Originally Posted by AngieB
That's a good point and I would say that my 13 year old dd is not a problem anymore. She is pretty helpful and her energy level has mellowed out. The other 3 are the ones now casuing most of the mess. My 11 year old ds is not writing on walls or things like that, but he is still very high energy and messy.
hey that's good news. you dont need to teach caring. it seems perhaps they just need to grow up :)
We don't have a farm, just chickens, a goat ( for weed eating), sometimes a pig and a garden. They don't have any daily jobs outside but if things start getting to messy out side I send them out with a garbage bag to clean up.
hey i call that a farm :) ok (not that i want to tell you what to do) but you need to involve them in chores outside. not just cleaning up. not sure what you actually have them do - but they should be collecting the eggs, tilling the soil, and help harvesting. this is what i miss living in the city. its an important lesson for anyone to have a connection with food.
I have been being tougher on them the last few days and it has been helping. I just have to keep doing it and not give up in a few days. I have be making them only eat at the table or kitchen bar, before bed last night everyone had to help clean up and we got ds out of bed when we noticed he hadn't finished his job. He also was grumpy about having to help in the first place and mouthed of so I took his computer time away for today and I wrote it down on our message board so I wouldn't forget.
We joke about the fact that we raise feral children. In general we have a very laid back house where we don't have a lot of rules and the kids are given a lot of freedom and I want to keep it that way. I just have to find the balance before I loss my mind.
yes i totally agree with you. absolutely. you have the opportunity that many people dont have in their life and absolutely make big on it.
i tell you mama while you have them do chores find things that give them a feeling of contribution. for instance (i have no clue how well your kids work together) you and ur dh be outside doing outside work. have the kids all work together to make dinner/lunch. give each one hte task you feel they can handle to do. like a sharp knife not to ur 5 and 7 year old.
another thing - chores are NEVER done willingly. so your kids not doing them is v. v. normal. you insisting that they keep up to their agreement is the key.
here is something i do with my dd. i really like something like this because i have never wanted to do a sticker chart. i want her to do it, not because i am the bigger person and so you have to obey me. i want her to do it coz she realizes how much it affects my life if she doesnt. ever since i've been kinda making requests this way life has really gotten easy. instead of telling dd what to do - i make a request explaining why i want her to do it. however if she HAS to do it then i tell her its a command she has to do it (that is rare in our house, usually involves something done urgently). perhaps this is easier done with an only child - i dont know. but i feel v. strongly that they are people too and should be heard and respected. not saying others dont want that too - but in the realm of parenting we can so easily become the police. its so easy to allow power to get to our head (ugh i do it so often its disgusting. thankfully i have a dd who calls me on it every single time)
since we've been practising this for so long, dd protests and drags her feet about her chores, and takes her own sweet time but rarely disobeys me. it has been helpful to her that i share how i hate doing certain chores myself. but i enjoy an organized house so i have to do it. it helps her see even mama has unpleasant tasks to do and she does not have a choice. she has to do them.