When did you have people visit?

[travelmumma]

Hi Mummas!

I was just chatting with my midwife about when/if we want visitors after bub arrives..

I know that I will be on cloud 9 after s/he arrives, but I would love to make the most out of that precious first feed, and then (hopefully) that glorious long sleep that newborns can take after the birth.. I plan on this being the time that I eat some food, have a shower (if I am up to it!) and sleeeeeeeep or at least rest!

We will have two midwives attending (if all goes well of course and no flat tyres!) so bub and I will be looked after, and someone else will be there to help with clean up...

When did you have people visit? Why? Did you have plans? Did they change? What happened immediately after birth?

Did it make a difference if it was day or night???

:) 

[AdinaL]

My daughter was born at 6pm.  So, we got all settled, stitched and cleaned up, ate something, and then were dozing/napping by 10pm.  We did have a friend come over the next morning to bring us all her extra chux pads. LOL  We ran out, and she had said she had a bunch of extra and wasn't ever going to use them.  She came over first thing in the morning.  I think she also brought breakfast. LOL She brought her kids.  Her son climbed in bed with us and watched the baby, her 11month old daughter curled up on the floor and fell asleep. LOL  She was the first person (outside of DH, me and midwives) to hold the baby.  I think another friend brought us dinner and chatted for a bit a couple nights later.

After that, let's see.  My MIL came to visit 3 days after DD was born.  My SIL arrived a couple days after that.  They primarily helped with unpacking, as we had just moved.   

Then it was while before friends came over...at least not until she was over 3 weeks old.  

I'm not sure how this one will play out. I'm guessing that the same friend will come over the day after the baby is born.  But nothing is set.  

[Youngfrankenstein]

My baby was born at 10 am on a Saturday after Thanksgiving so there were plenty of people in the neighborhood.  My whole family lives very, very close anyway.  My mom and sil were at the birth and my brother and his kids came right away.  So did my other sil.  It was fun.  I was able to nurse, shower, and eat and it was fine.  Later on, my dad brought my grandfather over and they stayed for a few minutes.

I think most people know not to overstay their welcome.

[mama k nj]

My son was born in the morning and I had the grandparents visiting that evening. I stayed in bed though and they didn't stay long. Other people came throughout the week but I stayed in bed for those too. I found that people seemed to make their visits brief if they had to hang out in my bedroom and I was in my PJs.

[etsdtm99]

my DD was born at about 1pm, my MIL and FIL were in the house for the birth - they waited in the living room while i was in the bedroom..  I nursed, delivered the placenta, and then got in a bath with the baby and nursed some more.. while i was in the bath my big kids came in to meet the baby..  then i got out of the bath, got in bed and my midwife stitched me up while i nursed some more - then my DH took the baby to the living room to meet the grandparents and get dressed while I ate a sandwich (while the midwife was still working on me, i tore pretty bad) .. then everyone left and the grandparents took the other kids - i had one friend stop by briefly around 7pm - then had 1 or 2 visitors a day for a few days.. i didn't really 'invite'  everyone to come visit, i just texted a few close friends and said they coudl come by and otherwise everyone waited until things had settled down a few weeks after birth.. 
 

[Renaissance31]

My mom was there for DD's birth. It was an unassisted homebirth so she was the only one in the house besides myself, DH and our (at the time) 14 month DS. DD was born at 3:50am so DS was sleeping away. Never woke up. I'm a pretty silent laborer except for the two yelps at the end... One with each push, haha. Gave birth in the tub so we cleaned her up a bit right there and we bonded for a bit. My mom dressed her and DD slept while I delivered the placenta. We then drained the tub and I cleaned up a little bit then got into bed with DD and DH, nursed and slept off and on for a bit while my mom cleaned up. (side note, my mom is awesome) Then my mom went and got DS up, fed him breakfast and brought him in to meet baby sister. Talked to my midwife on the phone and got all clear from her- no need to go in. The whole day from there on was very relaxed and wonderful. My husband is in the Army and that evening around 6 or 7pm his company commander, battalion commander and the battalion commander's wife all stopped by to visit. They were all pretty intrigued by the whole unassisted homebirth thing (it wasnt planned). They didn't stay very long. That was it for a few days. When my mom flew home a few friends came over to bring us meals. Then 8 days after DD's birth my sister, BIL, and 16 year old nephew flew out to visit for a week. By the time they left it was pretty much back to life as usual. :-)

