anything that can be dipped (GF crackers, rice cakes, veggies), quinoa or brown rice bowls (I use leftover brown rice or quinoa, add coconut or hemp milk, nuts, dried fruit, maple syrup, sliced banana).  There are some decent GF/allergen-free convenience foods too - not necessarily the best options nutritionally, but better than not eating!  I make sure I have things like snack bars, crackers, prepared hummus, soup, canned salmon, for when I need emergency food.  I have been known to eat a whole avocado, or drink straight from a can of coconut milk when I'm desperate for calories;)

I hope things get easier for you soon.  

[smiles2012]

Originally Posted by mamapenguin 

To me it sounds like you really have to make feeding yourself a priority - if you feel weak, shaky, and generally crappy from lack of nutrition, then everything else is going to seem 10x more difficult, especially if you're nursing too!  For myself, I have to focus on eating something every 2 hours, and try to eat as much nutrient-rich food as I can - I find I function best if I focus on getting good fats and protein.  This doesn't mean sitting down to full meals - I don't always have the time for that.  And not everything is always tasty - especially when my DD was younger and I was in survival mode and just needed to eat whatever I could!  I have celiac disease and various other food intolerances (including dairy, soy, and corn), so my selection is somewhat limited too.  Some of my easy standby snacks include fruit smoothies made with full-fat coconut milk (I also add a tbsp. of flax or hemp oil), nuts, guacamole and anything that can be dipped (GF crackers, rice cakes, veggies), quinoa or brown rice bowls (I use leftover brown rice or quinoa, add coconut or hemp milk, nuts, dried fruit, maple syrup, sliced banana).  There are some decent GF/allergen-free convenience foods too - not necessarily the best options nutritionally, but better than not eating!  I make sure I have things like snack bars, crackers, prepared hummus, soup, canned salmon, for when I need emergency food.  I have been known to eat a whole avocado, or drink straight from a can of coconut milk when I'm desperate for calories;)

I hope things get easier for you soon.  

I completely agree. Losing this much weight (especially if you don't really have it to lose) can wreak havoc on not only your body and energy but also your mind and spirits. You might benefit from finding a dietician ( they have more education than nutritionist). Even one consultation may help you because a dietician can help you evaluate what you can eat ( and that your comfortable/like eating), as well as evaluate how your eating affects your babe. It sounds like you have cut out a lot for your breast milk, but it may be that you could find alternatives or add some of it back.

Hugs to you and hopefully baby starts sleeping long stretches at night soon!

[loveandgarbage]

So sorry you're having a rough go of it. Nursing and a busy schedule made me lose a lot of weight that I didn't have to lose when DS2 was a baby so I can commiserate. Have you had your levels checked out by a doctor? I had a lot of dizzy spells/nutrient deficiencies and it was helpful to know exactly what was lacking and what I needed to focus on. It sounds like you might be lacking in B vitamins and/or iron if you have no energy. I tried to eat a high-fat diet and because I don't eat meat that included avocados, drenching oils on everything, and lots of nuts. Do you have a partner who can be there with the kids so you can get some prep cooking done? Or can he/she do it for you?

[smiles2012]

Another thought for baby...

Every baby is different. I remember letting my baby girl sleep as a newborn in the swing consecutive nights and at every nap because that's the only thing that worked. I was so worried that she wouldnt ever transition to her crib, but here we are at 4 months and now, she is perfectly content to sleep in her crib for twelve hours! I realize that your baby is older than newborn, but the swing may provide you some relief. Wouldn't it be worth it if he liked the swing at this point?

[BeingMe]

Thanks everyone for the help.  I'm trying to make me a priority, and slowly gaining strength.  I took out corn and soy as well, but believe I found a possible reason for the shallow latch, and him not draining the breast---lip tie.  I was pointed to a site about it and according to what I can see he has the highest level of it.  Not sure if it will help his bowels, but it explains a few other issues.  We have an apt on the 8th with a doctor who uses laser.

Anyone have experience with this?

[BeingMe]

Wanted to give an update...

My son had his laser frenectomy for his lip tie on Wednesday and it went really well.  The whole procedure was quick, and he cried less than when his sister throws a fit in the room with him.  Dr. James Jesse was extremely nice, and took lots of time explaining the whole procedure.   He felt that the frenectomy should greatly improve his nursing and bowels. Nursing has gotten better, and even felt weird at first because he could move his upper lip.  Our problem is that many times he still wants to nurse at the end of my nipple.  I imagine this is a habit from 4.5 months of nursing that way.  I'm wondering if anyone has any advice on how to correct this?  

[Philothea]

I had the same issue with my Lo. A lactation consultant told me to squeeze my breast in my hand from the top and bottom like a hamburger and place the whole thing in dd's mouth when it was wide open. If she didn't open it far enough herself ... then I should take my finger and gently open her mouth and place my breast in. That helped incredibly. We had to relatch a lot at first bc DD wanted just the nipple but eventually she got it down and now we don't have any troubles. Oh yeah, if you need to relatch then just slide your finger into the side of her mouth so you break the sunction. Learned that the hard way! hope this helps some

[RabbitMomma]

I had a really rough time getting enough to eat too when DD was that age (also wasn't much of a sleeper!). I lost lots of weight and am still struggling to gain it back. My suggestion would be to make smoothies with lots of calories that you can easily chug down throughout the day. If making them during the day is a problem, have DH make a few for you at night and you can stick them in the fridge or freezer for the next day. I make a smoothie with avocado, Greek yoghurt, coconut milk, pea protein, and honey with fruit. It's a good 600 calories and keeps me going!

In regard to the napping- maybe you just don't have a napper? My DD never napped at that age some babies just don't. I found that after I stopped trying to get her to sleep when she didn't want to our day just went so better. A Moby wrap kept me sane, if you don't babywear I'd highly reccommend it especially with a 6 year old. That and nurse nurse nurse!

Hugs to you, that age was a rough time for me. Take care of yourself and try to take it easy (easier said than done I know!)

[Natalya]

Originally Posted by RabbitMomma 

In regard to the napping- maybe you just don't have a napper? My DD never napped at that age some babies just don't. I found that after I stopped trying to get her to sleep when she didn't want to our day just went so better. A Moby wrap kept me sane, if you don't babywear I'd highly reccommend it especially with a 6 year old. That and nurse nurse nurse!
Hugs to you, that age was a rough time for me. Take care of yourself and try to take it easy (easier said than done I know!)

ITA with this. Maybe let him stay awake until it seems like he is VERY tired? This is what I do with my 5 mo. My dp is always trying to put him to sleep before he is ready to fall asleep and it causes a lot of frustration for him. I usually try to keep ds busy until he can barely keep it together, hen I carry hi around until I see him nodding off or he starts getting really fussy, THEn I start putting energy into getting him to sleep. Sometimes he will sleep in bed, other times I know he's not sleeping that deeply so I just leave him in the sling. We homeschool too, and I know how you feel, but I think Philothea is right on. She will be fine, she is learning in ways you probably don't even realize. If I am having a bad day and am having to put all my energy into my two younger ones I will set up some type of table activity where my 8 yo is practicing some skill that I know he needs to work on (drawing/writing/water colors/reading or looking at books etc.). I feel bad that I can't sit with him, but at least he is doing something for the day so that makes me feel better. God luck, and take good care of yourself! <3