Forced smiles and teary eyes :(

[SuprWmn88]

So, hello everyone. I'm Erica. I'm 23 and I have 2 babies under age 2. One is 19 months and the other is 4 months. They are both beautiful and healthy baby girls. they have been such a blessing. But here lately.... I've not had that train of thought towards them. It seems like all they do is fuss and whine for this or that. I'm pulled in 100 directions, their father thinks that I sit at home all day doing absolutely nothing. But yet he comes home to happy babies, a clean house and dinner every night! I just started going back to work, working 11p-7a as a med tech. I thought it would be great, but it has already proven to only add to the mental stress that I'm going through right now. to add to it, my boyfriend has our only phone all day everyday, so I have practically no communication with the outside world, friends or family unless he's around. and there are just some things that i can't talk to him about. Like what I'm going through mentally right now. Today, I yelled at my oldest daughter for wanting to give her sister a kiss. And my youngest? She's breastfeeding alot! I feel like a two legged cow sometimes. I can never get away from her. i got so frustrated today that I just let her lay on the bed and cry. Not for long, but I just couldn't take it. Idk what to do. I feel like I'm the most evil person in the world and don't deserve these beautiful angels that have been given to me. someone please just tell me I'm not the only one and that it is going to get better. I started taking my 50mg of Zoloft today, so hopefully that will help me get a handle on things. But I know having someone to talk to will help to. :) Oh and I forgot to mention we have been having a lot of financial issues too. But they apparently are all my fault. Somehow I managed all by myself to get us into the biggest hole we've ever been in and we have no way out. Everyday, we have to sell something to put gas in the car just to get back and forth to work. Nothing else.

Edited by SuprWmn88 - 7/17/12 at 3:19pm

[Kuba'sMama]

 

i saw your post yesterday but couldn't think of anything helpful to say, but now figure anything is better than nothing.  its hard to have to little ones so close in age. its hard to be stuck at home nursing around the clock. add financial worries on top of that and i know how hard that is too. is there any place you can turn to for support? i'm not sure whats available where you live, but i would get online and find out. a place for moms and kids to hang out and play, financial advice, any services you might be eligible for.  but get out of the house! just being around other moms, seeing other adults, and plainly having a purpose to get out of the house will make you feel better. i would make an effort to have an outing, no matter how small every day, be it a local playgroup, playground, wading pool, library, anything where there are people around.

as far as your relationship with your boyfriend, that is something you will have to figure out too. i would start to plan a way you can gain financial independance, even if its a long range plan (2-3 years) as the kids grow, can you take on more hours? can you take a course or gain a certificate to make more money? in canada, low-income mom with dependant children qualify for schooling grants. find out if something is available in your area. but don't get stuck in something you don't need to be stuck in. its easy to get bogged down with babies, nursing, day to day living, but having a plan for the future will not only motivate you, it will service you in the long run.  you are only 23. where do you want to be at 30? think on it, then act on it!

good luck

[Hibiscus Flower]

I understand some of what u r going through.. I stay at home with a 3 year old n a 1 year old (boys) n pregnant with the most emotional girl ever(due oct11). I. Call her emotional cause I think I driving my husband crazy...I know the amount of work it takes for hubby to come home to clean happy children a clean house n dinner! Men have NO clue what u go through.. As for breast feeding I feel ur pain! My last son was addicted to it.. Stopped about 6 weeks ago! N he still has to touch n play with my Titi so annoying! Finances n babies go hand in hand n it's a true burden! Things are so hard when u r considered middle class! So much sacrifices so much decisions! The lack of sleep titi feeding is causing ur short temper..put that baby in the crib but the older baby in front of the tv w a snack n run in the bathroom n take a long shower n cry it out! I understand crying is my middle name :-(. My mom keeps saying this time shall pass but it feels like it a nightmare I can't wake up from! I take the out n they behave do bad n I get looks like why can't u control ur children n I feel so worthless!