[broodymama]

My family lives on the other side of the country so it was a few weeks for my dad and stepmom, then a month or two before my mom visited.  I had some local friends stop by the day of the birth (one picking up the placenta for dehydration and then she dropped off smoothies for me for the next few days  and a few people dropped off dinner) but not really many people came over, it was rather peaceful.  DH was also military at the time and had 2 weeks off after the births.

This time DH will have little, if any, time off.  I think I'm going to have my mom come out around the time I'm due to help take care of my other kids after the little one is born.  I wouldn't have been comfortable with this idea in the past, but this time it just feels right to me.  

[camprunner]

Never.  My inlaws came at two weeks and I didn't want them there but wasn't given a choice and it was for less than 24 hours.  For everyone else, if I wasn't ready to venture out, I wasn't ready to see them either.

[begoniamama]

DS was born at 5pm at home. my mom and sis were at the birth, so they hung out for a bit, helped clean up and mom made us dinner. me babe and DH did get that quiet calm precious hour or more afterwards. we didn't get anymore visitors until two days later, and even then seemed too soon. we also didn't leave the house for four weeks, so we really hibernated! 

[thursday2]

My DS was born at 10 pm - MWs helped me shower while they cleaned up, and that night's sleep/the next morning all peaceful and quiet is one of the greatest memories of my life.  Friends "dropped by" to see the new babe around 3 pm the next afternoon, and because we live about an hour away from anyone and it was rush hour traffic time, they all overstayed their welcomes and didn't leave until about 8 pm, despite the sign on the door from the MWs telling people not to stay longer than 15 mins and me in medical knickers sitting on chux pads...it was exhausting.  This time around, we're going to be much firmer in either kicking them out explicitly or not even inviting anyone to visit for at least a few days.

[Honey693]

We had DD2 at 2am and people came over about 40 hours later.  No one stayed every long b/c they all had kids under a year and understood.  My parents and in laws are out of town so it was ~1.5 weeks before they came for a weekend and then my mom came for a full week around 3.5 weeks.

[fayebond]

I wonder how this will work for us this time.  Our church usually organizes meals for the first week, so people essentially are "invited" for a few minutes.  Its nice to have food all hot and ready but I probably should amek sure DH knows I plan to sleep on the newborn's scheduale, not our visitors.  No one stayed more than ten minutes last time.  I suspect this will be different, though, because I won't, Lord willing,  be on those awful CS meds taht made me look (and feel) like a 90 year old.  :)  

[camprunner]

Originally Posted by fayebond 

I wonder how this will work for us this time.  Our church usually organizes meals for the first week, so people essentially are "invited" for a few minutes.  Its nice to have food all hot and ready but I probably should amek sure DH knows I plan to sleep on the newborn's scheduale, not our visitors.  No one stayed more than ten minutes last time.  I suspect this will be different, though, because I won't, Lord willing,  be on those awful CS meds taht made me look (and feel) like a 90 year old.  :)  

Honestly, the Church's behavior with our second child is WHY I didn't allow visitors with my third child.  People came in under the understanding they were dropping off food and I had one lady walk throughout my entire house looking in each and every single room. I have no idea what she was looking for (maybe a mess not cleaned up for the birth?) but there was no need to walk back through the bedrooms of my house.  Nothing came of it as my house was clean but it made me uncomfortable.

[kristenburgess]

Our in-town visitors typically come the day after birth or so, and don't stay long.  Anyone bringing meals stays just a few minutes on their meal delivery day.

My parents are from out-of-town and I've had them come at 1 week pp for one baby and 3 weeks pp for the next.  This time we are asking them to wait until baby is over a month old.  I know they want to come see the baby sooner, but it has been really stressful for me to have longer-term visitors when I wasn't really ready to be up and around a lot yet (they don't really help, just sit around... having helping out of town visitors is a different story).  

So I don't really want visiting the first day, that's for me and my immediate family, and after that first day, just short visits here and there.  Out of town visitors who aren't helping run the household need to wait until I'm up and back to the "new normal." 

[sarahb918]

Originally Posted by camprunner 

Honestly, the Church's behavior with our second child is WHY I didn't allow visitors with my third child.  People came in under the understanding they were dropping off food and I had one lady walk throughout my entire house looking in each and every single room. I have no idea what she was looking for (maybe a mess not cleaned up for the birth?) but there was no need to walk back through the bedrooms of my house.  Nothing came of it as my house was clean but it made me uncomfortable.

Wow, that's completely weird! I'm part of a Meals on Wheels program that delivers food to new parents and I don't even come in unless whoever answers the door invites me in to put the food down. Some people do and others take the food in on their own. I can't imagine just wandering around somebody's house looking into rooms. How strange =/

[sarahb918]

We don't have a ton of family out here anyway and also won't have many friends around by the time our baby is born (we're military and a lot of people are PCSing this year), but I will be asking for at least a week to recover and for us to bond with our baby before we start inviting home visitors.

[fayebond]

camprunner, I wonder if the lady was trying to find the bathroom?  I've done that before *BLUSH*.  Or had people looking through four our of my only five cupboards before they notice me staring and ask, "where are the cups?"  Of course its in the fifth cupboard and now they've seen my entire kitchen storage system in its not-very-organic state.

I actually talked about this with my sister the other day.  She's like, "you can have us over right away, after you nurse and have slept and showered and brushed your hair."  :)  I was so blessed by that comment, I had to share it.

[camprunner]

Originally Posted by fayebond 

camprunner, I wonder if the lady was trying to find the bathroom?  I've done that before *BLUSH*.  Or had people looking through four our of my only five cupboards before they notice me staring and ask, "where are the cups?"  Of course its in the fifth cupboard and now they've seen my entire kitchen storage system in its not-very-organic state.

I actually talked about this with my sister the other day.  She's like, "you can have us over right away, after you nurse and have slept and showered and brushed your hair."  :)  I was so blessed by that comment, I had to share it.

Um no. She walked beyond the bathroom and into my bedroom.  In her defense, I had been resting in the bedroom with the baby and my husband had come back to get me.  I heard him tell her to wait in the living room. It is possible she thought I would be more comfortable visiting in my bedroom I guess but that is just a little wierd for me.  As we walked down the hall she looked in each room and when she got back to the living room told me "You did a good job cleaning up the house."   The same woman had peeped in my windows when I missed churched unannounced once (wasn't aware I needed to share travel plans with our new church, was newly pregnant and sick as a dog. the house wasn't in the best state.)  Whether the intentions were good or not, it was more than I could take on the same day she was born.

[Sharlla]

dd was born after 1 am, we had guests the next day
 

[thursday2]

Originally Posted by camprunner 

Um no. She walked beyond the bathroom and into my bedroom.  In her defense, I had been resting in the bedroom with the baby and my husband had come back to get me.  I heard him tell her to wait in the living room. It is possible she thought I would be more comfortable visiting in my bedroom I guess but that is just a little wierd for me.  As we walked down the hall she looked in each room and when she got back to the living room told me "You did a good job cleaning up the house."   The same woman had peeped in my windows when I missed churched unannounced once (wasn't aware I needed to share travel plans with our new church, was newly pregnant and sick as a dog. the house wasn't in the best state.)  Whether the intentions were good or not, it was more than I could take on the same day she was born.

This would be more than I could take EVER.  I think it would make me leave the church and just pray on my own for the rest of my life...